Young Writers Society

Act I, Scene 1; Act I, Scene 2; Act I, Scene 3


ACT II

SCENE 1


Same apartment, three days before the suicide. The apartment is empty, all of the posters and charts taken down. DAVID enters the apartment carrying a large gift-wrapped box. He sets it on the table, and opens the card attached to the box.

DAVID
(Reads)
"It's been a good run, and it's sad to see you go, but we wish you luck in your future endeavor. Good luck killing yourself. Sincerely, your faithful employees." How sweet.
(He opens the box, and pulls out a rope with a note attached)
"We know you've been hanging around for a while. Here's hoping things start swinging in your direction."
(He puts down the rope and pulls out the gun)
"Well, shoot, if we knew that you were going to kill yourself sooner, we would have sent you out with a bang!"
(He puts down the gun and takes out a bottle of rat poison)
"We couldn't think of any puns for the poison, but it would have been funny, so drink up."

DAVID puts everything back in the box and takes it to the bedroom. There is a knock at the door. DAVID crosses to the door and answers it to find KATE, his high school crush.

KATE
Hi, David.

DAVID
Kate! What are you doing here?

KATE
Is it true? Are you really going to kill yourself?

DAVID
Yeah, it's true.

KATE
(Completely turned on)
Oh, God!

KATE leaps onto DAVID and starts kissing and groping him, full on snogging. DAVID is caught between trying to get her off of him and getting into it. They stumble all the way to the couch and fall on top of it, KATE completely turned on and DAVID still struggling and protesting. Finally, DAVID is able to push KATE off of him.

DAVID
What is wrong with you?

KATE
Sorry. I don't know what came over me.

DAVID
We haven't seen each other for years.

KATE
I know. It's been a long time.

DAVID
That's totally inappropriate.

KATE
Actually, I do know what came over me.

DAVID
Oh really?

KATE
Yes, I do.

DAVID
Then I'll ask again: What is wrong with you?

KATE
It's a weird fetish of mine.

DAVID
How weird?

KATE
I get turned on by suicidal people.

DAVID
(Confused)
You what?

KATE
I get really turned on by suicidal people.

DAVID
That's not normal. How did you realize this?

KATE
Well, remember junior year of high school, when Alex went through a serious bout of depression?

DAVID
Yeah.

KATE
Well, I thought it was really cute, so I asked him out, and we had a think for a while. And then one night, we were talking, and he was telling me about how there was nothing left for him to live for, and that he had planned out his suicide, and was going to do it in the next couple of days. And I thought that was really hot. And then he showed me his plans, and it turned me on even more, so we started making out. And when he started crying, saying that he was going to miss me when he was gone, it put me over the edge, and we had some crazy, wild sex. And the next day he killed himself.

DAVID
Wow.

KATE
And I thought that would completely throw me off, but then when I went to college, there was a guy who looked kind of mopey, and it made my heart flutter, and we got to know each other, and then I asked him if he had ever thought about hurting himself or something like that, and he said no, that he felt perfectly fine. And I lost all interest in him.

DAVID
So you broke up with him because he wasn't depressed?

KATE
Exactly! I felt really bad for doing it, but it had to be done. And then after a while, I kind of just traveled around sleeping with suicidal and depressed guys. I would hang out around psychiatrist offices, liquor stores, casinos. Sometimes I'd make the rounds at Starbucks and see who has a large amount of free verse poetry and take him home with me.

DAVID
Have you thought about going to Japan? I hear there are a lot of suicidal guys there.

KATE
I seriously saved up a bunch of money and almost bought a plane ticket to Tokyo. But then my car broke down, so I needed to use that money to fix it.

DAVID
Right. How did you find out about me?

KATE
Well, I ran into Wayne at the grocery store, and we were catching up, and he said, "You remember David, right?" And I said, "Yeah. He shit his pants before we were set to go on our first date."

DAVID
(Embarrassed)
God dammit...

