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Young Writers Society


Inferiority



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Sun Jan 17, 2010 6:40 pm
RedBird says...



I wrote this a few years back, when I was 12, I think. Tell me what you think! :)



Inferiority

On the unremarkable day that suddenly became remarkable, work was going on as usual in Laramie, Wyoming. In fact, this day was going just as well as any other day in the past 50 years, and showed no sign of getting any better or worse. Which is just as well, because unbeknownst to anyone in that small town, something decidedly exciting was about to happen. It all started when an Inferior called Mach Ismo was assigned to work very near the important office buildings that housed the Enlightened folk of the town. This would be the cause of much grief for the said Inferior.
Mach Ismo was a slight man of around 18 years old. He had mousy brown hair and watery eyes, but he was strong in body and quick of mind. Mach, also known as MI, was a very curious person, which was very much frowned upon, so he had to conceal the fact from everyone around him. He would ask infinite questions, however, and his master, a very large Enlightened, was kind enough to answer most of them. After a day’s work was over, and MI went to the dingy kitchen that he slept in, the huge bulk of his master would often follow him and talk, which was an unheard of luxury for the animal-like humans that the Enlightened forced into service.
On the night before that fateful day, MI asked two questions, questions that were almost heresy.
“Why are the Inferior separated from the Enlightened? Why are we made to work for you while you do nothing at all?”
His master, all quivering jowls and drooping eyes, gave a start and then smiled, “Why? Well, it is for your own good, of course! If the Inferiors like yourself were given high up thinking jobs like those of the Enlightened, then you wouldn’t know what to do. You would be helpless and that is why the Enlightened are so important. We are the ones who make the decisions that keep us all alive. If we were not here, you would be dead or almost dead. As for your second question, I already told you. The Enlightened are the diplomats, the designers, the people who count-who know how to keep the world together.”
This did not make much sense to MI, who, although he was considered primitive by the Enlightened, was just as smart as any other human. His master was lenient, compared to some other masters of Inferiors that he knew, but he was still an Enlightened and would probably explode if his authority were tried. MI’s opinion was likely to cause that reaction, but he desperately wanted to say what he thought. And so he did, “Have you ever tried to give an Inferior an Enlightened job, though? If you haven’t, then how do you know that we can’t do the jobs that you do? I personally think that we could do everything that you do, since all that I ever see you do is sit around and eat things and sleep all day!”
His master stared at him in horror. MI slapped himself on the forehead just as his master stood up and punched him.
“You insolent animal,” he shouted, all congeniality gone, “How could you ever think that you were equal to us? We are far superior, and you know it! Tomorrow you will work at the trash deposit outside my building, so I can beat you every time that I get a coffee break. Do not speak directly to me again.”
Then he left, purposefully knocking over the little table with a glass full of flowers that MI kept there, the only things of beauty that he had. The glass smashed all over the earthen floor and the flowers went everywhere. MI heard the lock clicking behind his master and knew that the kindness that he had once known from him was long gone. He went to sleep thinking about cruelty and smashed flowers.
The next day, MI was hustled out of his small kitchen room and into a storage truck that took him to the trash deposit warehouse outside of his master’s building, which towered above all other buildings. It was a large warehouse, full of the waste and filth of the Enlightened in the building next to it. He was told to load all of the trash given to him by the Enlightened into a large bin inside the trash truck every time that it passed his way. These visits by the truck could be far and few between, so the trash would begin to smell more and more horrible, or so the Inferior who gave him the instructions told him. He was a tall man, with black hair and large muscles that he obviously used a lot.
“Oh, and if you need anything, I’m inside the office across the street, inside that little red door. Name’s Reb L., by the way, but you can just call me Reb. What’s your name?”
MI was slightly taken aback by the sudden rush of information coming from Reb’s mouth, but he replied, “Just call me MI. That is what everybody else calls me.”
“Great! I can’t wait to have a chat with you in my room,” said Reb. MI nodded politely, and then stopped. He had never told Reb that he would come and see him. The only thing that he had said was his name. He called over to Reb, who was walking back to the office building where he stayed, “I never said I was coming over. Why did you-?”
Reb just grinned, and called back, “I’ll see you around 12, at your lunch break. I’ll provide the grub. Don’t trouble yourself.”
MI shook his head. Reb was obviously hurting for some company, or else why would he ask him to come over? It was very confusing, but if Reb was prepared to give him food, then he might as well go over.
