Any help appreciated! ^^
It's a contest entry, and I'd like some feedback before sending this in. I don't mind it even if your read through only one chunk and review it.
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Should all stories have a beginning? But this isn't one. To me, it's the story, the only one, mine. But I have a beginning. And an end. Stories will just grow.
I am unique, not just like everyone else. One look at me, and everyone will notice that something's different, something extra. Those sideways-glances have pained me. That's when I started growing my hair long. It covered my ears.
If someone is reading this, I do not know which year, or how evolution has taken place, but I shall tell you about my time.
Millennia ago, people looked like what you'd see in the archives - two arms and legs and everything like us, but with fully developed ears and developed larynx with vocal fold, albeit a little less developed. That's what those scientist folk say. This larynx is something you cannot see, yet it hides inside your throat, capable of producing vibrations that travel through ether. But like any old society, developed, pushed the limits of the brain to what came to be known as one of the most definitive stages of evolution.
People now have no ears, or a voice box. The sole purpose of the mouth is to aid in digestion of food. The ears are now, mere little stubs on either side of the head. Because, of course, everyone needs the vestibular system. I read somewhere that there are some cells which could be remnants of the cochlea present in everyone, something which is fully developed in me. Everyone says this is a disorder; they label me a freak. They stare at my oddly shaped head. They point their fingers at me.
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I remember that day.
Sitting atop my mattress, I shivered for an instant. The controller in my room was slow. It took over fifteen seconds for it to neutralize the cold. I remember throwing a book at it, in that moment of fury. That's when mother entered and told me that two strangers had come to visit me. She called them healer and scientist. I called them white coats back then.
They never ceased to stare at me. They poked me, and checked my temperature and ran a couple of quick tests to confirm that I wasn't a product of freak radiation. Of course, back then, all I knew was that the white coats thought I was ill and wanted to give me pills. Yet all their examination never seemed to come to a definitive end. There was always talk of another visit in two weeks' time.
Sometime then, I began to realize that I would never blend in. That listening to the water and birds and the tyres will forever haunt me.
When people came to know of this, everyone wanted to talk to me. They wanted to know what it feels like. I could only share fragments of what I think; they just wouldn't understand.
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The lake is a wonderful place to sit and think. In fact, I'm writing this from my favourite place - where tiny waves are created along the edges. The water tickles between my toes. There's a certain sense of bliss in this setting. Picturesque even, if you consider the hazy, dusky sunlight creating a warm glow on the lake and the scents of flowers being carried across by a gentle wind that rustled the leaves. You can hear the whirrs from the kid next to you working away on a Rubix cube. You can here the phud-phuds of people jogging on the track and the click-clacks of the stilettoed women. It would make you want to shout out. But I won't; my sound would disturb this ephemeral, peaceful set of sounds. These sounds that are both strange and fascinating. Especially the sounds of breathing; everyone has a different 'breathing-tone'.
I wonder why Lady Evolution decided to remove such a wonderful sense. I mean, just because it turns redundant doesn't mean one should be deprived of 'enjoying' the world. Why would the ears be deemed unnecessary. Science is a stupid complicated thing. The Theory of Kindred Evolution too supports this claim - it says that we need to be understood by those we considered as friends or relatives or people important in our lives. And therefore, when we have developed this telekinetic ability, ears become redundant. So, 'out with old and in with the new' I guess.
I must close this book now, to let the nature envelop me. Somehow, things seem more real in this place. Like we both belong to some distant, forgotten past.
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I probably won't post the entire story, but I'd love your thoughts on each of these disparate paragraphs.
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