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Foreverdark



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Thu May 29, 2008 11:56 am
El-lyncho says...



Foreverdark

‘til eternal blackness rules all heart,
‘til foreverdark doth choke our heart.




































Nocturnis

In the midst of the great maelstrom of stars which cling to the outer spreads of this galaxy, there lays one that is special. Of the surrounding bodies that orbited, there were thousands, nearly all dead planets, spinning, unaware of their precarious path through space, and the lack of civilisation which had once been abundant amongst them. But of all the planets, there was only one Nocturnis.

Orbiting closer to the conflagrant Melbai Prixi than any other dared, the world was warm, and its atmosphere did not freeze under the lonely temperatures of deep space. Life was plenty upon this fecund planet, so much so that on a clear day the fast growing vegetation could be seen from beyond the atmosphere, momentarily unveiled from the fierce sun storm which engulfed the planet for the great majority of the time. No person had seen such a sight in their lifetime, however, as their existence was limited strictly to the planet surface, and no further. Even primitive atmospheric travel was all but outlawed, due to many electromagnetic disturbances resulting in horrific accidents where but a bare few had survived. This was to be blamed on the sun, a violent one to say the least. It spewed its cosmic rays without relent onto Nocturnis, and had done for many billions of years. Its power was not underestimated by the planetary ruler, in terms of solar power, or by mongering its fear amongst the plebeians. But the real beauty of the workings of Nocturnis was not in its atmosphere, but its social hierarchy, the extent to which their society was seemingly utopian, and how it functioned so crushingly near to its ideals.

On the surface itself gravity was weaker than the planetary norm, and oxygen far higher, around 20%. Needless to say, this encouraged a jungle like growth of forest, with all green vegetation spiraling upward toward the skies. A few attempts had been made to coppice the entire planet in the hope of eventually turning it into a fertile agricultural world, but these plans were largely abandoned under the first settlers. Indeed, the ancient plans were all but forgotten by now, and the growth of The Foreverdark (so the forest was named by the natives) was only regulated by automated robots when it dared to invade the outer breadths of the cities of Nocturnis. The trees seemed to almost strangle this planet with greater control than their leader had, and the people certainly seemed more afraid of it. A fear of the unknown amplified this, which was used to the advantage of the ruling class on many an occasion. No sign of indigenous life had ever been present on the planet, bar from the rare occasions when beasts were foolish enough to scuttle into the sparse, barren patches, and then caper hurriedly back into the foreboding safety of The Foreverdark. There were many legends and folk tales about what dwelled within its boughs, and thousands of decrepit drunkards, claiming tales of when The Nocturni dared to dwell into The Foreverdark, those many year ago. Hardly any of these tales contained an element of the truth, but brought a mythical atmosphere to Nocturnis’ taverns.

Some inhabitants grew more adventurous as squalor and opression in the cities increased, daring to commit the sacrilege of wandering deep into the forest, in the hope creating a haven separate from the pressures of forced religion and an almost communistic existence. This behaviour was looked upon by most people with an extreme disdain, and The Nocturni and their most devout followers called for the extermination of their likes for heresy. No-one sympathised for their escape, for one main reason. The Foreverdark served as a burial ground for the deceased members of the planet, and The Nocturni did look kindly upon people desecrating this sacred place. No mere peasant would risk his life by foolishly running off into the vast expanse of The Foreverdark. Any mortal souls who chose this path would be instantaneously crushed in the suffocating presence of the forest, and remain purgatory for the remainder of time. The settlers did not return, one way or the other.

The capital was a sprawling metropolis, many miles wide and many more long, and was the only place on Nocturnis where The Foreverdark was barely visible, barring the foul, dead plains and odd patches where the planet bore no life. Situated under the precipitate of a great mountain range, the more adventurous of The Nocturni often climbed to the summit, mainly to boast to their fellow men and to impress females. Nobody stopped to admire the view, which was all too sadly forgotten. The great golden temples seemed to almost pierce the clouds, their spires reflecting the intense glare of the sun in all their gilded splendour. Through all the mist and clear sky, the atmosphere became thin as the void of space reclaimed ownership, yet still The Nocturni broke through. However beautiful a building was, none in the universe could compare to the beauty and sheer statement that were the temples of The Nocturni, gleaming out for miles and further.

But of the billions of humans on this planet, there lay one who was special. One who would change it all.


Year 1

It would be remembered as the start of the darkest five years in living memory on Nocturnis, yet the day started like no other. No one could have anticipated the anger Dr Gardner was to induce, the wrath amongst the plebeians. The aspiring geneticist would be remembered in due time, but perhaps not for the right reason. Himself, oblivious, stood still, in deep thought of the awaking city, and couldn’t help but wonder what it was. What was their disease?

“Mr Gardner?”
“Ah, yes! If you do excuse me Jackson! I do wonder where the others are, although I suppose they will be here shortly, although I have never quite understood why it is so fashionable to be late. If you ask me, it just creates a damned nuisance.” He spoke quite confidently, although it was obvious to nearly anyone his speech was written and not spoke. He was not typically a proud man, yet she was a woman! A woman with a certain presence, one that seemed to cause quite illogical reactions in a man like him. When they had first met, he had been shocked yet delighted, as there were nearly no women in the field of genetics these days, not since The Nocturni had begun to limit funding. The study of the sciences was tightly controlled indeed, and Dr Jackson had sounded rather manly. Still, he was a liberal, which was an interesting quality these days, and where others would not treat her fairly, he would try as much as possible to make her an equal. He just hoped she could keep up with them. She was after all, just a woman.

“The contrary actually.” Dr Gardner was startled out of his line of thought. After a slight pause she continued. “Everyone is waiting on the 14th floor. I believe that our colleagues are in the right place, and impatient to hear what you have to say. So shall we try our best to be fashionable?” His smile fell.

“Well, I suppose it is to be expected, the project is of great importance...and I don't deny I am nervous. Yes, quite an easy mistake to make, if all is taken into consideration.” He swallowed his pride, and a great deal more gloat from his surroundings. Yet he did not care much for it. After all, the bigger picture and the answer were far more important. “It is very easy to get lost in such a large complex, I assure you.” Came the soothing reply of Dr Jackson. “There is nowhere else on Nocturnis quite like this, and I assume it is the first time you have been here?” he did not reply. “But come, we must attend to the project! The internal computer will direct us, and it seems we are but one lift away from our destination.” There was an awkward pause. “Yes, I suppose we had better make our way.”

They began the slow asscent of the computers instructions, but there was but one irrational thought on Dr Gardner’s mind. How could he have been so stupid? He had nearly ostracized his closest colleague, and they hadn’t even begun research together. He prayed he would not offend the others so badly!

