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Prisoners of War



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Sun Sep 14, 2008 7:38 pm
Angel of Death says...



Note: Okay this is just something I wrote because I felt like I needed to get it out of my head. Its not done and I know it needs way more description but just bare with me here. Its Science Fiction because it takes place in the future and involves some very weird futuristic stuff. Can't wait to hear all the constructive criticism. Enjoy!!!

Prisoners of War
By Angel of Death

They say war scorched off the face of the Earth, like an atomic wildfire. They say people who used their Godless minds, hungered for death and raged it with the clashing of countries. We fought over black water that flowed through the ground. We fought over the skin that matted our noodle like bones. Come to think of it, we were the reason that the world ended.

^

Gunshots.
Screams. Silence.
Those were the usual signs of death. Cold air seeped in through the grates, turning the atmosphere an even darker shade of gray.
"Amad, how long do we stay down here?" Mahira stared at me with her big brown eyes, a frown struggling to form under her nose. I shrugged, the rifle I held in my hands feeling like dead weight. A shadow fell over the already dark sewer, sending shivers down my spine. If someone saw us, we'd be the next victims of the American army. Two more corpses to add to their black parade.
"Don't let another one of them slip from your sight, Johnson!" a voice barked. Two feet stepped onto the the iron bars. They were boots, muddy from the recent storm.
"Sir, yes, sir!" the soldier named Johnson replied. To think I was just like him. Obeying every order that was given. Not knowing that it would lead to the end of the world. The sound of puddles trembling, announced the soldier's departure.
"We have to get out of here...tonight," I whispered, looking over at Mahira. She nodded, as sobs spilled out of her mouth. Her whole body was shaking. Mud matted her dark hair to her face, and sewage stained the dress she wore. I wanted to wrap my arms around her and tell her it was going to be okay. Even though I knew that was lie.
Everything was my fault. If it wasn't for my wishful thinking, we'd be in America now. We'd be living lives free from this war. Free from this hell we've been sent to.

^

Bombs dropped down onto the city like tiny firecrackers. That was the fifteenth building we've blown up today. From way up in the sky, Pakistan looked like a computer game. One where you erase everything that was there and start over.

The only difference between a game and life was this:

You only got one life.

I didn't want to be piloting this war aircraft. Each and every button before me looked like suckers and assorted candies but there was nothing sweet about them. I could feel Sgt. Mckenny's eyes boring into the ground below as I soar through the sky. From above, it looked like a candlelight procession for peace. There were millions of people below, holding up there hands and waving them in the air. First they were tiny sparks of unity but then they digressed to flames of division. One by one, buildings fell to the ground, looking more like mounds of dirt than bricks. If I closed my eyes, I could here screams rising up from the scorched corpses. I was a murderer. A storm with the car keys.
"Parker, turn seventy degrees north and thirty-eight degrees west," Sgt. Mckenny ordered, a smile in his voice. He was sitting beside me, looking down at the Earth like a boy would on Christmas day. Happy to see all the lights twinkling.
It didn't take me long to figure out what I was about to destroy. Just below the clouds and the rain and the smoke was a hospital. It was now a sand-colored building with a flag sticking out of it, but soon it will be a pile of ashes.
It killed me to have to take the lives of the those who were already suffering. Pictures of dismantled bodies and bloodied faces flashed through my mind. Voices struggling to be heard, probed at my conscious, searching for a piece of humanity.

Did they find it?

Nope.

There was nothing human about this war.

^

Date: July 1, 2009
Location: Broken Arrow, Oklahoma


"Why the hell would Steve pick a town like this?" Darwin asked, his hands slipped inside his pants pockets. A cigarette was wedged in between his lips, letting go puffs of smoke. The smell of burning tar burned my nose, unbearable in the blistering cold of the room. We were inside Siren Enterprises the company that posed as a Recycling plant but really it was something more.
"Its a small place. No one will ever get suspicious." I replied.
"You mean, no one would care if people were to go missing?" he said, looking ahead. I followed his gaze towards the big glass doors. Behind them was a machine bigger than anything this world had ever seen. It had sterling claws and a green liquid surged through its veins. Human-sized capsules hovered above the contraption, situated safely in its hands. Through the walls of the containers, I could see faces with their eyes sewn shut. They varied in color and appearance. Some were men and some were small children who probably rode their bikes around time. I sighed and looked back at Darwin. My breath caught when I saw what he was holding in his hands. Its iron mouth staring me right in the eye.

^

Date: July 10, 2009
Location: Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania.

"Honey, can you pick up the dry cleaning today?"
Margaret walked into the room, her brown hair swept up into a bun. Her suit was tailored and fit perfectly on her curvy frame. I nodded, smiling. It was her first day on the job and she was already ready to go.
"Yes dear." I said, as she kissed me on the cheek. She then grabbed her cup of coffee and left the room, her hips switching.
Thank God she's mine.

^

Date: July 10, 2009
Location: New York, New York

Reporter: The world of Oklahoma is at a stand-still on this cold day in July. Respected community man and Scientist, Randy Nell, was found dead in his car, shot three times in his head. A local runner was running down the street where Nell lived with his wife and two kids, when he saw his car parked at the end of the road.

Runner: Who could do this to a man like him? He was so nice. I went to a couple of his seminars, and they were always detailed. And um...its just sad that someone would do this to him.

Reporter: Detectives are looking into this case and when there is a lead, we'll be sure to keep you posted. I'm Ginger Smitts, channel 11 news.
Last edited by Angel of Death on Fri Nov 14, 2008 10:14 pm, edited 3 times in total.
True love, in all it’s celestial charm, and
star-crossed ways, only exist in a writer’s
mind, for humans have not yet learned
how to manifest it.
  





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Wed Sep 17, 2008 4:48 pm
aszecsei says...



Yikes! Really interesting, made me want to see that McKenny loses. It sort of confused me when you switched from Amad's perspective to Parker's, but once I sort of read over it again, it made more sense.

Why does everyone gots to pick on the Middle East?
  





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Wed Sep 17, 2008 8:00 pm
Angel of Death says...



Yay a review! Thanks for commenting and this doesn't necessarily have to do with the Middle East its just at the moment, we're they're located. I have a pretty good idea of where I want this to go, I just have to write it. Thanks again,
-Angel
True love, in all it’s celestial charm, and
star-crossed ways, only exist in a writer’s
mind, for humans have not yet learned
how to manifest it.
  





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Thu Sep 25, 2008 2:48 am
vox nihili says...



A very original plot. I've never heard of an apocalypse-war story narrated with such tantalizing fore-shadowing. You've got a great beginning, however, you've got a few problems with the tenses and some type-editing....
"It was now a sand-colored building with a flag sticking out of it, but soon it will be a pile of ashes. "
should be: It was a sand-colored building with a flag sticking out, (leave out the 'of it', it's awkward to read.) soon to be a pile of ashes.

"Voices struggling to be heard, probed at my conscious, searching for a piece of humanity. "
should be: Voices struggling to be heard probed at my conscious, searching for a piece of humanity." (there's no need for the first comma here.)

Also, the meaning of : "A storm with the car keys. " is very unclear.

Keep writing! I love the quote in your signature. :D
  








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