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Just imagine.....



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7 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 1095
Reviews: 7
Wed Jun 29, 2011 10:36 am
Cassie143 says...



Spoiler! :
Hi everyone! This is a piece that has been sitting around for a while. Tell me what you think :)


I was lazing about like a starfish on a red and white checkered picnic blanket. Staring up at the sky would usually seem completely boring to me, but the sky was just so different today. Despite the fact that is was midday the sun and moon were both out accompanied by millions of shimmering little stars. It was utterly beautiful. My stomach rumbled, obviously saying that I should probably eat something. But what, there wasn’t any food. I sat up; legs crossed and wondered, just wondered. How could anyone go on a picnic and not take any food with them?
But just as fast as the thought came it left and once again my stomach complained. I shut my eyes and just though about mother’s delicious apple pie and as if I had to powers of a genie, a mouthwatering pie appeared before me. It had flowing swirls of steam rising from it as if it had just came out of the oven. But where did it come from? I could have sworn there was no food around, no matter; I was hungry and it sure as smelt like my mother’s scrumptious apple pie. I picked up the plate that held the pie and dug my face into it, mother would have scold. What I was doing was totally unladylike, but it’s not like I hade any cutlery.I put the empty plate down; I couldn’t believe that I ate the entire pie. I licked my lips and savored the last bit of flavor I could still taste and stood up. I had made an awful mess, there were crumbs everywhere. I dusted of my tailored dress; it was such a pretty blue. It had sleeves that went down to my elbows and the length stopped just below my knees. It was extremely expensive, Aunt Jessie had it made for me, and she would be very disappointed if I stained it. It appeared clean to me, not that I cared if it got dirty. I never really like dresses but mother and Aunt made me wear them, no matter.
I looked around; I hadn’t even notice the magnificent view that was just to the side me. How could I have overlooked it? There was a shimmering lake that traveled ever so gracefully, like a mirror everything around it reflected in it. The longer I looked at it, the more I yearned to swim in it, to feel the cold splash of the lake against my skin. That would truly be lovely. There were tall trees that were covered in red and orange leaves; some even appeared to be glowing with a soft blue. They looked so old but yet their life was just beginning, I could feel the power of knowledge and wisdom in the air around them; how I suddenly wished I could talk to them, and listen to the stories that they kept within hearts. The land was covered in grass, even were I was standing now was lush green. The gentle breeze that danced around me bringing with it the smell of freshly mowed grass, blooming flower and summer meadows playfully wisped my hair around. I looked out even further, past the lake and tress, in the faint distance I could just make out the dark shadows of mountains. From here they looked like little mole hills, but I new better. These mountains probably touched the sky and were iced with snow, I couldn’t help wonder what it would be like climbing the mountains and I suddenly felt scared. I was always afraid of heights. But here, in this unknown place, it felt as if not even my fears could stop me.I must be dreaming, how could this place truly exist? I wanted to pinch myself, but what if this is a dream. Looking around me I new this was a place I never wanted to leave. Maybe I was dead and this was heaven.
Last edited by Cassie143 on Fri Jul 01, 2011 7:29 am, edited 2 times in total.
but paradise is locked and bolted...
we must make a journey around the world
to see if a back door has perhaps been left open.

Heinrigh Von Kleist, 'On the Puppet Theater'
  





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Gender: Female
Points: 1040
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Wed Jun 29, 2011 12:31 pm
rayofhope says...



The whole world created was beautiful and the descriptions were amazing.My favorite parts were the ones about being unladylike and not liking wearing dresses.The one part i didn't quite understand was
'the sun and moon were both out accompanied but millions of shimmering little stars. '
I think u meant 'by millions of shimmering little stars'
Overall, I like it a lot. As I read it I could imagine what was happening in the story and the places and things which had been described.This was a great and enjoyable piece of writing.Keep it up.
  





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7 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 1095
Reviews: 7
Thu Jun 30, 2011 6:47 am
Cassie143 says...



thanks :)
i definitely meant by, i will fix that up
thanks again!!
but paradise is locked and bolted...
we must make a journey around the world
to see if a back door has perhaps been left open.

Heinrigh Von Kleist, 'On the Puppet Theater'
  





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49 Reviews



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Thu Jun 30, 2011 1:30 pm
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matthewmazer says...



I had made an awful mess
<----In my opinion this could start a new paragrapah, mainly because the last one is so large.

How could anyone go on a picnic and not take any food with them?
usually thoughts are italicized.
I saw one or two spelling mistakes, but besides that I didn't see anything else wrong with grammar(though I've never been good with grammar anyway).
Those are really the only nitpicks I have, but overall I enjoyed the mood of the passage and overall I enjoyed reading your entry.
We've all been sorry. We've all been hurt. How we survive is what makes us who we are.
{20150529)
  





User avatar
7 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 1095
Reviews: 7
Fri Jul 01, 2011 7:30 am
Cassie143 says...



thanks matthewmazer :)
but paradise is locked and bolted...
we must make a journey around the world
to see if a back door has perhaps been left open.

Heinrigh Von Kleist, 'On the Puppet Theater'
  








The most important thing is to preserve the world we live in. Unless people understand and learn about our world, habitats, and animals, they won't understand that if we don't protect those habitats, we'll eventually destroy ourselves.
— Jack Hanna