Young Writers Society

ACT TWO
FADE IN
INT – NIGHTCLUB – NIGHT
Flashing lights, very loud secular clubbing music plays. There is a sign above which reads: ‘Worldliness’. That is above a huge dance floor where many are gathered. Everyone has bows and arrows on their backs. The arrows are black

There is a bar, sitting by it is Christian, ATHEIST, UNBELIEF and SCEPTICAL. They are all dressed in grey. They have drinks

SCEPTICAL: I don’t know Unbelief.

UNBELIEF: Right, I see. (To Christian) What about you Christian? Are you going to come?

Christian turns to him uneasily

CHRISTIAN: I don’t know if I’m ready. This place is one thing, but the ‘Den of Fornication’ is another.

Unbelief frowns

UNBELIEF: Will you and Sceptical please make up your minds(!) I don’t want to go alone with Atheist.

Atheist laughs and punches Unbelief friendlily on the back

ATHEIST: That’s nice.

UNBELIEF: So, are you in or aren’t you?

Christian and Sceptical look at each other in uncertainty

CHRISTIAN (V.O): At the time I didn’t realise it but my old companion was leading me into farther sin.

Christian and Sceptical nod at each other

CHRISTIAN: We’re in.

Unbelief smiles at them both

UNBELIEF: That’s alright then. Let’s go.

CUT TO:
EXT – GRASSLAND – NIGHT
A dark and crooked road spreads upwards on a hill. There are few dark and horrid trees either side of it
Christian, Atheist, Unbelief and Sceptical are walking up the path

UNBELIEF: Many of my friends have wondered up this path. As soon as I heard about it I wanted to go.

SCEPTICAL: How much farther is it?

UNBELIEF: It’s just at the end of the path. You will recognise it when you see it.

ATHEIST: It’s; as I’ve heard it, the most exciting place to be in Rebellious City. Everyone has been there. And tonight’s our go.

They reach the top where in front of themselves a huge Mansion. In front of its opened gates is a very beautiful woman called LUST. In front of her is a queue of men. She kisses them on the lips before giving them permission to enter the mansion

Christian, Atheist, Unbelief and Sceptical join the queue

CHRISTIAN: This place looks popular.

UNBELIEF: This means that it’s pleasurable.

ATHEIST: Pleasure is the one thing we are to live for. Eat, drink and be merry for tomorrow we die.

They reach Lust

LUST: And you are?

UNBELIEF: Unbelief and these are my friends, Christian, Sceptical and Atheist.

LUST: Ah yes, the prince of this land bid you come in. Let me greet you.

One after the other she kisses them. They are mesmerised

SCEPTICAL: So you own this place?

Lust smiles at him

LUST: Oh yes, along with ‘Den of Sexual Perversion’, ‘Den of Sexual Immorality’ and ‘Den of Homosexuality’. Please go in and enjoy yourselves.

ATHEIST: Thank you.

They all enter the mansion

INT – MANSION – RECEPTION – CONTINUOUS
A huge and beautiful reception. Behind the desk is a beautiful receptionist

Christian, Atheist, Unbelief and Sceptical enter

RECEPTIONIST: Over here.

They go over to the receptionist who gets out a book and scans through it. When she gets to where she looks for she writes in it

RECEPTIONIST (CONT’D): Unbelief, Christian, Sceptical and Atheist, go through to the waiting room, you will be seen to.

SCEPTICAL: How did you know our names?

RECEPTIONIST: Everyone that enters through Lust enters through me.

They look at each other oddly

UNBELIEF: Right, okay. (To others) Come on, let’s go.

They leave the reception

CUT TO:
INT – MANSION – WAITING ROOM – CONTINUOUS
The room is big and has many benches against the walls and many chairs, but it is empty. Christian, Atheist, Unbelief and Sceptical enter

CHRISTIAN: Where is everybody?

UNBELIEF: Obviously someone has gone to get them and soon the same will come for us. Let’s sit.

They all sit at a bench

ATHEIST: Each of us will get seen to and then taken upstairs.

SCEPTICAL: How do you know?

ATHEIST: Like I said, I’ve had a many a friend that have been here. If it’s as good as they say then I’m going to return again and again like they.

UNBELIEF: So will I.

SCEPTICAL: And I, if it’s very pleasurable.

Unbelief laughs

UNBELIEF: Of course it will be(!)

Four very beautiful ladies enter. They come other to Christian, Atheist, Unbelief and Sceptical who watch them with great delight

MISTRESS #1: If you want to come with us to the pleasure room, we’ll perhaps drink, and whenever you want go to our own private quarters each.

The four men follow the women out of the room

INT – PLEASURE ROOM – CONTINUOUS
A giant pub like area. There is a main bar and many, many different sections where there are two chairs and a table.
At the tables are many men with beautiful women. They get served wine from the main bar. There are around the room many other rooms curtained off

Christian, Atheist, Unbelief and Sceptical enter with the women and sit in separate areas with their own women

UNBELIEF: Can I get some wine?

Mistress #1 smiles at him

MISTRESS #1: Of course.

