Young Writers Society

“MOVE, GET OUT OF THERE!” shouted a soldier above the noise of all the chaos, just as a grenade was thrown into the trench that they were in. With a deafening KABOOM, the trench was littered with shrapnel and pieces of dead people. “Shit” cursed the soldier under his breath. “Wyatt, watch out!” shouted another soldier. Wyatt dived and rolled to the side as some sort of makeshift harpoon shot right where his head had been. 'Fucking raiders hate them all,' thought Wyatt. Wyatt ran to the comms tent, weaving through the crowded trench. “Give me the radio”, he ordered to the soldier with the radio. The soldier gave it to him immediately. “This is outpost foxtrot 341, come in USN Alexander…” Wyatt said into the radio. “This is the USN Alexander” replied the captain.
“Need orbital bombardment of raider stronghold, coordinates are… northwest 37 2, 41 5 alpha charlie. Danger close, repeat danger close. Do you copy?"
“Affirmative, stand by for bombardment.”
Wyatt put down the radio and pegged it outside. “Everyone down!” Wyatt shouted. All the soldiers ducked for cover just as the USN Alexander locked onto the coordinates that Wyatt had said. While it had been moving into position, it had also readied its massive guns capable of launching depleted uranium shells up to the speed of MACH 5. With final preparations complete it fired onto the stronghold. All that was left was a crater of where the stronghold had been.

Back at base there was a celebration, an assortment of alcoholic beverages, sports, music and general relaxation. Wyatt stood in the corner of the mess hall, where the celebration was taking place, and just looked at the other side deep in thought. Another soldier, Corporal Koron Cela, went up to talk to Wyatt.
“So Sgt.Grunst, do you really think that we have won,” Koron asked.
“I think we won this battle but this war, no," replied Wyatt, with a shake of the head.
“What makes you so sure?”
“I feel that this is only the beginning.”
“Right whatever; come on join in the celebrations.” Wyatt shook his head again, so Koron left him, and Wyatt once again just went back into deep thoughts.

One thing:
I will (eventually) come up with a name for this short story.
Thanks for reviewing.

This is really cool story line. and the characters are so well described i noticed a couple spelling mistakes and grammar mistakes but all in all its a good story i like it are you planning to finish it? i defenitly hope you do! how many chapters are you planning to do? keep writin XD

I've noticed a few things i would like to change if you don't mind. I thought it was quite good and has good description but just a few tiny changes.

"MOVE, GET OUT OF THERE!” shouted a soldier above the noise of all the chaos, just as a grenade was thrown into the trench that they were in. With a deafening KABOOM, the trench was littered with shrapnel and pieces of dead people. “Shit” cursed the soldier under his breath. “Wyatt, watch out!” shouted another soldier. Wyatt dived and rolled to the side as some sort of makeshift harpoon shot right where his head had been. “Fucking raiders hate them all,” thought Wyatt. instead of using speech marks would could use these ' ' they would show that your character isn't speaking as i thought at first until i read on Wyatt ran to the comms tent, weaving through the crowded trench. “Give me the radio”, he ordered to the soldier with the radio. The soldier gave him the radio. also here you use soldier and radio twice we already knew the soldier had a radio so what you should say is, "give me the radio" he ordered to the soldier with the radio. He handed it over almost immediately. this would make the sentence flow more easily “This is outpost foxtrot 341, come in USN Alexander…” Wyatt said into the radio. “This is the USN Alexander” replied the captain.

“Need orbital bombardment of raider stronghold, coordinates are… northwest 37 2, 41 5 alpha charlie. Danger close, repeat danger close. Do you copy? close the speech "

“Affirmative, stand by for bombardment.”

Wyatt put down the radio and pegged it outside. “Everyone down!” Wyatt shouted. All the soldiers ducked for cover just as the USN Alexander locked onto the coordinates that Wyatt had said. While it had been moving into position, it had also readied its massive guns capable of launching depleted uranium shells up to the speed of MACH 5. With final preparations complete it fired onto the stronghold. All that was left was a crater of where the stronghold had been.

Back at base there was a celebration, an assortment of alcoholic beverages, sports, music and general relaxation. Wyatt stood in the corner of the mess hall, where the celebration was taking place, and just looked at the other side deep in thought. Another soldier, Corporal Koron Cela, went up to talk to Wyatt.

“So Sgt.Grunst, do you really think that we have won.” here you could add how he spoke

“I think we won this battle but this war, no.” the same here

“What makes you so sure?”

“I feel that this is only the beginning.”

“Right whatever; come on join in the celebrations.” Wyatt shook his head, so Koron left him, and Wyatt once again just went back into deep thoughts.

over all i think it's good for a plan and all very imaginative just need to work on those few areas.

Hey alec its meeeee!
Anyway, the review...

Ok, be prepared for a lot of critiscism:
Its good. thats about it, no offense but it could do with some work.
1. Commas, there was a total lack of them. Even in the dialouge. for example you put: “Shit” cursed the soldier , next time try: "Shit", cursed the soldier . And: 'Fucking raiders hate them all, try: 'Fucking raiders, hate them all.
2. No need for any kind of speech or quotation marks for THOUGHTS
3.Use less repitition, i saw the word soldier grouped quite closely together.
4. Not much info, it left me in the dark about things. For example: the orbital strike hinted it was a action/sci-fi, but no year or century was given.
5. What there was of dialouge, was VERY pacy. Slow it down a wee bit.

Mean DNX over, now for what i liked. XD

1. I liked the whole 'military' side of the story. It was interesting.
2. I liked the realism, how the soldiers cursed like they would in real life.

I'll say, thats not much good stuff, but to be honest it was a tad melodramatic. If you want alec next time, i'll give you a bit of help on the next part. Good first try, especially for a 3rd setter .

Hi, hope you're well etc, not that I care
On with the review my friend!
This is actually pretty good. I like the way you've thrown the reader straight into the action. I'm a bit of a stickler for trench warfare in sci-fi, so this was always going to be a hit with me.
Other than the infinite spelling and gramma corrections yada yada already pointed out, I think you should just try and make this piece a bit longer. The USN Alexander's bombardment was a great touch, but I just didn't feel the impact as much as I would have had you really built up the tension and desperation of the situation.
Also, the sudden jump from bombardment to party was very confusing. Try adding in something about the troops celebrating the victory while still in the trench, instead of flicking back to base so quickly.
Still a great piece, with some good characters.