Young Writers Society

Hello everyone... I am Jesus and I would like to inform you all that I'm going to destroy the world.
If you are not a christian, I'm going to kill you. I'm going to start with contaminating burgers in U.S.A because you fattys just love them. And then I'm going to destroy Asia and Africa. I'll spare Europe becuase half of them are christians anyways. But I hope you all convert before I kill you all! I will come down to earth on November 3rd at 3 PM Pacific Standard Time! And I will start my rain of terror! I will come back in October to warn you again. Sincerely- Jesus Christ

This was really. . .awkward. I'm really confused, quite offended, and don't really know what this is.

First of all, Jesus was Jewish. So. . . yeah. I'm Jewish, so this kind of pisses me off. I'm definitely NOT converting.

Also, really bad use of grammar. Examples (a few, anyways, there were quite a lot)
*Fatties not fattys
*Don't start a sentence with But
*Christian should be capitalized
*Because not becuase
*the USA not just USA

I genuinely hope you're not serious. I also hope that you're not writing a story like this or anything, but if you do, at least develop an idea that's pretty solid instead of just slamming some sentences together.

Anyways, keep writing, I suppose.

TLM

Jesus loves you, even when you disrespect Him like this. He died on a cross for you anyways.

Hey Octavius!

Okay, so first of all, this is kind of funny! I mean, I met some Christians who believe that the presence of fatty foods and so on are just indications that Jesus is going to come over really soon and rapture everyone on a certain day and damn all the unbelievers to hell. But, the accusations and such are kind of ridiculous and make it sound like Jesus is indeed a crazy man! So I kind of love this satirical piece for demonstrating that Jesus would probably not do this because he would end up being more like a crazy person than actually God, and it shows that the people who do believe in this sort of stuff (raptures at a certain day and time, that Asia and Africa are cursed by God, etc.) are the crazy ones in believing that God would succumb to their craziness! Fortunately!

So, I kind of love this piece for that reason. And yes, I am a Christian (Roman Catholic, to be particular) but I am very wary of any sort of fundamentalism or judgment cast on other people, especially concerning their final destination... people who condemn these people to hell are said to actually go to hell according to the bible and... well... I would rather avoid that sort of thing! And most of the Christian groups believe similarly, so these crazy ideas aren't representative of the whole, fortunately! But some of the crazier fundamentalist Christian groups... eek. They make Jesus sound just like this, and it's quite horrible because sometimes, this is the only impression that people get of Jesus Christ. Not a good way to spread the gospel, I think!

Now, the thing is... it's way too short, so it doesn't look like you've done all your research on some of the absolutely crazy Christianity sects that are out there. There are sooooo many other conspiracy theories involving Jesus and the rapture and all that interesting stuff that are very... um... loosely based on the bible. Emphasis on loosely. So, I think it would be really neat if you could bring that up. Of course, that naturally means that this piece is going to be much, much more offensive to a greater amount of people... but it's a satirical piece that is designed to offend. So, why not go whole hog?

See you around!

I like it, just because it's the opposite of all the equally offensive pieces that have been featured lately.

However, aside from these superficial aspects, what are you actually trying to accomplish, here? I'm going to be a bit less cushioned because I share the beliefs of you (I think?), and you're insulting people who have polar opinions, so I think there's a little leeway here.

This is hardly even a rant. Your grammar is... sad, I'll just say, and the concept doesn't work. You string together random concepts that don't have anything to do with mainstream Christian beliefs, most of which don't even exist (November 3rd?), and portray Jesus as a cruder form of the Joker doing random things for the childish lulz, rather than the enigmatic character he actually is.

9/10 effort, 6.5/10 trolling, 1/10 writing.

~Aet