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Young Writers Society


The Accident That Never Happened



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Gender: Female
Points: 300
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Thu Jun 09, 2011 8:16 pm
sqkaity247 says...



Scene 1

(The set is outside, everybody is walking away from a party at a house. It's nighttime and it is quiet. Nature is the only sound except for the dialogue. Dallas and Lily are holding hands, Jack is walking next to Dallas, Stephanie is walking next to Lily. There is no building in sight, just grass, trees and weeds)
Stephanie: That party was awesome wasn't it?
Jack: Sure was. I had a blast. What did you think of it Dallas?
Dallas: I had the most wonderful time because I got to spend time with my girl. (Looks at Lily, and Lily looks at him. Continues to walk and looks Lily faces regularly again. Dallas stares at Lily's direction.)
Lily: Oh, Hun, that's so sweet! (Dallas looks at Stephanie. Stephanie mocks Lily, with hand gestures, and mouths "oh Hun, that's so sweet." Nobody notices except Dallas who was looking at Stephanie at the time. After the mocking is finished, she looks over at Dallas, looks away and sighs. Dallas looks regularly again.)
Jack: Well, I am exhausted. I had absolutely no sleep last night and--(Lily stops, lets go of Dallas' hand, and kneels down, holding her head and closes her eyes tight as well as grunt in pain. She stays like this for a minute, and Dallas stops, and puts his hand on her back. Jack stops a few feet ahead, and Stephanie moans as she sits on the ground a few feet ahead of Jack.)
Dallas: Are you okay Lily? (Pauses and waits for a response) Lily. (Pauses again) Lily, Lily, please be okay. Lily, please respond to me. (Slowly, Lily rises, and looks scared and worried. She grabs Dallas' shoulder, and pulls him over to her, and walks a few feet further away from Jack and Stephanie.) What the heck just happened? (He grabs Lily's left and right hands.)
Lily: Okay. So, you know how I'm psychic?
Dallas: Yeah. (Pauses for two to five seconds.) Wh-What did you see?
Lily: That I trip and fall and die. We take a shortcut that we are not used to, and after I die, you die as well. (Says fast, and starts to panic. Dallas pulls Lily into a hug.)
Dallas: (Pulls away from hug.) Hun, it's going to be okay. (Holds her hand.) I promise you, everything will be okay. We both know that your visions don't always come true, so let's hope this doesn't. (Just then, Jack comes along, and hits Dallas' back. Dallas turns, and pulls Lily along to walk. Lily keeps the pace slow. Once they get up to Stephanie, she tags along next to Lily.)
Jack: Is ev-everything okay? (Dallas looks over at Lily who is staring at the ground, horrified.)
Dallas; Of course, why wouldn't it be?
Stephanie: (Quickly adds) Because she's here. (Nods to Lily.)
Dallas: Okay, you just crossed the line. (Lets go of Lily's hand, and gets in front of Stephanie.) Nobody ever talks to Lily like that! Nobody treats Lily like that! It is about time that somebody shut you up because you are too self centered to realize that there are other people in this world besides yo- (Lily slightly pushes Dallas, and gets in the middle. She puts her arms out, blocking them from each other. She faces Dallas. Jack goes behind Dallas.)
Lily: Dallas, it's okay thanks. (Turns to face Stephanie.) You however, are getting on my last nerve. I had to put up with you ever since we were in fourth grade in Miss.Jacobsons' class. Stephanie, you need to learn that life incl- (Stephanie pushes Lily so she falls to the ground. Dallas goes down after her, and rubs his hands through her hair, and her cheek.)
Stephanie: That's better! Now, you should know that I took a karate class, and I am not afraid to kill you.
Dallas: (Still on the ground, rubbing her hair and cheek.) Oh yeah? At the biggest football game of the year last month, I was the one that tackled Big Smith. He went down hard. He weighs 413 pounds, and I broke two of his ribs. I am not afraid to break you- (Jack goes on the other side of Lily, and feels her neck pulse.)
Jack: She's still alive, and you are lucky. (Pushes Lily so she wakes up. After she wakes, she blinks a lot, and looks around.)
Dallas: Lily, you're alive! You had me so worried. Here, let's get you standing up again so we can go home. (The trees move around, and there's a mysterious cough.)
Lily: Okay. (There's footsteps heard. Everybody is silent. Jack and Dallas look at each other, and pulls Lily up. Everybody starts to run, Stephanie leading the way, Jack following, then Dallas and lastly Lily in a line. They are all pretty close together. Stephanie goes into a tunnel, and everybody follows. Lily looks behind her, and sees a man chasing after them. She stares, and trips over a stick. She falls to the ground, and fake blood runs from her head to her chest, as well as the ground. The man is nowhere in sight anymore. Dallas hovers over her, panting hard, and shakes her.)
Dallas: Lily, Lily, Lily! Somebody call 911! Lily. Lily, please no, please. (Jack and Dallas feel her neck, and her wrists to see if there is a pulse.)
Jack: Did you feel anything?
Dallas: No, did you?
Jack: I'm sorry. (Stephanie is twirling her hair as she texts. Jack pulls out his cell phone, and begins to walk away, talking to 911.)
Dallas: Lily, please don't do this. (Tears run down his face. He holds her hands) Lily, please don't hurt me. Please don't leave me. I love you. Lily please no. (Stephanie walks over to the scene, and rolls her eyes.)
Stephanie: Looks like little miss perfect finally isn't so perfect. (Dallas doesn't move, nor look up at her. Jack comes back.)
Jack: The ambulance is on it's way.
Dallas: Thank Goddness! Let's just hope she's alright. She needs to be ok-
Stephanie: Can you shut up?

