Act I, Scene 1, Act I, Scene 2
SCENE 3
Same apartment, nine days before the suicide. DAVID is sitting at his kitchen table, planning out his suicide. There are charts and graphs listing pros and cons of different methods taped to the walls, as well as some bloody and graphic illustrations. DAVID is discussing methods to himself when there's a knock on the door.
DAVID
Come in.
MOM enters with MAX, a therapist and depression counselor. MAX is confined to a wheelchair, which is equipped with a pouch that contains a water bottle, writing utensils, a notepad, and a voice note recorder.
MOM
David, I'd like you to meet Dr. Max Black.
MAX
Nice to meet you, David.
DAVID
Mom, what's he doing here?
MOM
Dr. Black is a really good therapist. I started seeing him a while ago, and he's helped me through a lot. I hired him to talk you out of your suicide.
DAVID
(Looking at his surrounding plans)
I don't think that's going to work so well.
MOM
Just give it a try, David.
DAVID
Any other day I would, but I have to finish planning--
MOM
David. I'm not kidding. Just chat with him for a few minutes and see if you don't feel better.
DAVID
Mom, I'm not going to talk to some quack that you hired to try and--
MOM
(Exasperated)
David! Just talk to the goddamn therapist!
DAVID
But, Mom--
MOM
David, no.
DAVID
Mom--
MOM
David, stop.
DAVID
But--
MOM
David! Quit it!
MAX
If I could interject...
DAVID
Shut up!
MOM
David!
DAVID
(To MOM)
What?
MOM
Shut up!
DAVID
Mom, I'm definitely not in the mood to talk to this guy.
MOM
You're talking to him, and that's final.
DAVID
Why am I talking to him?
MOM
Because I want you to be absolutely sure that you want to kill yourself, and if there are any lingering doubts, Dr. Black can work them out with you!
DAVID
(About to argue, then:)
Okay. Fine. I'll indulge this session, but only this session.
MOM
Thank you, David. One session is all I ask.
DAVID
(To MAX)
So... do I need to lay on a couch or something? Is that how this works?
MAX
However you're most comfortable.
DAVID
I'm most comfortable not talking to you.
MOM
David!
MAX
It's okay, Lori. Part of the therapeutic process is knowing that you have the freedom to say whatever you want in the session without consequence. And since I don't know where this session is going to go, I'm going to ask you to excuse us while we begin.
MOM
Certainly.
MOM moves to the corner of the room while DAVID sits on the couch and MAX takes out a notepad, pen, and the vocal notes recorder.
DAVID
Well, I guess...
(He looks over to MOM)
Is she still supposed to be here?
MAX
Lori, please excuse us.
MOM
Oh, don't mind me. Just pretend I'm not here.
MAX
As part of the process, I would actually prefer if you actually weren't here.
MOM
What do you mean?
DAVID
He means get the fuck out of the room, Mom.
MOM
Right. I'll run a few errands. I'll be back in a few minutes.
MOM exits.
DAVID
So. Where do we start?
MAX
We can start wherever you want to start.
DAVID
Then how about we start at the end where I thank you for your time and you leave.
MAX
(Laughs)
I'm afraid it doesn't quite work like that, David.
DAVID
I thought so. Figured I could give it a try.
(He and MAX sit in silence, then:)
So, I have a question.
MAX
Shoot.
DAVID
How, uh... how did you get up to the second floor?
MAX
Is that question pertinent to why I'm here, or is it something that can wait?
DAVID
I guess it's something that can wait.
Silence.
MAX
Let's start with the suicide, shall we?
DAVID
If you want to.
MAX
Do you want to?
DAVID
Oh, don't tell me you're one of those therapists.
MAX
One of what therapists?
DAVID
Those! Right there! That turns everything I say into a question!
MAX
Am I turning everything you say into a question?
DAVID
Yes!
MAX
How so?
DAVID
It's right--! Goddammit.
MAX
God damn what?
DAVID
Oh, fuck this.
MAX
(Laughs)
I'm just kidding. I hate those types of therapists, too. It's a good thing they only occur in books, movies, and grad students that are trying too hard.
DAVID
You mean, you're not...?
MAX
No way. Believe me, if I ever became one of those eternal questioning therapists, I'd have to kill myself.
(Beat.)
Oh God, I'm sorry.
DAVID
What? What did you do?
MAX
Now I know how you people feel when you use leg euphemisms.
DAVID
Oh. (Realizing) Oh! Oh, that. Yeah, don't worry about that. I'm going into it pretty calm.
MAX
Well, I'm embarrassed, so we won't start with the suicide. (Looking around) Though some of these illustrations could provide enough fodder for several sessions.
DAVID
Thanks. I try to pride myself in my work.