After what had seemed like an age in the lift, they finally arrived in the conference room, to the greeting of an incessant muttering, showing clear disapproval. He ignored it.

“People!” He said, rather too loud to be polite. A silence fell upon the room, and he continued to speak. “We have been granted, what is to be an unmissable opportunity. All of us present today are the best specialists available in our respective fields, of which I sense some of you believe could never be used practically together.” He paused, and there seemed to be a general concession upon that at least. The pioneers of their fields murmured like schoolchildren! “Even more so, one may ordinarily believe, in research. Indeed, with all the restrictions imposed upon us, this may be your first time in such a situation, is that not so gentlemen?” He questioned, “And ladies?” as an afterthought. A hostile silence forced him to continue. “Well I have received specific orders from none other than His Eminence himself, that we are to work together, regardless of differences, in our research.” An air of astonishment fell about the room, but Dr Gardner continued regardless. He was in his element. “Yes, it does appear that His Eminence is somewhat a keen scientist himself, and while studying The Book Of Nocturni he found something he believed to be of the utmost importance, and merited the collective thought of the best minds of Nocturnis. I do assume you all know of The Book Of Nocturni?” His audience groaned. It was the one book that every man on Nocturni had read. It chronicled the entire history of the planet during the pre-atomic era, and had been recited countless times, as soon as every infant was able to speak.

“Well as I said, within a private study of the book, His Excellency noticed the following passage was ambiguous, and pondered it some more. It is quite a subtle nuance, so I have asked the computer to speak, rather than have me ruin the significance of the text." Dr Gardner paused to allow the room to grow quiet, and then uttered a quick command to the intergrated computer. A synthetic tone spoke, an imitation to the trained ear, but a human to any other.

“And they fell the foul beasts of The Foreverdark, and drove them back unto the forest, helped by a presence from above. Yet the peasants rose against their saviours, sending many to the depths of The Foreverdark, where their hearts choked from lack of light. But not before their leader cursed all upon Nocturnis, robbing them of sense, and swearing vengeance in The Foreverdark, and as soon as he did say, he disappeared, never to be heard again.” The transcript ended. An air of confusion hung about the room. “An interpretation, gentlemen?” Asked Dr Gardner rather too sarcastically.

“Easy!” Snorted a historian. “It is the account of one of the first battles our long dead ancestors fought against the foul creatures of The Foreverdark, and our triumph over nature and its invaders!” Indeed, what does this have to do with our research? I demand an explanation!” He shouted, banging his fists down upon the table. A raucous consensus was reached, and uproar would have held, if it had not been for Dr Jackson. “Quiet!” she snapped, angrily. “We will get to the point if you could gather enough collective intelligence to sit and listen!” she paused, fuming. All had fell silent. “Thank you!” she snapped. She retreated to her chair, taking a long sip from her glass of water. Dr Gardner continued to talk. There was no fury upon Nocturnis like a woman scorned.

“Well as I was planning to say, before so rudely interrupted, it seems that you have managed to miss the hidden meaning. I can’t blame you. You have not, after all, studied it in enough detail to pick it apart, and it is barely an obvious inferration. Forget the overall moral, and think instead of the significance of the one written word, and perhaps it will make sense to you. I will go so far as to say that this one phrase has more importance than any other passage in the whole of The Book.” Wakefield opened his mouth ready to argue, but thought better of it, with the memory of Dr Jackson still fresh in his mind.

“Would you care to explain that to me Mr Wakefield sir?" Dr Gardner cruely taunted. "No, I thought not.” He addressed the whole of the room. “What we are missing, gentlemen, is the subtlety only His Eminence was able to discover, and of which he himself barely realised the importance, and which will be the topic of our research. Tell me all, what do you make of the phrase in the last line, 'robbed of all sense'?” He paused, waiting for someone to decrypt the riddle to which only three people on the whole of Nocturni knew the answer, but after around a minute or two, gave up, and reverted to picking on the historian who seemed to have such a disdain for him.

“As you must know within your particular field, Mr Wakefield, all the passages within The Book Of Nocturni are an interpretation of actual events, albeit romanticised over the ages. Would you be so kind as to tell me what “robbed them of sense” means?” No answer came, for he did not know, and the rest of the room were too frightened from the crude intimidation Gardner had thrust upon them.

“His Eminence is convinced this to be the most important matter upon Nocturnis, which is partly why we have been granted almost every tool and desire which will aid our this research. He believes this so called “robbed sense” is an actual perception, and that in fact, every being upon Nocturnis has a dormant, medically undiscovered organ. Of which we have no idea of the purpose.

There was uproar. A physician was the first to speak what the great majority thought, and his single voice spoke for the many thousands present.

“Ridiculous!” He spurted with indignation. “Preposterous! Where do you propose such an organ to be? No idea of size, chemical make up, purpose? Preposterous! Just preposterous!” He paused in the most melodramatic way possible, and then returned to his seat. It was shocking, he thought, that one could advance such a backward theory in such forward times, and so many brilliant minds here had been summoned for little more than a fool's errand. Quite ludicrous!

“Unbelievable, I warrant you may first find the concept, as did I myself. If you just apply it to the facts, which are coincidentally, abundant, if not well hidden, then the theory fits science almost undisputedly. “I dare say…”

“Whose facts, and which?” interrupted Mr Wakefield in the midst of all the chaos.
"My own, dear sir, for it was my own reaction to such startling news to evaluate it with the expertise I have gained from my particular field, and prove His Eminence to be wrong." The hubbub began to die down. "But the longer and deeper I studied, the more became decrypt, until I was left with so little left I could only be sure and still remain so that His Excellency must be right. What this means, I am not sure of yet, but it is what we hope to find out, and perhaps develop a cure so every man upon Nocturnis is blessed once more with this robbed sense. Who amongst you knows of DNA?" All in the room rose their hand except for Dr Wakefield, falling silent as they became knowledgable on the spoken topic. It was the syllabus of infancy, even for non-scientists, and it was rare for anyone excluding the priesthood of The Nocturni to lack such common knowledge. Gardner sighed. There was an idiot amongst the ranks. "Well for the benefit of Mr Wakefield, I shall refresh your memory, and for everyone else, refresh your memory for the task in hand.

