There are aliens. Sometimes called extra-terrestrials by nerd scientists. Okay, you might not believe me. My girl-friend didn’t believe me either, now she had fallen in love with the same green alien I met and had gone living in his bloody planet. Pity me. What did she find in that little green creature that she didn’t find in me? I know I don’t have a green skin, large antennas or didn’t have the tendency to not wear any clothes. I didn’t even have large black eyes or a tiny nose (Blimey...I really did lack loads of things.) anyway I still reckon, it wasn’t good for her to leave me like this. Anyway, you guys must be expecting some story so here’s one. My true story of how me, a helpless school-kid lost his girlfriend.
I play the rhythm in my garage band called “the over-growned socks” (I know that’s pretty much a lame name, but it wasn’t my idea to keep it). So when a kid plays in a band, brags about how good he is in it and when in reality he isn’t, you might certainly think he’s popular in school. Damn popular. No it isn’t like that. Well, I know YA books these days have made it mandatory that all protagonists have to be some kind of geeks. They need to be bullied and has to have some kind of modest and honest behavior. Well, I dunno if I have any of those. Anyway let’s go on with the story. I was popular but didn’t stay in that position for a long time. But those of you who have experienced both the positions of popular and geek in your school or college life might know that the popular position was always the best time you could ever have. The other guys look up to you all the time. No one talks back to you and you get to bully anyone you like. But sadly as all the current YA books say, that being popular you never get to meet a fairy godmother or had found your parents had been killed by a wizard or that you get to fall in love with a high-school cheerleader whose also a vampire and has a body that’s like a disco ball which shines when he stands in front of the sun. Weird. So to say, I had been popular. I’m not now. I resigned from that position and had become a geek. You see I wanted to be special. Actually I was. I believed in Superman’s existence and had the impression that Homer Simpson is actually a CIA secret agent. Anyway, my becoming of a geek wasn’t okay with loads of people. So naturally they arranged my ragging. I was told to walk around the school corridors just wearing my underwear. That was not cool, seriously. Anyway I did it. I started wearing glasses even though I didn’t have any problem with my eyes. In this way, when I get some kind of powers suddenly. I can hero up and then discover that my eyes don’t need glasses anymore. Kinda like the Spiderman movie. Okay, I know I’m being bizarre. Hey, I’m English. How much brain do you think I’ll have! Anyway that’s what I imagined I’m gonna do, when I’m gonna get some kind of powers or suddenly get to know the real myself which for example happens to be a werewolf of some sort who gets to know their real origin when they come to that particular age. I even tried to believe that nothing of that sort is real or exists. Cause, as seen in these day’s movies and books that only those people discover paranormal beings who completely doesn’t believe in them or never had the damn care to even hear about them. So I started pretending that I didn’t believe in any of those things. But dramatically that stuff didn’t kinda work. This was annoying. It would take loads of days to not believe in those stuffs for real. Anyway, that ended my dream of finding out if I really was of werewolf origin.
I saw in some cheap alien movie, that aliens come in our world showing us some four signs. First you get to feel something shaking. This is how you sense something is wrong. A note to be taken from here, that is when you are sensing it, somebody has to be with you. He won’t feel it and would deny of there being anything more than normal. And then you get the impression that there’s some problem going on with you. I was serious about this. I was gonna do it. I called a friend of mine back at my place and explained the plan to him.
“Are you drunk?”
“Why would I be drunk?” I asked.
“You’re making no sense. You want me to shake the cupboard down and then you’ll say ‘something just happened!’ and I’ll deny. Why exactly are we going to do this?”
“I’m trying to contact an alien”
“What”
“Just do what I say….please”
“What makes you think I’ll do this pointless thing?”
“Would you do it…if I pay you?”
“Exactly, how much?”
And that’s how I had to go broke for the next whole week. I had made my mind to try to get some money from Tracy (the girl-friend). I reckoned she’s not gonna refuse. I, after all had helped her with so many things. I can’t remember any of it, but I know I helped her…in my heart. I should’ve said in my head…but I was getting remarks from everyone that it doesn’t exist. I so have made up my mind to first figure out if I really do have one. If I luckily have one then I might be the smartest kid in whole of Europe. After that I’ll merrily use my brains for everything.
“Can I have some money?” I asked her.
“Go away, Doug…you’re embarrassing me”
“Then give me some money or else I won’t go away” I said. Getting embarrassed is normal now. People start getting embarrassed in middle-school. They get embarrassed with everything. Parents, friends, food… they even get embarrassed to enter their own room. That’s how embarrassing middle school is. Then in high-school you drop some of it, then in college you get two results of it, either you lose some more of it and start acting normal or you lose it all and become some of a shameless…like me. If you seriously believe this theory then you’re actually like me.
“Can’t you just spare some money for me…I helped you with loads of things!” I said.
“For example”
“I don’t have to tell you everything Hannah-Montana”
“You know what…I think I can’t take this anymore…I think we just need to have a talk” she told me taking me to one corner.
