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Young Writers Society


Victorious



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Points: 300
Reviews: 0
Sun Oct 09, 2011 7:41 am
LittleAbby says...



Boys! It's time to quiet down. As things are, I'm not heard often as I tend to keep my thoughts my own but it is now imperative that I call for your attention. My name is Abby. I am the oldest, the only, girl among you. I've called you here because it is obvious that you cannot see the problems you've created.
It is crucial that we acknowledge our issues and strive to eradicate them! We have let our savage instincts dominate us and they have proven that we are not mature enough to survive on our own. Already a littlun has died because we allowed ourselves to become engrossed in things entirely imperdinent to our task. If we do not grip firmly the reigns of our sanity we will deplenish into nothing more than animals! We will lose all hope of savior, we will hurt those we should tend to and we will find ourselves trapped in a vise that we cannot escape.
We have been too selfish. We have ignored all responsibility and no longer will it be allowed! We've no shelter from acidic rain should it fall down upon us. We've no water to cleanse the filth we accumulate daily from our systems. Should a comrade become ill, we've no food to replenish his energy. For too long have we allowed lassitude to dominate our actions. No longer! We cannot continue to shirk our duties. It will, ultimately, be our greatest downfall.
If we are to beat the elements, if we are to tussle with Mother Nature and emerge victorious, we must first band together and create an unbreakable shield. We have to work together to keep everyone safe. In order to be saved we must keep the signal fire burning, not just in the jungle but within our hearts. We have to stop beating each other down instead of augmenting one another's strengths! Only together will we overcome the odds and survive.
We shall not be overridden with laziness or savage instinct! We shall not tear each other down! We will survive together through the overwhelming odds and challenges we face! WE WILL BE VICTORIOUS! Now go, and accumulate your victory!
  





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Gender: Female
Points: 1464
Reviews: 21
Sun Oct 09, 2011 12:07 pm
limegreenleopard says...



Wow! You have made a really big impact on me here, so congratulations. Immediately I can say it is very striking, and that you are a very gifted writer.
I've never read Lord of the Flies, but I hope my review is helpful, or at least encouraging. :D
LittleAbby wrote:WE WILL BE VICTORIOUS! Now go, and accumulate your victory!

I loved the ending of your speech. It makes me believe you will be succesful and that you are super-confident, which is really good. I guess you are meant to sound like a strong person, and you definitely pulled that off. Thumbs up. :D

LittleAbby wrote:If we are to beat the elements, if we are to tussle with Mother Nature and emerge victorious, we must first band together and create an unbreakable shield. We have to work together to keep everyone safe. In order to be saved we must keep the signal fire burning, not just in the jungle but within our hearts. We have to stop beating each other down instead of augmenting one another's strengths! Only together will we overcome the odds and survive.

I loved this bit aswell! The vocabulary you have used is so powerful and the piece of work just glows with strength.

Overall, the speech is written very well, your use of vocabulary is amazing and leaves a HUGE impact at the end, and I would be so intimidated if I was listening to that speech. It's brilliant! :D

Loved it! Keep Writing,
~Leopard :D
Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia. ~Charles Schulz
  








It's all a matter of perspective. Everyone is the hero of their own story, and the villain of another's.
— James