DNA is the compound that controls who, and indeed, what we are. In fact, I can go further than to say that, I can say that it controls all life as we know it, or indeed upon Nocturnis. Now what you must understand, is that although every one of us is unique, our DNA is effectively the same as each others. You'd think that the secret to life would be more interesting than four different combinations of chemicals, but it's not. Anyway, that's besides the point. Who here is familiar with the study of Dr Padfield and Mchugh?" A few feeble hands made their way into the air, but the great majority stood at rest. It was obvious that only the genticists present had been taught of this.

"Well I suppose it was over 200 years ago, and it is somewhat a dead science now...but I will continue!" Wakefield spoke. "These men were possibly the most brilliant two minds Nocturnis have ever birthed. They singlehandedly cracked our own genetic code, and then proceeded to learn a great bulk of which genes control which actions. However, their work was left abandoned after Padfield died in mysterious circumstances, possibly under the hand of The Nocturni, who were not sympathetic to such a radical thinker in their times. It was recorded that Mchugh could not bring himself to continue their work, and became a broken man after Padfield's death, leaving their research incomplete. Overall, this means we have been left with quite a considerable workload."

"Excuse me sir, but I refuse to listen to another word this quack says! Workload? I do believe the great majority don't want to work for such a crazy scheme, and will rebel at any attempt to ensure we do! I am leaving, and all other credible persons present shall find it fit to join me, or remain here, beseiged by a raving lunatic!"

The physician's silent temper had finally burnt, and his remarks seemed to have struck a chord with most of the delegation. He stormed his way out, which unforunately was blocked not by a door, but by two metal walls. Gardner had expected some sort of incident to happen ultimately, and His Eminence had very specifically instructed no-one could leave the room until the project had been fully explained. Under his command, the computer activated the 750,000 Volt field between the two walls. It was a triumph against the pretentious physician, and a triumph for the deployment of advanced technology. Who would want doors anymore?

"It is you sir, who is insane, if you believe His Eminence would even think of giving you a second choice in this matter. Do you happen to hear a small humming noise where you are heading? Do you wonder what it is?" The physician stopped in his tracks, dismayed, humiliated. "Well do you?" roared Gardner ferociously, an alter ego. A lengthy silence smothered the room, broken only by the gentle hum of electric field. "Now I expect you all to return to your seats, or I will be forced to harm you," he emphasised, "which is a course of action which I don't wish to take, considering how many brilliant minds are present." He waited for silence again, and then continued his lecture.

"As I was saying," he boomed, in his element, " Padfield and Mchugh essentially discovered and unravelled the mysteries of the genetic coding of our species, Homo Neanderthal. This enabled the deliberate change and mutation of specimens for scientific purposes, although I will not grace such morbid topics."

Wakefield raised an eyebrow in alarm.

"The point is, gentleman, that around 20% of our DNA has not yet been fully decoded, as none could match the brilliance of Padfield and Mchugh, and it was not thought a great priority during our dark ages, when our sanitation and way of life were so primitive. You may have guessed where I am leading with this, but you are most likely to be half wrong. The great percentage of the DNA I have decoded is so insignificant in purpose I will not even bother mention it. There is a percentage however, which shows patterns which imply this mysterious sense is present, and this is what we have been allowed to research. The geneticists amongst us shall continue to decode the remaining DNA, fully completing the work of Padfield and Mchugh. The historians shall trall The Book for other clues and ambiguites, to help the overall understanding of this sense. And the physicians will research the human anatomy, to search for the organ and find out how we can activate its dormant genes. For any specialists who I have not mentioned, please do not be offended, as you are as equally important as the other. The computer will assign all of you to your own rooms and teams, and research will begin immediately!"

"And what if we refuse?" Called the physician. "I myself do not wish to live in this cursed building until your research is complete and I know for a fact that many others will also not wish to. I am a man of family, and my place is by their side!"

Dr Gardner laughed hollowly, still antagonised by the physician's young temper.
"And you think that coincidence? That His Eminence did not know? He didn't anticipate rebellion against his wishes from everyone in this room?" An anxious silence gripped the room, until Dr Gardner shouted his last threat. "You are all family men, and if you wish to ever be with them again, then you will obey His Eminence's orders!"

He quickly walked out of the room with Dr Jackson before uproar turned to anarchy, before they could realise the true weight of what he had borne upon them. Before they could chase him.

"I do enjoy a good speech." he calmly spoke, a different man, "but you did advise me it was necessary to appear in control from the very beginning! Still, perhaps I was slightly too harsh upon them, but that physician..." He trailed off. "What did you think of it?" Jackson ignored him, and carried on walking slightly faster than they already were. How could you answer an unanswerable question?

"Dr Gardner! Please wait!"
Gardner spun around. It was Wakefield. In front of him. He had somehow evaded the certain death of the Voltage field, and was looking none the worse for it. In fact, he looked in his element.
"How did you do that?" He snapped. "That field was impregnable!"
"I suspected that by the very nature of large research projects from the past that it was almost inevitable we would be held against our will by His Eminence." he replied, quickly. "Almost every large scientific project in the last 300 years has involved at least someone if not the whole research group being held against their will. It's a norm of the society we live in. I, however, didn't particularly wish that, which is why I studied a few previous large projects before hand. It appears that even though science has miracuously improved in a practical sense, the favoured method of containment was still the passing of a Voltage field between two walls. Why an infant would know a proton shield would protect a person for a sufficient amount of time to pass through the field safely, although if unprepared..." Gardner glared with contempt.
"You are not allowed out of these premises. His Eminence..."
"Do you take me for a fool?" Wakefield interrupted, with great control. "I know what would happen to me if I went against him!" He paused, and calmed down. He spoke in a normal tone again. "No, I came to apologise for my hasty conclusions, and any loss of face it has caused you. Now that you've explained the project in full, it seems almost logical, and I would very much like for Nocturnis to benefit from this research. We may even colonise the other planets once more, there is no telling what this dead sense is. But please except my apology. It was a terrible mistake to make, and I shall not do it again."
"Why of course," replied Gardner, "but you must now return to the conference room. No qualms of your family?"
Wakefield smiled. "I never liked women."
And with that he walked away.

The two doctors resumed their walk, with their confidence all but shattered. Eventually Dr Jackson spoke, maintaining her near galloping pace.
"What do you make of that? Doesn't it strike you as slightly odd?"
Dr Gardner replied. "It's nothing, just a man who is clever enough to use logic for his own devices. I swear in a year we'll think nothing of it. Indeed, we'll have forgotten the entire incident."

They continued to walk down the empty corridor.


