Young Writers Society

The Mutts pieces don't have to be read in order. They're written in random order out of a list of 100 one-word prompts in a challenge found on LiveJournal (PM me for link if interested - it's pretty cool). They don't follow any particular pattern and no characters repeat, so you can read in any order.

5/19/08

034 – Not Enough

Star Daily
NYPD getting some new hardware; some concerned ~ Bob Starzinski

26 AI (artificial intelligence) robots were released into the population of New York yesterday in order to meet the rising demands for better police presence.

“These are the future of law enforcement,” says Chief Aaron Brown. “They don’t get tired, they don’t need to change shifts and they remember everything they see perfectly.”

Modeled after human beings physically, the AI units, known by the developers and their fellow officers as ‘cyborgs’, are fully autonomous law enforcers. They are capable of thinking on their own. This independence, however, has raised some concerns.

“We don’t fully know everything that goes on in their head,” says Dr. Maggie Kilt, one of the AI project developers. “But we are fully confident in our safety measures.”

Some scientists and humanitarian societies are worried the AI’s could develop self-awareness.

“These robots don’t get paid and they’re likely to suffer abuse. What if a robot realizes that it doesn’t want to do it’s job? Will it want to integrate into society, or would it become dangerous? These are questions we must ask,” declared Mayor of Washington D.C, Kevin Robertson, a renowned human rights activist, during a press conference in which he was asked if the nation’s capital was to follow suit in the cyborg police force.

“New York is the testing ground. May they always remain machines.”

---

Meh, I always felt like this was a little melodramatic, especially that last line.

If this is your first "Mutts", my intention with this series is to write 100 short pieces that are all set in the same world, but are all separate stories. The idea is that by the end, I will have created a well-rounded world and history without ever having sat down and spelled it all out. The reader will have to do a little of their own work to piece the history line together. I might eventually go back and arrange them in chronological order, but right now, they are random. (That date at the top is the day I wrote the piece and has nothing to do with the history of the story in terms of dates or whatever.)

Hey, GryphonFledgling!

Ooh, this sounds cool. I would love the link, if you'd be so obliged. ^_~ This piece was really neat--it's a conflict that's been brought up in a lot of sci-fi movies, but the "newspaper article" take was an interesting take on it.

My only wish would be for it to be expanded. At the moment, it's using just one argument, and newspaper articles generally try to get every side of the story. Of course the human rights people would be offended, but what about justice-lovers? Christians? Scientists? Getting all sides of the story is what's going to make this world of yours a lot more well-rounded, and it'll give you some cool conflict to toy around with in the future.

Also, if someone is stating an opinion in a news article, it's important for the journalist to denote that it is, in fact, an opinion--like the last line. A quick paraphrasing of thoughts should come before the quote, just so that we know that it's not something to be taken as fact. "These hot dogs are great," said Bob, a Goon's Hotdogs & Mustard patron since 1987. "I don't go anywhere else for my franks--I wouldn't dream of it." Denoting a bias will also help you characterize the different sides of the story, and help you get acquainted with the long story (and the long story short).

Yay! This was really cool. ^_^ Let me know if you have any questions or if there's anyone of these pieces that you'd like a little extra help on.

I liked this one. It was also interesting to read it in such a newspaper-like format. It felt like a very real article, to me, but then again I don't have much experience in writing articles like this, so I can't exactly critique it too much. Overall, though, i liked it. Of the ones I've read, I think I like this one the most.

Hey here's my crit!

GryphonFledgling wrote:The Mutts pieces don't have to be read in order. They're written in random order out of a list of 100 one-word prompts in a challenge found on LiveJournal (PM me for link if interested - it's pretty cool). They don't follow any particular pattern and no characters repeat, so you can read in any order.

5/19/08

034 – Not Enough

Star Daily
NYPD getting some new hardware; some concerned ~ Bob Starzinski

26 AI (artificial intelligence) robots were released into the population of New York yesterday in order to meet the rising demands for better police presence.

“These are the future of law enforcement,” says Chief Aaron Brown. “They don’t get tired, they don’t need to change shifts and they remember everything they see perfectly.”

Physically modeled after human beings [s]physically[/s], the AI units, known by the developers and their fellow officers as ‘cyborgs’, are fully autonomous law enforcers. They are capable of thinking on their own. {{{{{ This independence, however, has raised some concerns.

“We don’t fully know everything that goes on in their head,” says Dr. Maggie Kilt, one of the AI project developers. “But we are fully confident in our safety measures.”

Some scientists and humanitarian societies are worried the AI’s could develop self-awareness.

