Young Writers Society

Today I remembered a song that I've heard.
I recalled the memory of the first notes, tentatively fluttering down before being snatched up again.
Then the hand loosens, the sounds trickle out.
Then the hand lets loose, and the sounds flow.
(repeat) Fluttering notes come again, tickled by the singer's breath. He inhales and exhales between words, words about a boy, a boy who thought he was in love.
The song accelerates, so that it isn't fluttering but stepping. Marching, in fact, progressively faster on a broken piano key staircase. And when the ivory steps stop, the music goes on, launching right into an abyss so that-
the
chorus is
free
falling
.
This song, it flutters, it steps, and it falls, going down down down.
It brings me along, going down down down.
And when the music stops, I go on.

VPM FOR THE WORLDDDDDDDDDDDDDD. it's very nice did you want a review of it?

This is lovely. But I have no idea what part is you and what part(s?) are the quoted song. I'm not sure what you want to do with it, so I won't bother delving into great depths. In a way it feels like a grasp at poetry, but not quite. Let's call it a poetic observation.

This song, it flutters, it steps, and it falls, going down down down.
It brings me along, going down down down.
And when the music stops, I go on.

It's really quite raw, as in written in haste. The feelings written as fast as they are felt.

Anyway let me know where you want to take this if anywhere, and I will be back with more.

The word's are beautiful, the tone is beautiful, the set up is perfection. What else if there to say?

Ah, yes. I'm not exactly sure what this is. I realize it's in the other catergory, but the 'repeat' part in the fifth line confused me. Is it meant to be read in a song-like quality or, as josh said a poetic observation? I realise it's based off of something or another, but as a far off viewer I'm just a little confused. I thought the author's note would clear it up, but it really didn't. Although, it's probably just me.