Year 2

Dr Gardner sat in the same space he had precisely one year before, and sighed. He had hoped to at least have discovered the actual organ by this period in time, but feuds and tantrums between the competitive experts had almost inevitably seeped through the broken facade of what had been first advertised as voluntary research. The year had by and large been uneventful, and unproductive to say the least. It had taken at least a month for research to begin, and even then it was only through direct intervention from the office of His Eminence. It was quite disgraceful. And when the research had begun, it was obvious that science as a whole had stagnated, although no man would admit it. Foreverdark! Mchugh and Padfield had cracked the great majority of the genetic code in 5 years, and here he was, with hundreds of budding specialists from the teeming field of genetics, yet still no closer to the answer. No, instead of uniting together for a glorious purpose, they had sat and bickered like women, until before he knew it, a year had passed. Gardner smiled weakly. Just like women. He knew next year when he sat in hindsight, he would have answers.

It had all started 12 months ago, after his now infamous speech. Unlike His Eminence and many of Gardner's closest advisers had predicted, Nocturnis' greatest minds simply refused to work under blackmail, and chaos descended within the building. Research didn't just suddenly grind to a standstill, it just never happened. The first few weeks were literally life threatening for him. It was only after much persuasion, and indeed, manipulation, research finally started, only to have it blow up in his face again due to petty squabbles over whose work was most important. Another six months gave way to this surprisingly backward reasoning, and Gardner shuddered in memory of having to explain to His Eminence why The Genome Project (the plebeian coinage had been adopted by the more distasteful amongst the civilised classes, and it had therfore stuck) had produced nothing, yet had managed to drain a considerable amount of money from Nocturnis' treasury. To say he was displeased was an understatement. Controlling Nocturni was a dangerous job, and enemies needed only one excuse to usurp him. To execute his enemies however, he needed no excuse, just a whim. He was thankful the meeting was not in person, for he doubted he would still be alive today.

There was one unlikely ally who had stood by his every move though, and helped advise him where he would otherwise have failed in his aims. Wakefield's support seemed more than odd on the first day, but he had proved an invaluable ally, subtlely airing the right opinions when and where appropriate. Gardner was sure that without him the project would be dead. Indeed, he had all but forgotten the incident with Wakefield on the first day, as he had become an invaluable beacon of what the project should be about, a very useful resource when used in the correct manner. He was indeed shrewd for a man who knew little of DNA, and it was by his hand and Gardner's that The Genome Project advanced. Wakefield singlehandedly united the different factions of scientists with a scarily confident use of psychology, rivalry, and blackmail, and had almost unprecedented control on the research, and more importantly, the researchers. He was however, still obedient to Gardner, and it was well known he was far more interested in the research than worrying of his family. The three used to joke that if anyone deserved to be His Eminence it was he, but those times was rare now that the research was truly on track. In the last three months of the first year, they had cut down the percentage of DNA to be decoded to around 15%, allowing physicians to find cures for previously untreatable conditions, and found numerous other references in The Book to a lost sense. The Genome Project was a success in its own right, its benefits quadrupled in face of its costs. Yet he was still no closer to knowing the answer to the question which had plagued him for years now, and tortured his mind in dark nights. What was his disease?

"Dr Gardner!" Aroused from his meditative state, Gardner realised it was James, the brilliant young geneticist he had effectively proteged the past year, one of the few friends he held upon the 14th floor. Yet it was a day of rest he had declared, mostly under the pretense of appeasing the great number of enemies he had made, but the real reason was for him to sit back and reflect. If James had seen it fit to disturb him, it was probably fairly important. "Yes?" He asked rather simply. Bluntness was the best way more than often. "His Eminence sir." James panted, out of breath. "He's here."
"What, now?" exploded Gardner. "Where?"
"In the conference room, come quick!" James ran as quickly down the corridor as he had came, and the impatient patter of Gardner's feet very shortly followed.

"Dr Gardner comes, your most esteemed Eminence." whispered his effective second in command, The Chancellor of The Nocturni, upon the arrival of Gardner to the silent conference room. "The man who has made this all possible, Dr Gardner of The Nocturni. If I may, my liege, it would be..."
"Silence." Spoke His Eminence. The assertion he placed upon everyone in the room was obvious, and his subordinate knew better than to speak out of place with the most powerful man upon the planet. This was the first visit he had ever scheduled by himself to a research project, and was truly historic. Everyone within the room knew times of change must truly be about for a meeting of institutions which had clashed so often in the past, meaning the organ must be of immeasurable importance, to both sides. The stakes were indeed high. But still, silence.

"My dear Gardner. How is research?" he spoke with such intimacy all were surprised, and definitely shocked, especially considering his fierce reputation, and esoteric stance on the mixing of religion and science. "Why, my lord...it has not progressed as much as we had wished, but we have still made considerable progress...and brought many benefits for the plebeians and Nocturni alike...through painstaking scientific method, but all for you, my highness." He had spoken humbly and with etiquitte, yet he knew that was not always enough with His Excellency. It was not unknown for him to kill at whim, and Gardner for one did not wish his head to be hung upon a temple spire. "Interesting." He paused in a moments hesitation. "Just the last time I remember we talked, research had not even begun. A standstill, costing Nocturni, and I," he emphasised to the gathering, "considerable funding. Would you care to explain?" He asked almost rhetorically with heavy malice. An uncomfortable pause forced Gardner to humiliation.

"Why, there was no single factor...it was a combination of events...the settling down of researchers...the upsetting nature of being torn apart from families...and of course, the conundrum which this organ is encased within, we are finding it much harder to decrypt than previously anticipated." Gardner finished talking. "Your Excellency." he hurriedly added. He seemed to wait for what was an age, assessing every option, what could be done, the damage and cost, and what would be the ultimate product. The post of Excellency was reknown for holding men with stone in place of hearts, and caclulations in place of soul. He broke the quiet only momentarily. "You say this cannot happen any sooner?"
"For you, we will work and have been the fastest we can, but we have no hope of beginning to understand this sense for at least a few years sire, if we are to embrace it and use it to the advantage of our fellow man." His Excellency was bemused.
"So you assume this sense will be fit for every man, even though you do not know what it is, what it does, what side effects it could have? No, you are most naive indeed." Noone dared answer. He seemed satisfied. "I will wait for as long as it takes," he finally concluded, "but antagonise me at your own peril." And with those final words he walked off, leaving a pale, worried audience in his wake.

A maelstrom of whisper began to swirl, and it was only until several minutes after that Gardner ceased the talk with the lone words, "We must work faster." Every being in the room shared his sentiment.

Noone wished the wrath of His Eminence.


Year 3

It was time! It was complete! And it would be known under his name! Oh, Foreverdark, how they would hold him in their esteem, how they would worship him as saviour of the dying sciences! But there were still questions to be answered, politics to be played, and the ultimate question to be answered. But it didn't matter, for he would be remembered forever! Not Padfield, not Mchugh, but he, Gardner! He savoured the full moment.