Dallas: Excuse me?
Stephanie: The whole entire night, you have talked about nothing except Lily 'I care about nobody or anything except my boyfriend.' Seriously, just because you have a girlfriend doesn't mean you have to rub it in single people's faces. (Ambulance is heard, lights are flashing on the set.)

Dallas: Gosh, you don't need to be a stuck up snob about every little thing. The whole night, you cared about nobody except yourself. (The ambulance gets there, and Lily is on a Gurney. Jack is kneeling next to Lily on the ground, his hands on hers. Stephanie is sitting in the corner of the ambulance texting, Jack kneels on the ground, on the other side of Lily. His hands are on the side of the Gurney. Lily is facing up, her eyes are shut, her mouth is closed. The set goes black. The set is in a hospital. Lily is on the bed, with Dallas still holding her hands. Stephanie is nowhere in sight. Jack is in the waiting room. Optional, Stephanie could be the doctor. Doctor Sparks comes in the room, and she is wearing a doctor outfit. If Stephanie is the doctor, stage make up will be needed, a possible wig, and her voice is different.)

Doctor Sparks: (Looks at Lily and Dallas.) Excuse me Sir. (Dallas looks at Doctor Sparks.) I need to run some tests, (Dallas looks at Lily.) and that requires me to be alone with the patient. (Dallas holds her hands tight, then stands up, and heads to the door.)
Dallas: Of course, I'm sorry. (Looks over at Lily again) Lily, I'm sorry Hun, please be okay. (He begins to cry softly, and leaves. Doctor Sparks looks through files. She glances at Lily, shocked.)
Doctor Sparks: Okay, so, you tripped and fell. I have never seen any fall this bad before in all of my years of doctoring. (Doctor Sparks puts on gloves, after washing her hands, and throws the paper towel at the camera, and now the scene is black. Beeping noises are heard. After thirty seconds of that, the set is back in color. Doctor Sparks is in the waiting room, and she looks disappointed. Dallas stands up.)
Dallas: Is she okay?
Doctor Sparks: You might want to sit down. (Hands them a box of tissues.) I am so sorry. But, she has passed away. (Dallas gets a tissue, and begins to cry hard.) There was no way to save her. She must have died the second she tripped.
Jack: Wow, that sucks. (Goes over to Dallas, and put his arm around him.) I'm very sorry for your loss. (The scene ends with the set going black, and Dallas is heard crying.)

