Young Writers Society

Scene One

(Curtains open to a high school lunch room. Three girls are sitting at the end of a crowded table. The girls are talking in hushed tones, as if they don’t want anyone to hear.)

AALIYAH: Haven’t you noticed how she never eats anything? She always makes some excuse; like that she didn’t have time to pack a lunch, or doesn’t have money to buy one.

BRIE: I don’t know, I mean a lot of people don’t each lunch; they just eat more at breakfast or supper, or snack all day long.

SAVANNA: I’ve never seen her eat anything else though…or when she does it’s really weird things.
AALIYAH: Yeah, remember that one time we all slept over at my house? She ate over a dozen sugar cookies, but that’s all she’d eaten in days. At least in front of me I mean.

SAVANNA: Shhh, she’s coming.

(Eden walks over, and sits down at the table. Everyone stops talking and looks at her.)

EDEN: Seriously, I swear I’m going to fail math. Polynomials can go to hell.

BRIE: Oh, yeah, same here. I mean it’d make a difference if I actually did my work some days, but it’s miserable.

AALIYAH: Crap, I forgot I have to go put up those Comfy Day posters. See ya guys later!

SAVANNA: Ah, I guess I better go help her. See you after school?

EDEN: See ya guys.

(Aaliyah and Savanna walk off to the side, far enough so Eden and Brie can’t hear them.)

AALIYAH: Seriously, something’s wrong. I just don’t know what.

SAVANNA: You worry too much, she’s probably just stressed out about basketball tryouts.

AALIYAH: I guess that could be true.

(The two girls take a stack of posters from Aaliyah’s binder and begin taping them up in the hallway. Fade to black.)

Scene Two

(Someone walks across the stage with a sign that says “Three Weeks Later”, stops center stage, then continues offstage. Lights come back up. Aaliyah and Brie are standing outside at the busstop, dressed in winter clothing.)

BRIE: Where the hell is Eden? One of these times she actually is going to miss the bus.

AALIYAH: Probably over slept again, same happened to me. I swear I hit the snooze button more than a dozen times today.

BRIE: Oh, that’d be why your hair is frozen. (laughs)


AALIYAH: Don’t judge, I didn’t have time to blow dry it. Mondays are brutal.

(Eden comes jogging up.)

EDEN: Phew, I thought I was gonna have to take the late bus! My mom decided not to wake me up and just leave for work, didn’t bother telling me I had to set my alarm today.

BRIE: Of course. Hey, at least you managed to blow dry your hair unlike Aaliyah the Ice Queen over here…

AALIYAH: Oh shush, not like anybody cares what my hair looks like.

EDEN: Oh, guys, I need to tell you something. It’s not a big deal, but I’d prefer that you don’t tell anyone.

BRIE: Oh no, what is it? You better not be cutting yourself, if you are, I swear, I will freak out!

EDEN: Calm down Brie, I’m not stupid enough to do that. But seriously, it’s not a big deal, just don’t tell anyone.

AALIYAH: Alright…what is it?

EDEN: I’ve started throwing up after I eat. They say you’re not supposed to do it, but I feel better when I do it, so why not?

BRIE: Seriously? Do you know how bad that is for-

EDEN: Like I said, it’s not that big of a deal, calm down.

AALIYAH: You do realize you’re about the skinniest person I know, not like you have to worry about your weight.

EDEN: Hah, yeah right. You mustn’t know too many people.

BRIE: Why would you even think of doing that? Why would you-

(A bus pulls up, and the doors open.)

BUS DRIVER: You girls getting on, or are you just going to stand out in the cold all day?

BRIE: Eden, seriously…

EDEN: Hey, it’s not a big deal, let’s just drop it.

(Eden gets on the bus. Aaliyah and Brie share a concerned look, then follow Eden onto the bus. Fade to black.)

Scene Three

(Lights come back up. Brie, Savanna and Aaliyah are sitting in desks, in a classroom. A teacher is talking, and writing on the board.)

TEACHER: Once you have your rough outline done, get me to check it, then you can start working on your rough drafts.

