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The Next Arthur (for screen)- Prologue



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Points: 1144
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Tue Jan 03, 2012 4:45 pm
PersephoneMary says...



Prologue


A young woman with hair blacker than night and eyes greener than grass sits upon a large stone chair on a pedestal in a dark earthy tomb, a cave of sorts, lit only by candles with blackened iron holders and wooden torches in the hallways. An old man with bright red hair and scars on his face kneels at the feet of the woman, clutching his hands together and trying not to make eye contact with the woman. Both wear long black cloaks made of a rough lumpy fabric. The woman’s is a fitted dress with a leather belt at her waist and a black cloak, and the man’s is just one large gown that sits over his shoulders. Neither wears shoes.

Murtough: My Lady, please we must be rational about…
Morgana: Rational! Rational? When we relied on rationality alone I was left for dead Murtough. We must act when he least expects it. I cannot sit here on the outlands of the world with the knowledge that Arthur Pendragon sits upon my throne! He will pay for his insolence.
Murtough: But m’lady you are not yet strong enough.
Morgana: I will be. I merely need a little time.
Murtough: Of course m’lady.
Morgana: And blood.
Murtough: m’lady?
Morgana: I cannot regain my full strength until blood runs red in Camelot. When I achieve that, my powers will return.
Murtough: How?
Morgana: Really Murtough, have you never heard of the old druid sacrifice? (Murtough shakes his small head rapidly, eyes wide in both admiration and worry. Morgana leans forward from her stone throne and whispers into Murtough’s ear) Well, (she rises and walks lazily down the steps of her earthy prison.) Before the druids became who they are today, they used certain… practices, in order to increase their powers. They would sacrifice a human every year to a beast, a beast born from fire and wicker.
Murtough: I have never heard of such practices m’lady?
Morgana: You wouldn’t have done, these are ancient, as old as time. But they work. I knew something was wrong when I awoke after the battle. The time had changed for one, ten years had passed with me dead in them, but now, another 10 later will be the time when I arise again, and ascend my throne. You always wondered as to how I remained alive as did I, but yesterday I found this. (She presents to him a huge old book, born in some sort of leather, the spine made from bone. She opens it and points to a painting. A woman lies dead on a platform and on another a man lies beside her with a dagger through his heart. An older woman reads from a book and a rip is formed in the background as a fiery beast claims the soul of the man in exchange for that of the woman.)Someone saved me. Brought me back. But it took them ten years to find out how. Now we will use this same spell to return my powers to me in full.
Murtough: But to call back all that power will take…
Morgana: A lot of sacrifices. And that is exactly what we will use. The death of Camelot’s population should be adequate.
(Cry of the Celts by Ronan Hardiman begins quietly, getting louder.)
Murtough: But m’lady… a massacre of that kind would mean….
Morgana: Or do you not wish your queen to be well again!” (Morgana turns to Murtough and bites her tongue at him. He immediately falls at her feet, hands shaking and breathing heavy.)
Murtough: m’lady knows I serve only her. For there is no one more beautiful, more noble, more worthy of the crown. It is the crown that does not deserve m’lady.
Morgana: Better. This spell book, you must claim it. (She points to the old woman in the picture.) And we will strike when the time is right. This time, we have two Arthurs to destroy.
Murtough: Yes, my queen. I will use all my power to bring this to you, at once.

Morgana sat once more upon her iron throne and Murtough quickly backed away, his old yellow hands clasped at his thin withering mouth.

(Scene fades away at a grin on Morgana’s face.)
Mary x
  





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Gender: Male
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Reviews: 308
Thu Jan 05, 2012 9:08 pm
AlfredSymon says...



Hi Mary, Alfred here for a Quick Critique!

I really love reading fantasy, and this is my first time reviewing one, since, well, most scripts I read are romance. So this got me excited because of the title. 'The Next Arthur' it says. But I think I can't give this a proper Quick Critique on this because it's only the prologue! Let me just give you a Kudos Revue!

Okay, about your script. I'm okay with the fact that you chopped up the parts, but I think you should consider putting them altogether because of the confusion it implies when people tries to find the missing parts. This can also help any reviews that readers can give.

Anyways, I really like the scene here. Very silent, quiet. It was serene yet the scene will be the opening one for the future plot. I also like how you foreshadowed a lot here.

Now the presentation. Unlike stories or poems, scripts need to presented organized to imply understand-ability because the actions, the dialogue and the happenings at the back all go the same time. I advise you, dear, to always try to organize and sort out the contents, because opening the post shocked me a bit because of it was all letters, no spaces. It kinda has a psychological effect of making readers think its long. I'm okay if it IS, but this is a prologues, so it shouldn't be. Try to fix up your overall presentation dear!

I think that is the first thing you should do first. Good luck!

Kudos: :smt023 :smt023 :smt023
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