Scene 2

(The scene begins with Lily laying on the grass, wearing the same outfit before the accident, and there is no blood on it. Angel Bailey could be Jack with a wig. His voice doesn't have to change, but he needs to wear an angel outfit. Angel Bailey comes by, and pushes Lily, so she wakes up.)
Angel Bailey: Lily. Lily darling. Wake up. (Lily picks up her head, and looks around.)
Lily: Wh- What happened?
Angel Bailey: You tripped and fell, and died.
Lily: Then, why am I talking? (Stands up.) Why can I move? Why do I feel alive?
Angel Bailey: Because, I am your Angel. I am Angel Bailey. I am taking you through you past life, and what your future would have held if you lived.
Lily: Ummm. Okay.
Angel Bailey: Okay, let's rewind. (The set goes black, and sets up so Lily and Dallas are a few feet away from Jack, and Stephanie is a few feet away from Jack. Dallas is giving Lily a hug.)
Dallas: (Pulls away from hug.) Hun, it's going to be okay. (Holds her hand.) I promise you, everything will be okay. We both know that your visions don't always come true, so let's hope this doesn't. (Just then, Jack comes along, and hits Dallas' back. Dallas turns, and pulls Lily along to walk. Lily keeps the pace slow. Once they get up to Stephanie, she tags along next to Lily. Lily and Angel Bailey are a few feet away from the rest of the cast.)
Lily: Oh, I remember this. My vision was that I fall, and die. Dallas does as well.
Angel Bailey: Well, that half way came true. Watch.
Jack: Is ev-everything okay? (Dallas looks over at Lily who is staring at the ground, horrified.)
Dallas; Of course, why wouldn't it be?
Stephanie: (Quickly adds) Because she's here. (Nods to Lily.)
Dallas: Okay, you just crossed the line. (Lets go of Lily's hand, and gets in front of Stephanie.) Nobody ever talks to Lily like that! Nobody treats Lily like that! It is about time that somebody shut you up because you are too self centered to realize that there are other people in this world besides yo- (Lily slightly pushes Dallas, and gets in the middle. She puts her arms out, blocking them from each other.She faces Dallas. Jack goes behind Dallas.)
Lily: Dallas, it's okay thanks. (Turns to face Stephanie.) You however, are getting on my last nerve. I had to put up with you ever since we were in fourth grade in Miss.Jacobsons' class. Stephanie, you need to learn that life incl- (Stephanie pushes Lily so she falls to the ground. Dallas goes down after her, and rubs his hands through her hair, and her cheek.)
Lily: Oh my Gosh! That is the last thing that I remember seeing.
Angel Bailey: Well, now you get to see everything else!
Stephanie: That's better! Now, you should know that I took a karate class, and I am not afraid to kill you.
Dallas: (Still on the ground, rubbing her hair and cheek) Oh yeah? At the biggest football game of the year last month, I was the one that tackled Big Smith. He went down hard. He weighs 413 pounds, and I broke two of his ribs. I am not afraid to break you- (Jack goes on the other side of Lily, and feels her neck pulse.)
Jack: She's still alive, and you are lucky. (Pushes Lily so she wakes up. After she wakes, she blinks a lot, and looks around.)
