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Fighters Promise, Ch 2



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Sat Sep 18, 2010 2:00 pm
CaitlinGrant says...



Hello all, chapter two is up! for further reference, the Bitch is now called the Queen Bee or Bee. I haven't changed it the YWS upload of ch. 1, but I thought I'd let you all know. Read, comment, review, whatever. Just enjoy!

~~

A hand was on my shoulder, gently shaking me. Instantly I made my face blank as I jerked out of their grip. “Don’t touch me.” I snarled. Then I paused, noticing where I was. I was in a comfortable seat and the woman in front of me was named…Caitlin. “Oh.” I felt remotely bad for snapping at Caitlin, but to her I probably just looked bored.
She smiled, unperturbed. “Okay. But come on, we’re here. Welcome to Michigan!” I raised an eyebrow, grabbing my small carry on suitcase and following Caitlin through the airport and out into the shining sunlight. America was…different, but definitely not as different as I expected.
Caitlin hailed a cab and got in the back after me, giving the driver directions before falling silent. Another thing I liked about her: she didn’t need to talk. Then I blinked, surprised at myself. Here I was, liking the fact that she had a casual style, she had humor, she didn’t beat around the bush, and she didn’t feel the need to fill silence.
I decided not to over analyze and just go with the flow, staring out the window. Michigan was truly beautiful—kind of uncannily picture book perfect. There were green lawns and quaint houses with nice walkways, wide open spaces under blue skies…and it was hot. “This is my house.” Caitlin told me, pointing out a window. My jaw dropped as I took in her property.
A tall, elegant gate fenced off the driveway and blended into the tall, perfectly trimmed shrubs that formed the rest of the fence. The gate slid open and we started up her long gravel driveway as I continued to gape. She had a wide open field of lawn on either side, with occasional trees with sweeping branches. On the right side of the driveway was a huge pond with water that shimmered in the sun. There was a stable right by it and I could see the horses in it, along with a caretaker who was feeding them.
Standing grandest of all in this heaven-like setting was the house itself. It was one of those white houses with the veranda that wrapped around the bottom level. White pillars supported the wide wooden beams that had green vines curling around all of them and snaking down the pillars as well. I counted five floors: the ground level, three in between floors with plenty of wide open windows, and an attic. The roof sloped gently before going flat at the top. From here I could just see the white rails around what appeared to be a roof top open area.
"So, what do you think?" Caitlin asked. To my surprise, she sounded...nervous. I snapped my open mouth shut and turned to her, letting my face fall into its well developed bored expression.
I gave a shrug. "It's cool." The fact that I was even responding to Caitlin when she asked the first time was a huge change on my part—normally I waited until someone asked me something twice. That way they knew that I didn't care what they thought or what they wanted—because I honestly didn't give a damn about them. I took care of myself and myself only, and I couldn't afford to become attached. After all, they'd probably send me back to an orphanage or ship me to another foster home and then I'd have to leave whoever I cared about behind. It was easier this way.
The taxi slid to a stop and Caitlin got out, leaving the door open for me. When I stepped out with my tattered old suitcase, I couldn't help but take a deep lungful of the air here: it was clean and smelled like freedom, unlike the old, oddly scented air of the orphanage. "Come on, I'll give you a tour." Caitlin suggested, already up the three wide, shallow steps to the veranda. I took a moment to take in the landscape before joining her.
Caitlin didn't seem bothered by my silence, something that unsettled me. Normally people tried to get me to talk—and I ignored them. Caitlin opened the big door and stepped inside, standing aside to let me in. I warily stepped in after her, unsure of this place.
Amazingly, the inside was as nice as the outside. The large, semi-circle window above the door cast a gentle golden glow upon the hardwood floor of the airy hallway. Big, elegant windows were all over the place, so that even with no lights on the house was bright and cheery.
"This is the entrance hallway, obviously." Caitlin started. "This floor holds all of the main rooms. Right ahead of us is the living room, and right next to it is the dining room." She led me through another large room with comfy looking chairs and a low table, followed by a room with a large center table and cabinets to the side.
"The kitchen is right through here, so it's easy to get back and forth between the kitchen and dining room. You can grab anything to eat any time you want. I'll make meals, unless you like to cook." She looked inquiringly at me and I raised an eyebrow. Between orphanages and foster homes, somehow I'd never learned to cook anything. Shocking, I know. With a shrug, Caitlin continued. "I can teach you, if you want."
I didn't say anything, but Caitlin didn't seem to expect me too. Instead, we moved back out into the hallway and walked for a little in silence. We stopped in front of two large oak doors. "This is my favorite room, personally." Caitlin informed me, smiling a little as she pushed open the doors. I was greeted with hundreds of books lining the tall, built in bookshelves. There was a window here too, a large one that took up almost half of a wall and gave a great view of the pond and stable. In front of the window were several armchairs as well as a couch and two side tables.
"I come in here to read all the time, and listen to music. My grandmother had a built in stereo system here, so I can play anything and have it going through the house if I want. You're welcome to use that, too." She opened a small cabinet to reveal what looked like a high tech radio. "The table at that end of the room," She pointed across the huge room to where a desk stood with a study lamp on it and a comfortable looking chair next to it. "Is where I like to do my work, and you can definitely use that."