MAX
Let's start with work, then. What did you do before you decided to kill yourself.
DAVID
I owned a small business.
MAX
Really? Doing what?
DAVID
Selling tools, with some repair work in there.
MAX
Sounds great. How did you decide to do that?
DAVID
Well, my mom thought it was a good idea, since that's what my dad used to do before he sold his company.
MAX
Your mom thought it was a good idea?
DAVID
Yeah, I started it a few years after graduating college.
MAX
What was your degree?
DAVID
Business management. But I didn't really want to go to college.
MAX
Then why did you go?
DAVID
Because everyone goes to college. And then after college, I had no choice but to start my own business. I didn't want to, but I did.
MAX
What did you want to do?
DAVID
I wanted to travel, you know? See the world, meet interesting people, get food poisoning from the local cuisine. You know, what people normally do when they travel.
MAX
So why didn't you travel for a few years?
DAVID
I didn't have any money. So I got a job. Then mom said I should start my own business, and I did. I was only going to do it until I made enough money for an international trip, then I was going to stop.
MAX
Ah. So you ended up making a bunch of money, and then you went on your trip, right?
DAVID
Not quite. See, the business started to grow really big, and mom thought it would be a good idea to move the business to a larger, independent building to increase revenue.
MAX
I'm going to stop you right there. There seems to be a common trend in your life right now.
DAVID
Really?
MAX
Yeah. Your mom is shaping your future. She sees things that she wants to happen for you, tells you what to do, and you just do it. Has that happened with anyone else in your life?
DAVID
No, it hasn't.
MAX
Really?
DAVID
Not really, no.
MAX
(Prying)
Really?
DAVID
Well... I got married shortly after I started my business because my girlfriend at the time really wanted to.
MAX
You didn't wait?
DAVID
I couldn't. She bought the ring already. I remember, because she gave it to me, and told me when and how she wanted to be proposed to.
MAX
And you just went with it?
DAVID
Yeah. Is that bad?
MAX
Kind of. I think I've figured out what your problem is.
DAVID
What is it?
MAX
You're an enabler. You're too compliant. You let people walk all over you because you want to make them happy. And you're sick of it, so you're going to commit suicide because that's the one thing you can control. David, it's time for you to put your foot down and stand up for yourself. Don't let them push you around anymore. That sort of mentality has helped me through a lot of my tough times.
DAVID
Yeah, right. All you ever do is let people push you around. I'll bet you've never stood up for yourself in your entire life.
MAX
(Impatiently)
David, I'm in a wheelchair. I have an excuse. You, on the other hand, don't.
DAVID
You don't have to be short with me.
MAX
Again. David. (Motioning) Wheelchair.
DAVID
I really hate it when disabled people make fun of their own disabilities. It makes me uncomfortable.
MAX
That's why we do it. But seriously, David, you have to find a better way to take control of your environment than to kill yourself. Why not take a few community education classes? Start an exercise regimen. Do something creative.
DAVID
I'm over 50 years old. At this point, I'm just a tick on society, mooching off of my host and not really contributing to anything.
MAX
Do you really believe that? Or do you believe that because that's what other people tell you?
MOM enters, finished with her errands.
MOM
Well, how's it going, boys?
DAVID
(Suddenly angry)
Get him out of here.
MOM
David, what--
DAVID
I said get this guy and his psycho-babble bullshit out of my apartment!
MAX
No need. I'll let myself out.
(Beat.)
But to answer your question from earlier: I came up by myself. I climbed up the stairs and drug my chair behind me, because I don't need other people telling me how to do things.
DAVID
Get out!
MAX exits.
MOM
What did he say?
DAVID
He said he's not a real therapist, he's only pretending to be one because he's an asshole, and get the hell out of my apartment.
MOM starts to exit, but turns back in the doorway.
MOM
Wait, why would Dr. Black say, "Get the he--"
DAVID slams the door in MOM's face. He goes to the liquor cabinet and pours himself a drink, and returns to his plans. As he begins work, there is a knock on the door.
DAVID
God dammit.
DAVID answers the door to find WAYNE, DAVID's best friend.
WAYNE
Hey, buddy. How're things?
DAVID
Wayne, you will not believe what is going on right now.
WAYNE
What's going on?
DAVID
My mom has gone insane. The other day she was in here bawling her eyes out, telling stories about my life that I'd rather not remember. And just now, she brought in a therapist to try and talk me out of killing myself. I don't know what's gotten into her.
WAYNE
It probably has something to do with the fact that you're going to kill yourself. I mean, I'm not an expert in human behavior, but that probably has something to do with it.
DAVID
I guess so.
WAYNE
Speaking of which, how's that coming? Know how you're going to do it yet?
