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Trevial chapter 1



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Sun Jan 13, 2008 6:44 pm
Kaliber says...



CHAPTER ONE

"Get up!" Xiet yelled.
Chanse didnt have time ot even open his eyes, he pushed himself with his hands to the botten of his bed right when a think black cane smashed right where his chest should have been. he struggled to get out of the bed but his feet where caught in the cotten covings.
"skrew it" he thaught and he rolled out of the low bad and dragged himself clear with his hands right when the cane again smashed where he had been before. he rolled to the other side of the room and hopped up, he had lost the coving rolling on the floor and now he was crouched in a defensive stance balencing his wieght perfectly on the balls of his feet.

Chanse was about five feet and seven inches tall. he had dark brown hair that looked black from a distance and he has very strange eyes, grey eyes. exept that wasnt the strange thing, no. it was the fact that the color changed based on his moods. that was a downfall for him and he knew it. an enemy could easyliy see if he was scared or not by the color of his eyes, but only if they knew him well enough. so he never told anyone about them. he was extrememly well build as are all swamp people. now, Xiet is a different story. a huge man with gigantic arms that could crush him in one blow. he was in charge of waking chanse up eveyday to start his training before the sun even came up.

Xiet turned twards him with a small smile on his face, that was good chanse new. Xiet never smiled, never. Xiet put the cane down and scupped up chanse, he gave him a bear hug. chanse couldnt breathe, he swore that he heard something crack. then Xiet let him down.
"Good Show!" xiet bellowed.
this was one of the first time chance had ever gotten to the other side of the room withought getting cracked by his cane. it truly was an acamplishment on Chanses part.
"Now, if only you could do that everytime." Xiet laughed. Xiet and Chanse where best of friends, more like a father and son. Xiet trained Chanse in everything. and good relationships where not uncommon in trainers and students. After all they lived in the Black swamp, the swamp people urged good relationships with everybody. and it very well was that way. everybody was friends. well almost everybody.

A new student had been sent to train with the Swamp people. he was about chanses age fifteen. but he was a rich spoiled brat at least thats what chanse thaught of him. he had been sent here because his parents had been in the war and where now missing, and so the prince of his country had him sent here. his name was Brias, he had dark brown eyes, and he was a little built but not much, he had light brown hair and a round face. while chanses face was thin not long, but just thinner. chanse was also very good looking, this came from the herbs and vegtebles that he grew up eating, very healthy things.

"ha, il try again next time" chanse knew that he would in fact not try it again next time, Xiet would antisipate it, so he would have to change it a little bit, mabye just get up before Xiet even came in and surprise him. chanse smiled at that thought, Xiet never got scared or surprised.