“No we’re not” I looked away, and started running. I ran away from her. You can’t fight with someone if he’s not there. Gandhi taught us that. So, I couldn’t get the money. I felt bad for myself. I started dating her when I was one of the cool guys. At that time I used to have brains, and girls used to love spending time with me. But since being a geek the only person who loved spending time with me was the next-door neighbor’s cat….. Actually I force her to stay with me.
Now to go on with the next phase, that is that you will notice something weird happening to you. And then you’ll freak. I still have to figure out how to do that. There were some ideas coming up. But not good enough to be put in action. But what would happen after the alien comes. Would he then kind of declare that he’s going to take over earth and rule over it? Maybe he’ll then make us humans his slave. These types of aliens have a French accent, have faces like Asians and carry some kind of freeze ray, which they attempt to use at anyone who doesn’t listen to them. I decided to buy (when I get some money) a suit of armor to protect myself from the freeze ray. I know I sound unrealistic and bizarre but if you were that a sophisticated reader to get that, you wouldn’t have been reading this rubbish I’m saying.
I tied a rope at the ceiling then tied myself at the other end of it. I positioned myself over the bed. I was a foot over it. The plan was that I would pretend to be asleep then I would wake up only to find that my body was levitating. This would mean the end of the second phase. I would then pretend that something seriously is wrong. I closed my eyes and pretended to be asleep. A moment later I dramatically woke up and gave a scream seeing that I was levitating. At that moment I noticed that my sister was in the room watching me. She was a couple of years senior to me and had pretty much no similar characteristics with me. She for a while is under the impression that I have gone somewhat mad with this alien thing. I didn’t want to tell her, but she had already found out I was up to something and gradually I gave in.
“What is going on?” she calmly asked. She wasn’t calm inside. I knew that. She was somewhat to say freaking out seeing me do this pointless stupid things with no meaning.
“I’m trying to sense something weird and then trying to freak out”
“That’s something you don’t hear every day. It’s that alien thingy again, right...Doug, when the fuck would you grow up!”
“What do you mean?”
“Stop acting like you’re Peter Griffin”
“I don’t act like him, he sucks. I’m more of a Homer Simpson guy.”
“Shut up”
“Why’re you all fumed up with me?”
She didn’t say anything. She just marched away. Maybe she just had enough of the embarrassment I give her unintentionally. I feel sorry for her. But she’s strong. She handles the situation very well. She had told everyone at school that I had some kind of serious accident which made me like this. She even said that I would’ve gone in some asylum but those people aren’t taking me saying that they’re all filled up. Obviously no one believed her but anyway they didn’t say anything to her, making her feel that she was right all the way.
The third phase was circling in my head. I thought about it for a couple of days. The third phase was really important and very difficult. But then one day while swapping through the TV channels, I found something in the national geographic channel. There was a documentary going on. It said that some German nerd had written some book in which it was said that aliens came in our world thousands of years ago in search of gold. That idea seemed bizarre. Why would those techy little green creatures come here looking for only gold. But then I realized something else. It might have some hint of truth in it. In the Vedic mythology every god except for the god Shiva, has gold worn on from head to toe. This just might prove some of their existence. The documentary also showed that in the mean time they mated with humans and had produced hybrids in our kind. They were intelligent beings, but humans weren’t. But after Humans and Aliens produced a hybrid being, it made the human kind a bit intelligent. This theory sucks. We don’t even know if Aliens breed the same way we do. And that they even have the right structures in their body which is needed in order to breed with humans. So we can’t just tell that these things are true. But when I throw this theory to sci-fi geeks they say that what I say doesn’t make any sense. Then when I ask them that why haven’t they then contacted us? They then act like they’re Stephen Hawking and say that maybe their civilization isn’t that high-tech that they would be able to contact us. Then I say that if they aren’t that high-tech how come they landed in Earth to import gold in the first place. Hearing this they then start physically acting like Stephen Hawking and gawk at me waiting for some answer to come quickly in their head.
I made up my mind that I would combine the third and fourth phase together and then perform it together. They were abduction and contact. Though I don’t have a great possibility of having contact with a so-called pure blooded alien, I, in Nat-Geo’s thrown theory would contact with a hybrid alien, which is us humans. But how to do that very thing?.....I made up mind that Miss Wallace, our Chem teacher would work just fine as an alien. So, when tomorrow came I was a bit excited, enthusiastic, thrilled, keen, exhilarated, ecstatic, euphoric actually there were more in that thesaurus but I could hardly pronounce the rest of them. Anyway, at that time my pulse was racing mad. I came inside the classroom a bit early and sat down thinking of how to perform the act. I with caution had already put three pocket-size cameras in different corners of the room so that prove remains that I had done this. But I was sure no prove whatsoever would remain behind because never in a movie I found out that some kind of evidence stays behind that proves that aliens had actually been on earth. I knew this wouldn’t work but I still put the cameras in because every protagonist does that. Just because of that. Some minutes later Miss Wallace came in with her usual cheerful face. She began class with her usual lecturing which includes things like atoms, electrons and other boring stuff. But this class is not gonna stay boring for long. I had a whole team waiting to make this class more interesting. The Chemistry class-room was the largest class-room in our school which made it better. There were some science geeks in our school waiting for a chance to make everyone realize that abductions happen. Aliens exist. But no soul believes them. So, I thought to give them a chance. I told them to do some certain things. By doing these things people are gonna get more interested in aliens and will eventually come to believing in them. They believed me and agreed. It would for the first time I think people would gonna hear that some people are planning to get abducted! Anyway, I was in class waiting for the right time to get the show started. I looked at my watch. It was time.
