Young Writers Society

Name: Lisa Johnald
Description: Brown hair, happy, bouncy. Juicy.

Answers For Following Questions:

Why do you want to?
Because she is perfect for my job, I need to do it. I'd be killed if I didn't

Will it last long?
14/7/2999 until 25/7/2999.

Mission objective complete.

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Dear Kitty,
I don't know who gave me this and why, its like something from the future. The year 2991 is the funniest year for fashion. People find that hats should be worn as short shirts. But with a hole in the middle. At least it makes your boobs look bigger. But this year is this also the most important year of all for everyone. Today we are going to find out when the earth is going to end. Though I don't think it would matter to me. I'm about to die anyway by the look of this slip. The man, well lets say ALIEN said that I'm not ment to know, though I am at the same time. Weird erh?! He was telling me all these weird things like. 'Tonight you are going to see this special person. You will kiss him tonight, but he will stop and try to kill you.'
I was like; okay..... Though somehow I think he might be right... It's night now, Im looking out my window at this very moment. It is dark and the stars are blowing up way too often. Scientist are saying its just a phrase, though Im not too sure.

The bedroom Im in is tiny. They pink wall paper doesn't match anything, like for instance. My bed is blue, my carpet is blue, my wardobe is blue, and my shelf is... I'll let you take a guess. Yes, thats right... BLUE. We haven't had the money to get my room looking uptodate for my age. 10 is a final two digit number, I turnned to that number two months ago. I was right pleased with my self. I was like a dream come true! Im old enough to get my self a dorkie. (a dorkie is a game's cube full with mobile phones, which are soo out of fashion! make up kit and a mini computer and watch). I ain't been off it since today. The alien guy told me I would suddenly go off it, I don't know why he is telling the truth, but oh well. Some one is at the door, the alien guy is right. Im going to kiss someone tonight... Oh that rymes!

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Dear kitty,
I did met him. He was dreamy, why is people so right? He was a wierd looking guy right enough, but man he sure kissed me. I just openned the door and there he was, in my arms. His tender lips against mine, bliss! I don't understand why that guy kissed me. I don't even know his name! Though I felt I did...

Did I tell you kitty Im moving? Yes I am, right happy I am. I don't want to stay here any longer. That alien dude is freaking me out. Badly, he is bumping into me every day. Yes it has been two days since I last wrote. Amazing isn't it?! He keeps telling me what is going to happen to me in the future. Though he doesn't tell me about that one slip that actullay HAS my future needing told about. That something is scaring me now because he isn't telling me what is going to happen after that date. Its like my life is going to stop there! I really don't want it to. I just kissed someone I didn't even know! And he even told me that I'm going to win the otty. (its like the lottery, but you win MORE). Oh know, that boy is at the door again. I know what is going to happen next. The alien person told me. Aaaaaaaaaah!

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MSN

Chatting: Radoir , HaHaThatIsntFunny

Radoir:
Now, lets get to bussiness.
HaHaThatIsntFunny:
Which is
Radoir:
Didnt I tell you about the girl?
HaHaThatIsntFunny:
Oh yes, what about her
Radoir:
Why did you pick her? I dont think she is the girl we should be doing the job on.
HaHaThatIsntFunny:
There isnt any1 else Ronney!
Radoir:
Dont mention my name!
HaHaThatIsntFunny:
why
Radior:
Its dangerous. Hackers could be reading my chat or even your chat log!
HaHaThatIsntFunny:
fine. you are talking a loud of rubbish anyhow
Radior:
We have to do it properly
HaHaThatIsntFunny:
We will. We have plenty of time. I think 8 years is plenty
Radior:
No it is not, it might be too late
HaHaThatIsntFunny:
ha! no way, anyhow I have to go, mum is nagging me. biiiiiii
Radior:
Right? So lets go bragging on about us being kids... We're 15! Don't act younger
HaHaThatIsntFunny:
Can't you see Im acting? Fine, no, bye!

HaHaThatIsntFunny Has Left The Convo....

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Dear Diary,
I have suddenly came across this old diary which I kept as a kid. 10 is quite young and alot of things have suddenly entered my world. Nothing would preper me for that horrible day tomorrow. Yes, tomorrow is the day that I might die. The 14th. I'm not looking forward to such nonsense really. Why wait so long for such a small task?
My alien friend, John Bellio has helped me so much with my confusing life. For instanse, Im no longer unhappy with this new power John is telling me. I am really enjoying it actullay. I asked John a number of times if he could tell me about life after this instance. Was I really going to die? He had no way of telling. This blockage of power was new to him and he didn't like it one bit. Something was blocking his mind to see the days after they find me...

