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Cartora (Chapter 1)



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Thu Dec 16, 2010 8:57 pm
Mikko says...



Our fathers' strong friendship caused me to grow up in your house. They were inseparable- they worked together, they always gave each other a hand and shared similar experiences.

I was six years old when you were born. I remember peeping over your cosy little basket, always checking if you were breathing or sleeping properly and because of this, I was called 'The Little Doctor' by our parents. I even kept an eye on your Nurse as she craddled you around the room, instead of going out to play with the boys from school.

At the age of ten, I had already developped a mature mind and so I understood adult conversations very well. I heard our fathers quarrelling for the very first time and decided to eaves-drop, since the door was already open just a crack. The argument had been about your father losing Lord Brown's merchandise at sea and he demanded your father payed him back. However, Mister Aurora did not have the means to pay back since he himself had lost two of his most important goods' ships, in that case, the men settled on another type of payment- marriage.

Do not laugh, Luna Aurora! The men were not going to marry; what absurdity! Actually, they settled on you at the age of eighteen marrying Lord Brown's son: Philip Brown, who has inherited from his father's bad temper and love for revenge. They are a terrible family to argue with so your father had no choice but to accept. This of course, my father did not agree with- which led to their dispute. He advised your father and family run away before Lord Brown knew of your escape. He believed that any man, who calls himself a man, should not be afraid of running away when he needs to- that a little bit of cowardness in a man does not femininise him in anyway.

Every six months, Lord Brown sent people to remind your father about their promise. But Lord Brown broke it. He became hungry for revenge for such a tiny matter, which drove your father crazy. Brown took his own decision two months ago, on his son's birthday, and decided to make the engagement much earlier- when you turned eleven. Yes, I know that this is in just three weeks, which is why Mister Aurora decided we take to sea straight away: you, me and our two families on two different ships.

I had requested you and I stay on the servants' ship, with your Governess, for us to educate you whilst on voyage while our parents and families remained on the other. Lord Brown must have heard on our secret escape and did not want us to get away with such a scheme, thus, he sent a battle ship to sabotage our plans. Now, I find the speed of such machineries fascinating but two days of travel is surely a too-wide a gap for them to catch up, unless they had expected us to be leaving which was what I guessed shortly before our departure. This was the real reason for why we went seperately- we believed that if Brown's men were to follow us, they would attack the parents' ship and not ours. We were wrong.

I was holding my telescope, expecting to see a ship appear suddenly, which of course wouldn't have been something sudden if I was expecting it. It was my fault if they bombed our ship. If I hadn't told the Captain, he wouldn't have taken a sudden turn. Never would we have been hit by their canon. Never would we have fallen into the ocean. Never would we have been stranded here, lost, cold, like dead souls in the middle of the ocean.

Yet, here we are by my fault. Our families are somewhere, sailing the Seven Seas probably terrified for us but will not know where to look. My fiancée is waiting for me to join her and her parents for dinner. So suddenly had our plans come together that I did not even have the chance to say goodbye to her. We don't know when we will be found, yet alone return. All we know is that we have been ship-wrecked...possibly for the rest of our lives.
Last edited by Mikko on Wed Feb 16, 2011 5:10 pm, edited 2 times in total.
when she needs to shelter from reality she takes a dip in my daydreams
  





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Fri Dec 17, 2010 6:46 pm
deirdredawne says...



This is very interesting indeed! I'm excited for more!

A bit confused though, on who's story we are hearing. I got the idea with the prologue that we would be heawring it from the ladie's perspective. also that she was a bit older...

Aside from that I can't say much else. some spelling mistakes.

I can't wait to find out what happens. the last sentance leading so seductive onto the next part!!!

Keep on writing (please)

Deirdre
  





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Mon Jan 31, 2011 9:08 pm
DeadEndsAreOptional says...



I really enjoyed this. It was very interesting. But the one thing that did confuse me was the person narrating. In the prologue it was Luna, but in this chapter it was Edwin.... But I kind of get it now. It's Edwin explaining what happened to Luna, right?

Anyway, I really like where this story is going and I will definitely be reading the next chapters. :)

Keep Writing!
~DeadEndsAreOptional
"If there's a book you really want to read, but it hasn't been written yet, then you must write it." ~Toni Morrison
  








Stories don't end because you stopped paying attention.
— SJ Whitby