The time would have been that he would have been overtly scared of His Eminence, and would not dare to venture into the ganguratan world of politics, but as the leading geneticist, and indeed project manager, the crossover was now almost inevitable. And what a year it had been! Gardner's team had fully cracked the human genome, finally allowing the encrypted secrets to be made sense of, and countless cures for common ailments to be found. But that was nothing in comparison! It was he who had found definitive proof of the organ, he alone! He wondered if far in the future, they would not add his name to The Book Of Nocturni, for his achievements in the realm of science. He smiled. His work was not over yet. Although he had found the DNA of the organ, he knew not its purpose, or the sense he was robbed of. And he would not rest until he had cured his disease.

He stepped to the podium, wary of speaking for too long. He had just about converted the last sceptics to his cause, and the promise of imminent results would surely rid any opposition. Still, he needed to keep himself short, and to the point. He had no intention of repeating the disaster of the first year.

"Gentlemen." A hush fell over the room, as an almost reverent respect fell. Gardner had matured a great deal from the relative political novice he had been at the start of the project, and together he and Wakefield held unparalleled control over the research. He was not a political animal by nature though, and nearly all the scientists had grown to love his amiable personality, and his liberal tendencies which he endeared so close to their hearts. It was easy to forget he was effectively their captor.

"We have entered our third year of research, locked away from the outside world, but today, we reveal our products!" he addressed fluently. "The time has come for everyone to know of our findings so far, not just the select few. Be proud gentlemen, for our names shall ring eternal, and every being on Nocturnis will thank us for centuries to come for their new ways of life! But the hardest work is yet ahead of us, finding a cure for our affliction, and presenting our final results to His Eminence and the plebeians. We will complete our work however, and a dynasty shall appear, a new era of science, which will breed new fields of thought, and improvements immeasurable to Nocturni. And someday, when our ancestors fly to new planets, they will remember our name. A pittance more work, and we shall be remembered throughout the galaxy! Everything which is spoken here today will be broadcast to Nocturnis, and its people! Let us show them what pride it is to be a Nocturnian!"

Applause rung out. Gardner had truly become an outstanding orator, and everyone knew he spoke the truth. Research was so near an end, just past the monotonous task of decrypting genes, interpreting events, and anatomical research. It was finally happening, what they had all thought unbelievable, a fool's errand. And they knew they would be famous, every last one of them. His Eminence would see to that. His interest in the project was unprecedented, and he would see they were sufficiently rewarded, in social stature and wealth. It just required more work.

"Yes, my colleagues, we have certainly learnt of more than just this sense!" Gardner continued. "We have learnt friendship, solidarity, and more importantly, we have learned to work together. When we first arrived, we were fragmented in mind, some more than others, and this resulted in events setting off on bad foot. I must apologise hereby, for my poor introduction to you all. Yet I have learnt that through co-operation we will yield the best results, and we have indeed capacitated science once more! Our research will enable our successors to stand on giant's shoulders. But enough of me! I have asked the leaders of research of the main groups to talk us all through what we have discovered, and what relevance this can have to our specific fields of expertise. So thank you for listening, and now I pass you on to Mr Wakefield." A hearty applause greeted this statement, partly due to admiration of Gardner, but mainly to the fact Wakefield would be speaking. He was one of them. A true Nocturnian.

"Thank you, thank you, but it is you who should be congratulated!" boomed Wakefield to the estatic crowd. "Now let me tell you some of the marvellous acheivements we've made this year in the historical research department, for those of you who haven't already heard."

"We have spent the great majority of this year studying the passages relevant to the original passage, and have found many other references to the mysterious lost sense, but that has not been our most interesting work. As you may know, it seems that when our ancestors first settled here, the foul creatures that dwell in the Foreverdark, His Eminence forbid, fought and contested our claim to territory. These mysterious beings who reportedly helped us are interpreted now to be other humans of course, but that was obvious. What we have found this year is a forewarning to this, recorded by the first settlers, of an apparent deity of the Foreverdark. It seems apparent sentient life from within the Foreverdark knew of the threat to their sense, and warned them to leave the planet immediately, which was interpreted as transgression, resulting in a war. From this we can assume that our "saviours" were in fact humans from a not too distant star system, and although we will never know for sure, we can guess that they too were driven away from this planet by us, or perhaps in fear of the primitive predictions coming true. Either way, we have no way of contacting them, as all records are but lost, and any description overly romanticised by the scribes of Nocturni for us to find any useful data from.

It is our conclusion, on this matter at least, that although the possibility of life in the Foreverdark could be possible, we find it highly improbable, as any sentience would have been detected long ago on Nocturnis. Perhaps after the project we should consider investigating these interpretations, but there are far more important purely historical observations which are far more urgent. I regret that this is all that has been entirely relevant to the project, apart from numerous references to how holiness would be obtained by gaining this sense, which will obviously help with persuading any peoples unwilling to be cured. I hope our findings have been of use to the rest of you, and if I can say one thing about this project, it's that it has brought us together as scientists, and propelled a stagnant field into a true whirlwind of ideas, and questions waiting to be answered. Let us hope that together we can answer these, and propel Nocturnis to a social and technological level it has never been before!"

A standing ovation took place he was admired so much, continuing for several minutes. It was only then that the scientists had calmed enough for the next orator to take stage.

"Good afternoon everyone!" spoke the gruff, rough voice. "For those of you that don't know me, I'm Professor Wilson, and I represent the second of the three main research faculties - medicinal and anatomical study. I entrust you all have a basic knowledge of Nocturnian anatomy, so I'll just get straight to the point, because I'm sure Dr Gardner won't!" a few chuckled in the audience.

"Ultimately, we are no closer than we were before to discovering where this sense is, but the benefits which we have found outweigh the costs of the entire project in their entire right! We have managed to cure hundreds of what we thought were uncurable diseases, due to careful co-operation with the geneticists, and have already begun to make a huge difference to the everyday Nocturnian's life. In fact, one in three of the citizens in this very city have currently benefited, be it minor ailments or life threatening conditions they have been rid of, and over the next year we shall see treatments spread to the other major cities! My, when we all came here, we thought science had reached its pinnacle, but we are at but the bottom of understanding, and the work we do in this project will be remembered time immemorial!" He paused for a breath of fresh air.

