Young Writers Society

12/17/07

021 – Friends

They thought that we were stupid, and we played along. They thought that I was dumbly following the Mass, not really understanding, and I let them think that. But I understood everything and there was nothing more beautiful to me than the Eucharist. It was Jesus. I knew that He had saved me too, even if they thought that I wasn’t human anymore. They were wrong.

I think even David believed that I was an animal in clothes. He may have been my friend, but he always spoke down to me. He teased me about my faith and I knew that he thought Catholicism was a cult or something, but he was the only friend I had.

One day he received the news that his wife had been shot back at home by a crazy sniper. I watched as he died inside. He didn’t eat. He hardly slept.

Then he asked me to shoot him. We were sitting by the dragon pens, playing poker. I was bad at poker and he always won. He liked winning and I liked to make him happy, so I kept playing.

He laid down the flush that finished the game. Then, with his head still down, he said, “I want you to kill me,” and there was suddenly a gun in his hand. He was offering it to me.

I stared at him. Murder? No!

“I can’t do that.”

“Why the hell not?” Suddenly he was shouting.

“My…”

“Your faith. Damn you, damn your faith.” Then he started pleading. “Do it for a friend.”

I looked at his desperate face. Only now had he realized that I was human, even if my genes didn’t say so. I looked down at the gun in his hand and I picked it up. It was heavy and cold. I studied it for a long while. Then I put it down on the cards.

“I can’t.”

He cursed, then ran away, turning over the card table as it went. I tried to chase after him, but MPs suddenly appeared and grabbed me by the arms. They said something about killings, about detaining all Mutts. They were rough with me, but I barely felt it. I watched my friend disappear and I began to pray.

“Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee. Blessed art thou among women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death.”

Now and at the hour of our death.

GryphonFledgling wrote:12/17/07

021 – Friends

They thought that we were stupid, and we played along. They thought that I was dumbly following the Mass, not really understanding (need a comma here) and I let them think that. But I understood everything and there was nothing more beautiful to me than the Eucharist. It was Jesus. I knew that he (capitalize "he") had saved me too, even if they thought that I wasn’t human anymore. They were wrong.

I think even David believed that I was an animal in clothes. He may have been my friend, but he always spoke down to me. He teased me about my faith and I knew that he thought Catholicism was a cult or something, but he was the only friend I had.

One day he received the news that his wife had been shot back at home by a crazy sniper. I watched as he died inside. He didn’t eat. He hardly slept.

Then he asked me to shoot him. We were sitting by the dragon pens, playing poker. I was bad at poker and he always won. He liked winning and I liked to make him happy, so I kept playing.

He laid down the flush that finished the game. Then, with his head still down, he said, “I want you to kill me,” and there was suddenly a gun in his hand. He was offering it to me.

I stared at him. Murder? No!

“I can’t do that.”

“Why the hell not?” Suddenly he was shouting.

“My…”

“Your faith. Damn you, damn your faith.” Then he started pleading. “Do it for a friend.”

I looked at his desperate face. Only now had he realized that I was human, even if my genes didn’t say so. I looked down at the gun in his hand and I picked it up. It was heavy and cold. I studied it for a long while. Then I put it down on the cards.

“I can’t.”

He cursed, then ran away, turning over the card table as it went. I tried to chase after him, but MPs suddenly appeared and grabbed me by the arms. They said something about killings, about detaining all Mutts. They were rough with me, but I barely felt it. I watched my friend disappear and I began to pray.

“Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee. Blessed art thou among women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our dead (isn't it death?).”

Now and at the hour of our death.

Hey! I critiqued this for you, there weren't a lot of problems but there were a few. Excellent as usual. This piece seemed more simple and less descriptive than the last couple, but I get the idea that it was supposed to be that way because the Mutt has a simpler mind. Anyway, bravo, looking forward to more!


~Sunny

No, no, no! I didn't get here first... that's like, a first!

XD

Great job, again. I liked how now you have a Mutt that acts human, and, surprisingly, is a Christian. L_s took care of edits...

I really liked this one.

I can't believe that you can write a story so good that has this few edits.

Teh Wozzinator

Hello, again, hon.

Here is another critique, I hope these are helpful to you.



Ta,
Cal.