After a morning of hauling trash from bag to bin, MI was quite ready for his lunch with Reb. He took a short shower in the facilities of the warehouse (which were barely usable; the water at all sorts of green and slimy things in it) and then walked across the cracked pavement of the street to the office building that Reb lived in. He knocked on the door softly and then opened it. To his surprise, the room was quite large and there were several other Inferior in the room with Reb. Reb smiled at MI and motioned for him to come over and join them at the large table that the group was sitting at. MI walked over and sat in the chair stiffly. Reb smiled again and said, “Welcome, MI. Thank you for joining us for lunch. Please, don’t be nervous and take whatever food you would like. And no, I am not an Enlightened although it might seem that way. My friends and I have merely been saving our ‘wages’ for awhile, and the result is this lovely little space.” When he had said the words “Enlightened” and “wages,” Reb’s nostrils had flared and anger had jumped into his otherwise kindly face. MI looked at the other Inferior sitting at the table. There were two young men of about his age, a girl who looked to be around 30 and a frail older woman. They all grinned at him and then looked back at Reb, who had risen to his feet. In a triumphant voice, he said, “MI, I welcome you to the Rebellion.”
MI’s first reaction was to scream for some Enlightened guards, but he held back. He recalled the conversation he had had with his master (his master, what a horrible thing to have) the night before, and wondered if this was the reason the Enlightened were in control. Did they just want some obedient, unquestioning slaves? Was that the only reason that one race was split in two? MI felt fury rising up inside of him. He had begun to hate his master the night before, but now he hated all of the Enlightened with a passion.
Reb spoke again, with excitement in his voice, “I can see you have realized the need for something such as this group of fighters, MI. Bright boy! I knew you would do wonderfully in our group. Now, I need you to listen carefully. We are not the only members in the Rebellion; we are but a fraction of the whole group. I will introduce all of the members here and then get to business. Those two young men over there are brothers, born only a year apart. The ginger one’s name is Al and-,” the ginger boy had been about to speak, but Reb silenced him with a look, “As I was saying, the other’s name is Bert, and the young lady sitting beside you is known as Emma. Finally, the old lady right here is named Rose. We are the founders of the Rebellion, which has been operating for quite some time now. We have members all across the town and we have planned a very important attack for today. The only thing that we required was a new member, someone who no one suspects. You are that person. Your master, according to our intelligence, is very favorable towards you. This is ver-yes what is it?”
MI had raised his hand and with a guilty glance at the other people sitting at the table, whispered, “I got into an argument with my master last night. He hates me now. I am of no use to you.”
Reb gave his quick grin and then said, “ We learned of this, and thus, one of our members has slipped a drug that induces memory loss from over 24 hours before the drug was taken into your master’s coffee. He has no recollection of the incident and merely thinks that he is tired and went to sleep early last night. Moving on, you are very important, because you will plant an idea in your master’s mind. This idea will involve getting all of the Enlightened of the town into your master’s house. Suggest a party, or a meeting of some kind. As the house is very large and has reinforced walls, it is the perfect place to catch them all. Yes! We plan to catch all of the Enlightened in one place. Even as we speak the Rebellion is emptying the house of all tools of escape. There, we can deal with them at our leisure. Now please, go and talk with you master. We have little time”
MI ran across the street to his master’s office building and told the guard that his master needed him. He got onto the elevator and went to the top floor, where his master’s office was. He knocked and went in without asking for permission. His master looked up and smiled, “MI, come in, come in. What do you need?”
MI smiled back and said slowly, “Well sir, I was wondering if I could just talk with you for awhile, since it is my lunch break.”
“Why, of course you may talk with me. What do you wish to talk about? Oh, blast it! A phone call!”
He talked a little on the phone, and then stiffened. Then he smiled and hung up.
“ So sorry, MI. Let us talk. Would you like a drink?”
It went on like this for a while, this quiet bantering between slave and master over a rapidly emptying bottle of wine. Gradually, MI turned the conversation towards social gatherings, although his mind was a little fuzzy. His master warmed up to the idea wonderfully, and was soon thinking about having a party that very evening.
“Yes, yes, I think I’ll invite them all over for dinner. We shall have to prepare! Quick, MI, go and order the finest cuisine from the cooks downtown. Hurry!”
“Yes, sir!” grinning to himself, MI turned toward the door. Just then something large and heavy hit the back of his skull. He turned and saw that his master was wielding a very large and hefty crow bar. As it made contact with his skull again, everything went black.
MI was shaken awake and found that he could not move at all, for he was tied to a chair. He opened his eyes and looked up. Reb was standing in front of him, wearing the uniform of the Enlightened Police. They were in a small concrete cell. He grinned at MI and then laughed.
“I can’t believe you fell for it! What a perfect trap! Your master was quite ingenious, do you know? When you asked him those silly questions last night, he knew he had to do something, or you would spread stupid notions around. And so he had me fake being an Inferior and made up a fake society. You fell right in! Of course, we could have just taken you away, but this is much more fun! Makes the victim so much angrier, don’t you think? I think we’ll make a little example of you for the other Inferior. Keep them in order. We can’t have other little rebels like you, can we, MI. Soon you won’t be anything more than a bad memory.”
Still laughing, he walked out of the cell, slamming and locking the heavy metal door behind him. MI hung his head. Curse him for being so gullible! Reb was obviously no Inferior. “Well, so long world,” he thought. “I won’t be here much longer to bother you.”
Last edited by RedBird on Mon Jan 18, 2010 1:59 am, edited 1 time in total.
And remember...A portkey can be any sort of harmless object...A football...or a dolphin.
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Mon Jan 18, 2010 1:44 am
Prokaryote says...



