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The Mustangs: Part 4



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Thu Nov 01, 2007 9:52 pm
spiritblackwolf2705 says...



The massive chestnut horses figure lay on the ground, a red, swollen hoof print beginning to form on his temple. He whinyed, attempting to stand back up.

"She knocked the shit out of Darius!" Laughed a girl with blonde hair.

"Darius!" Sean screeched, running toward his horse. Sean crouched down next to Darius, stroking his mane and exaiming the wound. Nightmare watched, studying the human's care for the horse. She shook her broad head, humans couldn't care for her kind, they could only show cruelity. With another deafening neigh, Nightmare stormed to the fence where all the riders sat, her flaring eyes, challenging all of them. Most of the riders jumped from the fence, intimidated by the untamed mustang.

A pinto mare trotted away from the small herd, going towards Darius and Sean. Sean turned his head to look at the pinto mare, "It's okay, Acapella, Darius will be fine," Sean said in a soothing voice, his hand stroking the top of Acapella's head. Nightmare lifted her head proudly, none of these humans would dare challenge her.

The one they called Bill, came walking towards the riders, "The one that gets the mustang into the stable gets five-hundred dollars," Bill told the riders. As soon as Bill said that, every rider ran into the stable, coming out mintutes later, mounted on top of their horses, ropes in every pair of hands. They soon began to surrong Nightmare.

"No where to run, you little nightmare," A male rider snarled, a long gash on his face showing.

"That's what we should call the beauty, Nightmare," said the blonde girl.

"Seems more like a beast rather than a beauty to me," growled Sean as he stalked past the riders, leading Darius into the stables.

Nightmare reared on her hind legs, ready to strike out at the riders, but one of the riders had retireved the far end of the rope dangiling from Nightmare's neck. Five of the riders grabbed the rope and had their horses back up, pulling Nightmare to the ground, while the rest threw more ropes around her neck until there was no escape. Nightmare was shooved into a small wooden box, and she began to kick at the walls that confined her.

"What the hell?!" Hissed the brunette girl to the young man, "You put her in a stall with Daphne's foal!"

Nightmare looked into the corner of the wooden stall and saw a small dun colored foal laying in the corner. Why had the humans put her in a stall with a foal? She wouldn't hurt it, but she would keep her distance. Laying in the opposite corner of the foal, neighing loudly. The foal lifted his head, looking at the large black horse, answering her loud neigh with a whiny. Nightmare and the foal began talking in their neighs and whinys. After about an hour, Nightmare had found out that the foals mother died while she was giving birth, and that the foals name was Rebel Yell.

The blonde haired girl sat outside the stall, watching Nightmare and Rebel Yell. "Look at that...she has a soft spot for foals...."
  





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Thu Nov 01, 2007 10:10 pm
spiritblackwolf2705 says...



This is what Acapella looks like:
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Thu Nov 01, 2007 10:23 pm
spiritblackwolf2705 says...



This is what Rebel Yell looks like(he is the foal in front...):
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Thu Nov 01, 2007 10:40 pm
Kim says...



This is awesome, wow , hurry and post the next chapter. i love this .

kim
  





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Thu Nov 01, 2007 10:45 pm
spiritblackwolf2705 says...



Lol. thanks. The next chapter should be up tomorrow! And if anybody has any suggestions, or wants to name one of the future horse characters, please pm me!
  





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Sun Nov 04, 2007 2:53 pm
canislupis says...



Wow, I seem to have gotten behind with this.

I seen to have found quite a few errors,which is something you need to take care of. Aside from that, plotwise it is still very good. I have one problem though:

When a mustang is caught, there would be much more control involved. They wouldn't just let it run around in the stable area, for the precise reason that it would be dangerous to themselves as well as their domesticated horses. They wouldn't put the captured horse in a paddock witha bunch of other horses. I guess this is just my oppinion, but maybe you should do some research on this subject? Just a suggestion,as I think it would help your writing.

Anyway, I am still loving reading this, and keep up the good work!!!
  





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Sun Nov 04, 2007 7:09 pm
spiritblackwolf2705 says...



Okay, ummm, well they are letting her go around freely because there aren't any horses out(besides Darrius and his small herd) but Darrius's herd was over the fence, and they didn't think she would make it to them.

And they didn't let her go in the paddock, they began to unlock the trailer so they could put her in a stall, but she kicking the door open when it was almost unlocked and began to run. So...yeah...
  





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Mon Nov 05, 2007 7:31 pm
canislupis says...



Oh, Yeah I see that. I didn't mean to say paddock, but since I was really tired.... :D

Anyway, I was saying that they probably wouldn't just let the horse out of the trailer, even to try and get her in the stall. I also would make it more clear that she kicked the door open, and they didn't just let her out. That was what I was trying to say, and sorry if it looked like I didn't read your story at all before giving comments. :lol:
  





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Tue Nov 13, 2007 12:38 am
SeraphTree says...



Sorry to read it backwards. I just realized that it was part six a little too late :(

Hm. Putting Nightmare in the stable is a bad idea. It would make more sense to put her to pasture.
From the one guy's reaction, these people seem very cruel. And how in the hay (yes, hay) do these people know how to catch a mustang?
I'm not sure. Surrounding her with horses is a bad idea, especially since one got kicked.

I'm not sure about the foal. Since Nightmare is in a frenzy, she probably wouldn't have seen her and stepped on her.
Um..... <.< ^.^ >.> the blonde needs a name. :D:D:D That's pretty much it. :D:D:D:D:D:D
"How grateful we are that the heavens are indeed open, that the gospel of Jesus Christ has been restored, and that the Church is founded on the rock of revelation. We are a blessed people, with apostles and prophets upon the earth today."~ Thomas S. Monson
  








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