Young Writers Society

CHARACTERS

Edward Cullen
Viagra Woman





Enter EDWARD
Picks up phone and dials the number from the TV

*ring, ring, ring*
RECORDING: Hello, you have reached the Viagra Hardline... Scuse me, HOTline. Wait just a few moments while we connect you to a server.

EDWARD....waits.

VIAGRA WOMAN: Hello, how may I help you? Have you tried our new tropical rush?

EDWARD: Yes, hello and... No.

VIAGRA WOMAN: (slightly faints from his 'dazzling' voice)

EDWARD: Helloooooo? Is anybody there? I must talk about my personal issues before I bite a pillow!

VIAGRA WOMAN: Oh, I'm sorry sir...you're voice...it's DAZZLING!! What is it that you wanted?

EDWARD: My name is Edward Cullen, and I have been hard for 90 years. It that a health issue? I mean, should I be concerned?

Silence.

FIN

Hey there Miss Cook! Welcome to YWS! I'm June, nice to meet you!

YWS has a 2:1 policy rule, which means that before you post one thing of your work, you should have reviewed at least two things prior to your post. Please review at least two things as soon as possible.

Now! For this script!

Okay, as for script format, and such, I don't really have many corrections, other than killing the usage of underlining and capitals.

In scriptwriting, the only formatting that should be used is italics. Underlining isn't necessary-- you can put the same emphasis on a part by just using italics.

And, the same goes for capitals. Italics can replace those-- because you will see the characters names in capitals sometimes-- not even screaming deserves all capital letters, dear. It's hard on our eyes, haha.

Moving on:

EDWARD: Helloooooo? Is anybody there? I must talk about my personal issues before I bite a pillow!

• Watch the usage of excessive letters in literature, dear! It's not commonly liked to use that many-- and if you use more than the amount which the word is spelled, it's better to not use more than three. You can achieve the same effect with -- yes, you guessed it-- italics.

EDWARD: My name is Edward Cullen, and I have been hard for 90 years. It that a health issue? I mean, should I be concerned?

• I believe that bolded "It" was supposed to be "Is?"

**

So! This was quite... odd, to say the least. I know it was intended to be amusing, but it was quite ridiculous.

Also! I haven't read the twilight books, but I've heard plenty of spoilers-- does his voice really dazzle people? I thought it was just his scintillating.

Overall, well done. Your format was correct, dear. Welcome to YWS!

Keep it up!

June

hehe. awesome!

Short, somewhat amusing, but very disturbing.

As springrain has pointed out, remember the 2:1 rule.
As well as how to appropriately rate your works.
This should get an 'R' rating for sexual references.
Because its on the Home page of YWS,
For everyone to see.
So...yup, help keep the home page squeaky clean.

Thanks & have a nice day!

HAHA. That made me laugh. Especially that last line.
"Should I be concerned?"
LMAO.

Hahahaha. I'm a huge Twilight fan, and I thought I'd hate all parodies. But this one made me laugh.
But, it should be rated R. So the little kiddies can't see. Hehe.

heey
When I saw how short this was I was like: pfft -.-
HOWEVER... it was hilarious! I'm peronally a big twilight fan so all this was an awesome joke haha...
"Should I be concerned?"
GO TEAM EDWARD
xxmimixx

Wait...what?
Hard...what???
Bahaha I know I'm naive.
So what is it???

Oh my God! Haha!
Welcome to YWS, and may I just say, you've come up with a killer! I mean, "I have been hard for 90 years." Talk about.... well, I won't say it. I don't want to, as my friend'd say it, "corrupt the youth".
Anyway! Absolutely hilarious. The only thing is when the Viagra Woman "slightly faints". I mean, how can someone slightly faint? Either you pass out or you don't, y'know?

And! In the last line, when he says, "It that a health issue?" It should be is.

Aside from that, great job! Comic genius much?

Very amusing

Although this was to short to really nit-pick or anything, I found that terribly hilarious. Probably because we all thought it we just didnt have the courage to write it down and post it

Funny, I give you props for that.

Ciao
-The.Dreamwalker

P.S to mimimac

GO TEAM EDWARD

If you're going to be a twilight fan (not saying thats bad, even though I cant stand twilight) at least join the side that counts.

Go team jacob!

Ummm. It was really short. Haha I did however give a little chuckle at the end. If you could of just added on to the conversation a little I would have felt more... intrigued. Keep up the writing! -Hailley

'Should I be concerned' ---- funniest line

Dear, I would like to say that you have that you have a knack at humor! I love the way you put up the words, clear and simple. Here are just some things I want to point out:

STORY, ANYONE?
As I've said, I simply adore the tale! But how about expanding it? Good humor doesn't only come in one, but more lines. The script is good on its own, but how about adding some more story? Y'know, why did Edward call. Some background. So that it can be told better. Literature doesn't come in length though, so change it or not, no worries!

HEEEEEYYYYYY
No need for elongating the pronunciation. Just put a parenthetical after the word to be expound and say that it would be said long.

PUNK-TUATION
There is also no need for unnecessary punctuation and highlights (Underline, Boldface), especially in scripts. If there is need for stressing words, put a parenthetical.

That's all, I think! Thanks for a good read!

Your Twi-soft fan,
Al