She signals a beautiful waitress who comes over and pours them both a glass of wine each. The waitress leaves. Unbelief smiles at Mistress #1 who smiles back. They lift their glasses

UNBELIEF: Cheers(!)

They clink glasses and drink

Atheist grabs Mistress #2’s hand

ATHEIST: You are very beautiful.

Mistress #2 laughs slightly. She starts stroking Atheist’s back. He has goose bumps

ATHEIST (CONT’D) (Nervous): I’ve just… well I… I’ve never been here before and I don’t know how to…

Mistress #2 interrupts him by placing her index finger on his mouth

MISTRESS #2: Just, kiss me.

Atheist kisses her

SCEPTICAL: This place looks amazing.

MISTRESS #3: Thank you. Mistress Lust had the Prince of this land dedicate this as well as the other Dens as her shrines. Where men and women come from afar off.

SCEPTICAL (Looking around): I don’t see any women here apart from those who are of this place.

MISTRESS #3: Oh women do come, but when they do we have them join us.

SCEPTICAL: Oh, right.

Christian smiles at Mistress #4. She smiles back. Nether of them say anything for a while
Christian looks around and sees the many curtains

CHRISTIAN: Where do all those curtains lead?

MISTRESS #4: To the beds of fornication. We shall both go there when you are ready to sin with me.

Christian laughs nervously

CHRISTIAN: Okay.

FADE OUT
FADE IN.
SUPERIMPOSE:
“Hours Later”

Unbelief and Mistress #1 are laughing, they hold glasses if wine, there is a wine bottle on the table

UNBELIEF: I think I’ve become a drunkard.

Mistress #1 just laughs

Unbelief gets up quickly and leads Mistress #1 to a curtained off room and goes in

Atheist is very busy kissing Mistress #2

Atheist stops

ATHEIST: Let’s go.

Atheist gets up with Mistress #2 and they go into a room covered by a curtain
Sceptical and Mistress #3 holds hands

SCEPTICAL: You wanna go?

MISTRESS #3: Only if you do.

Sceptical and Mistress #3 get up and go into their own room behind a curtain
Christian smiles at Mistress #4. She smiles back

Christian grabs her hand

CHRISTIAN: Look, you’re very beautiful. But I don’t think I’m ready for this just yet. I’ll come back in a year or two.

Christian gets up to leave. Mistress #4 grabs his hand stopping him leave

MISTRESS #4 (Seductively): Christian, listen. I have spread my bed with tapestry, coloured coverings of Egyptian linen. I have perfumed my bed with myrrh, aloes, and cinnamon. Come, let us take our fill of love until morning; let us delight ourselves with love.

Christian is speechless and entranced. He gets her to follow him to leave the area.

MISTRESS #4 (CONT'D): I will give you the time of your life Christian.

Christian is about to go through the curtain when an arrow flies through the air and hits Mistress #4. She screams

CHRISTIAN: What happened?

Sceptical pops his head out of a room and sees Mistress #4 with an arrow in her arm screaming in torment
Several soldiers of the church, fully equipped with armour enter through a door which is opposite the entrance. Sceptical spots them

SCEPTICAL (Calling out): It’s the church(!) They’re here(!)

Everyone comes out in their undergarments

UNBELIEF: I don’t believe it.

ATHEIST: Just get out of here you repressed freaks(!)

Everyone gets out their bows and starts firing at the Church soldiers who fire arrows back. Christian helps the attack against the Church soldiers

CHURCH SOLDIER #1: You’re enslaved to sin; the chains of death compass you. Only Jesus can set you free.

SCEPTICAL: Shut up(!) Everyone is here for free fun. And you God thumpers are here again to ruin everything as usual.

CHURCH SOLDIER #1: No, sin is not free. Its wages are death.

The fight continues

Christian gets hit in the back. He falls to the floor

Christian gets up. He looks at his hands and feet in horror. There are chains.

He looks at everyone else. Apart from the Church soldiers they have chains as well and they are dirty. The women are no longer beautiful, but horrid looking. One of the soldiers looks at him

CHURCH SOLDIER #2: We’ve got one that sees.

He draws his Sword of light after putting his bow and arrows away. Christian flees

CHURCH SOLDIER #2 (CONT’D): Should I follow him?

CHURCH SOLDIER #1: Yes.

Church Soldier leaves after Christian

CUT TO:
EXT – GRASSLAND – SIMULTANEOUS
Christian stumbles out of the mansion. He looks over and sees a queue of men in chains in rags standing before Lust
Lust is completely changed, though still very beautiful she looks like evil itself. She has on her back bow and arrows. The arrow heads are the shape of a hearts. She holds a black dagger

Before letting the men in she tightens their chains and pieces their hearts with her dagger. They act as if she is kissing them

Christian gasps in horror. Lust turns and runs over to him. Church Soldier #2 enters from the mansion. Lust stops still in her tracks and glares at him

She draws a bow and shoots an arrow at him. He blocks it with his shield and pulls it out and looks at it. Lust stabs Christian in the heart who closes his eyes in pain

He opens them and he is being kissed by Lust, she looks as she was before. Everyone looks as they were. No one has chains anymore. Church Soldier #2 is concerned. Lust turns to him angrily

LUST: Everyone get him.

