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Midnight Darkness #9 part one



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Sun Nov 25, 2007 1:13 am
BigBadBear says...



Chapter Nine: Rebellion

Payton smiled at us, very weakly. His face was turning pale and he shivered.

“Is it cold in here or what?” he said, and looked around the room, avoiding my question.

“Payton, come on! Fight Wolfgang! Fight him!” Lacy cried out and looked at him with those big brown eyes of hers.

Payton shook his head no, and then Lacy started pleading with him.

“Lacy…Wolfgang saved my life a long time ago. I can’t just turn my back on him.”

Suddenly, I was thrown into a memory. I had no idea why, but I was. It was the moment that Ronda died, such a long time ago, it seemed.

What had she said? She had said something about…something about Payton, right? I tried to remember, but other things kept coming to mind...what was it?

I gasped. “Payton!” I cried out and ran over to him, grabbing his arm.

He said, “Whoa! What’s going on?” Payton bent down so I could talk to him.

“Payton! Payton, I just remembered something! I can’t believe that I never remembered it before! It was when I had killed…I mean, when Ronda died! She told me something about…about a woman named Sarah!” I shouted, my eyes gleaming in the light.

Payton stared google eyed at me, and said, “What? What did she say about Sarah?”

“She said…um…she said that Sarah was still alive!” I said, bursting out all of the excitement I could find within me.

“Are you serious? No…no…she can’t still be alive…I was there when she was killed!” Payton said, lost in wonder. “How could she still…”

Lacy looked from Payton to I, in loss of words. I bet she was thinking, “What in the world is going on?”

“Lacy! Lacy!” Payton cried in joy, and ran toward Lacy and wrapped his arms around her, forming an awkward hug.

Lacy’s eyes widened, and she laughed while pushing on Payton’s hard stomach.

“Who is Sarah?” she asked calmly.

“Sarah…oh, Sarah was my wife! I mean, is my wife! I can’t believe that Ronda would finally tell me!” Payton said, and shook Lacy’s shoulders.

Payton was so unbelievably happy that he ran off, screaming, “She’s alive! She’s alive!”

“Who is she? Where is she?” Lacy asked, and I quickly replied, “Ronda, the Vampire, told me that Sarah was alive and that Payton should come and rescue her. That’s really all.”

Sarah isn’t alive. The Vampires have killed her.

I jumped by the sudden voice that I heard and sighed. I thought that I had gotten rid of you!

You can’t get rid of your holes.

Ok, so getting rid of evil voices in your head isn’t so easy. But I would still try.

“Let’s go and get Payton before he hurts himself,” I told Lacy and she laughed.

“Yeah, come on.” Lacy turned around, and I grabbed her hand and held it softly. She looked at me and smiled, and I returned the favor.

“I love you,” I whispered to her. She smiled again.

“I love you too.”

Lacy and I found Payton just beyond the Dining Hall, talking excitedly with Bart. Bart, on the other hand, was very serious looking, and didn’t look like he found any excitement in it at all. I gave Lacy a puzzled look and she ran up to Payton.

The two men quickly glanced at us, and Payton’s eyes lit up, while Bart’s eyes remained cold. Bart was frowning and his eyebrows dug into his face.

“Lacy! Landon!” he called to us and we joined the little group. Bart sighed, wishing that we wouldn’t come up to the group, but we did.

“What’s going on?” I asked Payton, and then turned to Bart, wondering why he was so upset.

“Well, I am going to go and look for her. Sarah, I mean. I know where she is. You see, I met with Ronda a few years ago, right after she was…supposedly killed. She told me that if she ever had any news she would tell me. I, of course, had no idea what she was talking about so I left her, but now…but now Sarah’s alive! I can’t believe it!”

I grinned and said, “Well, I’m glad that she’s alive. She must have meant the world to you.” Payton nodded and looked up at the sky, as if thanking the heavens.

“Thank you, Landon,” Payton told me, “so much for telling me this.”

I nodded and turned to Lacy. I was still holding her hand and she looked at me with her brown eyes. I was truly in love, and this was probably the most exciting day of my life.

It wasn’t until later, after I had gone to bed, that I realized that it had only been this morning that Bart had come to get me from the Valley of Darkness. Wow…so much had happened today.

I still had another Trial tomorrow. Groaning, I threw myself on my pillow and hit the sack. Instantly, I was asleep.

