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Ghost In The Vaults (A Triumvirate Short Story)



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Wed Sep 28, 2011 1:00 am
TheSage says...



This is actually the opening of one of my stories in progress. Apart of a larger story known as Triumvirate. Feedback is greatly appreciated since I need to know if I'm on the right track before I continue to expand further. :)

I'm always updating this story so feel free to check back every other week!

Also, to any Forum Moderators, YWS's site seemed to remove 3/4th of my Story without me editing it. So it seems like a Glitch. Just a heads up.

Chapter One:
Ghost Stories



“There was a small boy inside who live in a town. The town known as Crete was a small happy village who praised and worshiped the King of Terra, the oldest and wisest king in the land. The boy who lived in this town had a name the world knows, but the world did not know him.
When the boy was born the Old King of Terra himself awoke from a deep sleep and whispered the name Angelus before retreating to his inner-sanctum to ponder the name and what it meant.
Angelus was no ordinary child as you might imagine. He possessed abilities that some would consider unnatural.”

The tavern was quiet as the children and even some of the elderly sat around a large fire pit in the center of the common room. The embers crackled and warmed the room in an intense heat wave. An cloaked man dressed in emerald green sat unopposed on the opposite side of the pit. His hood covering his facial details as he waved his hand over the embers sparking them to life as he began speaking once more.

“Angelus was blessed by the Gods with the power of Blight Magic. An ancient power that only chose it’s subject once every ten-thousand years. The exact power the Old King of Terra obtained ten-thousand years ago.”

The smoke swirled above the fire pit to form the figure of a lone man standing atop of the embers. The crowd gasped as the smoke came to life.

“Angelus, recognizing his new potential began to use his abilities for the good of the town. He helped the growth of his town, even going as far as to heal the dieing from the clutches of death itself. However, rumors of his powers spread across Terra even to the dreaded Southern Kingdom, home to the ruthless Reaver Lord.”

The smoke circulated around the pit and a figure of pure fire bloomed to life over the pit. The children in the room gasped in amazement and fright.

“The Reaver Lord sought revenge against the King of Terra. As once ago the Reaver Lord believed that he was to be the next Blight Mage and not the King of Terra. The Reaver Lord gathered his forces to destroy the child Blight Mage and sap his powers to himself through a crystal that he had obtained through a Dark Wizard known as Tal‘Xil.”

The emerald clothed story-teller withdrew a purple crystal from his pocket and tossed it into the fire pit. The Embers died completely and the crystal emitted a purple hue of light throughout the room. The smoke reconfigured itself into the image of a town that was slowly being engulfed by purple light.

“The darkness had arrived and the town would fall. For days Angelus survived the onslaught of the Reaver Lord until even he, the Blight Mage had been tired beyond his limits.”

The smoke gathered into the figure of a boy and the purple hue arranged itself to tall figure which began to reach for the boy.

“Before the Reaver Lord could sap Angelus the King of Terra himself summoned all of his might to save the boy. Using every ounce of his conscious power, Angelus was teleported into the Great Throne Room of Terra. The force of the Blight Magic destroyed the town and destroyed the Reaver Lord. Or so we believe.”

The purple hue dissipated and the embers sparked back to life in the firepit, returning warmth to the room.

“The fate of Angelus is unknown to us, however some say he walks among us. A Blight Mage disguised as one of us, seeking out the agenda of the King of Terra. Waiting to return to us when the time is needed. And that is the story of Angelus.”

The children and even some of the elderly began to clap at the man’s storytelling. Slowly the cheers died and the travelers became weary and retired to their rooms around the tavern. The hooded man rose from his seat and retrieved the air modulators he had placed around the fire pit. He reached into the embers and picked up the purple crystal, which was actually just a fake amethysts he had found in a local shop. He retrieved the purple filter lights he placed around the room and placed them in his bag.

“Excuse me, but you‘ve brought more business here than I could have in weeks, just in the past two nights. Is there anything I can do for you?” asked the Bartender.

The emerald hooded man shook his head politely and placed a small bag of credits onto the table near the door and began to head outside.

“Please, your money is no good here.” interjected the Bartender, “You’ve done enough for me already, your meals are on us.” walking out from behind the bar.

“I insist.” the man replied gently. The Bartender nodded, surprised by the man’s generosity and went to retrieve the credits as the stranger walked out into the countryside.

