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Quantum Chronometric Tunneling and Purple Socks



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Thu Jun 30, 2011 9:58 pm
Snoink says...



To say that Professor Briggs was boring was an understatement. He was the most boring teacher that had ever existed. After every class session he taught, a squadron of janitors would move into the classroom to wake up the students and clean off the drool on their desks. His class was regularly known as “naptime” to staff and students alike. Briggs didn’t mind though. Periodically at the staff meetings, he would say that he didn’t want to entertain them since the subject should entertain them enough.

I never had the heart to tell him that it was hard to be entertained by the subject when you were asleep. I was the note-taker for his classes, since so many students fell asleep that they hired me for an admittedly extortive price. And quite honestly, if it weren’t for the three cups of Mercury’s Mocha I had before every class, I would have been dead with the rest of them during that one hour of class time. The subject was dull and boring, the classroom was hot and still, and Briggs’s voice had a hypnotizing quality that made you fall asleep after only a couple of minutes.

After three years of taking notes, I thought it was impossible for him to ever have an exciting lecture. It just wasn’t going to happen. The only exciting part about his lectures were his ridiculously purple socks that he always wore, and even that was only exciting under the influence of three Mercury’s Mochas.

He was droning on one day and I was trying to stay awake by tapping my foot to the tune of “Yankee Doodle” when something unthinkable happened.

A student interrupted.

Just as Briggs was talking about quantum chronometric tunnel theory being linked with dynamic fluid reciprocation – whatever that meant – a student stood up and threw a paper airplane at him.

“This lecture sucks!” the student cried.

The classroom woke from its stupor and watched, transfixed as this student – I recognized him as Jeremy – crossed his arms over his chest and smirked.

The airplane did a loop-the-loop in low-gravity conditions and headed right toward Briggs’s head.

Briggs dodged the airplane and snatched it out of the air before it could knock down the whiteboard, which was only attached to the space station’s wall by one nail. Then he glared at Jeremy. “This lecture wouldn’t, as you call it, ‘suck’ if you actually did the required reading before class,” he said, wrinkling his nose in distaste.

The rest of us gave a nervous chuckle.

Briggs cleared his throat. “Now, like I was saying...”

“Yes, yes,” Jeremy interrupted. “Like you were saying, the quantum chronometric tunneling must be kept under a velocity of twenty paraseconds because of heat transfer affecting the wavelength of the thermocycling,” he said, dismissing his words with his hand. “I understand that. But what is it good for?”

Briggs blinked, a smile crawling to his face. “You read the material?”

“Yeah, I read the material,” Jeremy said. “And it’s useless too. The idea is not practical in any sense. Jiggling electrons? Photons rotating into other dimensions? How is that stuff even real?”

Briggs looked disappointed. “You didn’t read the material.”

“I just told you that I did.”

“No, you didn’t. If you did, you would realize how stupid your question was.”

Jeremy’s face grew red. “If it’s so stupid, then give me a demonstration on quantum chronometric tunneling,” Jeremy demanded, leaning back on his chair. “If you can.”

The whole classroom, myself included, sucked in its breath.

Briggs paused thoughtfully. “Well, if you want a demonstration, you’ll have to give me your shirt first.”

Jeremy balked at him, his eyes bulging out from his head. “What?” he cried, his voice strangled.

Several of the girls in the classroom started giggling uncontrollably. And no, I’ll never admit it for sure, but one of those girls may have been me.

Briggs chuckled. “All right, then give me your socks.”

Jeremy narrowed his eyes suspiciously. “My socks are dirty.”

“Even better.” Briggs took out a small machine that looked like a remote control and aimed it at Jeremy’s feet. “Ready... set...”

Jeremy swore and slipped off his shoes, revealing a pair of worn-out formerly white socks that looked very gray.

“Now, go!”

Briggs punched the button. Immediately, smoke and the smell of burnt rubber permeated throughout the classroom. As the smoke cleared, two things became apparent at once. The first thing that I noticed was Briggs’s newly blackened face and frizzed hair. The second thing was Jeremy’s naked feet.

His socks had somehow been transported to his desk, cleaned, pressed, and nicely folded. And very, very purple.