"Having said that we are no closer to discovering where the actual sense is, I tell a small lie." He waited in anticipation for a gasp of surprise or horror, but fulfilled no such expectation, and carried on slightly more grumpily than before. He hadn't even wanted to do a speech. It was only because he was head of the most important research. "Our anatomists have found several new tissues through the use of new developed computer technology, and in the next year we predict we will know which organ, or indeed, organs, this sense comes from." This gained the shock he had been waiting for. No-one had considered the sense could occur from more than one organ. "We have shown therefore, that in all its reverence, The Book is in some very minor respects wrong from a medicinal, and certainly surgical point of view, and that surgical technique can be perfected from this, enabling us to save many lives of ordinary and interesting Notrunians alike. Thank you for your time, and hopefully next year we will possess the knowledge we all desire!"

A lukewarm applause took place, as some chose not to clap at all. Wilson was not seen as the most intelligent, and many within the research community resented he was the head of medicinal research, mainly because they weren't. However, he had a safe majority, and even if he didn't, Gardner and Wakefield backed him. That was enough for anyone within these four walls. Without backing, a person was a nobody, which made it all the harder, as neither of them gave up power easily. Wakefield knew when to cave in however, but apparently more than often for his own personal purposes. Either way, Gardner's speech was next, and everyone was expecting a phenonemal announcement, as it was not his style to have his show stolen by a barely literate doctor. Just nobody knew what he would talk of, which made it all the more exciting.

"Hello all, and thank you for giving us your time for a few minutes of today, which I know is supposed to be a rest day. We are most grateful you find the work of others interesting, and as head of all genetic research, I hope you'll learn something from our findings." Everyone in the room bit their nails with anticipation.

"Firstly, we have found many discrepancies in Padfield and Mchugh's work, which leads us to wonder how accurate they were in their scientific method, and whether they were indeed brilliant minds or rushed persons. Either way, we have fully decoded the human genome and know of many diseases which we have passed on to the physicians, who have been immeasurably helpful, and many more which are either still in development or genetically abnormal from the others." This was it. The clincher of the whole year.

"However," Gardner dragged on, "we have found no evidence genetically to support the view of another sense. We will continue research however, and next year will maybe bring more answers. Thank you for your time, and I bid you good day, and thank the speakers greatly, as knowledge is the gift beyond currency or emotion, and may allow for quicker advances in research. You are free to go!"

He walked out of the room for not the first time to a frosty silence, but he didn't care this time. He had power, and maybe it had begun to consume him, but finally, he had found answers. He needed time still, to confirm his own theories. He would continue his own private research on the organ, whilst the others whittled away their time making the project economically viable. He would have the fame and recognition, in just a few more years.

He knew of the disease. And the potential for social change any new perception could bring. Such a knowledge had been lacked upon Nocturnis for so long, yet he alone had the potential to awake his dormant genes. He alone had the potential to change it all.


Year 4 - The Foreverdark

No-one knew where he was going. He had spent a year wasting his time in his facility, biding his time until he could sneak away, to find the answers where he knew they must truly lie. Research came no closer to the ultimate answer, or at least not at first glance. He had selected a group who were truly the best of Nocturnis, and he had worked them slavishly upon the potential of a cure for little over a year, in secret, with no outside or inside knowledge. As far as the other researchers were concerned, they had had the tenacity to attempt an escape from the institute, and His Eminence had done as seen fit. It was unfortunate, but no-one questioned him. No man but Gardner. And even now, he knew he was not ready to take him on publicly, it would be a fool's death, especially when he was in such a favourable position. He must remain subversive, gently undermining his despotism, freeing Nocturnis from his iron grasp, and perhaps spawning a new liberal and intellectual age. After many years before the project, he had seen more than most what The Nocturni could do to a person, and was sick with it. He may have just been a geneticist, but he knew what the answer was. He knew the disease alright.

The last twilight flares spurted from the maelstrom of Melbai Prixi, but Dr Gardner did not stop to watch. A long time ago, it was reported that the setting sun of Nocturnis was the most divine artform ever known to man. Purple laced the entire sky, each and every city, teasing the planet's atmosphere with an almost deviant presence, enlightening even The Foreverdark. Yet it was but an ancient record, and no man could care for such things, such love of ambience was lost a long year ago. All that remained now were but ancient records, and atmospheric refuse so thick that it blanketed Nocturnis from the outer worlds, so that on all but the rare occasions when the sunstorm momentarily ceased, it appeared as a gas planet. Or so the physicists would have him believe, from nothing but cold calculations from heartless computers. No-one living had ever seen such a sight. And maybe no-one ever would.

It grew dark now, and Gardner quickened his pace. He knew there were answers, but even he, a scarcely religious man, did not truly desire to know what lurked in The Foreverdark, yet he knew he must. He had spent an entire year re-programming a typical guide-bot for this trip, and he would not waste his time by turning back and waiting another year. It was the fourth anniversary of The Genome Project, and every man and even woman upon Nocturnis would be celebrating, due to the immense benefits they had gained due to research. No-one would notice an old man skulking around, and no-one would want to know why he wished to venture into The Foreverdark. Thankfully, he was counting on that, as if anyone knew the reason, he would have been sentenced without thought to execution, but not before being beaten to death by the mob. Not a noble way to die. But it was worth the risk. All the time in research, the physicians had never thought of the environmental effect The Foreverdark could have upon this sense, whether it blocked it out altogether. Gardner almost knew it for certain to be true, for that evil forest must diffuse a foul substance, impairing perception of Nocturnians, if only they could be rid of it! And not once had they thought of the refugees forced from their homes, permanently living in The Foreverdark. Why, who knows what deformities and inhuman structures its boughs had cursed them with? But within them would be the cure, and if any sign of intelligible life was left, perhaps an answer. An answer could cure it all.

Unaware of where he was walking, Gardner trusted blindly his guide-bot would protect him. He thought back to all the legends he had heard from his youth, about souls being burnt alive for eternity, and the foul beasts of The Foreverdark. He knew the first to not be true, unless he was already purgatory, which therefore cast considerable doubt upon the latter. Still, the foul shrieks and eerie rustles barely helped his disconcertion, and he just attempted to allow the guide-bot do what it was designed to do, and ignore all else. He had programmed it to seek for heat, specifically in a large concentration in a small area, thus in theory finding the last few pockets of humanity clinging to Nocturnis. Yet it seemed to be going deeper and deeper, and the cursed thicket growing thicker and thicker still, with no sign of relenting.

