z

Young Writers Society


For Ever Free



User avatar
82 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 1493
Reviews: 82
Sat Jan 07, 2012 6:41 am
Renn says...



Spoiler! :
I'm sorry this is so long! It's just not long enough to be a full story, so it fits in here. This is my first real attempt at sci-fi, written for a school project. As for critiques and 'likes', be gentle please? :]


Prolog 11 years earlier, 2164 a.d

Eleven years prior to the present day, a world changing message was said to be aired in major cities of every state in the USA. All citizens considered adults, eighteen or older, were forcefully encouraged to go, to go and listen to the President make his speech, accompanied by his ever powerful CIA agents. But when this happened and the speech was soon to begin the director of the CIA appeared on screens all over the indoor colosseums they were being seen at and told his listeners that they were soon to be used for the better good. An experiment by the CIA would end the lives of those watching.

Gaseous poison laced to the ceilings in every colosseum began to fall, a venom genetically created into a gas and altered to be half mechanical- with no cure. Within minutes those who’d gathered in major cities- Portland and Eugene in Oregon, San Antonio and Houston in Texas, San Diego and Los Angeles in California, etc- died of a fast acting, genetically altered disease. The population of the USA dropped 80% in two minutes, and in the two months following dropped another 10%. Children and the elderly couldn’t make it through without help in the sudden armageddon. But the strongest came out on the other side, tougher and brighter. Children like Everlina and Douglas Free.


She was sure her heartbeat would give her away. They were coming, stalking through the intersection on their Resurrected Hounds bound with tight multi-strand harnesses. They’d catch her if she breathed, make her tell them where Douglas was. Even if she was caught, Ever knew if anything happened to her that the fire would ignite- no one would get to Douglas.


Two days earlier, 2175 a.d

Douglas turned the hare on the spit, looking over his shoulder in the shadow of the abandoned school. Ever watched dully, dusty blue eyes scanning the growing darkness beyond the concrete learning behemoth. She knew her brother must’ve covered his tracks but she still worried- the Neo CIA Agents (or Neos as they called them) and their Resurrected Hounds had been spotted getting closer to Oregon. The siblings hadn’t gotten any correspondences since those sightings. They were getting closer and wiping out all in their way- finishing what they’d started eleven years ago.

“You know they’re close, I’ve got to set a perimeter.” Ever said softly as Douglas passed her half of the meal.

“No, don’t leave. I’ll go with you.” Douglas looked up at her and their identical eyes met each other’s in matching intensity. He had paled at her statement, his knuckles ivory as he gripped the pottery shard that his meal was on.

After the death of their parents Douglas, seven years old at the time, had contracted grade-A abandonment issues and hardly let his little sister Ever out of his sight. Everlina, five years old and too young at the time to fully understand, found her own tranquility and parental nurturing in starting fires. Both siblings were deeply connected to their metaphorical security blankets, neither pointing out the other’s flaws. Ever sighed.

“Of course you can come,” she said tightly. “Could use some extra muscle.” Her brother may have been a skinny thing for his age but Ever had seen him lift fallen tree trunks in a crisis before. He was always good to have on hand, if a little needy at times. “Besides, you can help me with the hair-triggers.” She forced a smile, nodding.

With a mouthful of hare Douglas smiled, looking back quickly over his shoulder at the sound of a twig snapping. “Get to sleep sis, I’ll take first watch.” He wrapped his patchwork quilt jacket tighter around himself and buckled down for the night as Ever bundled herself with blankets.


One day earlier, 2175 a.d

The red and blue wires coiled around one another like vines, making it nearly impossible to snip one without getting the other. Between the Free siblings they could construct an older-world hair trigger bomb like none other, much like those from the early 21st century. It was a small bomb in the middle of an intersection lined with broken down gaseous-run-cars, the road drenched weekly with kerosine from stores. Near to this much flammable material Ever’s lighter finger began to get twitchy.

“Our last correspondence was two days ago from Eugene, saying the Neos were heading north. We haven’t heard more.” The elder Free said as he confiscated Ever’s Zippo lighter.

“That’s because the Neos took them out.” Ever said darkly, looking at her well worn lighter in her brother's hands.

“You don’t know that. The Resurrected Hounds can’t carry them that fast.”

“Really?” Ever scowled and tied her thick black hair back with a length of twine. “Giant metal machines with the DNA and brains of Dobermans, I think they can manage getting to Hillsboro.” She looked up at the old school, once proclaiming a name now reduced to NCOE, the outlines of the first three letters just barely visible. “The whole intersection is rigged, we’ll be fi-”

Her brother furiously hushed her, gripping her shoulders hard. His dusty blue eyes were wide and he brushed his wild black hair out of his eyes. While Douglas’s actions would have normally triggered Everlina’s short temper something was off about him though, he was too scared to breathe. “Don’t move,” he murmured like a mouse.

Ever listened and strained to hear the abnormal. As the only people in the city they knew its natural sounds. The steadily louder metal pangs of alloy paws could be heard from a mile away. The Neos were finally finishing their trek with Hillsboro as the final destination. “Run. I’ll stay to detonate. Meet me at the rendezvous point.”

Douglas’s freckles darkened as he paled. “I- I can’t leave.”

“Yes you can- only I can manage the detonation. You’re faster than me too. We won’t be apart long.” She held his shoulders and nodded. “I love you brother, but you’ve got to get over the separation. I won’t leave like mom and dad.”

She’d done it. She mentioned his flaw and the illusion was shattered. It was real then and he gave her back the Zippo with a look that said more than he could.

