z

Young Writers Society


Dear Mr. Rapist



User avatar
3821 Reviews

Supporter


Gender: Female
Points: 3691
Reviews: 3821
Fri Jun 17, 2011 10:29 pm
View Likes
Snoink says...



Hi!

Okay, so maybe I am the only dissenting opinion here, but I didn't really care for this. The letter was indeed heartfelt and everything, and I loved how it was pretty obsessive and crazy-sounding while trying to sound strong... and failing miserably.

However, the last bit sounded very tacked on. For instance, instead of having him be called "Mr. Rapist" it might have been more powerful if you chose a different name. Also (and maybe I'm just being very nitpicky and stuff?) but it costs a lot of money for those sorts of courts, so I am guessing she had some people on her side to help her when she accused him of rape. It seems really weird that the people that would help her financially in court (unless she was alone?) would not be there to help her out with her children. I think it would be more plausible if she hadn't been able to prosecute him at all, probably because of the money concern, and so was left feeling very abandoned. But that's just a thought. I don't know. Most of the people I know who have been raped do not go to court because of this reason, so I guess that's why I thought that it wasn't too great.

Anyway, nice letter!
Ubi caritas est vera, Deus ibi est.

"The mark of your ignorance is the depth of your belief in injustice and tragedy. What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the Master calls the butterfly." ~ Richard Bach

Moth and Myth <- My comic! :D
  





User avatar
109 Reviews



Gender: Male
Points: 3563
Reviews: 109
Fri Jun 17, 2011 11:09 pm
Nightshade says...



I wasn't a big fan of this, although there was one spark I found intriguing.
My main issue was that everything was so blunt that it lost any semblance of humanity. Take your characters for example. Your narrator is a good christian girl and the rapist is a horrible man destined for hell, and it never goes beyond that. The whole situation feels hollow and unreal because the characters are nothing more than basic representations of good and evil. This is compounded by the fact that, as Snoink pointed out, the rapist is never even given a name. This made him even more flat and unreal to me.
I also thought the morals were presented much too blatantly. You bash the reader over the head with the themes of abstinence and abortion and fighting the devil by stating things in such an outright manner. You can include those themes, but they won't be effective until you tie them into your work with more depth than "good girl is anti-abortion, therefore anti-abortion is good" or "good girl is abstinent, therefore abstinence is good." Don't try so hard in conveying your message and it will come through in a richer way.
The section after the letter was more interesting to me, although I liked the writing less. I like that you had the girl create her own downfall rather than something like the rapist killing them both, because it offers the idea that her own hatred was just as dangerous to her as the rapist's was. This is by far the most unique perspective you offer here.
However, I wasn't a fan of the writing itself in that final section. It seemed hurried and not very well planned out (Snoink pointed out most of what I would say about that) Like I said earlier, stop trying so hard and slow down. Things will feel much more natural if you're not tripping over yourself.
  





User avatar
98 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 2367
Reviews: 98
Sat Jun 18, 2011 12:35 am
Qoh16 says...



Im sorry but i cant say i liked this. I didnt hate it. But i didnt like it. I guess it was too personalforme. But i u where the girl is coming from. I know how she feels. And i can say it is a horrible feeling. Well thats alk. Keep Writing though
~Life has a song for every moment in life. It is just the matter of finding the right one.~
  





User avatar
12 Reviews



Gender: Male
Points: 890
Reviews: 12
Sat Jun 18, 2011 3:51 am
ABoyAndHisFlyingYeti says...



There are two reason I hope to God this is a piece of fiction, for one, and probably the most obvious its awful and horrible and depressing and I would never wish that upon another human being. But for two, you wrote this like it was straight up, undeniable fact... and that's amazing. If this is a true story then its an ok piece. But if its a work of fiction then its an incredible piece. Good job either way. id give my traditional 3 smiley signature but somehow i don't find that appropriate
  





User avatar
142 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 1825
Reviews: 142
Sat Jun 18, 2011 5:34 am
View Likes
Bella says...



I read through this piece a few times before deciding that I really just don't feel it. I don't feel the emotion in it.

It's like...the victim of a rape wouldn't be so spiteful, so...strong.