SAVANNA: So what were you guys gonna tell me? You made it seem like a big deal this morning.

BRIE: Eden’s been throwing up after she eats.

SAVANNA: On purpose?

AALIYAH: Yeah, she’s anorexic, wait no, that’s where they don’t eat at all.

BRIE: She’s bulimic. Or so she says. I mean, she could be doing it for attention, I wouldn’t put it past her to do that.

SAVANNA: She wasn’t joking, you’re sure?

AALIYAH: She was totally serious, she didn’t seem to think there was anything wrong with what she was doing either.

SAVANNA: Well, what’re we gonna do?

BRIE: Not like she’d listen to us, she’s always whining about how fat she is.

AALIYAH: Talk to the counsellors? Maybe? I don’t know, I’m not Dr. Phil.

BRIE: I guess, I can’t think of anything else. If we told her mom that’d be a gong show for sure.

SAVANNA: Alright, let’s go after school. Today’s like the one day I don’t have choir or piano after school.

AALIYAH: Kay, I’ll meet you guys at the lockers after school, then we’ll go talk to him.

(The others nod, then begin working on the assignment. Fade to black.)

Scene Four

(Savanna, Aaliyah and Brie are waiting outside the counsellor’s office. They seem antsy, and are talking amongst themselves.)

AALIYAH: Somebody knock already.

BRIE: I’m not knocking, you knock!

SAVANNA: I’ll knock, but you have to talk to him.

AALIYAH: I’m not talking! I’ll say the wrong thing and stutter, you know I hate talking to people…

SAVANNA: Too late! (Knocks on door.)

(The counsellor opens the door.)

COUNSELLOR: Hey girls, how’re you?

AALIYAH: Uhm, well we kind of wanted to talk to you about a friend we’re worried about.

COUNSELLOR: Alright girls, come in, take a seat.

(Savanna, Brie and Aaliyah walk in and sit down awkwardly on the couch. The counsellor sits down in the office chair facing them.)

COUNSELLOR: So what do you want to talk to me about?

(The girls look at each other. No one says anything until Brie elbows Aaliyah.)

AALIYAH: Ow, sheesh. Well we think our friend has an eating disorder, and… (looks at Brie)

BRIE: …and we know from health class and tv and stuff that eating disorders can make people really sick… (looks at Savanna)

SAVANNA: …and we really don’t know what to do about it. Because she’s one of our best friends, right? But if we say anything to her, she won’t change, and will probably get offended and think we’re trying to control her life.

(The girls fidget nervously, looking at the counsellor, waiting for him to say something.)

COUNSELLOR: Well, why do you think that your friend has an eating disorder?

BRIE: She pretty much straight up told me and Aaliyah that she’d been throwing up after she eats at the bus stop this morning.

SAVANNA: And we rarely see her eat, ever. Even if we’re all just hanging out, watching movies at someone’s house and eating chips and popcorn and stuff, she won’t touch any of it.

AALIYAH: Except for the odd time when she’ll eat really weird stuff, in huge amounts.

COUNSELLOR: Do her parents know?

SAVANNA: We didn’t really want to tell them… I don’t think they’d get it, they’d just get mad at her, and then she’d know we told on her, and she’d be so angry and-

BRIE: (Interrupting.) And we’d appreciate if she doesn’t find out we told you all of this, she probably wouldn’t talk to us if she knew we told someone else.

COUNSELLOR: Don’t worry about that, I’ll schedule a time to talk to her. She won’t have to know you told me anything.

AALIYAH: Oh, alright, thanks.

COUNSELLOR: And what is your friends name? I’m assuming she goes to this school if you’re talking to me about this.

SAVANNA, AALIYAH and BRIE: Eden Williams.

(The girls gather their purses, binders, etc. and leave the counsellor’s office. Fade to black.)

Scene Five

(Savanna and Eden are sitting at a table in a classroom, drawing pictures. A phone rings, and the teacher answers it.

The teacher says a few mumbled words into the phone, and then hangs up.)

TEACHER: Eden? They want you in the counsellor’s office.