The whole class snickered and Jeremy’s face turned as purple as his socks. At first, he could only sputter in disbelief. Finally, he choked out, “Seriously?”

“Yes, seriously!” Briggs said grinning widely. “A demonstration of top-notch quality, don’t you think? However, next time, I urge you to read a little harder before you ask any more stupid questions. There are many possible applications to this technology, such as proton-phasal transportation and chiral atom removal.”

“What do you mean by that?” Jeremy demanded.

“The socks don’t smell,” Briggs explained patiently.

We had kept silent till then, but with this last sentence, we roared in laughter. Briggs was talking about smelly socks. No, Doctor Briggs, who had his Ph.D.s in Quantum Mechanics, Physics, and Chemistry, was talking about smelly socks. Several of the students were sprawled over their desks in laughing fits, others were rolling on the floor, and still others were sitting still, tears streaming from their faces. I was laughing so hard that I had hiccups.

Jeremy looked confused, as if he knew that he had just been had, but he had no idea how. He picked up his socks skeptically and wrinkled his nose. “They’re violet now.”

“So they are!” Briggs said, smiling. “So they are! Now, like I was saying -- quantum chronometric tunneling...”

We all paid attention after that.




Spoiler! :
PROMPT: Your story is about a professor in a futuristic space station folding clothes.
Ubi caritas est vera, Deus ibi est.

"The mark of your ignorance is the depth of your belief in injustice and tragedy. What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the Master calls the butterfly." ~ Richard Bach

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Thu Jun 30, 2011 10:25 pm
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IcyFlame says...



Icy here for an attempt at a review!
I'll nitpock first... just because :)
Snoink wrote:“In learning about quantum chronometric tunneling theory, it is essential that you must keep in mind the fact of dynamic fluid reciprocation in order that you should understand the wavelength frequency of particles going through a mixed flux continuum that exceeds the speed necessary to withhold light traveling at a velocity of ten milliseconds per astronomical unit. As such...”
I struggled through but gave up after the first line or so! I know that this was your intention - but if you carry it on for too long it can be very hard to will yourself to read the next bit.

Snoink wrote:The professor dodged the airplane and snatched it out of the air before it could pierce the space station’s walls. Even a tiny paper airplane at a high enough speed could pierce the light walls which held in the precious oxygen.
Avoid word repetition.

I think that was about it, other than the fact that I kept skipping the long words and had to go back and reread them when I got lost :)

*Waits for pig*
  





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Thu Jun 30, 2011 10:33 pm
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Snoink says...



Thanks, IcyFlame! :D

How short should the first part be?

Maybe just:

“In learning about quantum chronometric tunneling theory, it is essential that you must keep in mind the fact of dynamic fluid reciprocation...”

Also, here's your pig!

icyflame.png
The pig has icy flames! :D
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Ubi caritas est vera, Deus ibi est.

"The mark of your ignorance is the depth of your belief in injustice and tragedy. What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the Master calls the butterfly." ~ Richard Bach

Moth and Myth <- My comic! :D
  





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Thu Jun 30, 2011 10:37 pm
IcyFlame says...



Yep, that's better for length :)

I LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D :D :D :D :D
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Thu Jun 30, 2011 10:41 pm
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SmylinG says...



Ohhh. . . Now I get it. Thanks for the spoiler, Snoink. Now. Onto my impression of this scientifical little story you have here! I enjoyed how even though I didn't quite understand a single thing hardly -well, apart from this:

“Boo! This lecture sucks!”


Even though I didn't quite understand much of it, it left a still humorous impression. I know you go to school for, what was it again? Biochemical engineering? I think that's what it was. :lol: Anyway, so I figured maybe that was going to have something to do with what you were writing about, since I was sadly lost. But through the length of whatever the teacher was trying to teach his students, you had that protagonist student which I found very much a mood lightener. It read off so smoothly. It was short, and witty. I think I can say I liked it, despite the first impression your opening lines gave me. D:

I'm not quite sure there's much I can find myself to say other than what I've stated, but I think what you have here is a classic, short-lessoned, teacher-student argument type thing? Yeah, that's it. Or at least that's what I gathered from it. If I'm wrong I apologize! Sometimes I tend to read peoples points in an off manner. Nicely written though for the most part. Other than the things Icy pointed out. I think I also noticed that slight word repetition there.