---

Cipher exited into the darkness of the night. The cool air brushed his skin and the breeze billowed his emerald robe as he exited the tavern. He had visited the Red Moon Inn for the past two nights while adventuring the countryside. As he had learned in his previous travels, entertaining others likely results in a reward for yourself. Through storytelling he had received gifts from the townsfolk, usually food and small tips of money, all of which he was thankful for.

Cipher walked towards his Grav-Bike before he was intercepted by a small girl. She ran up to him with a urgency, bouncing and repeatedly calling him “Mister”.

“Mister, mister, mister!” she said, bouncing for attention.

Cipher removed his hood revealing his rugged face and short cropped blond hair. Kneeling down he asked smiling, “What can I do for you?” he smiled.

“How do we know the Reaver Lord is gone forever?” she asked, looking up at him.

“Well we don’t, but don’t worry. The King is protecting us”, Cipher said with a smile on his face, “as long as you believe in the King, he’ll always be there to help you. Ok?” he said as he patted her head.

She smiled up at him and her father, dressed as in the attire of a Noble Veteran, rushed to grab her and pull her away. He apologized for her pestering of him and Cipher responded, saying she was an adorable child and wasn’t a bother at all. As the father and daughter entered their old car the father leaned out the window and said, “Long live the King!”.

He nodded as the car drove away. Yea… Long live the King.

Cipher walked to the side of the old Inn and removed a cloth that was covering his Grav-Bike. He pressed the ignition and the bike whined to life, levitating several inches off the ground. The bike consisted of a front and rear propulsion lift that emitted a green energy wave that stabilized the vehicle and long seat that allowed the driver to lay on his stomach comfortably while piloting.

Taking his position, Cipher kicked off the bike’s safety and slowly maneuvered the parking lot to the dirt road where he eased into the throttle and was launched into the night. Speeding in the direction of Aurum, the banking capital of the planet of Terra and all of Noble Space.

The stars shimmered brightly in the countryside air. Not polluted by the major cities, you could almost see the starships in the sky. And you could make out The Defendant, the Starship of the King of Terra. Stretching over seventeen miles long, it was the largest and strongest starship of it’s era and alone carried with it an armada of fighters to defend even the largest star quadrant. It shone as the brightest star in the sky.

His Grav-Bike hummed deeply as he glided over the terrain of the dirt road, leaving a dust trail in his wake. He passed small houses and communities as he approached the epicenter of money in the Galaxy. Aurum was famous for it’s deep dungeons of vaults that contained a quarter of the Galaxy’s credits and contained the vault of the King of Terra, known as the Black Vault. Only the King of Terra himself knew what was contained within the vaults and not even the three-thousand guards of the Aurum knew what was inside. When he ordered to place something within the vault, the guards would blindfold themselves and place the item by memorizing the exact layout of the Vault as drawn out by the King on a manuscript.

The guards around the Grand Vaults change positions ever three hours so not to show fatigue and suffer a terrible break in, he remembered. They carried AUX-37 rifles and wore standard issue Noble Infantryman power armor. Extremely thick and versatile, they would be a terror in a firefight. Cipher had memorized their exact positions weeks prior, as well as the position of the security cameras, and the locations of all the known sensors. He was ready for this.

The chilled air nipped against his cheeks as Cipher pulled his Grav-Bike off the dirt road and maneuvered to a hill where he could overlook the city of Aurum until the morning. The city had three major highways the lead into a large jungle of buildings. The buildings themselves were made of adamant, the strongest metal known to man. Expensive, at around seventy thousand credits a beam, the buildings would withstand even an orbital bombardment. Money was no object at the price of protecting the Noble’s greatest wealth.

Cipher powered down his bike and dismounted. Resting his back against the bike and began to wait patiently for communications from the Commander of Intelligence, mysteriously known as Atlas.



Section 2:

Flashback


Seventeen years ago…


The Retribution Wars raged across Terra. Warring countries aggressively occupied each other and the world was essentially a massive grave. However it didn’t seem to affect the small town of Winterfield.

Marcus sat in his sixth period class, with his best friend in the entire world, Sarah Wilhelm. Talking about everything and yet nothing at the same time, they seemed to pass the time together. Inseparable from when they were just kids growing up in their neighborhood park together.

She had however, fallen asleep in her char and slouched over onto his shoulder. And Marcus was happy with that. Sarah had been the closest thing to a sister to him, seeing as his relationship with his family was less than close. They were more like roommates at this point in his life and nothing more than a drain. He wasn’t wanted at home and he accepted that.