After a considerable time, Dr Gardner grinned. The guide-bot had stopped, hovering in mid air. It was a pre-atomic invention, constructed whilst The Book was still being written, but it was still incredibly reliable, and he had never heard of one failing in the whole history of Nocturni. It didn't make sense why such a primitive civilisation should need such a complicated invention, and for it to be so robustly reliable, but he was grateful whatever their logic was. Nocturnis was almost completely dependent on them. At last, he could find the answer, and perhaps free Nocturnis from The Nocturni's iron grasp. And the myth of The Foreverdark was finally broken.

"Why do you seek us? We still don't fully understand your purpose, Dr Gardner." Asked the newly aqqaintanced Nocturn Jorvek, in the relative warmth of the inside, away from the primitive wilderness of The Foreverdark. After establishing he was not another refugee from the fist of The Nocturni, all were confused within the small community, and just hoped he returned their generous hospitatlity, and did not come to cease their existence. So they all sat in their impoverished meeting hall, nervously waiting for their leader to guide them. Dr Gardner quick to address him in return.

"I am a scientist of Nocturnis, and am under the strictest work under orders from none other than His Eminence himself." He moved quickly to ally a multitude of gasps of fear. "However, I am not meant to be here. In fact, I am risking my very life, for I am not obeying His Eminence, and have commited what can be viewed as one of the most opaque blapshemies ever commited. So I do not work for The Nocturni. I work for Nocturnis!" He emphasised. A cheer would have passed round the room, but all was still very unclear to the gathering, and his intentions obviously not clear. Gardner sighed. "I am in possibly the most important position on Nocturni other than His Eminence, as I head the research of a particularily important project, of which we aim to better the lives of common Nocturnians. In short, we have discovered a mysterious sense, which lies dormant within our bodies." Shock broke out in the small, crowded hall. "If I can find this by myself and before His Eminence, then we will have an unprecedented opportunity; we shall have the advantage over The Nocturni! We can make Nocturnis a free planet again, colonise the long lost stars, and even coppice the oppressing Foreverdark which I believe to be the root of our problems! And I believe within you lies the key to unlocking the sense. My purpose is to make Nocturnis a free planet once more!"

"And what would you have us do to make your filthy sciences work? What foul things would you do to us? And how can we trust you?" Sneered Jorvek. He followed the consensus on the floor. "We, who have escaped Nocturni, we, who hold your answer, who have commited the worst kind of sacrilige, we, who are looked upon with more contempt than the pestilince which corrupts Nocturni itself?" Cheers broke out, but the leader was quick to dispell them. "Yet," he snarled, "You have travelled into The Foreverdark, which eliminates you from being of The Nocturni, unless they have grown desperate indeed. So who do you work for?" He finished, posing the awkward question to Gardner. "And how did you find us?"

"I work for no man except myself, and to free Nocturnis. And as for finding you, I have spent the best part of a year re-programming a guide-bot to seek for large concentrations of heat. It was a simple matter of assuming you weren't dead, which to a logical mind seems almost a truth, considering the overtold legends surrounding The Foreverdark, and then actually finding you. I trust there are more settlements like this?" Gardner shifted about uneasily. He should have paid more attention to the obvious injustices and distrust these people had accumulated through their lifetimes, and the widespread prejudice towards them. It could prove to be a significant toppling factor against him.

"Then I ask you again, on behalf of all in this room, what have you encountered of The Nocturni?" He snivelled again in his condescending manner. "We are not a stupid people, contrary to your country's misheld belief! Yes, country!" He sensed his advantage over Gardner, sitting in shock. "You ask if we have more settlement like these, insulting our technological prowess. And yet your race are too stupid to even think we could continue to exist. Nobody would even venture in this far to bury their dead, due to an ancient superstition!" He paused for breath. "We have more settlements all right, all across the Foreverdark, branding our mark upon the world. Your stupid Nocturni cannot even see that due to centuries of burial the edges of the Foreverdark have grown fecund and overgrown, and do not know of the thinned and cleared areas that lie but a few miles in. Our people outnumber yours three to one, our cities two to one, and our capital is clean and fair in all aspect, a place of intellect. We are a fair and free people, but only so because your Nocturni have forced us to run from our homes, for hope of a better life! What do you know of pain that makes you so against the Nocturni?"

Gardner froze. He had not been expecting the question. It was the one thing that he did not wish to remember, the one thing he had tried to surpress as he became top of his field, the one thing that had constantly haunted him. "Well speak!" Roared Jorvek. But Gardner had frozen. Anger swelled up within him.

"The Nocturni, are those that made me who I am. I am a successful geneticist, I head the most important research in all of Nocturnis, and I will be remembered forever. But it was they who picked me out. Their bastard priests. I was screened, as all young babies are on Nocturnis, and on my seventh birthday, torn away from my family. Without a man, as I had no father figure, there is no recognised family on Nocturnis, and women are nothing but second class citizens, ultimately slaves. As I was taught all there was of genetics, my nine year old sister torn away from home to become a vestal for the priests, my mother forced to death by poverty. But my poor, young sister. The Nocturni could only make me work by ensuring her safety, allowing me to visit her occasionally, and continued to until they considered me conditioned enough to work without her influence. I haven't seen my sister since I was eleven, and I am now an old man. I'm not stupid. I know what fate holds for a vestal past the age of childbearing. They raped and abused her, if they had not already killed her, and then burned her under the pretence of being possesed with a spirit of The Foreverdark. But it does not end there. The Nocturni imprinted her into my mind so much that whenever I work, I think of visiting her, just like it was those many years ago. But I know it can't happen. So I must tear down every last institution that so much supports their morbid ways, and then finally I might have revenge and Nocturnis might be free. But none of this can replace my sister." Gardner was on the verge of collapse. He had never told anyone of this, and he had spoke in such a down to earth manner that he knew it had come straight from the heart. He, a grown man, nearly in tears over a little girl. Let he knew even more clearly now what he had to do. It was his fate to kill His Eminence.

"Friend, I speak for all of us when I say that you have more than proven yourself to us, and we will support you with whatever it takes, as long as you continue to co-operate with us, and find a cure for this disease." Spoke Jorvek in a gentle tone, whilst everyone else remained silent out of a powerful mixture of respect and sheer hatred towards The Nocturni. Never had they seen a grown man cry. "Yes, we know of the disease, and have been following your project fairly closely, just we had to be sure that you were sincere in your aims."
"Perfectly understandable," said Gardner, "but I thought the disease stemmed from The Foreverdark. My hypothesis is all but lost...a whole years work dead." He was still not himself.
"The contrary." Said Jorvek. "We know not what the disease is, or I myself do not, but we know of those who are cured of it. You can take all the samples you need, as long as you get back to the capital without arousing suspicion, and promise to take down The Nocturni with our help. Far too long have they ruined us." His tone increased, anger brewing deep within his throat. "With us you can make a difference. Will you help us?" There was silence. Everyone knew the question was an abuse of rhetoric. Jorvek carried on speaking.