“These robots don’t get paid and they’re likely to suffer abuse. What if a robot realizes that it doesn’t want to do it’s job? Will it want to integrate into society, or would it become dangerous? These are questions we must ask,” declared Mayor of Washington D.C, Kevin Robertson, a renowned human rights activist, during a press conference in which he was asked if the nation’s capital was to follow suit in the cyborg police force. }}}}} Okay, the stuff that I highlighted with the red brackets felt a bit cliche. I mean the whole irobot idea etc. So, I would suggest that you raise a different concern such as how will the robots know the difference between right and wrong if they are bots? Because everythings not black and white (there are gray areas when it comes with dealing with the law.) Just a thought

“New York is the testing ground. May they always remain machines.”

---

Meh, I always felt like this was a little melodramatic, especially that last line.

If this is your first "Mutts", my intention with this series is to write 100 short pieces that are all set in the same world, but are all separate stories. The idea is that by the end, I will have created a well-rounded world and history without ever having sat down and spelled it all out. The reader will have to do a little of their own work to piece the history line together. I might eventually go back and arrange them in chronological order, but right now, they are random. (That date at the top is the day I wrote the piece and has nothing to do with the history of the story in terms of dates or whatever.)

Wow! This was pretty cool! I couldn't find any gramatical errors (except the little rephrasing I did). Overall it definitley reads like a newspaper article, which I like, a lot. I pointed out the parts that I think should be worked on. I also had a little problem with the ending line "May they always remain machines". I think you're talking about the robots right? It was just a bit too foreboding. I like melodramatic stuff so I would definitley try to think up another way to end it with a line that makes us think like: "If robots start acting like people, which laws will these machines be required to answer to?" or something along those lines.

I hope this helped! I really liked the story and I like the Mutts idea in general! Keep up the good work,

I think that the idea is really good, and a very original idea as far as the newspaper format goes. However, I think that the newspaper should sound a little more like a newspaper. For me, it just doesn't have the same feel. Maybe a little less paragraph breaks?

I haven't really read much work like this so it is hard for me to criticize this particular piece. Although I will say that I love your format, its very unique. To be honest, I can't find anything I don't like in this piece so I will leave my comment at that.

Congrats on a great piece of work:)

Wow, the newspaper format is truly interesting; I think you captured much of the feel of a real newspaper quite well. The idea described is rather old and somewhat worn by now, though (but who am I to talk? The Zenith Cycle hinges on a similar premise)...so to be perfectly honest, there wasn't anything that new in here. Still, the way you presented it was novel and intriguing, and I like how you hinted at the potential upcoming struggle without having it actually happen.

All that being said, here are a few minor problems mechanics-wise:

26 AI (artificial intelligence) robots were released into the population of New York yesterday in order to meet the rising demands for better police presence.

Would it be better said as "26 AI--artificial intelligence--robots"? I know this is supposed to be a news article, but the last one feels a little more natural.

Modeled after human beings physically, the AI units, known by the developers and their fellow officers as ‘cyborgs’, are fully autonomous law enforcers.

Just a minor issue--in science fiction, "cyborgs" tend to be humans with robot parts, not super-human robots. Generally humanlike robots are known as "androids" (or, in the case of females, "gynoids"). Just saying; you can play with the terms as you like, but all the same, it might also come across as a lack of research on your part. NOT saying you haven't done your research, nothing like that. And honestly, this is more a personal gripe on my part, so feel free to ignore me.

What if a robot realizes that it doesn’t want to do it’s job?

Minor grammar error--that "it's" should be an "its", no apostrophe. If you're ever uncertain, just try saying "it is" every time you put an apostrophe, and if it sounds weird (doesn't want to do it is job?), then remove the apostrophe. ^^

“New York is the testing ground. May they always remain machines.”

I like this last line--it didn't seem melodramatic at all to me. There's just something neat about it...particularly the "May they always remain machines" part. I can't really explain it, but...blehh. I like it.

Good work, I like it, and even though the idea of robots-developing-consciousness is a bit trodden and worn in the world of science fiction, you presented it interestingly enough as a newspaper article in the world that it's happening, rather than the dispassionate observations of a third-person narrator. And the idea of police robots just...hit a personal soft spot of mine. In particular, I'm curious to know what the interaction 'tween the robots and humans will be like. This is probably a consequence of me liking Law & Order, especially the arrest scenes, but how would a human being arrested by a robot react? They'd most likely treat the robot in a FAR ruder and more insolent manner than a human cop...

Well, it's your story, so I don't wanna write it for you. Just saying, could be a future consideration (unless you've already written a story about that, and in that case I'll just feel like an idiot).