Hope my attempt at a review of this also sufficed! I tried my darned bestest. Also. . am very jealous of that piggy. -_- . . But, whatevs.

-Smylin'
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Thu Jun 30, 2011 10:44 pm
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WaywardBird says...



I fail to see what happened in this story. Yes, the student was proven wrong by the teacher, yes, they are in a spaceship, yes, the socks are now purple... What else happened? It was well written, and nicely spaced, but cliche. This promt is intersting, so why not make it interesting? I've seen this story on TV millions of times, but I've never seen a space proffessor who, say, hosted secret classes because he is a simple laundromat owner in space, and therefore not qualified to teach the alien kids the spaceship rescued from the planet 64839. But he teaches them more than just math, he teaches them the qualities of human beings.
Or a deranged scientist who folds his clothes into his suitcase, as the space ship slowly deteriorates. He folds his socks as children are swept into the endless vaccum. He irons his ties as people scream and turn into plasmic dust. He locks his suitcase as the escape pod locks around him, the only man who survived, because he was the only man who knew about what went wrong. What went wrong? a classroom of students who humiliated him.
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Thu Jun 30, 2011 10:56 pm
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Snoink says...



Okay! I edited the beginning and took out the repetitious line.

Also, you get a piggy too! :)

smylin.png
smylin.png (64.01 KiB) Viewed 292 times


Alas, it is a pretty generic plotline! I agree, Bird... though I have to admit, I love it when this sort of thing happens in real life. ;) I guess the reason why I wrote this is because it would be neat to have this technology... and purple socks. :)

waywardbird.png
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Ubi caritas est vera, Deus ibi est.

"The mark of your ignorance is the depth of your belief in injustice and tragedy. What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the Master calls the butterfly." ~ Richard Bach

Moth and Myth <- My comic! :D
  





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Fri Jul 01, 2011 1:32 am
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GryphonFledgling says...



Hey-oh!

The professor dodged the airplane and snatched it out of the air before it could pierce the space station’s walls.

I totally am seeing this prof as Doc Brown for whatever reason and the thought of him catching the paper airplane like a boss just makes me dissolve into giddy puddles of fan-joy. Moving on...

Erm... A paper plane is that dangerous? How thin are these space station walls? I mean, seems like if someone tripped or sneezed, we'd be in trouble. Just seems like poor design, what with the station apparently containing rowdy kids.

“Well, if you want a challenge, you’ll have to give me your shirt,” the professor suggested cheerfully.

The student balked at him.

My mind went to a very dirty place for a second there. Seems to me the student is the type whose mind would go there too (gah, what does that say about me?) and it seems like his reaction is rather underplayed for such a suggestion. He might, I dunno, freak out a little more? He obviously doesn't respect the prof all that much, seems to me he should be using this opportunity to snark some more, rather than be cowed.

Mmm, interesting. I would have liked to have seen a bit more character though. I mean, we see the disruptive student and the coolly composed and absolutely correct professor, but they don't have much to them beyond those incredibly archetypal roles. Now, maybe that isn't quite the point of the story, but with so little else happening, I feel like I want more. Science is cool and I totally want one of those devices (purple socks!), but beyond that, I didn't feel all that invested in this story. No "ha, you were totally pwned!" at the student or "ha, you totally pwned him!" for the professor. They were just... there, moving the story along.

Meh, but I'm a character junkie. I did like it. It was quick and quirky. It just felt a little lacking. I wanted something... more.

~GryphonFledgling
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Fri Jul 01, 2011 7:46 am
Snoink says...



More character you want, more character you get! It's edited muchly now, thanks to you. :)

Also, true story. I had a professor who was kind of like Professor Briggs. He was amazing and I love him. In fact, all of this is kind of based on a conglomerate of true stories. That's why engineering is the best major ever.

Also, here's your piggy!

gryphonfledling.png
That little thing is supposed to be a gryphon fluff-ball.
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Ubi caritas est vera, Deus ibi est.

"The mark of your ignorance is the depth of your belief in injustice and tragedy. What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the Master calls the butterfly." ~ Richard Bach

Moth and Myth <- My comic! :D
  





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Fri Jul 01, 2011 8:59 am
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Lavvie says...