Dallas: Lily, you're alive! You had me so worried. Here, let's get you standing up again so we can go home. (The trees move around, and there's a mysterious cough.)
Lily: So, what happens now?
Angel Bailey: Well, you all run away, and then you trip over a stick, and fall. You die.
Lily: Whoa, talk about epic.
Angel Bailey: Now, look at what happens if Stephanie were nice, and always were nice. (The set goes black. When the lights go back on, Stephanie is laying on the couch, with Dallas behind her. They are watching a movie. Lily and Angel Bailey are behind the couch. The movie is turned down, not muted but low enough so the play can be heard.)
Lily: Whoa, so if Stephanie were nice, Dallas and her would be together?
Angel Bailey: Actually, if you were never born, they would be together. You see, Dallas likes girls that are cheerleaders. He also likes girls th-
Lily: Wait, so Dallas doesn't actually love me?
Angel Bailey: No, he does. He just never met you.
Lily: Why are you showing me this?
Angel Bailey: I have nothing better to do.
Lily: Well, I don't need you right now. (Turns away from Angel Bailey.)
Angel Bailey: I'm kidding. It's because I wanted to teach you that life has unexpected turns down every single road.
Lily: I already know that. (Lily goes back towards Angel Bailey.)
Angel Bailey: Good be-
Stephanie: Dallas? (Looks at Dallas. Dallas looks at Stephanie.)
Dallas: Yeah Stepykins?
Stephanie: I was wondering, if you might want to go do something.
Dallas: Like what babe?
Lily: Babe? He never called me babe! What is that about!
Stephanie: Like, go to a romantic and expensive restaurant and after that go to a movie.
Lily: Say no, say no.
Dallas: Absolutely. (Lily goes over to Stephanie and Dallas. She jumps on them. They don't move or feel anything.)
Lily: Dallas, why would you say that! You're dating me, not this stuck up girl that is to self centered to know anyth-
Angel Bailey: Lily? (Lily keeps jumping on them and repeating "Stop it right now.") Lily. LILY!
Lily: Not now Angel Bailey, I'm dealing with something.
Angel Bailey: Lily, I am the only person that can see you, or feel you.
Lily: What? No way. Let me see. (Smacks Stephanie. She doesn't move or feel anything.) Wow!
Angel Bailey: Yeah, I know. (Lily gets off of them, and goes by Angel Bailey.)
Lily: Can we go somewhere?
Angel Bailey: Sure. How about we go to when you fall.
Lily: I don't think I'm ready to see that.
Angel Bailey: So, you'd rather watch Stephanie and Dallas?
Lily: No. Okay, good point.
Angel Bailey: I know. (The set goes black. When the set goes back to color, Lily is dead on the ground, with Dallas next to her, holding her hand. Stephanie is texting, and twirling her hair, and Jack is on the phone with 911.)
Dallas: Lily, please don't do this. (Tears run down his face. He holds her hands) Lily, please don't hurt me. Please don't leave me. I love you. Lily please no. (Stephanie walks over to the scene, and rolls her eyes.)
Stephanie: Looks like little miss perfect finally isn't so perfect. (Dallas doesn't move, nor look up at her. Jack comes back.)
Jack: The ambulance is on it's way.
Dallas: Thank God! Let's just hope she's alright. She needs to be ok-
Stephanie: Can you shut up?

