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the way of the jungle chapter six



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Mon Nov 22, 2010 12:55 am
psudiname says...



The next morning, all he could think about was his plan for the afternoon. He had decided to go through with it completely, and to accept whatever consequences came along with it. He told no one about what he planned to do, not even Jimmy, for he wanted it to be a surprise. The last thing he needed was a lot of suspense to get him nervous. Also it would give him time to plan, while catching everyone else (one person in particular) completely off guard. In the morning before breakfast he refrained from training, like he had done every now and again when he was sore. At breakfast he ate a lot, so that he would have energy for later, but at lunch he ate little, to prevent sluggishness or cramps. Finally, he sat through the jungle combat class, during which he was to spar an opponent, and then switch to another opponent at the end of two minutes. They did this five times and then began training on the dummies. For his first four fights, Kyle took it easy, going through the motions, and taking advantage of his opponent's fear of him. He did not engage or expend much energy until his opponent did, and when they did he would slip and dodge. Finally in his fifth fight, Kyle began to fight for real, trying to get his heart pumping and warm up for the ordeal to come. While training one the dummy, he bounced back and forth energetically, to maintain a good heart rate. If Mike took notice to this odd behavior he didn't show it. As class ended, and Mike began pulling the dummies from the ground and laying them in a pile, Kyle stayed behind, waiting for most of the other boys to leave, so that he wouldn't cause a commotion.


"Hey Mike!" Kyle called from about ten feet away.
"What," asked mike in a calm tone, without turning around from his work.
"Fight me."
"What did you just say?"
"You heard me. Thirty foot ring, first man to the knockout. Let's go."

"listen boy, I know you think you're some kind of champ' cause' you won in the small pond, but let's just make sure you know what you're doing. If you fight me, I will not go easy. I will not hold back, and if someone gets knocked out, they could take brain damage, maybe even die."

"Then I guess you'd better keep your guard up."


Mike smiled ever so slightly, and began measuring a thirty foot ring. This was twice the size of a normal ring, which Kyle believed would give him an advantage, if he was, as he thought, faster. Several of the boys who had been slow to siesta had overheard Kyle's challenge, and ran as fast as they could to get to the other boys with the intention of spreading the news. News traveled fast, and two hundred people including all of the veterans came to watch this fight. Everyone knew it would be intense, and everyone was wondering anxiously who would win. All of the veterans and one hundred of the two hundred trainees were betting that Mike would, but the other hundred were still hanging on to a hope that the underdog would prevail. Even Kyle secretly believed his chances were slim, and would have bet against himself if he was spectating. Regardless of this, he kept up his confident bravado, and made it seem to his huge audience that he had everything under control. Win or lose, he told himself, I'm in for the fight of my life.


Mike finished drawing a circle with a diameter of exactly thirty feet, and stood at one end, smiling confidently.
"you ready little boy?"
"only if you are old man."


Mike tore off his shirt, revealing an awe inspiring physique. He looked like an ultimate fighting champion that Kyle had seen on TV. A little bit more nervous, Kyle tore of his shirt, showing off a musculature that would have made any girl at his school swoon, but compared with Mike's seemed a little bit lacking. A veteran from the crowd stepped between them saying, "three, two, one, GO!"


Kyle and Mike danced around in a circle, tossing light jabs out at each other, with no intent of making contact. They were both sizing each other up, trying to figure out the best game plan. Kyle struck first, faking left, then moving his body right, while executing a left hook. This succeeded in dodging Mike's first jab, but his hook was slapped away. The next bout happened incredibly fast. Kyle threw two jabs and two crosses, landing one of each on Mikes face, but taking a jab to the eye. Kyle then withdrew, breathing heavily, wary of a counter attack. It seemed Mike was conserving his energy, because for the next ten seconds, they circled, with no one attacking. Kyle slid in with incredible speed, managing to hit Mike in the jaw with fast jab. Mike was not phased. He knocked Kyle's follow up cross out of the way with his hand, and elbowed him hard in the ribs. Mike leaned back just in time to avoid a knee from Kyle, and then sprang right back to hit Kyle in the collarbone with a knife hand. Throwing a few jabs to cover his retreat, Kyle circled again, with noticeably less spring in his step. He saw a few stars. Unfortunately, Mike couldn't have cared less what he was seeing, and leapt in to finish him. Kyle pushed his jab away, slipped his hook, back fisted him in the cheek, and slipped another hook. He hit Mike with a cross just as Mike hit him with a jab, and as they clinched, Kyle wondered if his cross hurt half as much as the jab he had just taken did. He pushed his way out of the clinch only to be hit by a palm to the jaw. Running out of stamina, Kyle knew he needed a fast knockout or he wouldn't win. As he circled, he surveyed Mike's condition, and wondered if Mike was getting tired, or if he was just pretending to have stamina. Mike switched to his right foot forward, and assumed a southpaw position. Kyle had not learned this. Regardless, he plunged into the fight once more.


