Young Writers Society

I know this seems really short, but when the movie actually comes out, it's a lot longer than it seems. Just review what you can.

ERADICATION (Scene Three)

(We fade in to Corey, sitting in a chair in front of a television)

TV ANNOUNCER:
We interrupt this broadcast to bring you a breaking news alert. The body of Evan Rand, 26, who was a decorated police officer, has just been found with a gunshot wound to the back. Police speculate that this murder has something to do with the three others committed last night...

(Corey leans forward, staring deeply at the TV)

TV ANNOUNCER:
...and we have just learned that Officer Rand was the person put in charge of the triple-homicide. A list was found on the deceased...

(Corey begins to breathe heavily)

TV ANNOUNCER:
...which displayed five names. Four were checked off, and these four names belong to the victims of Keith Webber's latest spree of murders in this area. Only one name remains, the name of Corey Smythe, who...

(The camera slowly eases in on Corey's eyes)

TV ANNOUNCER:
...We've identified as a valet at--

(We cut to Corey, leaving his house with a pack on his back, and a pistol in his fingers. He puts the gun in his jeans pocket, and walks past the camera)

Oh wow. This sounds like a really good movie!! When it does come out, feel free to tell me:) Now I'm no expert at scripts, so I'll just say this: keep on writing! I think it eased into the conflict nicely and seems like a really intense film.
Love,
Fixed

Haha. very nice. Im starting to really like this. So your giving Corey the personality of a guy whom isn't afraid of a challenge. Just make sure to keep that.
Happy Scripting
-deify

Back for another review! This is addicting.

I like this scene. It is building up to something big, I bet.

My biggest complaint here is the lack of context. You didn't make clear if Evan has just died, or this is an old story. Corey's reaction doesn't help because he doesn't seem to care too much. Is Corey still in the same building that he was still in? Specify.

Other than that, great suspense building.