Young Writers Society

1/3/08

011 – Red

“MUTTS CALLED A DISASTER”
“SITUATION CODE RED”

Boston Globe
Mutt Project Shut Down ~ Barbara Rowe

They were supposed to be the soldiers of the future, the saviors of the human race, come to save us from our wars. But yesterday evening, it was announced that all Mutt units were to be destroyed and all documents relating to their research and development were to be burned, along with whatever contained them.

The responses to this declaration have been greatly varied. Most are glad, or at least neutral. After the announcement was made, there was a gathering of anti-Mutt activists in Washington D.C. to praise the decision. Just following them was a meeting of prominent scientists and military personnel, gathering to protest. Dr. Newton Clark, the director of Genetic Research for Gable College in Iowa, voices his thoughts;

“It is outrageous that they should treat this incident as if it were a toy recall. Perhaps there were flaws in the design, but that does not mean that the design should be damned without any opportunity for redemption.”

Those in favor of the decision for destruction have equally loud voices. Edward Park, leader of the group H.A.M (Humans Against Modification) says that “the concept of genetic modification is wrong. Those who thought to tempt God are finally getting their due.”

General Kimberly, who is overseeing the termination of the Mutts project, asks the people to be patient.

“It is a large, long-term operation. Please don’t expect instant results.”

The project date for the completion of the destruction operation is August, 2071.

I haven't read any others yet, but I thought I'd comment on just the general style of this piece. You're shooting for a newspaper style, and it's largely a hit. But it's a miss in the first two opening paragraphs.

Instead of opening up with a general sentence, you want something very specific for a newspaper article. So instead, the first paragraph should be just written as:

"Yesterday evening it was announced that all Mutt units were to be destroyed and all documents relating to their research and development were to be burned, along with whatever contained them."

Then move on into something about who the Mutts are, which is what your current first sentence does. After that, everything else is pretty good. I'll have to read through these.