Young Writers Society

Awkwardly, Lisi pulled himself from the hole. His knees ached ever so much from being curled up in the small space. He had dug it himself. He was proud. And now he could live.

Lisi saw the towers burning the minute he left his hole. He knew he had to be quick, or They would find him. And if They did, he knew he'd die, like all the others. The billions and billions of others. He had saved two of them, only two.

His little sister Greta and best friend Eli pulled themselves from their holes, opposite his. Again, he was proud. He had labored over all the holes, knowing They were coming, as the others could not know. The others couldn't know he'd seen the signs. Lisi hadn't even known how, but he had seen them. He had predicted it. And it came true.

Eli brushed the dust and smoke off her skirt. Her long, brown hair was tied up at the nape of her neck. Even as dirty as Eli was, Lisi could not stop staring at her. He so desperately wanted all this to be over, so he could tell her how he felt, and give her the gift he had bought for her. "It's like you said, Lisi," she gasped, looking out at the city that had been Chicago, watching it burn, "oh, how I wish it wasn't, but it is..."

Tears sprang to Greta's eyes, and she climbed into Lisi's arms. "Where's Momma? Where's Daddy?"

Lisi didn't want to have to answer them. And luckily, he didn't. At that very moment, he heard the hum of Their airships. The girls must have heard it too, because they stopped. The look of shock on Eli's face faded into fear. "No," she whispered.

"Back in the holes!" Lisi cried, putting Greta down.

"But, Lisi, how will we ever be able to cover them in time?" Eli asked, tears streaming down her cheeks. She began to braid Greta's hair, in hopes that the young girl wouldn't throw a fit, though she had all the reasons in the world to.

"I..." Lisi felt like he just might cry. The humming grew louder, practically to a buzz. "I'll cover you two. It's most important that you two live, maybe find some survivors, though I'm sure there wouldn't be any-"

Eli practically tackled him in a hug. Lisi felt as though he might faint, and not from the nearing doom. "Oh my goodness, Lisi..." Eli breathed in his ear, "you're amazing."

She kissed him. She tasted like cinnamon. Lisi wouldn't ever forget it.

After she pulled away, Eli smiled at him sweetly, even as tears still slid down her face, and she climbed in her hole.

Lisi felt his heart break. He knew he might not live.

The buzz was now a roar.

Lisi quickly pulled the covers over the holes. They were heavy and camouflaged, and you could only remove them from the inside. Lisi had designed them himself. It was another thing he was proud of. The holes. The lids. Eli's kiss.

He saw the airships now. He was frantic. I have to finish this, I have to live, he thought desperately. Greta's lid was stuck, caught on by a rock. He couldn't budge it.

The airships continued to gain.

Greta reached out her tiny hand to him. "Lisi," she said quietly, "I love you to the oceans."

Lisi began to sob. "I love you to the seas, Greta," he said to her. He finally moved the rock off the lid, but it took a bit to move the lid, as his hands shook from the sadness.

Greta moved her arm back into the hole, and the lid sealed with a snap.

They were almost there. Lisi was sobbing hysterically. He knew he was going to die. The airships were about to land. At least he could know that Eli and Greta were fine. His thoughts were a jumble. He couldn't breathe. Lisi crawled into the hole as fast as he could, dragging the lid behind him. He almost had it over the opening, too.

But a white hand grabbed it before it could be closed.

One of Them stood over the opening to his hole. All of Its flesh was a creamy, pure white. Their eyes were a deep, pure purple. They wore no clothes, had no hair. "Creative," It said in Its heavily-accented English, "but not creative enough."

There were more of Them behind It, talking in a series of groans that didn't make sense to Lisi. "Please," he begged, "please don't kill me." He thought of Eli.

It waved Its long fingers at him, and lifted a machine to Lisi's heart. "Goodbye," It said.

***

Two hours later, Greta's wails disturbed Eli. She had been taking an uncomfortable nap, dreaming of Lisi. She had known, with that kiss, that when she got out of that hole, she would tell him. She would tell him she loved him.

When Eli crawled out, she began to cry, too. Lisi's whole body lay crumpled in a heap on the ground. There was no sign that he had been in any pain, except for the look on his face. It was that of utmost horror.

The pain Eli felt couldn't be contained. She threw herself at the cold body, sobbing on its chest. "No, Lisi, I love you, please come back..." she cried. She was hysterical, running her fingers through his blonde hair, checking his pulse, waving a hand in front of his eyes, everything and anything. He had to live, he had to live for her.

She felt something fall out of his pocket. "Eli," Greta said as calmly as she could muster, "what's that?"

Eli picked up the small black box on the ground. It had her name engraved on it in gold. Eli began to shake her head. "No..." she said, but she opened it anyway.

A necklace sat inside it, the letter E hanging off the chain delicately. The diamonds on the charm glistened in the sun.

The humming began again. But this time, Eli would not hide. She would kill.

Hey there! Hawk here for a review.

All right, so I really liked this story. I'm impressed with the way you showed a lot of characterization in such a short piece. You had a good set up, kept an even pace, and left it on a cliffhanger. Overall, this is one of the best short stories I've read on here in a while!

There's not a lot for me to critique, but I would like to mention the fact that it would be nice to have a little more visual of the characters and setting. I never had an idea of what Lisi looked like, or approximately how old any of them were, and I also didn't know just where they were, aside from holes outside a destroyed Chicago. I'd like to have a little more description as to the appearances of everything, just so I can picture the story better. Your description of the aliens was pretty good, though again I feel like it could have used a little more detail. What were their faces like? Did they have a humanoid body? Were their mouths filled with sharp teeth, or nothing at all?

Another thing I wondered about was the fact that the aliens didn't kill Eli or Greta; they stopped Lisi from covering the hole all the way, so they should have been able to force the covering off and attack, or even just shoot into the opening or drop an explosive or something down there. It doesn't seem logical that they'd see him trying to obviously conceal something and not follow up and make sure everyone's exterminated. Just a thought.

Well, that's it! As I said, this really didn't require much critiquing at all. Great job once again; this is a really good story. Please let me know if you have any questions or whatnot.

Cheers!
~Hawk

I really LOVED this story, I don't normally read much sci-fi but this was really good. I loved the wording you used, i never could of made a story like that. You didn't revele everything, you gave information later on in the story which made me keep on reading! You should defo write more sci-fi this was fab!

I very much enjoyed the open-ended way this story finished with the cliffhanger. Regarding the first reviewer's idea of adding more description of the characters' and setting's appearances, personally I don't feel that's necessary. This is just me talking here, but I had enough description there in order to visualize the story perfectly; the image of the burning towers, with the dust, smoke and dirt gave me more than enough to see the awful situation the protagonists were in.
Overall, I'd be happy with it.