DAVID
I'm working on it right now. I'd like to go out in a unique way. I mean, I know in the long run it doesn't matter how I do it, but I'd like it to have a touch of personality, you know?
WAYNE
I hear you. Anyone can hang themselves in a closet. It takes a special someone to do it with a flower in their hair. Right?
DAVID
Something like that, yeah.
WAYNE
Well, let's see what you have.
(WAYNE crosses behind DAVID to the table. He chuckles.)
Every pragmatic. What is this pros and cons bullshit?
DAVID
I'm trying to find the most effective, yet most creative, way to off myself. If I can find a method I can work with that will get me right away, then I'm going with it.
WAYNE
(Picks up a piece of paper, reads)
"Hanging. Pros: creativity with varying heights, cables/ropes, etc.; possibility for creative swinging. Cons: might not die right away, too easy to prevent/fail, choking." Good points.
(Different piece of paper)
"Drowning. Pros: bloated body upon discovery, I can't swim, variety of heights to play with, it can easily look like an accident. Cons: choking, not breathing, sharks." Sharks?
DAVID
You never know!
WAYNE
Where would you be drowning yourself?
DAVID
In the lake on the edge of town.
WAYNE
There are no sharks in the lake on the edge of town.
DAVID
Whatever. Check out the "Gun" entry. It's the thing I really worry about.
WAYNE
Okay. "Gun. Pros: pretty much guaranteed, potential for hostages/standoff/epic ending. Cons: what if everything goes wrong and I end up like this one guy I saw on the Discovery Channel who was high on meth and took a shotgun to his head but actually blew his face off and now he goes around the country with no face talking about the dangers of meth?"
(Pause.)
Wow.
DAVID
I know.
WAYNE
That would be horrifying.
DAVID
I know!
WAYNE
I will admit, I appreciate what you're trying to do here, but I feel like you're thinking too far inside the box.
DAVID
What do you mean?
WAYNE
Well, right now, it looks like you're trying to decide between methods. Why not try to decide between results? Do you want to go quietly? Bloody? Epically?
DAVID
Huh. I didn't think of that.
WAYNE
Once you decide the results, you can combine a few different methods to create that result.
(Sits at the table)
So, how would you like people to find your body?
DAVID
Well, it doesn't have to be shocking, since people already know I'm going to kill myself. (Pause.) It should be in a semi-public place. I don't want to die completely in private, but I also don't want to be completely exposed. (Pause.) As far as messiness goes, there should be a little blood, but not any more than necessary. I'd like to leave a little bit of a mark. (Pause.) Is that enough to work with?
WAYNE
Just one last question. Would you like to die in front of people, or just be discovered?
DAVID
(Pause, thinking)
You know, I've been in the background for a long time, doing things that were imperceptible to the rest of the world, and it would only make sense that I continue that trend.
WAYNE
So you're saying...
DAVID
I'm going to do it in front of people.
WAYNE
Okay. So it's a semi-public suicide with a splash of gore. (Pause.) Were any of the power tools salvaged in the fire?
DAVID
Yeah. Why?
WAYNE
Here's what I'm thinking: get a battery powered circular saw, and climb to the top of the court house. The cops will be there fairly quickly, and before anyone can tell you to stop, jump. Then, just before hitting the ground, turn on the saw and hold it up to your neck. The impact with the ground will push the saw to your neck, spreading blood all over.
DAVID
That sounds terrible.
WAYNE
(Gleefully)
It is, isn't it? Plus, it would be fun to see if you can decapitate yourself at the last second.
DAVID
Do you have an idea a little less... gruesome?
WAYNE
Well, how about you get a gun, and stand in front of the library, spewing a whole bunch of shit about how there's nothing left in the world, and politics and religion has ruined everything, and the only way out is to shoot yourself. Then, have people talk you out of it, only to take out a knife and slice your brachial artery.
DAVID
Where's my brachial artery?
WAYNE
It's under your bicep. You'll bleed out in seconds.
DAVID
Really?
WAYNE
Yeah. I saw it in a movie once.
DAVID
Shit, if we're going to do stuff from movies, I might as well take a cue from Wile E. Coyote and shove a stick of dynamite up my ass.
WAYNE
Well, if that works for you...
DAVID
No. That's not going to work for me.
WAYNE
(Checks watch)
Well, I'd love to stay and help, but I have a meeting in a few minutes. I just thought I'd stop by and see how things were going.
DAVID
They're going great. I'll keep trying to come up with something.
WAYNE
Great. Can't wait to see what you come up with. Bye, David.
DAVID
See you.
WAYNE exits. DAVID returns to his work. After a moment of reading plans, he goes to the liquor cabinet to find that he's out of liquor. He curses, grabs his coat, and exits the apartment.
END ACT I
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