I don't normally kill people my self. Some people in our time DO find it as a wierd hobbey, foxes and other animal hunting have been banned. People miss their shoting, so they use it on other living things. Them selfs. I have to go now, something has crept up in my mind. I have to dump my boyfriend. I don't want him to be so sad when I see his sad face when I am a ghost. I'll always love him....

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Phone call.

Calling: Ronney. Calling to who: Ian

Ronney: Something horrible has happened Ian,
Ian: Why couldn't of you told me this on MSN?
Ronney: No one uses it. It is a waste of time, so are you.
Ian: Thanks.
Ronney: I can't go on with the plans.
Ian: Why not?!
Ronney: Something has crept up
Ian: You have to do it. We promised that eight years ago.
Ronney: I know. I'm sorry
Ian: I'm not going to let you stop this
Ronney: hmmm.
Ian: Listen! You need to do it! Your life practically depends on it.
Ronney: I know, I know.
Ian: Please?
Ronney: Fine, but if this goes wrong...
Ian: ...It wont, trust me. I know it wont.

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Dear Diary,
Oh my, he was so upset. He had to run to home as fast as he could. I really think I hurt him. I shouldn't of, though he would be more upset if he found out about me.

We had been going on for so long. Three years to be on target. He has fancied me even longer, but he hasn't thought of telling me (I asked John). Actullay, it has been nine years. I never found my self as a pretty girl, but it seems he does. When he was younger, a year ago, he was so childish. He was acting like me when I was ten. He is five years older than me and I am still more mature than him. Its amazing if you have a good long think about it. fiften hours to go until my new fate ahead of me comes and catches up...

If only if John knew! He knew that when I was ten, I had to move so he did too! I was amazed at why he wanted to tell me so much. I s'pose it is because it wants to see this new force. Amazing really....

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Dorkie recording subject, he just wants to replay it

Ronney: Where is she?
Ian: Are you sure John said she would walk here.
Ronney: Yes.
Ian: Look there she is!
Ronney: Have you got it?
Ian: Got... Oh, yes, here..
Girl: Whats going on? Why are you here?!!
Ian (whispers, recorder manages to pick up some words): Remember... John... Said
Ronney: Yes, I know!
Girl: What do you mean about John? The alien guy?
Ronney: Yes.
Girl: Oh my god, what about him?
Ronney: Nothing.
Girl: I am away. Remember what I said to you? (cough)..
Ronney: No wait!
Girl: What? Are you going to ask me back out or something?
Ronney: I... erm..
Girl: You are!
Ian: He is not, so shut up.
Ronney: Will you marry me Lisa?
Girl: What the fuck?!
Ronney: Oh erm...
Ian: Damn..
Girl: Sorry, I mean... My answer is... Yes! My answer is yes!
Ronney: Really?! I've been waiting eight years to ask this question!
Girl: Eight years?
Ian: Yes, he had until the 25th.
Girl: tw-w-wenty fifth?!
Ronney: Yes. Oh, we made out lifes up and Im to marry you, as well I have always loved you..
Girl: I know that. But....
Ian: I can't beleive we remembered it, we lost the slip and all!
Girl: Slip? This one? (Paper Ruffles)
Ronney: Thats the one!
Girl: So no one is going to murder me?
Ronney: Who?!
Girl: I got this all wrong!
Ian: I think you did honey......

(Tape cuts off)

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The End.

Although the idea of his story is a good one, the layout is really confusing. I had to read it twice and I am still a little unsure of what has happened. There are also some grammar mistakes which add to the confusion.

Why do you want to?
Because she is perfect for my job, I need to do it. I'd be killed if I didn't

I think you need to explain exactly what is going on here, other wise it doesn't tell the reader much about the story.

Will it last long?
14/7/2999 until 25/7/2999.

I found myself asking "Will what last long?"

10 is a final two digit number, I turnned to that number two months ago.

I really didn't like this line. Would you write this in a diary? I don't think you needed to say that ten is a double digit number, but if you really want it in there, I think it should be "I came into double digits two months ago, when I turned ten."

It would also be really handy if you could tell us their MSN names!! I was totally confused here.

I don't read sci-fi much, as you can probably tell. This is a good story in the making but you need to set it out more clearly. Sorry if have been too harsh; maybe I'm just not used to how you set out Science Fiction.

No it's okay.

I did that because I wanted the reader to be confused. I wanted them to want to read to find out what is happened. I see I didn't manage that.

Sorry

O.K, this is so confusing. I liked the beginning but it just was way to confusing at the middle and end. I like the plot, well I really don't know what the plot is but the whole alien guy telling her stuff, I think if you tweaked this a bunch and made it less confusing it could be great!