KATE
And Wayne said, "Well, he's going to kill himself in a few days. He sent out his two weeks notice and everything." At first I didn't believe it, so I shrugged it off. But as each day passed, I started thinking more and more about it, and I decided I had to come and see if it was true.

DAVID
And it's true. Now what?

KATE
Take me.

DAVID
What?

KATE
Fuck me. Right here on this couch.

DAVID
I don't think I can--

KATE rips open her blouse, revealing a lacy bra underneath.

KATE
Right. Now.

DAVID
Yes, ma'am.

DAVID and KATE start intensely making out and groping each other. Clothes start to come off. Things are starting to get hot and heavy when ELIZABETH, DAVID's ex-wife bursts through the door.

ELIZABETH
(Angry)
David!

DAVID
(Startled)
Elizabeth!

ELIZABETH
What the fuck are you doing with this whore?

DAVID
It's not what it looks like!

KATE
Excuse you! I'm not a whore!

ELIZABETH
Get off of him! Get out, now!

KATE gathers her clothes and starts to leave.

KATE
I'll see you later, David. Hopefully before you're too stiff in the wrong way.

DAVID
Kate! No!

KATE leaves. ELIZABETH turns on DAVID.

ELIZABETH
Explain yourself.

DAVID
I don't know! She just came over, we started talking, and then things started getting out of control.

ELIZABETH
Not that. Explain this suicide thing.

DAVID
Why do you care? How did you find out?

ELIZABETH
I heard it from some of your former employees. They showed me the letter. What the hell is wrong with you?

DAVID
Again, why do you care? You divorced me how long ago, and we haven't talked since. And legally, I'm not even sure you're allowed in here.

ELIZABETH
It doesn't matter. What matters is, what will our children think of this?

DAVID
They don't! I haven't seen them for years. And it's not like it matters: you completely turned them against me.

ELIZABETH
I have not!

DAVID
I called Emily the other day. She answered the phone, and I said, "Hi, Emily, it's Dad." And she said, "Bite me, asshole."

ELIZABETH
You can't prove that's from me.

DAVID
I asked, "Why would you say that?" And she said, "Because Mom says you're an asshole," and hung up on me.

ELIZABETH
There are more important matters than our children.

DAVID
You're not talking me out of this suicide.

ELIZABETH
Why would I do that? I don't give a shit about whether or not you live.

DAVID
Then why are you here?

ELIZABETH
What am I getting out of this?

DAVID
Out of what?

ELIZABETH
Out of your suicide. What are you leaving me?

DAVID
I'm not leaving you anything! I'm not leaving anyone anything. Everything is going to be sold before my suicide, and that money is going to a charity.

ELIZABETH
What? What charity?

DAVID
Haven't decided yet. Maybe either the ASPCA or the American Cancer Association.

ELIZABETH
Those are the two worst charities in the world.

DAVID
Then which charity should I give it to?

ELIZABETH
The Elizabeth Martin Fund for Collecting an Inheritance from her Deadbeat Fucking Ex-Husband who Killed Himself because He Can't Handle a Little Misfortune.

DAVID
One, you're a bitch. Two, I'm not giving you anything!

ELIZABETH
Why not?

DAVID
Because you cheated on me with a fast food worker!

ELIZABETH
He was a franchise manager!

DAVID
Whatever he was, you fucked him in the restroom while the family was out to dinner! And to think I felt honored that we had won a drawing for free meals for a month.

ELIZABETH
You're pathetic.

DAVID
I'm pathetic? At least I've lived an honest life.

ELIZABETH
I don't see why I can't get an inheritance from your death. I gave you the best years, and had to put up with the worst sex, of my entire life.

DAVID
You left me for someone else 15 years ago. I've survived this long in my life without you. I think I can survive the rest of it. Get out of my apartment.

ELIZABETH
Gladly. I hope you rot in hell.