EDEN: Oh, alright. I hope they’re not switching my classes around yet AGAIN. It’s a pain in the butt.

SAVANNA: Oh, yeah, I know right?

EDEN: If I’m not back before the end of class can you clean up my stuff?

SAVANNA: Oh sure, no worries.

(Eden leaves the classroom, and walks across the hall to the counsellor’s office. The door is open, so she peeks her head in.)

EDEN: Hi, you wanted to see me?

COUNSELLOR: Yes, come in, take a seat.

EDEN: I’d really prefer not to switch around next semester’s class if I can help it, I suck at math and my one friend who I have the class with said she’d help me so I’d rather be with-

COUNSELLOR: Eden, it’s not about that. Some people are concerned about you.

EDEN: Huh?

COUNSELLOR: This is a little blunt, but I’ve heard you haven’t been eating much, and have been throwing up after meals. Is this true?

EDEN: Who told you that?! I swear it’s not true.

COUNSELLOR: Just someone concerned about your well-being, Eden.

EDEN: (Starting to get upset) Well, whoever it is, they’re wrong.

COUNSELLOR: Really, Eden?

EDEN: Well, I do it sometimes. Not a whole lot. It’s nothing to worry about, seriously.

COUNSELLOR: Well, I am concerned. Are you worried about something? Stressed out about classes, sports maybe?

EDEN: Personally, I think it’s none of your business. Can I go back to class now? I need to finish my art project, and I’m already behind.

COUNSELLOR: Alright, I’ll give you a note to go back to class. Would you please come in and talk to me about this again?

EDEN: Yeah, sure, whatever.

(The counsellor grabs a notepad, and scribbles out a note. Eden takes it, and walks back to class. She sits back down beside Savanna.)

SAVANNA: Hey, that wasn’t that long. Do we still have math together next semester?

EDEN: Yeah, it wasn’t about that. It was so stupid. He basically pulled me out of class to accuse me of having an eating disorder. Whatta guy.

SAVANNA: Oh.

EDEN: Yeah, it was dumb. He said (makes air quotations) “people are concerned about me”, and he knows I throw up sometimes after I eat.

(Savanna looks down at her poster, and continues to draw.)

EDEN: How could he have known about that though? I mean I only told Brie and Aaliyah…frick. You think they told him?

SAVANNA: Uh…uhm, I don’t know?

EDEN: I bet they did. Wow. Just because I’m happy for once, they have to go and ruin it. Aaliyah’s always jealous of me anyways. She’s probably just doing this because I’m going out with Vince now, and she’s always had this pathetic little crush on him.

SAVANNA: I don’t think anyone would do anything like that for that kind of reason...I mean they’re your best friends, give them a little more credit than that.

EDEN: Pfft, you know it’s true.

SAVANNA: Don’t even say that, if they did anything at all, it’s because they care about you.

EDEN: You have no idea, so just shut up and leave me alone.

(The bell rings. Students put their posters away, grab their things, and start to leave.)

SAVANNA: C’mon Eden, don’t be like that.

EDEN: Seriously, just shut up.

(Eden grabs her things and storms off. Savanna slowly picks up her binder and bag, and heads out the door. Aaliyah and Brie are waiting outside.)

AALIYAH: What’s wrong with Eden? She ran out of here like a demon was chasing her.

BRIE: Yeah, she look pissed, and she wouldn’t talk to us. What happened?

SAVANNA: She knows someone told, and she thinks it’s you guys. She’s mad, real mad.

AALIYAH: Oh. I knew this would happen. Maybe we shouldn’t have told on her?

BRIE: We had to tell, she would’ve done serious damage to her body if we didn’t. She should still be at the lockers, let’s
go talk to her.

AALIYAH: I don’t know if that’s the greatest idea, she looked furious…

SAVANNA: I guess it’s worth a try. Let’s go.

(The girls walk down the hallway, to where Eden is standing at a set of lockers. Eden is chucking books into her locker, and still looks upset.)

BRIE: Hey, uh, Eden?

EDEN: Don’t talk to me. I obviously can’t trust you.