I signaled the others. They all got on their typical alien masks. I, had discovered the previous day that aliens actually doesn’t mean little green advanced creatures from outer space, it means someone different or foreign. This means if we look like aliens then humans would be aliens to us. Then if they abduct us, we can say that we’ve been abducted by aliens. Now take a moment and marvel my brilliant mind. I know you won’t do that, so moving on.
The geeks already had their alien masks worn on. It was time for the drama. I got out of my seat and climbed into Miss Wallace’s desk and started screaming. “Don’t do this to me!!!...I beg you!!”
“What the hell is going on! Wraine what the hell are you doing!! Get down!” she screamed back.
“Shut up…I’m not listening to you Alien lady” I screamed back. The geeks came to my aid now and started humming gothic music. This gave the climax a bit irony. In the middle of the tune one of them occasionally said “leave us!!” or “no more abduction!!”. I carried on the drama. I started pretending that abduction was happening. Miss Wallace was figuring out what was happening. This was madness to her. She was shouting at me like hell but after a while seeing that I was not stopping, stopped doing anything and watched my drama silently. The geeks were helping too. I had separated the geeks into two groups. One group, the one with the masks, was pretending to be abducted. The other, without the masks, was pretending to abduct us. Occasionally they were also pretending to take orders from Miss Wallace. At the end, I got abducted. And was now to be shown to the queen of the aliens, who happened to be Miss Wallace.
“So you are the queen of the aliens” I said sarcastically.
“Yes I am. I’m the mighty, the powerful, the ugly queen of the aliens and I have abducted you in order to research about your race.” A female geek mimicked standing behind Miss Wallace making it look like she was saying it. Miss Wallace wasn’t doing something drastic as it was expected. She was just seeing where the whole thing was going.
“You will pay for this!” I dramatically said. The whole thing couldn’t go any further because the bell rang. Everyone got up to go saying that it was a really good show. Miss Wallace has spotted the cameras. And let out a grin. “So, all these were for a good video to share with everyone in you-tube, I suppose.” She looked at me and the other geeks in a very nasty way and said harshly “the principal’s office, now!!...I’m calling your parents!”
So, that was it perhaps. The whole thing didn’t work as I supposed it would go. It got muddled in the way. My intention was to meet a real alien. But had gotten away meeting an alien who wasn’t actually an alien but a mere human pretending to be one. I supposed that was how my dream of meeting an alien had ended. But it sadly hadn’t. At that precise moment when I had forgotten all about them, they came. I was sitting at the school grounds. Tracy, after that incident, has said that it was a very brave thing to do. I was delighted. She wasn’t having thoughts on breaking up anymore. I was reading a book when that thing happened. It had been a while that I had done anything sensible. So I said to myself, why not read a book?
Suddenly I saw a green little figure coming towards me. I looked close now. The figure was coming clearer. It was an alien. It was a little green alien with antennas and big black eyes. It came towards me. I stood up and saw it trotter up to me.
“Hello, human. Don’t worry, I’m not abducting you”
“What the hell are you?” I asked.
“I’m a little green alien as you think of me”
“That’s it. What’re you better known as?”
“A little green alien”
“You’re not making any sense. So you’re saying you’re a little green alien better known as a little green alien. I might be English, but I’m not Simon Pegg. Tell me your real name?”
As a matter of fact, I couldn’t get his name. At that moment, Tracy was walking in my way. Seeing the alien she ran towards me as fast as she could. After she reached me, she stared at the creature for a time. Then went to him and started hugging him. “You’re a cute thing, aren’t you” she kept saying. The whole thing looked absurd. The alien was enjoying the cuddling.
“Hey, watch it…she’s my girl”
“Shut up. Hey babe, wanna see how my planet looks like?”
“Yeah, I’d like that” she answered.
“No you won’t” I protested.
But before I could say anything a flying saucer the size of a car came out of nowhere. The little alien and Tracy got in it and then it took off instantly. The people around me were all staring at the flying saucer as it flew away with my girl-friend. I just stood there, dumbstruck. Atleast, I did meet an alien.
keep on keepin on
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