Douglas Free sprinted back toward NCOE and Everlina grabbed the detonator device and climbed the ancient maple trees that lined the cracked intersection. Farther along the asphalt curved, and astride the horse-sized metal Hounds came the Neos, men who had forsaken their blood for oil and the judgement part of the brain for a mechanical control piece. Men who rode like dark knights, large electrical guns buzzing strapped to their legs and hips.

At the crossroads the Hounds tossed their great machine heads and tasted the air, green lamp eyes scanning the trees.

She was sure her heartbeat would give her away. They were coming, stalking through the intersection on their Resurrected Hounds bound with tight multi-strand harnesses. They’d catch her if she breathed, make her tell them where Douglas was. Even if she was caught, Ever knew if anything happened to her that the fire would ignite- no one would get to Douglas.

One of the men who appeared to be the leader spoke much louder then he needed for the other Neos to hear him. “I think we will camp here tonight and track them down tomorrow. We will try the trees and the school grounds first.”

Ever gulped. The message was for her. They knew very well where she was. It was a game to them. Yet she found herself shocked at how human the man who shouted was. He was a murderer, one who practiced in the genocide of the American people- yet he sounded like everyone else.

She would have to sleep there for the night in the crook of the tree. As she tried to close her eyes she couldn’t imagine what her brother was going through right then on his first night alone since the apocalypse.


Present day, 2175 a.d

Ever woke determined, hardening her heart as she watched the Neos work. She needed to save herself and her brother- these people had killed millions. There had been 511 million people in the US eleven years ago, which dropped to 5 million after the poisoning- 100,000 people per state. They’d cycled through and made short work of those remaining.

Although... the way they treated their Hounds was almost affectionate, like a normal person with a puppy. It was human, she herself and Douglas had had a puppy long ago.

“We’re going to start searching now,” The leader said. He pointed to the trees Ever hid in, knowing she’d heard him.

“No!”

An arrow- a crude, ancient, yet efficient weapon- missed the Neos by a hands length. Douglas ran forward, sprinting toward the Neos with the crude bow in his left hand.

Ever’s heart dropped. The men’s attention was drawn from her, and it would’ve been a perfect time to press the detonator. Her brother was too close to be safe from the blow back, but she needed to do this to take care of the Neos. Shielding her eyes she pressed the button.

The sound of fire roaring and the largest beat of a drum ended in a dull silence, having blown herself out of the tree. A ringing filled her ears. Ever looked about the wreckage, seeing her brother in the dirt and the invaders strewn about- undamaged but fallen.

Machines! Of course the explosions wouldn’t have phased them, they were mostly mechanical. They couldn’t be stopped. Deafly she stumbled to her brother, gradually regaining her sense of hearing on the way. He was wounded, badly, and knocked unconscious. She was shocked into silence and didn’t noticed the Neos surrounding her and her brother.

“We only wanted to make a master race of survivors. Those who grew up hardy and could overcome anything.” The man said from behind her. “Corruption came from the adults, so we removed them. You two are the only ones who didn’t sacrifice one another to live. You are the only ones who passed the apocalypse.”

He continued, “I- I believe the explosion broke the control mechanisms in our brains, I feel responsible for what we’ve done. We will repair your brother if you leave the country. It will be safer. Slowly the United States will rise again, but not now, and not by anything we’ve done.”

The man knelt by Douglas and touched the wound, bringing a handheld machine from his deep pockets and threading the wire through the wound site. Threading it closed he left a tiny workers’ machine inside. “It will repair him over time. I learned respect anew today, and hope to never see you again as kindly as I can put it.”

He lifted Douglas to his feet and looked at the silent Ever. “What is your name? We shall give you a Hound for safer travel.”

“My name is Ever Free.” She said, taking her brother on her own.

“How suitable a name.” The man handed her the reigns of a Resurrected Hound, standing eight feet tall at the ears. “For you, Ever Free.”

With the Resurrected Hound, Everlina balanced her brother on the saddle and rode away as gently as she could. The explosion had changed the Neos for the better, and gave her a new chance. She’d head to Canada, where the Neos had no power. Despite the renewed life they faced, it would be a long while before they returned to NCOE. They were free.
'Evil exists in all of us Torak. Some fight it. Some feed it. That is how it has always been.'

"There is always a choice," said Torak, and he backed off the cliff.
  





User avatar
28 Reviews



Gender: Male
Points: 904
Reviews: 28
Sat Jan 07, 2012 8:48 am
Confictura says...



Mmm...
Good concept, but a lot of it doesn't make sense. Ever says she's going to set up a perimeter, Douglas says he's coming with.... then they both bed down without leaving?

Why did Ever take a nap instead of just detonating? Why did Douglas break cover when he knew full well that Ever had the detonator?

The description of the Neos and Ressurected hounds sound less like an author describing an antagonistic force and more like a 6 year old excitedly describing a dream
("and there were these guys! who were machines! with stuff in their brains! and dogs! who were also machines!)

And I understand Glencoe's a nice place to stay over night and all, but why live there when there's plenty of actual houses nearby? There's a suburb right across the street!
If it was a viral apocalypse, none of the structures would've been damaged...

All in all, it's a good idea, but needs some polish, and better descriptions...

Keep on writin', Renn :)

EDIT: P.S. Why glencoe? Why not evergreen? Evergreen's much more defensible if it comes under attack by the CIA, and if you did stay at glencoe, why set the trap at the intersection? Why not in the parking lot of the school? Or the fields?
Help, help! I'm being repressed!
  








I’ll paraphrase Thoreau here... Rather than love, than money, than faith, than fame, than fairness, give me truth.
— Christopher Johnson McCandless