Dallas: Excuse me?
Stephanie: The whole entire night, you have talked about nothing except Lily 'I care about nobody or anything except my boyfriend.' Seriously, just because you have a girlfriend doesn't mean you have to rub it in single people's faces. (Ambulance is heard, lights are flashing on the set.)

Dallas: Gosh, you don't need to be a stuck up snob about every little thing. The whole night, you cared about nobody except yourself. (The ambulance gets there, and Lily is on a Gurney. Jack is kneeling next to Lily on the ground, his hands on hers. Stephanie is sitting in the corner of the ambulance texting, Jack kneels on the ground, on the other side of Lily. His hands are on the side of the Gurney. Lily is facing up, her eyes are shut, her mouth is closed.)
Lily: Wow, Dallas said he loved me. I couldn't say anything back. But, he said he loved me! I am so happy!
Angel Bailey: Sure. Now, what happened in the hospital is nothing you need to see. It's kind-of not right for you to see.
Lily: Umm okay.
Angel Bailey: Okay, well. I have to check up on Annie, so I'll see you tomorrow.
Lily: Bye.
Angel Bailey: Bye. (Angel Bailey disappears, and Lily goes and lays back down on the grass. She closes her eyes, and begins to fall asleep. The set goes black again.)

Scene 3

(The set goes black, and Lily is reading a big book in the grass. Optional, print out a piece of paper, with words that is read below, and tape them to a random page, and mark it, so its easy to find.)
Lily: How to get old in three steps. (Turns a few pages) How to be skinny in fifteen steps. (Turns even more pages.) How to come back to life after death. Works within 48 hours of death. Materials needed: Dead body, This book, matches, and candles. Note: The number of candles needed is how old you want the dead person to be. (Angel Bailey comes up behind Lily and taps on her back. Lily jumps and shrieks.) Holy crap, you scared me!
Angel Bailey: No, really? (Looks at the page.) How to come back to life after death huh? Well, you're going to need an undo spell as well.
Lily: Spell? This isn't a spell.

Angel Bailey: Why, of course it is. Look. (Points to the part that says spell.)

Lily: Oh, I did not know that.

Angel Bailey: Okay, well you do now.

Lily: Okay, well now that I know what to do, can you go and check in on somebody else?

Angel Bailey: Actually, I came over here to take you on another adventure. I wanted to show you what Dallas is up to.

Lily: Dallas! Okay, let’s go. (The set goes black and Dallas is on the couch, and he is in sweats. There are tissues crumbed all over the floor, and he has three boxes by him. He has been crying, so his face is bright red. He has the television turned off, and he has a glass of water on the table. His phone rings. He groans, and answers it.)
Dallas: Hello. (Pause) It's okay, it's not your fault. (Pause) I should have been behind her, to catch her. It should have been me instead of her. (Pause) I do have a right to blame it on myself. She warned me that something was going to happen to her. (Pause) I know, me too. (Pause) Okay, well, I gotta go. (Pause and tears run down his face.) Bye. (He hangs up, and buries his head in the pillow, and cries hard.)

Lily: (Puts her hands on her chest, and smiles.) Oh my Gosh! He said he’d want to be dead instead of me! That means literally the world to me!

Angel Bailey: Well, if I were you, I would go and practice those spells. (A beeping noise is heard, and Angel Bailey gets out her cell phone out.) I gotta go. Some girl needs me. Bye.

Lily: Bye. (Angel Bailey disappears, and the set is black. Lily is back with the book in the grass.) Directions for To come back to life after you die: you have to wait until midnight two days after death. You light the correct amount of candles, and recite the following spell: Life has been cut way to short for me. I wish to go back in time so I am blank years old again. I wish to be at blank when life starts over for me at blank o’clock. (Closes the book.) Sounds easy enough. Wait, I was supposed to find another spell to redo that night. (Closes eyes, then opens them, and the book to the table of contents.) Oh, the undo spell! (Runs finger through the first two pages, and stops at the very last on the second page.) How to undo your past. Materials needed: This book, latest picture of you, Knowledge of what day you want to go back to. Spell: Now that my terrible past is behind me, I would like to make my past the present. I would like to go back to blank blank in the year blank. (Closes book, and lays down.) Sounds very easy. (Angel Bailey comes up and lays right in front of Lily.)

Angel Bailey: How’s it coming? (Lily looks confused.)

Lily: How’s what coming?

Angel Bailey: Wow, you are stupid! (Lily rolls her eyes.) How are the spells coming along?

Lily: Okay, I guess. (Lily sighs.)

Angel Bailey: What’s wrong Lily?

Lily: Nothing. (Hugs herself because she’s cold.)

Angel Bailey: Lily, I’ve been alive for over triple your lifetime. I know when something is wrong with somebody.

Lily: It’s nothing that you can help me with. (Gets up, and starts walking away. Angel Bailey stands up, and walks next to Lily.)