Hi Snoink. I'm here.

Okay. So, um, it's late (you already know that) but I'll try my best.

It's changed since I last read it, and I think this is the better version of the two. It has a much more defined narrative than the other and it also has an improved outline overall. Anyway...

Because you know my mental tags on your story kind of went MIA on me just now, I'll be hopping all over the place, if you don't mind.

The whole classroom (myself included) sucked in its breath.


I hate parentheses within prose. 'Nuff said.

The airplane did a loop-to-loop in low-gravity


Loop-the-loop instead of loop-to-loop.

And no, I’ll never admit it for sure, but one of those girls may have been me.


This sentence somehow feels a little out-of-place. It is needed though because until this point, I thought the narrator was male...however, I'm not sure that how it's written is as good as it could be. Iunno. I think I'm speaking gibberish. Don't mind me.

The classroom woke from its stupor and watched, transfixed as this new student


This confused me. I was caught between two thoughts: either Jeremy is literally new, like he joined the class a few years later than anyone else or the narrator means, like, this new person talking or something. I don't know quite what I mean but I know what I mean. I just can't say what I...I'm rambling.

I was trying to stay awake by tapping my foot to the tune of “Yankee Doodle”


Usually when I was half asleep in math class, and I hummed a song or something, I was usually in a daze and falling more to sleep. I'm not sure about you.

Um. Okay. I think I actually sort of did a tiny review. Sorry it took so long.

Lavvie


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Fri Jul 01, 2011 9:13 am
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Snoink says...



Eek, thanks for pointing those errors out!

Here's your pig:

lavvie.png
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Ubi caritas est vera, Deus ibi est.

"The mark of your ignorance is the depth of your belief in injustice and tragedy. What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the Master calls the butterfly." ~ Richard Bach

Moth and Myth <- My comic! :D
  





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Fri Jul 01, 2011 4:58 pm
Lava says...



Snoinky!

I really looved this! It's a) sciencey!, b) fun! And I've enjoyed quantum mech, so much, that I've been looking for a beginner's book to read.

So, onto the story.

To say that Professor Briggs was boring was an understatement. He was the most boring teacher that had ever existed
Well, I imagined him to be Prof. Binns from Harry Potter because of the sentence construction, I guess. And, personally, I'm not fond of the 'boring' starts, so this wouldn't be my favourite. It somehow sets a drab tone in my head and when something happens, I'm a bit late to pick up. Anyway.

knock down the whiteboard,
Paper plane knocking down a whiteboard? That sounds weird. Wait, that's what Gryph said I think.

Jiggling electrons

Okay, Jeremy comes off as a smarta-ish kid and sounds like he knows what he's talking about, so I should think that he'd accept jiggly electrons fairly well, given that it is a pretty common solidish idea. Him not believing in dimensions is okay, but this seems a nit out of character.

but one of those girls may have been me.
Oh dear. I totally thought the MC was a guy until now. /Lavafail.

The endlast line was a bit meh for me. It seemed like one of those kids' stories with a moral attached that says "And we all did our homeworks after that." I think it would sound nicer if it was a different construction.

I know the review is probably late wrt the contest, but hey, issok, no?
Good luck!

~Lava
~
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Wed Jul 13, 2011 2:44 am
MeanMrMustard says...



K-money,

I lol'd, and then I felt sort of cheated.

Can't say much else since I'm a judge for yonder contest.

Oh wellz.

like Sincerely and stuff,

-Mashie Meanie

P.S. My dawg Gallimanster could give you a real review brah, straight up gansta. Ask him bout it, unbiased and not breaking rules n'stuff (he G like dat).
  





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Sun Jul 31, 2011 6:28 am
mikepyro says...



As always you remain the only writer on the site that consistantly creates humorous and enjoyable, as well as well written, works. I especially enjoyed the almost storybook tone you adopted for this, as though the piece could be read from a popup book, despite the complex material. Your writing appeals to all ages. I showed this to the little girl I babysit and she giggled even though I had to read it aloud and explain it to her. (this was a few hours ago, just now getting to my review)

All in all it was a very solid piece, I would have liked more detail in the teacher as the start of all your descriptions of the character and the world really helped sell me on this and make me want more.

So good work.
herp derp.
  








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