AALIYAH: Don’t be like that, we were only trying to help you. We’re worried about you.

SAVANNA: Yeah, we’d never do anything like that to do unless it was to try to help you.

EDEN: (Raising her voice.) Well, you’re not helping at all. Let me deal with my own problems. (Students walking by in the hallway are starting to stare at the scene.)

AALIYAH: You don’t have to yell, Eden. Seriously, we’re sorry. We’re only trying to help you. We don’t want one of our best friends to get sick.

(Eden is still putting away things in her locker, putting on her coat, etc.)

BRIE: Yeah, I googled it . You wouldn’t believe the side effects that come from bulimia. Mood swings, dental problems,
hair loss, digestive problems, insomnia, weak muscles, psychotic out of control feelings…the list goes on forever.

EDEN: Ha. Yeah right. Now, please let me through, I have a bus to catch.

SAVANNA: Eden, wait-

(Eden walks quickly away. The remaining girls look at each other, worriedly.)

BRIE: That didn’t go well.

SAVANNA: Yeah, no joke.

AALIYAH: What should we do?

BRIE: I guess, just wait until she calms down a bit about it. Try to be emotional support or whatever, that is, if she
doesn’t hate us.

(Fade to black.)

Scene Six

(Savanna and Eden are back in the art classroom the next day. Eden won’t look at Savanna.)

SAVANNA: (Speaking to Eden.) Hey, can you pass me those paints? (Pauses, Eden doesn’t speak.) Oh fine, pretend you can’t hear me. I can’t believe you’re still mad at us. We’re just trying to help. (Eden shoots her a look, and continues painting. Savanna goes back to her work. It is silent for a few moments, before the bell rings. Eden packs up and leaves without looking at Savanna. Savanna slowly packs up, and walks outside to where Brie and Aaliyah are waiting.)

SAVANNA: Did she talk to you guys?

BRIE: Not a word. We tried to say hi, and apologize, but she wouldn’t even look at us.

SAVANNA: Yeah, that’s what she was like in art.

AALIYAH: What should we do? I mean, we’ve apologized and all.

BRIE: I don’t know, I guess, just wait.

(Fade to black.)

Scene Seven

(Someone walks on with a sign that says “A few months later.” Brie, Savanna and Aaliyah are sitting in their English class. The teacher is talking at the front of the class.)

TEACHER: This essay will be non-fiction, almost like a chapter from an autobiography. There is no word or page restrictions, if you can tell the story in one page, or thirteen, and tell it well, you’ll receive a good mark. I expect at least two rough drafts, to be handed in along with it. The theme you have is friendship. Feel free to brainstorm in pairs or small groups, as long as you aren’t disturbing the students who choose to work independently.

(The three girls open their notebooks/binders, and write. After a few moments you hear them speaking, as if they are reading what they are writing down. The following can be read by the actors, or be recorded and played, to seem more like inner thoughts.)

BRIE: I lost my best friend, trying to help her.

AALIYAH: People don’t always react the way you think they will. Offering a helping hand can sometimes be mistaken as a threat.

SAVANNA: It’s strange, being so close to someone, and then losing them, growing apart.

BRIE: I barely know her anymore, I rarely see her. She hangs out with different people now, and would rather die than associate with me.

AALIYAH: Even if the helping hand is meant to save a life, it isn’t always wanted. My friend ended up in the hospital because of an eating disorder. We tried to help her, but she couldn’t.

SAVANNA: Broken trust can tear anything apart though. Marriages, relationships, families, friends.

BRIE: Everyone she talks to thinks we tried to ruin her life. Thought we were jealous, selfish. That we were trying to make her seem like the crazy one in counselling, keep her from playing sports, and steal her boyfriend. None of that is true, for any of us. At least, not for me.

AALIYAH: Everyone made a big deal about it. Poor her, ending up sick in the hospital, missing school, staying there for week after week. They don’t realize that she did it to herself.

SAVANNA: You have a lot of difficult choices in life. Sometimes you make the right ones, sometimes you don’t. Sometimes it’s just a lose/lose situation.

BRIE: People don’t always realize that there’s tough choices involved.