“Landon. Landon! I’m going!” Payton said to me, and I shut my eyes, wanting more sleep. I shook my head and mumbled, “Go…I wanna…I wanna sleep.” I yawned and rubbed the sleepiness of my eyes out.

“Landon, listen. Wolfgang granted me the right to go on the rescue mission to find Sarah. I’m going to be gone for a few days at the most. I’ll be fine. I just want you to stay here and do nothing about the rebellion, all right?”

The rebellion! How could that have slipped out of my mind?

“Oh! Payton!” I said sleepily, “I saw a group of guys talking to each other yesterday, and as soon as I got close enough to hear what they were saying, they stopped. And guess what? Jonathan was one of them!”

Payton laughed and said, “It’s probably just Council stuff. Wolfgang elected a couple of men to run Fort Wolfgang. It’s usually not for the ears of a fourteen-year-old boy. That’s all.”

I frowned, not believing what he just said. I knew that they had to be doing something about the rebellion. They just didn’t know that I was in on it. Yeah, that was right. They didn’t know that I am going to rebel with them. That’s all.

“Where is Sarah?” I asked, closing my eyes.

“She is…uh…well, I know where she is and that’s all that is important. I’ll only be gone a few days.” Payton replied and then he said, “Well, don’t get killed or anything before I get back.”

I smiled and said, “Sure. Whatever.” I heard him get up and walk out of my room, and I fell back asleep.

____________

“Hey, Landon! Hurry and get ready! It’s almost time for your Trial,” a voice said, and I opened my eyes. The light was turned on in my room, and so I squinted up at the person who was now shaking me.

Jonathan’s blurry figure soon took shape and he said, “Hurry! Wolfgang told me to make sure that you weren’t late.”

Oh great. My Trials. What Trial was this, anyhow? I asked Jonathan that question and he answered, “It’s the Instincts Trial. Hurry! Get a move on!”

I squirmed out of bed and pulled on my pants. Jonathan impatiently tapped his foot, waiting for me to mat down my hair with my hand. It didn’t work because once I pressed down with my hand, my hair popped right back up.

“Ugh! Stupid hair,” I mumbled. Jonathan ushered me out the door and walked behind me.

I had no idea what time it was, but based on my hunger I could tell that it was close to noon. I walked out of the Sleeping Hall and turned into the brightly lit Main Hall, with Jonathan at my heels.

I turned around to face him and said, “What’s the big hurry?”

He shot me a dirty look and said, “You were late for the last
Trial. Wolfgang ordered me to make sure that you were early.”

I rolled my eyes and turned back around. I also tried to remember what Payton had told me before Jonathan had come to get me…wasn’t he going to go find Sarah? I couldn’t remember. It was something along those lines.

I thought about how happy he was when he found out that Sarah was alive. He must have meant the whole world to him, because I have never seen Payton that happy in my life. Suddenly, the thought dawned on me that Payton had left before he could see me do my next Trial. I didn’t even know what my next Trial was going to be like!

I turned around once again to face a stern looking Jonathan and said, “What is my next Trial going to be like? Is it hard?”

Jonathan sighed and said, “No. This one is much easier. It’s just a test. That’s all.”

I nodded and turned around, heading towards the Dining Hall. The big oak doors were closed, so when I got up to them I pushed and Jonathan helped me. With both of us together, the door slid open easily, revealing many tables, benches and werewolves.

For once the tables had food placed on them. When I got a closer look I saw hamburger, chicken and pork on one side of every table, and in the middle of each of the tables there was bread of all sorts. And at last, on the far part of the table was covered in fruits and vegetables.

My stomach growled with hunger, and I grabbed a plate that was located on the edge of the table, and worked my way back. I placed a few pieces of hot chicken on my plate, and along side that I put two wheat rolls. As I made my way down the table, my plate started to fill up with all different sorts of fruit, and I was even daring enough to try those I couldn’t identify.

Jonathan, on the other hand, was staring at me with cold, hard eyes. What was up with him? One day he seemed so nice and friendly, but now he seems like he hates me. I just don’t understand him.

Once my plate was filled to the point that nothing more could fit on it, I sat down at the table and picked up a long, skinny piece of chicken and bit into it. Juices burst into my mouth and I smiled. Meat had suddenly sparked an interest into my life, ever since I had first killed Tom. I shuddered and stopped eating the chicken. Don’t think of that right now.

