Young Writers Society

As I walked though the doors i felt the wet, corroded wood on my hand.. or at least what was left of it.
"BOOM"
I looked in the room and there were former humans duking it out with shards of metal. Both of the "humans" if you could call Them that were crazed humans... victims of a crashed civilization. This used to be a civilization... USA in fact. One of the non-humans cut off the others arm. blood sprayed everywhere

I took out my pistol and shot them both in the temple spewing blood on the wall. I searched Through the bodies and found a few cigarettes and a revolver.

The conference room was torn apart. the ceiling was leaking some unknown thick green liquid, and wires were hanging out of the drop down ceiling.

I threw the remains of the "beings" out the broken glass window. I looked down and watched them splat on the other pile.


This room was my home, all of the sane humans left had to find refuge from the other "beings" all of my affects were in there I often pulled things i thought would spice up the rooms in from the outside.

WHAT HAPPENED TO THE USA


in the year 2012, the year the world was supposed end a new form of currency was developed. Blood. The amount of blood you have coursing though your veins this very instant controls your salary.

People went mad. they started to slash each other with knives and steal from blood-banks. The whole USA went up in flames.

In 2019 Europe, China and other world powers locked the whole USA in itself killing itself.

The whole world watched as we fell to our knees.

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This is really too short to critique.

Really finish your writing good idea just express it better

The most important thing about science fiction is believability. Without this critical component, the reader just spends their time going "yeah right." That was my reaction to this story.

So what makes this story unbelievable?

1. Immediate future. Five years is much too short a time for this to be plausible. Given 100 years, who knows?

2. Curreny. Forget the time line for a moment: our national currency has switched from the dollar, something that is easily dividable, hard to forge, and easy to transport; to blood. How did this happen?

Oh yeah, it happened instantly.

Give me a break. The Euro didn't just happen. If there was a blood shortage and people would pay top dollar for blood, then it might be plausible, but even then there is nothing instant about it, nor would it become currency.

3. The US is destroyed immediately and catastrophically.

Wait a moment: how did you get here from blood? Even if there was civil disorder, there would be people that would try to end the madness. Military and police would certainly do their best to restore order, if only within a limited area. Militias would also form to enforce control over their area. Even blood cartels would form, since killing people reduces the amount of blood they can harvest. Things might become chaotic, but they wouldn't become disorganized.

4. China and Europe lock us in. How come China and Europe? Both are world powers, but neither of them share borders with the US. It is more believable that Canada and Mexico would seal their borders. Also, why wouldn't they invade America? China might be interested in expanding it's space, while Europe might be interested in gaining valuable technology. Also, what if they are retaliated against by US missiles? Not only does this happen, but it takes a full seven years to implement.

Overall, this story seems to want to replicate Resident Evil, except in a more impossible way. It is actually easier to suggest that a virus has been released because a) highly contagious viruses do exist, b) if it causes madness or hallucinations then it would cause immediate civil breakdown, and c) no one else would want to catch it, hence the reason for a quarantine.

Yeah, I agree with Griff. It's a really short time frame you've set this in (And no Jake, I'm not just criticizing this because I know you in RW). You really need to think out your stories better. (I liked you Break Neck piece)