"It appears that the converse of your theory is true, Gardner, and that something within or owing to The Foreverdark allows our species to possess this sense, and we therefore have a new generation appearing, ever since the refugees first came here, able bodied, yet unable to describe this cursed sense to us. The answer, is in the children."


Year 5
Many years had passed since His Eminence had first summoned him for their fateful meeting, and although they had only met three times...it did not add up. The Hatred did not make sense...but sense was not needed...for what His Eminence had done.......

Gardner had become increasingly reclusive over the last year, and he rarely spoke to anyone outside of his trusted circle of friends. His state of mind had deteriorated so much that Wakefield had been in effective control of the research for the greater part of the year, and unrest was rising within amongst speculation that the project would fail in its primary aim. From their perspective, nothing had come of the last two years but a lead researcher bordering on insanity, and they just wished to complete their research and unite their families once more. There was no cohesive approach to work, and little benefit had come out of the year, due to a less than amiable administration from Wakefield. Still, at least he was held in much higher regard than Gardner, who was seen as little but a broken fool, waiting for death, natural or provoked. His moods were legendary, he was known to have been locked in his room for weeks upon end for no perceivable event. Only Dr Jackson and Wakefield could even hope to understand him, and it seemed as if they were more interested in completing research, as acting leaders of the real research team. Whatever was said about Gardner was obliterated in his prolific contributions to the team; he had identified the organ, and a potential for a cure, which to their knowledge was still in the early stages of development. No-one knew for sure what Gardner knew, but rumour had spread amongst the plebeians of ascension, and how Gardner was to abstain Nocturnis of all its sins and worldly pains. Every man on Nocturnis therefore, was all ears today. For on the fifth day of the fifth year, Gardner was to broadcast a worldwide radio address, for every order of society. Yet no man knew what he was going to say. There were those he held closest to his heart, who he had told every secret, even of the visits to The Foreverdark, but Wakefield and Jackson knew nothing of his agenda. They had simply helped push him towards his final swansong, encouraging him where all others would have given up, blissfully unaware of what he was to produce. They had helped him develop the cure.

"People of Nocturnis, Nocturni, Your Eminence." Spoke Gardner with little emotion into the microphone, sounding weary beyond mere work. "Long ago, our ancestors came from the stars, settling Nocturnis, and recording their exploits in what is now commonly known as The Book. We come from a far spread race, our boundaries unknown, our capacities boundless." Gardner paused. A whole world waited with anticipation. "Yet we are now confined to this planet, and know nothing of others like us who may live on worlds similar to ours. What are the stars our ancestors spoke so highly of? Where are they? Might we travel there someday? Might there be other planets like ours, orbiting suns like ours? We may not be alone, but until now, we had no way of telling." Revenge was sweet. "Today, is the day that will change. I am sure nearly all of you will have heard of The Genome Project, and its aims. For those of you that don't, I will outline the basic details.

The Genome project was first conceived by His Eminence, upon private study of The Book, where he saw reference to a mysterious, unidentified sense. Puzzled, I was sent for, being the leading geneticist upon Nocturni," Gardner paused, "and being dedicated to The Nocturni since an early age. After study of my own, it was concluded that there was potential for a mysterious sense, dormant within every one of us, and it was quickly decided to assemble the greatest research project of our time to discover what this sense was. These five years have been arduous and challenging times for us all, but none more than the specialists recruited for this project, who I must collectively thank for all their efforts. But I regret to announce their services are no long required. We have found a cure." What did a planet in uproar sound like? Gardner knew the coveted answer.

"I myself was the first to test it, and the mysterious organ made perfect sense from the first moment. It is so beautiful...so abstract in meaning...it brings answers to our entire existence. As far as I know, the cure is permanent, and has no side effects. Instantaneously you will be transformed, into the able bodied Nocturnian you were designed to be. The cure is cheap. It is safe. And it is for everyone. It is available now, mass produced, enough to cure our entire capital of the disease in this one day! I ask all of Nocturnis to unite, and together build a better future! A free future! A future without tyranny! After five years of work, I know what our disease is, but it is not a simple dormant organ. There is a cure! And it is for everyone!"

Static burst an unwelcome entry, and Gardner saw that Wakefield was standing, staring at him. His ecstasy broke off, aware that it was he who
Glittering like sand as it runs through my hands, you fade away..
  





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Thu May 29, 2008 12:39 pm
BigBadBear says...



This is REALLY long. Nobody is gonna read it unless you break it up. I would suggest posting just the prologue today. And then some other time post Year 1. More people will read it.

Right now, the size of this is daunting.

-Jared
Just write -- the rest of life will follow.

Would love help on this.
  





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Thu May 29, 2008 3:43 pm
GryphonFledgling says...



I'd have to agree. As pathetic as it sounds, long passages of internet writing tend to daunt people, myself included. For some reason, long internet posts are not regarded with the same respect as, say, long novels or the like. The words all seem to run together into a daunting mass on the screen. I'd suggest that you break it up into the sections you already have conveniently provided, making each year a separate post. You'd get more readers and also more in-depth reviews.

Anyway, I actually did read this, despite its length and I have to say that, while well-written more or less, the piece is a bit of an info dump. Beginning with the description of the planet and forest and continuing through the long monologues explaining things, it falls into a trap extremely unique (at at the same time, not so unique) to hard sci-fi. With a lot of scientific theories and so on and so forth, it is easier for the author to have it all in one fell swoop in a character's conversation, lecture or speech to another and just dump everything the reader needs to know in their lap. However, this is not a fun thing to read at all. In this piece, your characters got lost in all the info-dumping. The story got lost in the info-dumping.

The thing is, I'm not quite sure how to fix it. I'm not a hard-core sci-fi writer myself, and never really had to deal with this. You don't have much action going on here, just exposition. You wrote nicely, but it got lost in the sheer amount of information heaped upon us. I'd ask for help from an experienced sci-fi writer (maybe post a help ad in the writing tips forum, asking for sci-fi specific help) and see what comes of it...

Also, what happened to the rest of it? It cuts off mid-sentence at the end, just when all is about to be revealed! Slice the story up, post it in individual sections and the readers will come.

Anyway, good luck with your writing!

~GryphonFledgling
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Thu May 29, 2008 3:47 pm
El-lyncho says...



It's been cut apart.. :| didn't notice that.
It was all there in the preview so.. :S
Glittering like sand as it runs through my hands, you fade away..
  








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