While reading the piece, I related it a lot to a personal piece I wrote last summer, about an abusive relationship I was in. I don't want to say it's as awful as rape, but it was similar in some ways - I was forced into things I didn't always want to do.

Writing a piece about that relationship was one of the most painful things I've done in a long time. Because even though I wasn't writing about the events, I was reliving them, and it was scary. I felt vulnerable, and scared. For a while, I saw the boy I was writing about everywhere, and every time I thought I saw him, even though I know he lives across the country, I'd start having a mild panic attack.

Anyway, what I'm getting at is, as angry as I was at him, and as much as I wanted to tell him to go to hell, and even though it had been 3 years since the relationship, the emotional impact of it left such a scar that there was no way I could write a piece in which I sounded like the strong, independent woman I am today.

I even ended the piece simply stating that I was not yet able to forgive him. I wanted to, but could not.

Sorry - I feel like I need to connect this better.

I feel like your piece lacks emotion - the victim of a rape would hurt in writing a letter to her rapist. She may at times feel spiteful, but she would also feel vulnerable. There would be moments of weakness in the letter, not just spite.

Additionally, I don't feel like she would call him mister. That suggests respect, and I doubt she would have respect for the man who did something that awful to her.

I hope that made sense. If you have any questions or anything, go ahead and PM me.

<3
Bella
i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart) <3

Please review my performance poem?
  





User avatar
107 Reviews



Gender: Other
Points: 17265
Reviews: 107
Sat Jun 18, 2011 6:31 am
Alpha says...



Very touching. I totally loved it. Dark, emotional, blah blah blah...
Hope you write more!
Cheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeers
Alpha.
  





User avatar
446 Reviews



Gender: None specified
Points: 28776
Reviews: 446
Sat Jun 18, 2011 9:25 am
Yuriiko says...



I won’t loose to you ever again.


Lose

This is a good open letter. The voice of the narrator draws out emotion very well, it kept my attention until the end. I got shivers by the last paragraph.
"Life is a poem keep it in the present tense." -Sherrel Wigal
  





User avatar
456 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 368
Reviews: 456
Sat Jun 18, 2011 1:08 pm
Rascalover says...



Thank you guys so much. What a great birthday present to be featured :) Thanks for all the critism. It's not a true story.
There is nothing to writing; all you do is sit down at a typewriter and open a vein~ Red Smith

Who needs a review? :) http://www.youngwriterssociety.com/topic38078.html
  





User avatar
22 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 1138
Reviews: 22
Sat Jun 18, 2011 8:42 pm
View Likes
bsbfan19 says...



This story is amazing!! And sad but thats the best part because things like that really happen. I loved the ending how she kills the baby then herself truely amazing!! :) Great twist at the end! Im putting a like on this page, truely amazing! :) Looking forward to more of your work.
"i will not bow"
  





User avatar
83 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 4120
Reviews: 83
Sat Jun 18, 2011 11:01 pm
SkyeDreamer says...



This was truly incredible. It was so depressing, so real, so... wonderfully terrible. This must be the best thing I've read on YWS. Now, for the nitpicks- sorry :(. My points will be blue.
Dear Mr. Rapist,

You stole my innocence, my virginity, but Mr. Rapist, you will not steal my child, an unborn baby, myI'd italicize "my" in "my unborn baby unborn baby. Killing her by abortion would only let you win, and I won’t looselose to you ever again. She is all mine. She will look just like me, and I will love her more than my own life.

After that night, I wanted God to kill me. I had wenthad gone to church every Sunday. I was living by the bible. I was saving my virginity for my husband on our future wedding night. I had made it through high school without giving in to the temptation of sex, and then and God let you rape me, giving me your child.

But this is not his, this is, and always will be, my journey. I will raise my daughter to be a productive person in society. I will be over protective. I will smother her to pieces, but I will not let her know her father was a rapist. She will think he was just a dead beat dad, and she will fantasize about what life with him would be like. But,personal issue; I wouldn't put a comma after but. she will never have nightmares about you coming into her bed at night and covering her mouth so no one can hear her scream.

