"He yanked himself free and fled to the kitchen where something huddled against the flooded windowpanes. It sighed and wept and tapped continually, and suddenly he was outside, staring in, the rain beating, the wind chilling him, and all the candle darkness inside lost."
I've read this, ah well - more than once. I thought at last I ought to say something.
What caught my attention most - and in the most positive sense - were the small details. Though clipped and short, in pieces as it were, the details constantly came through to fill it out: broken car, broken tree; the clocks; seven-years old and the tubes in the hospital - etc. There's something sharply complete about it, which seems a great juxtoposition to grey's fractal experience. ^_^
...Oy, and that's all I've time to write. I enjoyed it a lot. (Was it recieved...well, turned in?)
IMP
ex umbris et imaginibus in veritatem
"There is adventure in simply being among those we love, and among the things we love -- and beauty, too."
One word: brilliant
That was absolutly amazing. the way everything is set up just right. The little details make this a great read. After the first three paragraphs I could not stop reading.
I think one of the major reasons this is so good is because it goes in reverse order. It makes you wonder from the beginning what started it all.
Eee, thanks so much! Your lovely lovely words are muchly appreciated.
Imp >> I got my mark today. 100%, so I think it was well-received. Thanks for the feedback! I'm glad you liked the little details, and that you read it more than once, hooray!
If_Rocks_Could_Fly wrote:After the first three paragraphs I could not stop reading.
That was one of the best things you could possibly say. Seriously, thanks so much for the wonderful and oh-so-flattering comments.
"He yanked himself free and fled to the kitchen where something huddled against the flooded windowpanes. It sighed and wept and tapped continually, and suddenly he was outside, staring in, the rain beating, the wind chilling him, and all the candle darkness inside lost."
Yo. I'm the new guy and this is my first post so I'll keep it short and to the point.
First of all, (this is probably my most biased point because I love Edgar Allan Poe's surreal writing and all those horror/crime/scifi serials like Angel, Blade, Supernatural, the Dresden Files etc.) I really enjoyed the dark and twisted style of this story, reminiscent to the stuff I've mentioned above but the "deaths" didn't seem to have any particular order and were very random. You could rearrange them for more effect, maybe the more brutal ones at the end...
I found very little wrong with this story but the title bothers me. The story doesn't really focus on his "lives", just the ends of them. Maybe "The 9 Deaths of Allen Grey" would work better?
Peace out.
My God, I loved this. The style is so reminiscent of some of my favorite sci-fi writers, such as Philip K. Dick and Michael Moorcock (pardon my french). But in all seriousness, there's nothing I don't like about this.
"Is", "is." "is" — the idiocy of the word haunts me. If it were abolished, human thought might begin to make sense. I don't know what anything "is"; I only know how it seems to me at this moment. -Robert Anton Wilson
Thanks for the feedback! I'm glad you liked the little details, and that you read it more than once, hooray!
Gender:
Points: 2834
Reviews: 131