Young Writers Society

***So I was thinking about Harry Potter one day, and this is what came of it! The rating is due to the reference of Ron's rat sleeping in his bed from time to time. The background story goes like this: It is set in Heaven, after everyone died. Voldemort is desperately trying to beat Harry at something, so he challenged him to a rap off. It is Harry and Ron against Voldemort and Wormtail.***



Voldemort and Wormtail on left side of stage. Harry and Ron on right side. Ron is holding a microphone, facing off against Wormtail. There is a large crowd watching.

Ron: You were once my rat, but then I was betrayed,
It took me three whole years to find that I had been played,
So please don't mind if I laugh and stare,
For I found it quite hilarious when you choked down there!

Wormtail whimpers and begs Voldemort for help. Voldemort snatches the microphone away from Wormtail.

Voldemort: Yeah, Ron Weasley, he's pretty shrewd,
It took him three whole years to find he slept with a dude,
Though I admit, he did look pretty phat,
In the sixth book, when he wore bling and all o'dat!

Ron: There's my man Voldey, he's pretty tight,
His horcruxes become handy in a large, prolonged fight,
Though come on, let's all be blunt and frank,
The truth is that Voldemort's... stench is rank?

Ron bows his head in shame and Harry steps up.

Voldemort: So the Weasel King has lost with his smelly rhymes,
Do you want me to give you taxi fare with nickels and dimes?
If not then come on, take a try if you can,
Be careful though Harry, because I'm superhu-man!

Voldemort does strong man poses. Harry stands, thinking for a moment.

Harry: You had a violent life, so you turned to rap. Everyone knows that rap is evil and is exclusively about violence and immorality...

Voldemort: Oh, come on! Seriously? We are trying to enjoy ourselves and you have to start monologuing?! Typical! You did it in life and now you just HAVE to do it in death!

As Harry continues his talking, the crowd and team Voldemort slowly leave. Finally, it's just Ron and Harry.

Harry: ... and that is my conclusion on why you are evil and I am mistreated.

Suddenly realizing they are alone, Harry turns to Ron.

Harry: Well Ron, let us be off! No need to keep the therapist waiting. I think that I made some breakthroughs today.

The two walk off stage left, Ron nodding and agreeing with everything Harry says.

Once again, Voldemort has been defeated by strategic placement of a deadly monologue.

**Edit: I have no idea why it double spaced everything.**

lol that was fantastic, the ending was awesome I found no errors, though regarding script formatting, you don't need to use quotation marks if you've used cues like "Ron:", and the cue should be in bold or italics so that they stand out. So it should become,

Ron: You were once my rat, but then I was betrayed,

It took me three whole years to find that I had been played,

So please don't mind if I laugh and stare,

For I found it quite hilarious when you choked down there!

Other things I noticed:

Your cue for Voldemort is "Voldey", but you use his full name for the action phases, so I would say choose one or the other.

Also your title wasn't very clear - I honestly had no idea that this would be about a rapping battle. Perhaps you could retitle it to, "Harry Potter Rapping Battle" as that seems a more obvious title to me

Again, nice work, was a lovely humorous read which is a nice change.

- Jai

This. Was. Amazing.
I think that's all that needs to be said.

-Coral-

AWESOME!!!!

I'm just here to say this was totally awesome and amazing. I enjoyed it immensely!
Nice!

~Pink

Haha! At first, I thought this was going to be stupid, but then I read

Once again, Voldemort has been defeated by strategic placement of a deadly monologue

and pissed myself laughing. (Metaphorically.) well done

This was awesome. It made me laugh, especially Harry's deadly monologue. The funniest part, though, was Voldemort teasing Ron about sleeping with a dude for three years(maybe even longer).

I LOVE THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!! Sorry for the caps, it was just so great!
Keep Writing!
Nike

Once again, Voldemort has been defeated by strategic placement of a deadly monologue

That quote right there, and the fact that Harry has a therapist (the + rapist = therapist - hmm, wonder why he needs one... XD)... just totally made my day. (I laughed so hard that it hurt... still does too).

Thanks for the great story... script... whatever it is! XD

I wanted to edit it, but it barely needed anything, and the little that it did, was already edited by others. Thought I'd let you know that it cracked me up. Good job!
-Sailor

THIS WAS SO AWESOME I laughed my head off!

Enough said . Keep up the good work ;D

This is so cool!! Great job. I am an ultimate Harry Potter superfan so I was really happy you wrote this. It's great

Noelle wrote:

This is so cool!! Great job. I am an ultimate Harry Potter superfan so I was really happy you wrote this. It's great

I agree with Noelle. I'm also a Harry Potter fan since I'm four years old. Seriously, no kidding. Anyway it's a very good one and I enjoyed reading it because it's funny. Keep on writing because who knows that someday you might be an international script writer.

Keep writing,
Alicia.

This is so awesome. I thought it was going to be stupid. Boy was I wrong. I actually laughed out loud. I can't really find any mistakes so sorry this actually isn't a review. You used all the elements of a play really well. I my gosh they should totally have this be like Harry's dream in a Harry Potter Musical!! That would be so awesome. Keep writing.

Thanks for the great read,

A. S.

Harry Potter. <3

Now, on to the proper review: It's so creative. Like, honestly. I mean, there is so much that you can do with it, but when it comes to the crunch, this just fits.

I love it, you're definitely someone to watch for.