"well common then, we don't have all day."
Xiet led him to the mess hall, a large wooden long house with three chimneys billowing black smoke. they walked in and where greeted by hellos from most of the entire room which help about one hundred people, hey politely answered back and took a seat, chanse got up and fetched his and Xiets breakfast plate, his had what he liked the most, cranberries. there was a huge pile of them on his plate accompanied by a thick slice of ham and a couple servings of vegetables. Xiets plate also held his favorite, a whole leg of ham, smothered in gravy. chanse laughed he doubted Xiet could eat all of it by himself. he took the plate offer and set them down, Xiet stared at his breakfast for a minuet, then laughed and shock his head. He knew that Enther the cook had played a joke on him. he cut off a few very thick slices for himself then walked out the door and gave a shrill whistle. Driple, his Lizardine shot from the trees nearby and sat politely by the dish on the ground watching for a sign to eat by Xiet. Driple is a lizardine, a big lizard type animal that only lived in the black swamps, its is about twelve feet long from nose to tip of the tail. it looked like it was build like a dog except it had the normal head of a lizard with spines protruding from its jaw bone, its legs where short but very very strong. they where only about two feet long but easyily a half foot or more in diameter. its tail was about six feet long and could whip out a company of men with one sweep. it was a dark green and it sat like a dog bobbing its head waiting for the signal. Driple was Xiets "pet" sort of saying. every swamp person has a special "pet" that accompanies them in both regular life and war. there are many many types that can be chosen. but you don't chose, it chooses you.
Xiet gave the signal, a little wave of his hand and Driple lept on the ham and torer it apart. Xiet went back inside. and started on his ham.
Chanse then started off for the next part of his day, his first training session. although it wasn't the first he had been too, it was the first session of the day. its was regular work outs. running, lifting, fighting, the works. he liked it, it got him going in the morning. and since he had started this training when he was four years old, he was very strong and well muscled. he ran to the clearing where the other students where lining up. the instructor, a well built large man, like Xiet, was walking up and down the lines. The new student was there, Brias, he stood at the end of the line looking proud for actually being there. Chanse stepped up to his very close friend Phio.
Phio was smaller than most of the students, but he was also smarter than most of them. he was only about five foot two inches, but he was built, maybe not as well as the others but he was still stronger than he looked. He had Black hair and a handsome straight face, and he was the prime victim of Brias's torment because he was so small.
"hey, ready for today? i heard theres going to be a special surprise today." Phio said quietly.
"no, im ready but whats supposed to happen." Chanse whispered back.
` "i don't know but i heard it has something to do with our special pets." Phio answered.
Chanse froze, he had forgotten all about it! When a person is deemed mature enough to handle the extra responsibility, his is taken to the top of one of the mountains where his pet will meet him. The pets where more than just trained pets, hey could in fact communicate with the swamp people, but they could not talk. they are just as smart as people if not smarter. they can communicate thought body language. but you can communicate to them in a different way. about one thousand years ago, the Brustas Language was formed by the first swamp people, it was a way that you could talk to them, they'll then exactly what you want to say.you will get trained in the language right before you actually get your pet. it is that way because if you do not introduce yourself as their keeper, they will just go back to the forest ot wait out another person who is deemed fit to keep them.
"yea, i heard we where getting trained in the language today." phio urged.
"any idea what your hoping for?"
"nope, ill take what ever i get."
"same"
"alright, lets get started i want you all to run around the mountain twice and when you get back here i want the standard work out procedure." the instructor bellowed.
The class began to move, they completed the two tasks in under two hours, it was easy for them, they have done that stuff for as long as they can remember.

they finished the class and when to their standard academic classes, math, science, military strategy, and they learned about all the different terrain that they could run across in war and how best to use it.

Then they went to lunch where chanse met Xiet and they ate quietly, chanse could tell that something was going on with Xiet, he usually was talkative at lunch. but he found out what exactly it was after lunch.
Chanse was heading out the door to go on his free time, the time between lunch and dinner was time you could spend doing anything, when Xiet called him back to the table.
"i wanted to tell you something before you went off, i have requested that you receive your pet today, the council has agreed, if you agree then you will receive your language training today before dinner." Xiet said quietly.
"of course i want to! i can't wait! i thought you would never ask." chanse smiled.
Xiet beamed. "then well start right now.
"Suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope."
  





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Mon Jan 14, 2008 3:34 am
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jonathanmckinley says...



Chanse didnt have time ot even open his eyes, he pushed himself with his hands to the botten of his bed right when a think black cane smashed right where his chest should have been. he struggled to get out of the bed but his feet where caught in the cotten covings.


You should really think about using spell check because your paper is glittered with grammatical errors.

In the first paragraph, "botten" should be bottom

"he struggled" should be capitalized.

Please review your sentences CAREFULLY and clear up any grammatical and spelling errors! This will make it easier for people to read.

I can see where the story is going, but make sure you SHOW and not TELL the readers what is going on.
  





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Sun Apr 27, 2008 11:48 pm
Ross says...



Okay, there is SERIOUS punctuation needed. You need to go over it with a wrong-grammar detector! It's pretty good, but the lack of grammar and spelling threw me off. Polish it and you might get more reviews!
And we'll be a dream...

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Mon Jun 27, 2011 1:23 pm
spiderman says...



2 words : SPELL CHECK!
Despite the lies that you're making
Your love is mine for the taking
My love is just waiting
To clothe you in crimson roses

WHISPERS IN THE DARK LYRICS - SKILLET
  








“Isn't it nice to think that tomorrow is a new day with no mistakes in it yet?”
— L.M. Montgomery, Anne of Green Gables