Does that make you feel like a real man? Does it make you feel tough to know that you have a child in this world that will never know who you are because you couldn’t keep your hands to yourself?For some reason, those two sentences are powerful to me. I hope you burn in Hell with Satan standing beside you, tightening his grip on you every time you squeal and scream because the fiery flames of Hell are burning at your flesh.You didn't need to write "in Hell with Satan" and "fiery flames of Hell. As you rot in jail, I hope you bathe in guilt and that you can’t sleep at night because your mind, full of grotesque images, is killing you, ripping you apart.

You turned my world, my beliefs, my way of life upside down, but I will move on. I will have a beautiful life full of memories with MY daughter. She will be the light and center of my world now. If God had to let you tear apart my sense of life to give me my beautiful unborn daughter, thanthen so be it, but it doesn’t let you off the hook.

Satan is really looking forward to savoring your soul in Hell (again, a little repetitive), so have fun. You’re such a lucky bastard; you shouldn’t even be alive. I am writing this so that I can move on, and not have you be a nightmare lurking in my life any more; I wish the very worst for you.

I hate you,

Your Last Victim.



This letter was sent to Mr. Rapist as his appeal trial was coming to an end. The victim who wrote this letter gave birth to a vivacious baby girl, Isabella Sky, four months later. The victim slowly became obsessed with keeping her daughter safe. Safe from this cruel world; her brain wasn’t functioning like it should, and everything posed as a threat.

She had post partum depression; this was discovered during her autopsy. The victim was found in her home, dangling from a basement pipe, by a neighbor. The baby had been found laying in her crib smothered to death with a pillow. The only explanation found was a scrap piece of paper that read: He Won.


This, especially the ending- after the letter- was so powerful. Really, despite my little changes, this was... I don't know what word to use for it anymore. The darkness of this, the emotion... wow, this was so vivid, and I loved the way you wrote it. Great job! Okay, I'd better shut up before I start sounding creepy. But really, never stop writing! :)
~Please review me~
*Want a review? Just ask!*
  





User avatar
27 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 333
Reviews: 27
Sun Jun 19, 2011 12:17 am
EmilyofREL says...



Emotional...wow, incredibly emotional. Beautiful written. Great job!
Formerly EmilytheNovelist
REL stands for Rachel, Emily, Lauren, the initials of my triplet sisters and I
“I wish my stove came with a Save As button like Word has. That way I could experiment with my cooking and not fear ruining my dinner.
”
  





User avatar
9 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 1190
Reviews: 9
Sun Jun 19, 2011 2:56 am
Wolfdancer95 says...



Wow. Jarring, a squimish topic I couldn't stop reading until I was done, and a ending that puts soup opera's and the like to shame. What makes it strangely fantastic is that this isn't a true story, you were able to rewrite the emotions of someone that has gone trough a situation like that.

The only thing I dont get is how post PD can be found in an autopsy. But I'm not a medical genius, so i don't know.
'I am the monster in your head.'~ Breaking Benjamin.
"Little voice I thought I got ride of? I have some advice for you: SHUT. UP."~ WolfDancer.
  





User avatar



Gender: Male
Points: 690
Reviews: 1
Sun Jun 19, 2011 3:09 am
PenguinMaster says...



Ok, before you laugh, I am a little gullible.
I SINCERELY hope that this didn't actually happen. My ex-girlfriend was raped when we were still together. I had to help her through that time. It was so horrible for her. :( I believe that if the death penalty was for ONE thing, it should be for rape.
"Ford, you're turning into a penguin. Stop it."
  





User avatar
45 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 1122
Reviews: 45
Sun Jun 19, 2011 5:06 pm
cookEmonster says...



This is amazing. Incredible. It's message is so deep. It's that good that I have a complete loss of words. (:
Good job!
-CookEmonster
To accept life is to accept the fate it comes with- we were born to die.
So why not make the best of what we've been given with the short time we have on earth?
I like to live every day to it's fullest. (: And writing helps me do that...
  





User avatar
32 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 1021
Reviews: 32
Sun Jun 19, 2011 8:39 pm
LittleLionWomen says...



Wow that was intense. Great job. It gave me the chills multiple times, and kept me hooked. Wow. Just, Wow.
"Think Sideways" -Edward De Bono
  








Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.
— Martin Luther King Jr.