Young Writers Society

The sins have thier fun with your soul,mind,and consious, but soon enough they bring you down to Hell. No chance of saying good to the blissful light. Every step you take reminds you of your sin, every bone being crushed by your sinful body. The bones belong to those who disobey Satan.

The cursed souls wonder cluelessly. Only remembering the corrupt memories. The plesant memories wavered just above,unreachable. The atmosphere was filled with an appalling feeling.

The rock walls covered in scratches and blood. The humid air created the sweat on your face. The immense heat makes you just want to drop and no longer move. The smell of blood, fear, and death quickly came to you as you came closer to Satan. A long line of trashy people lead to a gate,behind it, hope you never find out. Just ahead, many sinful,murderous beings. Cloaked figures stood ahead,sucking the happiness,hope,and all blissful memories from your body. You walk closer. Closer, and soon you stare them right in the black hole eyes.

Hi there!

This is interesting. Is it supposed to be an article or just a description of Hell? I'm just curious. Anyway, you did a good job with this. There's a lot of imagery in this and you did a good job describing it. This is a tough subject to write about; I don't think I've ever read anything literally describing what Hell may be like. Sure people use it to compare things, but they never describe the actual place, you know what I mean. To me it seems like you took everyone's opinion of Hell and mixed it all together to create this. Good job!

No chance of saying good to the blissful light.

This sentence is confusing. Did you mean there's no chance of saying anything to/seeing the blissful light? You might want to change the wording of it a bit.

Overall this is a good piece. Keep writing!

Wow... When I saw your age I couldn't believe it... I mean, this is such a hard theme to discuss, and you do it soooo well.
Anyway, you did a really good job here! I simply loved it.
I think you should take a second look at the inicial lines.

Arisu2533 wrote:The sins have thier fun with your soul,mind,and consious, but soon enough they bring you down to Hell. No chance of saying good to the blissful light.

First of all I think you meant "their", right?
And I'm not not sure I got the "No chance of saying good to the blissful light" part right...
But... I really loved it"
Congratulations and keep writing.