Church Soldier #2 retreats into the mansion. He gets chased by a mob of angry men

CUT TO:
INT – PLEASURE ROOM – CONTINUOUS
There is fighting still. Church Soldier # 2 enters and joins the other soldiers.

CHURCH SOLDIER #2: There’s more coming(!)

The angry men enter the room and draw bow and arrows. The also attack the Church soldiers
Church Soldier #1 turns to Church Soldier #2 while fighting in the chaos

CHURCH SOLDIER #1: What of that young man? What become of him?

CHURCH SOLDIER #2: Lust got to him before I did.

CHURCH SOLDIER #1: Find him. He may be the reason we were sent here. If we can’t hold them off we’ll meet you back at the Bridge.

CHURCH SOLDIER #2: Okay.

Church Soldier #2 rushes through to the exit and leaves. Arrows hit the wall as he goes past it
END OF ACT TWO

Okay, I clicked on this link because I knew it'd make me roll my eyes, but...
Um? is this a joke?
nonono, of course not, that was terribly rude of me.
But still.

Please refrain from getting your panties in a twist, I'm showing you my issues with it.

1. A TV series named 'Army of God' isn't going to appeal to a lot of people, because the title is a bit strong. I would suggest something less direct, like, Lessons by the Lord, or something along that.
2. Corny 'nightclub fornification' isn't going to Save anybody, because too many people like it. If you want to lead people away from sin, do it in a less cartoon version.
3. Whoa! 'Den of Homosexuality'? Homosexuality is a sin to you? Nononono, I hate it when I do this, I really do- But I think that's a little A-Judgemental, B-RUDE, C-Narrow minded. I would keep my opinons on gay politics to myself if I were you. If people love each other, they love each other, and if that's a sin, then sin is the real mystery.
4. oh, btdubs, I know that I just scolded you, but here's a bit of advice; no it's not on your beleifs. There's free script writing software called Celtx you can download online, it helps with the formatting.
5. oooooo Violence! Great way to spread the christain message! Yeah! Shoot that whore! Yeah!
6. In case you didn't pick up on that, that was sarcasm. Couldn't've the soldier, Idk, use a stun-gun or something? Or holy water?
7. Church thumpers sounds a bit perverse, I would go with the regular term of Bible thumpers.


All in all, I really do hope this was a joke. I mean, it sounds like it was written by someone from that Baptist church, the one who protests at dead soldiers funerals. Or written by Mary Anne from Easy A. The thing is, people don't listen to people who send that 'Holier than Thou' vibe.
If you really want to Save people, teach them through God's miricals, not through sunday school cartoon stories. Teach through the woman who gave shelter to a homeless man on christmas, or the pimp that took refuge in a church from drug-dealers, teach through miricals.
You really can write well, but put that writting wellness into a story or a script worthy of it. Use your imagination, even though you don't have to to see God's wonders.

'ello, Chum!
I shall do a failed attempt at a review!
--
I think it's great. I can't actually write a proper review because I don't usually review screenplays and the sort, but from my point of view, it's done quite well. I think that the title is little off, though- doesn't do the actual work Justice.

I adore the points you have made here. They portray the truest and most politically incorrect parts of walking in faith.
But just beware of your intentions. This message seems like something you would show to people that are actually serious about their faith, not those who are borderline/lukewarm/only Christians by title.
As you can see, those who don't understand the concept behind following Christ have the tendency to get easily offended by the guidelines that A Christian should follow.
Even though God clearly states that homosexuality is a sin and not his will for mankind, it's probably not the first thing you want to show to someone who is skeptical or wondering about eternal life and stuff.

So stay strong and continue to portray the true messages of faith, but make sure you know which audience you are trying to appeal to. Spirit-filled Christians are few, so be ready for some hate mails or opposition.

Other than that, you did great!
Keep writing!
-----------------------
-Jojo

I think it was great again. I also LOVE the the title. It shows the portion of the Bible which is Ephesians 6.

As the person before said that you weren't going to save people with this because it was corny and etc. well I think that you are showing the battle that most people miss. I kind of like the other look to it. You can't sugarcoat everything especially when it comes to this.

The violence thing, also, it's not like they are actually killing anyone. It is showing how the army of God destroys sin.

I don't think that it is showing the "I'm better than you" thing. I think it is showing the reality of sin. No one is better than anyone else as it shows here the Christian falls away with the others.

It also shows the Church coming to help the fellow Christian who fell away. Like in Galatians 6 like verses 1-3ish. There it says that you have to have fellow believers who will help you when you fall away. But in those verses it also says to bring them back with gentleness, love, and kindness, but here is showing the Good Fight.

You don't have to have this used to save people. I think this also works to remind people to help those who fall away.

I say again that I really do like this. It shows the Good Fight and this fight isn't sugarcoated. Though if you think that the violence is getting to be too much. Remember that Christians are supposed to show the love of Christ. But life gets hard and not always very nice.