Angel Bailey: Lily, you need to tell me what is wrong. (Pauses and waits for a response.) Is it about me calling you stupid?

Lily: No.

Angel Bailey: Then, what is it? (Lily stops walking, and so does Angel Bailey.)

Lily: I miss Dallas. I miss my family. I miss my friends. Most of all, I miss my life.

Angel Bailey: Well, the only way to get your life back is to get all of the materials for the spells, and do them.

Lily: I don’t want to do stupid spells. I just wish that stupid guy wasn’t following us. I wish that the stupid party never happened. (Lays down, and begins to cry. Angel Bailey goes next to Lily, and puts his/her arm around her.)

Angel Bailey: It’s okay Lily. Just relax.

Lily: Relax? How can I relax when the love of my life is alone! I am not there with him. My cheerleading squad won’t be able to do anything well because I am not there. Dallas will lose his football games, and the spot of MVP because he won’t be able to concentrate. What if he meets some other girl, and they fall in love before I ever get there?

Angel Bailey: He’s not that kind of boy.

Lily: How do you know? Were you stalking him? You are not an angel, you are a stalker! You get into people’s lives, and you don’t leave them alone. You force them to go see their past, present and future. I never wanted to go, but you made me. You were the one that brought the image to my mind of him getting with somebody else, which could be Stephanie because you showed me that life has unexpected turns down every road.

Angel Bailey: I am sorry Lily. (Lily turns away.)

Lily: Just go away. Please. Right now, I just need alone time.

Angel Bailey: Do you want me to ever come back? (Looks back at Angel Bailey.)

Lily: I think not. I always get scared and more worried whenever you are here. I can do the spells without you.

Angel Bailey: Actually, you can’t. You need power from an angel, but since you abandoned me, you will never come back to life, or undo that night.

Lily: I never abandoned you!

Angel Bailey: You said that you don’t want me back. In reality, that is saying go away and don’t ever come back.

Lily: I didn’t mean it like that. I meant for a little while.

Angel Bailey: Well, it’s too late. Goodbye. (She disappears, and Lily begins to cry as hard as Dallas did earlier. The set goes black.)

Scene 4

(The set begins with Dallas and Jack walking in the park. Dallas has tissues in his hands. Jack is holding a box. Dallas’ face is red from crying. He is in the same clothes as earlier.)

Jack: I’m sorry Dallas. I know how you feel.

Dallas: No you don’t. I lost my girlfriend, forever. Love hurts. Love is torture. Love is the worst thing that anybody could ever experience. You haven’t been in a relationship as long as I have, and you haven’t had your heart broken like this.

Jack: Actually, do you remember Lucy?

Dallas: Yeah. Of course, the love of your life.

Jack: The reason why I’m not with her anymore is because she was crossing a cross walk, and a drunk driver thought she was deer. She was flipped over the hood of the truck, and died.

Dallas: Okay, but you had no control over it. She told me that she had a (air quote) feeling that something was going to happen. I should have been behind her to catch her. I should have died, instead of her. She is worth more than me. She is everything anybody could ask for, and I feel like she is still alive, but she just isn’t here.

Jack: That makes no sense, first of all, she is a stuck up cheerleader, second you are more important than she is. And lastly, you went to her funeral, you saw her dead body. She is dead.

Dallas: Jack, you are being very selfish. She means the world to me. (Dallas begins to walk over to where Lily is, but doesn’t notice her. Jack walks the opposite way. Dallas begins to cry hard, and Lily looks over at him. She goes over to him, and gives him a hug. She rests on him, and Dallas doesn’t feel a thing.)

Lily: Dallas, I love you so much. I wish this never happened. I wish I never said what I did to Angel Bailey. (Angel Bailey comes back, and puts his/her hand on her back. Lily turns, and sees him/her. She gives Angel Bailey a hug.) I thought you never would come back.

Angel Bailey: Well, you thought it.

Lily: Yeah, I did think about it. But, that doesn’t mean anything right now.