Meanwhile, over the course of about a minute and a half, the crowd had been going wild. Everyone was loving it. The trainees commented to each other excitedly how hardcore the fight was, and the veterans were all surveying the match with joy, as they always enjoyed a good fight. Gramm was smiling, and over a hundred people were jumping up on their friends shoulders to see better. People were shouting , cheering and calling out to both fighters. Neither of them heard a word the crowd said after the fight began.


Kyle was breathing fast, and was afraid he would faint from hyperventilation. He stabilized his breathing and tried to think. He had just been caught with two or three right hand jabs from Mike, who had astounding strength in his right hand. By switching to southpaw, he had caught Kyle off guard, and could throw jabs with incredible speed and power. Kyle was now desperate, but tried to control himself. He brought himself to try something out of his comfort zone. Sliding in as if to throw a back fist or jab, Kyle crouched, avoiding several moves, and swung a kick around to the back of Mike's leg, hitting it as hard as he could. Praying that all those times of practicing it paid off, Kyle watched as Mike's knee buckled, causing him to fall to one knee. Unfortunately, he didn't anticipate a powerful uppercut to the gut. Kyle fell backwards, and landed on his back, the wind knocked out of him. Mike dove in for the kill, and Kyle used his last bit of momentary strength the repel him. A swift kick to Mike's jaw managed to knock him off, and Kyle managed to get back on his feet with much effort. Both incredibly tired, the two adversaries circled each other warily. Mike was tired, but Kyle was even more so. 'I'm going to finish this', Kyle said to himself, 'this ends now'. After several seconds of consideration and planning, Kyle tried an incredibly risky move. He dove headlong at Mike, and landed his shoulder right into Mike's stomach. This caused them both to topple onto their backs. Mike was deadly fast. He was on top of Kyle in seconds, and in the blink of an eye, wrapped his arm around Kyle's neck, grabbing the bicep of his other arm. Getting a hold on the back of Kyle's head with one hand, he choked him with his other.

"tap," he whispered quietly.
Kyle didn't respond, he couldn't speak.
"tap."


Kyle was fighting for consciousness, and was dumbstruck at the power of Mike's chokehold. It wasn't just cutting off airflow to his lungs, it was cutting off oxygen from his brain. Every cell in his body screamed for him to do anything to survive. He would be out any second now.

"tap!" commanded Mike, who was afraid Kyle might die under his incredibly effective hold.

It had only been seven seconds since Mike began to choke him, but his vision had gone from stars, to wavy lines, to blackness. Kyle could no longer see the crowd, but he could hear them screaming as if he was underwater. He could feel Mike's powerful deadly arms, and could hear him urging him to tap out, surrendering the fight. He made one last attempt to escape, and then everything went black.
if anyone wants a review, post on my profile and I'll get to it in a couple days.
  





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Mon Nov 22, 2010 2:36 am
funkyreg101 says...



I'm begining to feel obliged to tell you that this is your sixth chapter, but you don't have any comments on your fifth, which you posted before you had any comments on your fourth, am I correct? I haven't been here TOO long, but I do know that if you're working on a novel, it's best not to post anything more until you have a couple comments on your previous post. I know I certainly do not want to have to look for the first one, then hunt down the rest, just so I can read the sixth. Wait until you have a few followers and THEN post another one. Let your reviewers read that one, wait a little bit, THEN post another one. This is a much more effective way to get reviewers on your novel. If you arent getting any reviews, try changing the title. Make it more exciting, bring in more people. Or you could ask people to review it, not to many, and only ask once so your not annoying, but go on someones wall and ask politely if they would review your novel. Remember, you only get reviews if you review others peices. Good luck!
One day your prince will come... Mine? He took a wrong left turn, got lost, and is too stubburn to ask for directions.
  





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Sun Nov 28, 2010 9:10 pm
Kale says...



Hello there. I will be reviewing you this lovely Review Day. :D That said, I haven't read the previous chapters, so if I bring up a point that was addressed in a previous chapter, feel free to disregard that point.

Before I start, might I suggest you include a chapter summary in future chapters? It will make it easier for walk-in reviewers (like myself) to give you helpful reviews since we'll have a general idea of what's going on in the story, and who's who. Here is an article with tips on how to write chapter summaries.

First things first, that is a massive first paragraph. It's rather visually intimidating to your reader, and it can easily be broken up into at least four smaller (and more manageable) paragraphs. Generally, each paragraph is about a specific idea. The first paragraph could be about what he plans. The second would be about what he did from breakfast to the dummies. The third would be about the fights, and then the fourth about training on the dummy and Mike's taking no notice.

You have a lot of massive paragraphs in this, which makes this not the easiest to read. Try breaking them up to make it easier on your readers.

In addition, your dialogue wasn't always capitalized or punctuated correctly. This article gives a pretty good overview on proper grammar in dialogue.
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