DAVID
Give a call to Satan and save me a good room.

ELIZABETH
Fuck you, David.

ELIZABETH leaves in a huff, slamming the door shut. DAVID, furious goes straight to the liquor cabinet, takes out a half full bottle of liquor, guzzles it, and throws the empty bottle on the floor. He reaches into the liquor cabinet again, and, not finding any more liquor, curses, grabs his keys, and leaves.

I thought about reading the whole thing, but the moment you had the woman get turned on by a guy commiting suicide..I decided that it was not worth my time reading something so unrealistic. I don't think any woman is going to be turned on by a loser who is going to kill himself. Perhaps you should get a better grasp on reality.

Two words. LOVED IT. Especially how Elizabeth was mad that Kate and David were about to go at it when she's divorced from him. And then she wants to be a bitch about being there. She is so selfish, going there not because she cared for him (in fact she didn't give a fuck that he was going to kill himself) but thought that David was even going to think about considering giving the bitch something when she cheated on him!!! All in all very nice and well written. Loved it and keep it coming.

Alright, so, that was amazing. I love how you set up Kate to be this creepy lady, becuase they actually exsist. and then Elizabeth is the perfect angry ex-wife, former spoiled brat. I also like how she only cares about herself and turned their children away from David.
A of quick grammar thing too,

Well, I thought it was really cute, so I asked him out, and we had a think for a while

Should be 'thing'

Keep writing
~wickedwonder

Flemzo,

I liked this a lot. I'm not sure if I liked it as much as the other couple parts, but I enjoyed it nonetheless. A few things:

If this was ever performed, how would the audience know what day it was? Would it be listed the in program, or on a projected screen?

Also, what does this mean?

And I said, "Yeah. He shit his pants before we were set to go on our first day."

Before we were set to go to what?

DAVID

You left me for someone else 15 years ago. I've survived this long in my life without you. I think I can survive the rest of it. Get out of my apartment.

ELIZABETH

Gladly. I hope you rot in hell.

Even though they had been bickering for a while, her accepting the fact that she's not getting an inheritance was a little too curt. Instead of Elizabeth's line, I would suggest going for something along the lines of "Not until you've agreed to leave me something." Something to that effect. And then David can refuse her and she can leave. But, whatever.

-

I love this play, I really do! It's really coming together and I'm excited to see how it'll end. And the gift box scene? SO funny. So, so funny. It was so wrong and so funny at the same time. Oh! I almost forgot:

"It's been a good run, and it's sad to see you go, but we wish you luck in your future endeavors. Good luck killing yourself. Sincerely, your faithful employees." How sweet.

I think you should change 'endeavors' to 'endeavor'. Just a suggestion.

Anyway, please keep me posted with this. I would really like to see more of David's reaction to the suicide plan rather than everyone else in his life's reaction. But of course, that's up to you. You're the playwright and you know what you're talking about.

Good luck.

-Jared

I didn't write a review for the previous scene, mainly because I felt I couldn't say enough to fill an entire review -- which is a good thing -- so I'll review this bit here instead.

Loving it. Kate's suicide fetish is delightfully over-the-top, and so is Elizabeth's bitchiness. I really love how she starts off with the children and then says that there are more important things than them, though on the other hand the sheer amount of the concentrated evil in her makes me kinda grossed out by the whole thing. It's easy, with a work like this, to step over the edge -- for me, this is the first part where the "morbid" in "morbid humour" started overshadowing the "humour" part. You could always make the excuse of writing for a particular audience, but I think it's always best to make your work accessible as much as your creative vision allows. So-- it would still be dark, but not overwhelmingly so.

Again, not much else to say here. It's really quite a good work. But, before I depart--

I don't think any woman is going to be turned on by a loser who is going to kill himself. Perhaps you should get a better grasp on reality.

Hun, I'm pretty sure that detachment from reality is the whole point of writing. Cheers.

Your wife,
cC