Young Writers Society

Do you hear that? It's everywhere. Listen...silence. All the things left unspoken voice themselves here. Silence is where wishes dwell, where love blossoms, where the deepest passions of the heart surface. I remember the first time I realized I loved you. It was in that subliminal quiet bliss between sleeping and waking where nothing in the world had caught up to us yet. It was then that I found the last divisions between us bridged with a beautiful understanding of one another's silence. Words were not needed--passion burned quietly. It was as though the feathers of your soul were reaching far down into my heart and enveloping it until it beat only for you. Yet, you had not moved. Neither had I. We were still...speechless...silent. That silence was more breathtaking than the most beautiful love songs. I felt your emotion as if it was my own, heard your thoughts as though they came from my own mind. Your silence spoke more words to me than could be written in a thousand books. I understood you not only as your own self, but as another part of me. We were the same, and that could only be fully seen through the velvet silence which covered us in that beautiful fleeting moment. Are you still listening? Maybe, if we are quiet enough, we could hear it again.

The personification that you used is what really made this great. I loved it!

Hi there!

I'm going to make this really quick. So you put this in 'Other', but did you try writing this as a poem? To me, it seems like a perfect poem- simply lacking a basic structure. So I think you should try writing this as a poem instead.

Oh, and one more thing.

Listen...silence.

Even though, over here, you add the full-stops to give it the trailing type of effect, a space is needed between the last full-stop and the following letter (where I've marked in red.).

Though, overall, I really liked it. In the beginning, it gave a prologue-type of feel, and then a poem. And it continued to give me the poem type of feel. I found the descriptions, descriptive! They were well explained! And I really look forward to reading other works of yours!

Keep writing~!
-TwistedM.

Hey,
Here as requested. When i first saw this I was like wow this is really short, but by reading it I found that i really enjoyed it! Here are some grammar mistakes to start off with:

Words were not needed--passion burned quietly.

The double dash should be replaced with a semi-colon (;)

It was as though the feathers of your soul were reaching far down into my heart and enveloping it until it beat only for you. Yet, you had not moved. Neither had I.

Replace the period after you with a comma and lowercase the y in yet. Replace the period after moved with a comma and lowercase the n in neither. Neither had I is not a complete sentence because there is no verb, and never start a sentence with a conjunction (For, and, nor, but, or, yet, so) they turn your sentences into fragments.

We were still...speechless...silent.

Personally, I don't think the ... make for the style you want. It jsut looks annoying, and doesn't read well.

I understood you not only as your own self, but as another part of me.

There's no need for a comma after self because as another part of me is not a complete sentence.

This was beautiful. i am not sure what you plan on doing with this, but I can see this becoming a beautiful novel. I don't know why, but it's grace reminded me of a ballet dancer. The words gleamed and swelled together beautifully. I know I know how many times can I say beautiful, but I really really liked this piece. If you have any questions or need another review feel free to ask.

Have a great day,
Tiffany