Angel Bailey: Are you sure?

Lily: What do you mean?

Angel Bailey: You haven’t realized it yet?

Lily: Realized what?

Angel Bailey: You are dreaming.

Lily: What?

Angel Bailey: It’s true.

Lily: So, you mean I never died.

Angel Bailey: Right.

Lily: Then, what happened?

Angel Bailey: You tell me.

Lily: What does that mean?

Scene 5

(The set is when Lily is on the ground in Scene 1, when Stephanie pushed her. Dallas is next to her, rubbing her hair and cheek. Jack is on the other side of her, and Stephanie is texting and twirling her hair a few feet away. Dallas is shaking Lily.)

Dallas: Lily, Lily, please be okay. Lily. Lily, please be alive. (Lily blinks, and lifts her head.) LILY! (Dallas gives Lily a hug.) You had me so worried! (Lily stands up, Stephanie looks up at them, and Dallas stands up next to her. Lily gives Dallas a hug.)

Lily: I am so sorry! I missed you so much! I cannot believe what happened, there was this Angel, (he/she) took me through my past, present, and future! If I wasn’t born, then you would have dated Stephanie. (Dallas looks confused.) And, I was going to do two spells to come back to life, and so I could do this night all over ag-

Dallas: I think you hit your head a little too hard. (Feels Lily’s head.)

Lily: No, This is all real.

Dallas: Whatever you say babe.

Lily: Babe! You called me babe!

Dallas: Yes, I am aware of that. Are you okay with that babe? (Hold her hands.)

Lily: I’m perfectly fine with that honey.

Dallas: I love you Lily.

Lily: I love you too Dallas. (Jack goes over to Stephanie. Stephanie stands up.)

Jack: I love you Stephanie.

Stephanie: I love you too Jack. (Angel Bailey appears behind Dallas. Lily gives Dallas a hug, and then smiles and mouths a thank you to Angel Bailey. The set goes black, and Angel Bailey comes up, with nothing else around her.)

Angel Bailey: Everybody went home safely. Nobody died, and Dallas and Lily had their first kiss. A few years later, Dallas and Lily got married, and had three children. Stephanie and Jack became a married couple, and Stephanie finally became nice. And I? I became a statue for Lily to have, so she could remember me forever. (The play ends with a statue of Angel Bailey, and it zooms out.)
  





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31 Reviews



Gender: Male
Points: 914
Reviews: 31
Fri Jun 10, 2011 8:31 am
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Bromthebard says...



It's very good. At first, I thought it was going to be an annoying teenage drama, but you fixed it. Your stage directions were good, I would suggest adding more things like, "the camera slowly pans in on 'insert character name here' face as the screen slowly darkens" Your descriptions during the stage directions is very good. The way that you started with it being in the middle of a story, where the reader (or watcher) has no idea what's going on and knows nothing about the characters is great, I love it when people write books/movies where you get thrown into the middle of a story. Very good script, I hope this movie/play is very successful if you submit it to someone.
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Anyone who says they have only one life to live must not know how to read a book. ~Author Unknown
  





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Sun Jul 03, 2011 6:00 pm
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Fortissimo says...



Ok. So like Brom said, the beginning was like a sappy, pointless teen drama. Too predictable, you know what I mean? The characters weren't developed well and it was sort of boring. You did take a twist though, and the "dream" made the storyline a 1,000,000X more interesting.

I only have one suggestion. I think it would have been different if you made Stephanie the main character, and the dream and her future that Angel Bailey shows here would be what her life would be like if she continues to be mean. If you've ever seen the movie Click, the main character is taken to his future based upon his workaholic lifestyle. There he finds a successful business but a crumbled family life. You see what I mean? Make the future be a realization for the main character.

Spice it up!

Hope this helps, and good stage directions by the way. Do you have a lot of experience in theatre? I do, but I can't imagine myself writing a play like you(:

~Fortissimo(:
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