Didn't get past the first paragraph. I'd advise your 12-year-old self to stop talking in circles and get to the point.

Prokaryote
  





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Mon Jan 18, 2010 4:47 am
ridersofdamar says...



Prokaryote, that was completely uncalled for, and as your name suggests, it shows you really don't have a brain.

The story, if you actually read it, actually touches on some issues of society that are quite disturbing, and for a 12 year old to illustrate it in such a clean fashion is actually amazing. If I had to offer one piece of advice it would be to include more of the emotional struggle the character must feel.
Words - so innocent and powerless as they are, as standing in a dictionary, how potent for good and evil they become in the hands of one who knows how to combine them. ~Nathaniel Hawthorne
  





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Mon Jan 18, 2010 5:55 am
Prokaryote says...



ridersofdamar wrote:Prokaryote, that was completely uncalled for, and as your name suggests, it shows you really don't have a brain.


Yo bro, this is a forum for criticism, and my post made a perfectly legitimate point. Don't mistake brevity for aggression.

Pork
  





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Mon Jan 18, 2010 6:06 am
ridersofdamar says...



if you criticize, offer help in equal measure.
Words - so innocent and powerless as they are, as standing in a dictionary, how potent for good and evil they become in the hands of one who knows how to combine them. ~Nathaniel Hawthorne
  





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Mon Jan 18, 2010 5:19 pm
jok101 says...



I through this story was alright. I didn't read the whole thing though because I felt it missed a certain, draw me in moment that all good books need. It's an interesting an idea and maybe if your not twelve year old self took a look at it, made it longer so that so much doesn't happen in so view words. Still I liked the premise.

Pork this is a forum for criticism, constructive criticism. At least say what you want to say in a nice way instead of being so tight.
  








Stop being mean to your self-insert character, you're just being mean to yourself.
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