The teacher continued to talk to the class, who was seemingly entranced into the lesson. But for some reason, Marcus couldn’t focus. He adjusted his shoulder so Sarah’s head wasn’t putting so much pressure on his side and looked out towards Bailey Creek. During the middle of Fall the small river, not even seven feel across, seemed to always sparkle with a life of it’s own. The old mahogany trees around the river sprinkled their leaves to the ground and the sky was a pale blue. Not a cloud in sight.

“And if you look in Chapter 12 you’ll see that-”. The bell rang just in time and the kids were freed from their prison.

Marcus nudged Sarah awake and she shuttered to back to life. “Sleep well?” Marcus said, jokingly. “Yeah, yeah. I slept just fine… What time is it?” She said, rubbing her eyes.

“Time to go home. You missed everything you know.” He said.
“Yeah, I don’t find. Fill me in on the way home?” She asked, smiling?

Of course he couldn’t say no.

Walking home, bundled up in their sweatshirts and carrying their armada of books they walked past the Bailey Creek that flowed up past Marcus’s house. His family was more than well off. Living in one of the gated communities in Winterifeld, his house consisted of over twenty acres, an outdoor swimming pool, and a full-sized basketball court for his brother. His house was so big, in-fact, they he could evade his family for weeks. Marcus setup camp in the west wing and the rest of his family inhabited the eastern half. Only when he went to get something to eat did he ever happen to run into another human soul.

His Mother was a wealthy psychiatrist who specialized in celebrity cases, which of course paid for the entire house several times over. She also had an extreme habit of constantly trying to diagnose him with one form of illness or the other. Which had done more than just push them apart.
Marcus’s Father was a respect architect working for the government, making a more than generous sum of wealth. He didn’t mind his father much, he understood that “I’m fine” sometimes just meant ‘I’m fine’. Or he just didn’t care.

“Did you brother repaint his car?” Sarah said. Marcus snapped out of his thought. “Oh… Oh yeah, I guess he did.”

“He didn’t mention it at all over the weekend?” She asked, giving him a confused look.

Marcus averted his eyes from her momentarily and said “No idea. I haven’t talked to him in a while, been avoiding everyone recently.”

Arriving at the gate to his driveway Sarah turned to face him. “I know the feeling.” She said, giving him the I really know what you’re doing, face. “Text me if you need to talk about it.” She wrapped her bundled arms around him and her brown hair brushed against his face.

“Yeah, I will later. Promise.” Marcus put his arms around her hips and squeezed her close. The gate opened, recognizing the signal on his electric house keys. They both released their embrace, said their goodbyes, and headed their separate directions.
Marcus breathed in deeply and made his way up the main driveway. Preparing for another night alone.

Even though everyone was home.

Section 3:
The Blue Hood
Last edited by TheSage on Fri Oct 28, 2011 12:36 am, edited 7 times in total.
Celestial Projects

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Wed Sep 28, 2011 5:00 am
firewriter says...



Woah!! Ghost in the Vaults sounds really good! From the start I was hooked. I mean seriously- a mysterious guy with smoke that moves and he tells really good stories too? Who wouldn't be hooked? I think the way that the story was written was excellent. I've tried to make my stories like that but they never seem to work out.
I'd loove to read more when it comes. Sounds like a story with lots of twists and turns.
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Fri Oct 07, 2011 3:44 pm
TheSage says...



Fixed a terrible grammer error in the opening. should be fine overall now.
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Sat Oct 08, 2011 2:07 am
1wasprt says...



I want to hear more.
He who is without sin may cast the first stone.
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Sat Oct 22, 2011 2:11 pm
Woot says...



A very quick and short review for you.

You really need to post more of this, that is, if you want to get thoughtful reviews from people. This snippet is just too small for people to give you any worthwhile feedback. If you post more, let me know and I can come back and edit this review accordingly.

But, right now, I will say all I can say. It seems like you might have the beginnings of a decent story here. It comes of like a legend, or a myth, with this Angelus being presented as the classic epic hero. Which could shape up to be a good thing, but it all depends are where you go with this.

Did you know that your post cuts off mid-sentence? I assuming that is just a typo.

Let me know if you post more.

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Mon Oct 24, 2011 3:57 pm
TheSage says...



^

For some reason the site removed more than 3/4th of the Chapter... Which is very odd, it's been up for nearly a month or so now.

Re-pasting it from Word as we speak.
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Edna began to feel like one who awakens gradually out of a dream, a delicious, grotesque, impossible dream, to feel again the realities pressing into her soul.
— Kate Chopin, The Awakening