AALIYAH: What would anyone do? What choice would they choose? Possible save a life, or watch someone destroy themselves? Lose a healthy friend, keep a dead one?

SAVANNA: I like to think what we did was right. That it’s what I would have wanted someone to do, if I had been that sick.

BRIE: Would things be different if we hadn’t said anything? I don’t know. Maybe it was just a phase, a temporary thing.

AALIYAH: At the end of it all, I think it was best. It’s miserable, but for the best.

SAVANNA: When you have that many problems, you don’t think of the other perspective. Why people do what they do.

BRIE: I think what we did was what any good friend would do. I don’t regret trying to help her.

AALIYAH: I don’t really regret it. I tried to help my friend, that’s the best I could’ve done.

SAVANNA: In the end though, I have no regrets.

(The girls continue writing. Fade to black.)

The End

I loved how natural the dialogue is!!! Honestly, it is super hard to make characters that speak to each other so well. I love how they banter back and forth like friends do. You started out great like that but I kind of wanted more of that towards the end. This is a great plot. I think that the ending (about their thoughts) is such a great idea and I'd love to see it done in a theater. The voices would probably have to be recorded and played back. The one problem I have with this play is how Eden tells her friends that she's throwing up. It is just right out of the blue which is unrealistic and is almost proud of it, and from my understanding, people with eating disorders are usually very secretive. Maybe her friends should start asking her about what she had for breakfast, or bringing her a lunch since Eden "doesn't have money". All in all, I thought it was well done. Never stop writing!

Thank you!! I'll work on changing that It's kind of based off of a real story, but I can definitelysee how that would be unrealistic, I'll work on that part.

Hi, Amy!

You've got a very good story here. It's told very well, and it all flowed rather smoothly. Very nice job in holding to the plot! And keeping things in a high school perspective, it was all done rather well. So yay!

I've only got a couple points to make, really. And one of them is the counselor! I don't think he handled it well at all -- in fact, it wasn't very counselor-like! I'd have imagined he had contacted her parents and/or made an extra effort to take this in a counselor sort of way. He made it quite obvious who told him, and I think Eden would have been dumb to even wonder who would have told him. Do some research and see what kind of techniques counselors use in these situations. I think he was probably your weakest character.

I think Eden could use some work too. Since she's the core of this story, her character should shine through more brilliantly than the others. However, there was a lot of info-dumping from her friends, and Eden's character isn't as obvious as it could've been. The first scene doesn't actually seem necessary, even though that's a perfect time to introduce everyone's character. Considering there's a three-week transition after it though, nothing significant happened in that scene. Nothing even foreshadowed Eden's condition, considering she brought food to the table.

The three friends all sounded the same. Actually, Brie was the most unique. She seems like the smart one of the bunch. Aaliyah jumped between two different personalities though, and I'm not sure who Savanna is exactly. I'd work on making their dialogue more unique to their individual selves.

The last point, a minor one, is when Eden told her friends about being bulimic. That seemed very abrupt, and I don't think she'd actually say anything unless they caught her in the act, so to speak. The four of them never appeared as close as they say they were, so I'd work on either (or both) of those aspects to make the spilling-the-beans moment more realistic.

You've got a great start though, so it's really just the characters that need a little more work. The dialogue all sounds the same and a bit robotic, at that. The plot is definitely there though, and the story is very interesting -- sad but interesting. I'd just like to get attached the characters more!

Keep writing!

Jabber, the One and Only!

Good day, Ms. Amy,

About your script. I've read a few scripts now, but I think this is one of the best. Why? It's because of its easy relevance to real life. Some playwrights add all these emotional speak into their works, but you didn't. Yet, the dialogue wasn't boring in any way. If it wold be played in public, the actors would look like their having on-the-spot speaking because of the word choice.

Not only that, the theme and plot of the over-all story is quite effective. It takes a look in a normal student's life, but unlike most teen fiction wherein the main character undergoes some kind of world-bugging problem, yours seem that the main problem is daily life itself.

Kudos to you and your script.

P.S. Love the title.