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Pyrigia Levis



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Sat Aug 20, 2011 8:48 pm
StoryWeaver13 says...



It was 50 trillion lightyears from earth, the small world of Pyrigia Levis. As Nixie nimbly made her way through the Night Forest, she could even see the ambit of her tiny world’s curvature, the rounded line along the horizon an implication of Pyrigia Levis’s humble size. Her two small, silvery feet gripped the above-ground roots of the interconnected formation of trees. Above her head, the black branches linked and melded together, forever reforming in the way the forest saw fit. Sterling leaves that matched the color of her skin had the appearance of peacock feathers - they hung like those of a willow tree, swaying softly in the light wind. Nixie’s two violet eyes gleamed to match the color of the sky as the sun set and the two moons rose. One moon was relatively large, while the other so small that it orbited the first, circling rapidly like a child wanting to play.
As gravity was a mere third of our own earth’s, Nixie was able to repel herself into the trees with a single hop; her two-forked tail gripped the branches as she landed with an effortless grace. In a moment she tensed; beneath she heard the sound of something rustling, in fact the sound of many somethings. Doing as only her kind can, she relaxed until her very body became Dark Matter; now merely a Shadow, she was a thing that could hardly be considered a thing. Flowing down the body of the tree, she watched as the strange race before her continued to march onward.
They were large, much larger than she and her similar race, who stood at only four feet tall at Nixie’s adolescent age. Males of her kind would climax at a foot above her, but she would be no taller. These creatures were much, much larger. Twice her size, possibly three times it. They looked as though they’d been formed of the black soil of Pyrigia Levis - doglike creatures though their pelts were much like that of any reptile’s. She saw no eyes on these sinister creatures, and yet she knew that they could see - much better than she could in fact. This race, the Umbra Latro, had ruled for nearly a hundred moon cycles now. Hunted her kind into near-extinction. Nixie hadn’t found so much as a single of her kind in many days. The Pianam such as she were dangerously declining. Did the Umbra Latro not realize that Nixie’s kind were the very life source that kept this planet alive? Only the rare chemical that was produced by the Pianam’s breath could keep the Night Forest alive, just as the sap of the Night Forest trees was all that could sustain Nixie. Without either Night Forest or Pianam, the ever-essential hydrogen that made up most of their atmosphere would be depleted. Their world would crumble and die.
Already it was affecting the trees. Nixie could hear the soft sighs of the weary trees, and the sap she found was now often turned blue with the Forest’s blood. Her breathing was harsh; the atmosphere was fading.
One of the Umbra Latros was clinging to something now. It was a device that looked much like a compass, but he placed it on his chest, then circled. As the Umbra Latro neared, the object ticked, faster, faster, until the dog-creature was standing just before her.
It spoke in a way that acknowledged the others of its kind, and soon they’d all circled, gazing down towards her with no emotions or expressions that Nixie could understand. Finally, one approached with a net; Nixie let out a shriek, one sounding much like that of a mourning dove. Their was no hope. As the net encircled her, she found that she was forced to contort to her regular solid form.

“A rare species,” one Umbra Latro said, though Nixie could not understand. The Umbra Latro merely watched as the small streamlined creature struggled in the net. The beast beside him sighed. “We must hope she isn’t the last.”

~*~
Reading is one form of escape. Running for your life is another. ~Lemony Snicket
  





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Sat Aug 20, 2011 10:47 pm
Nightlyowl says...



I really liked this, at first I thought it would be like Avatar, but it surprised me and didn't turn out much like that movie at all. I'm impressed. Over all I really liked that. I want to know what happens to Nixie she seems so small and sweet... Haha. I didn't see many errors of any kind, or at least none jumped out at me, which is good.Well I'm very impressed and I'd love it if you pm-ed me when you got more to the story. 4 owls out of 5!
~ Owl
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Sun Aug 21, 2011 2:14 pm
Noelle says...



Hi there!

I really enjoyed this piece. It was written well and you kept me reading to the very end. The descriptions you wrote are amazing. You described the world well and the creature too. Speaking of the creature, I like the way you linked him to the forest and the forest to him. It makes him more important and not just another face in the crowd. It makes him special. I didn't find any grammer or spelling errors so you're good there.

Keep writing!
Noelle is the name, reviewing and writing cliffhangers is the game.

Writer of fantasy, action/adventure, and magic. Huzzah!

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Sun Aug 28, 2011 9:41 am
PiesAreSquared says...



This is a great story but I would like to point out some things,
lightyears

lightyears is not a word, it is light-years,
the black branches linked and melded together, forever reforming in the way the forest saw fit.

If you say reforming, you should add something that would cause the branches to reform
into the trees with a single hop

From what I gathered previously, shouldn’t she already be in the trees?
her two-forked tail

Her forked tail would be enough, two-forked is redundant.
she watched as the strange race before her continued to march onward.

Something seems lacking here, if the strange race “continued” to march onward, she must have already seen, previous to this, the strange race. However, as this is the first time this race is introduced, you should say “a” strange race.
her similar race

similar here is redundant, races are of the same species and therefore must be similar
who stood at only four feet tall at Nixie’s adolescent age.
much better than she could in fact

It would be better to rephrase these
ruled for nearly a hundred moon cycles now.
Hunted her kind into near-extinction.

Either combine these two sentences, or rephrase the last one
and the sap she found was now often turned blue with the Forest’s blood.

“and the sap she now found” would be better
but he placed it on his chest, then circled.

This should be a different sentence,
Their was no hope.

There was no hope, i think this is a typo,
forced to contort to her regular solid form.

contort is not the right word for this particular situation,
I hope this review has been helpful, if it has not pls pm and scold me :P
Happy writing!
The moment you say that one set of moral ideas can be better than another, you are, in fact, measuring them both by a standard, saying that one of them conforms to that standard more nearly than the other. C. S. Lewis

I used to be ZLYF
  





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Tue Sep 13, 2011 2:28 am
Cspr says...



While ZLYF's advice is sound, I really liked this. At first, I was pretty sure I wouldn't. Like, "Another weird humanoid race? On a planet with two moons? Again?" But then you surprised me and now I'm thinking alien fairies*, which is sort of redundant because aliens and fairies are sort of linked.

-blinks- You know, glowing beings that snatch people away in their sleep? Similar, yeah?

Anyway, it was interesting and now I want MOAR so I hope this is perhaps continued? Or, well, this world is explored more? I mean, no reason to mess with a good thing . . . but the power-balance, power-play would be interesting to read about.

So, yeah. Keep on writing . . . hope to see more from you soon. :3

[*Well, more the size of petite hobbits, but you know what I mean.]
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You got rid of them. Yes, that's just like you. Getting rid of everything unpleasant instead of learning to put up with it.
— Aldous Huxley, Brave New World