Young Writers Society

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The approach of dawn is impending and a strange quietude heralds its arrival.

A wizened old man, panting and drenched in sweat that makes his alchemist robe cling to his frame like sagging skin, arrives one minute late outside the celebrated Muktar's Portal and begins a one-sided conversation with the ancient oak door. As his whispered words slowly fades into nothingness, the only entrance to the great hall of Seludong Castle yawns open.

Two small steps later and he finds himself inside, making him instantly aware of a singular thing---the mighty hall is chillingly silent. An eerie stillness hangs in its lofty stone-vaulted ceiling like a thick blanket. The tapestried wall seems to sigh in relief because for once, the massive stone foundation is given a reprieve from echoing the incessant cacophony of sounds.

Gone now are the mighty roars and whiny laughters of warriors and fools, the booming commands and whimpering obeisances of kings and slaves, and the monotonic sermons and condescending chatter of priests and advisers. Gone too are the pitter-patter of all kinds of feet; the steady marching of soldiers, the dragging steps of prisoners, the sure strides of nobles, and the dainty footfalls of princesses.

He gazes past the two massive bronze pillars supporting the stone roof and looks upon the pedestal elevation on the marbled floor. Then his eyes, two tiny slits of blackness on a small, pudgy face, instantly narrow down on an enormous gaping void---once the repository of the transporter machine he himself had helped build when the sages of the kingdom foretold the imminent doom of the world. And if the great Oracle of Magayon is to be believed, a host of heavenly bodies would descend upon them, sending everything to oblivion.

He smiles; a fleeting one. We are prepared.

For a moment he begins to marvel at the grandness of it all; marveling even more at the oppressive silence and emptiness in such a noble hall. But it only takes a single breath, a single blink of his eyes, before the gripping realization finally sinks in. The transporter machine is gone, along with all the people who knew what was coming. They have left, and the asteroids are arriving.


~FIN~

I really have nothing bad to say! This was great. Your word choice is exquisite and I wish I had a writing style like that! The plot was different and I enjoyed this more than just a quick read, it was inspiring! Now I will remember that every minute counts and try not to be late to anything anymore either. Good job!
winie

Shiiiiiny.

Seriously, that was awesome. The twist at the end is completely unexpected, but makes perfet sense in hindsight. Very, very nice.

Two small steps, steady and sure, finds him inside and makes him aware of one odd thing he hasn't noticed on his arrival---the mighty hall is chillingly silent.

This sentence sounds really awkward. I mean, he did just arrive - how could he have noticed it before since he wasn't there? My personal suggested rewrite of this sentence:

"Two small steps, steady and sure, find him inside and he is made aware of something odd --- the mighty hall is chillingly silent."

You made it sound like he had arrived already, then had wandered around for a while he noticed the quiet. He's going to notice it the second he walks in the room. Did you mean when he arrived at the door in the first place? I was seriously confused.

All in all though, this was fantastic. Really very powerful for such a short read. A huge thumbs up from me!

*thumbs up*

~GryphonFledgling

@ winnie: Gracias, gracias for reading and appreciating my story.

@ Gryph, I didn't see that. o_o thanks for pointing that one out. That sentence actually means he was NOT aware of any odd thing going on when he arrived at the main door of the castle, referred to in my story as Muktar's POrtal. When he steppped inside the hall, that's when he noticed something not quite right---'the mighty hall was chillingly silent', as the story goes.

Thank you so much for your inputs, amigos y amigas. Greatly appreciated.