But it felt so good…

I jumped in my seat by the sudden voice, but when I realized that it was just my werewolf side I calmed down. I was going to ignore it.

Didn’t we already have this discussion?

Yes, we did. And I am going to continue to ignore you until you finally go away for good!

I can’t. I am part of you.

Yeah, you are my holes. I know! For the sake of not being repetitive, please just shut up about the whole Swiss cheese thing.

I finished my delectable lunch in silence and felt my stomach start to push on my jeans. That was a good sign. I always felt like I was too skinny. Slowly, I rose out of my seat and walked towards Jonathan, who was busy talking with someone. Once he saw me coming towards him, he immediately stopped talking and glared at me.

I sighed and said, “What?” Of course, he never answered.

He motioned for me to follow him, and I cautiously did. I knew that he was going to lead me to the next Trial, and I didn’t exactly want to go. He had told me it was a test right? He said it was an easy test. How hard could an easy test be?
Last edited by BigBadBear on Sun Nov 25, 2007 5:01 pm, edited 2 times in total.
Just write -- the rest of life will follow.

Would love help on this.
  





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Sun Nov 25, 2007 3:35 am
cat4prowl says...



oh... my... grahm crakers! *is speechless*regains speech* That was awesome!!!! whens the next chapter?! man i hate reading these as soon as they come out, then i have to wait forevor for the next one. oh well it was worth it. *jumps up and down in excitement*sprains ankle*

Ok heres your crit:

Payton shook his head no, and then Lacy started pleading with him, with me also staring at him.

this was an awkard sentence, try rewording big time

Suddenly, I was thrown into a memory. I had no idea why, but I did

change the did to was, in order to keep the same tense

I tried to remember very hard…

this seems like a very boring sentence, dont tell me show me!

I shouted, happy that I remembered this memory

ok a couple of 'duh' things here, if he shouted he was obviously happy and if he remembered something it was obviously a memory

Payton stared goggle eyed at me

maybe its just because im a swimmer but goggle eyed gives me the image of someone wearing goggles, maybe google eyed would work

I said, bursting out all of the excitement I could muster

this makes it sound like he's faking interest, if you have to muster up excitement, you're not really excited

I, for one, really didn’t know why he was acting this way. Why was this Sarah so important? I looked at Lacy, hoping that she would say something, but she didn’t.

this sentence just doesn't make sense. landon has been talking about being totally in love with lacy and devastated that she is going to die, so why would he be unnable to figure out why Payton felt the same way about his wife?

I asked Jonathan that question and he...

take out 'that question' you just referred to it in the last sentence and it seems repetitive and unneeded

The big oak doors were closed, and so when I got up to them I pushed and Jonathan helped me.

take out the and between closed and so its not needed

Once my plate was filled to the point that nothing more could fit on it, I sat down at the table and picked up a long, skinny piece of chicken and bit into it. Juices burst into my mouth and I smiled. Meat had suddenly sparked an interest into my life, ever since I had first killed Tom. I shuddered and stopped eating the chicken. Don’t think of that right now.

But it felt so good…


absolutely perfect, the chicken thing totally foreshadows an internal conflict with landon

Yeah, you are my holes. I know! For the sake of not being repetitive, please just shut up about the whole Swiss cheese thing.

ha ha lol

He had told me it was a test right? He said it was an easy test. How hard could an easy test be?

perfect ending sentence, really how hard could an easy test be? ha ha


this was fantastic!!! i cant wait for the next one!

your #1 fan!
  





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Sun Nov 25, 2007 4:53 am
BigBadBear says...



Ok, thanks so much Cat! You really make me want to write more of this story! And guess what? I'm at 40k! ahahaahhh!

All right, well I am going to go and edit those things. Thanks for helping me! You have really helped me progress with this story!

BBB
Just write -- the rest of life will follow.

Would love help on this.
  





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Reviews: 135
Sun Nov 25, 2007 5:24 am
cat4prowl says...



40k! Yay!!! *does happy dance*slips and lands on butt*remembers she can't dance at all* you are welcome for the help! its only cuz i love this story so frikkin much! i read your edit, sounds great! well see you later *attempts to leave room dramatically*fails* :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D
  





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Mon Nov 26, 2007 5:41 am
Kim says...



wow bear, this is awesome, i with cat , this just keeps getting better and better. it looks like cat pretty much got your errors. i am so proud of you, you are almost done.
great job.

kim
  








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