We moved through the rest of the house like that: the second floor was where the master bedroom was, and Caitlin slept in there. There was another bedroom on the other side of the floor, and in between them was a large room that had a computer in one corner, bean bag chairs in another, a pool table and a TV. The third floor had three bedrooms, and the fourth floor had two, along with a smaller study room.
We climbed the last set of elegant wooden stairs and stood at the entrance to the attic. "I really like this room too." Caitlin confided in me, smiling. "It's really big and airy, and since its empty, it's a great place to play sports in or whatever." We stepped inside and I saw she was right: the room was floored with polished wood like all of the others, but it was completely empty. It had four large windows: one on each wall—and it was huge.
"I came here occasionally when I was little, and my brother and I played soccer up here at night when we couldn't be outside. If you like a certain sport, feel free to bring up whatever you need." Caitlin told me. "Speaking of which, I've been trying to figure out how the money issue is going to work." I tensed as she looked intently off into space. "I'll give you an allowance of twenty dollars a month, that way you have money to buy things you want. I'll pay for clothes--unless you need some designer brand or something, in which case you pay for it. Obviously I'll pay for food and whatnot. If you want to go see a movie or buy songs on iTunes, then you pay for it. Things like that. How does that sound?"
I tried to fight a smile. I was getting allowance? Caitlin was looking expectantly at me and I realized I had to answer. "That sounds...good. Thanks." I told her quietly, barely able to get the last word out. Max Bailey did not say thank you.
Caitlin beamed, looking like I’d just given her a million dollars. “Great!” She paused, her brown eyes looking me over consideringly. “I’ll get lunch ready and you can pick a room. Is there anything in particular that you want to eat?”
I shrugged, reverting to the silence that was so much more comfortable. If I didn’t talk, then I didn’t get attached or give myself an opportunity to be hurt. Simple as that. “Okay then. How does pasta with peat sauce sound? With ground beef and chopped mushrooms in the sauce…” Caitlin trailed off as I shrugged again. That sounded amazing. “Cool. You can take a shower if you want, and I’ll call you when lunch is ready.”
With one last smile, Caitlin turned and went downstairs. I stood still until I heard the banging of pots and pans. Once I was sure she was in the kitchen I moved out of the attic and walked slowly down the stairs, running my hand over the oak banister and taking in the gorgeous view. Maybe this was a dream and I’d wake up in the Bee’s orphanage with nothing better to do than read the same few books over and over.
The room I finally settled on was on the third floor. The walls and ceiling were white, just like all the other bedrooms, except Caitlin’s. If she’d been telling the truth, then that was perfect for me to paint it. There was a twin sized bed against one wall with a small side table next to it. On the same wall was a decent sized closet, where I put my suitcase.
French doors opened up to a small balcony the over looked the pond, driveway and stable. Across the room from the bed was a white desk with cabinets under it, as well as a study lamp. The best part of the room was the small bookshelf in a corner. It had a bunch of books in it—when I went to look at it I saw comedies, murder mysteries, romance novels, adventure stories, histories...I smiled broadly, glad no one was in the room with me.
Next I explored the bathroom connecting to my current room. It had a small sink with cabinets under it and a bathtub with a shower head. I hesitated, but then decided to take a shower quickly. I managed to find the storage closet that Caitlin had pointed out to me and grabbed a bottle of shampoo and conditioner. Next to it was the linen closet, so I took a towel and wash glove before going quickly back to my room.
Once I was under the warm spray, I couldn’t get out. The warm water moving over my pale skin and pooling around my toes was like heaven. I massaged my scalp with my fingers as I applied shampoo and conditioner, running my hands through my now silky brown-blond hair.
Eventually, I had to step out. I toweled off quickly and threw on a green tank top and faded jeans. When I opened the bathroom door, I nearly tripped over something on the ground. Looking down, I saw that Caitlin had left me a hair drier. Again, I couldn’t stop my surprise at this woman. Amazingly, I was starting to like her.
With a sigh of annoyance towards myself, I picked up the hair drier and used it, quickly drying my hair. I was just finishing when I heard Caitlin knock on the door. “Lunch is ready.” She called.
I stepped out into the hallway and she smiled at me. “You look a lot more relaxed.” She commented. I kept my face impassive as I walked silently next to her, realizing that I was a lot more relaxed. Huh. When I walked into the kitchen behind Caitlin, I saw a medium sized platter with a delicious looking meal on it. Next to it were two plates, forks, knives, glasses and napkins all in a hamper along with a folded picnic blanket. I raised an eyebrow.
Caitlin smiled sheepishly. “It’s a great day out, so I figured we could go eat by the pond. What do you think?” I thought that sounded like the most amazing thing I’d heard yet.
“Sure.” I told her calmly. She took the platter of food and led the way outside, leaving me with the hamper. The walk to the pond was—surprise, surprise—silent. We stopped by the edge of the pond, facing towards the open land, and I spread out the picnic blanket. The silence stayed until Caitlin had served me and herself.
Plopping herself down across from me, she took a deep lungful of the fresh air and tilted her head back, looking up at the occasional cotton clouds. I balanced my plate carefully on my crossed legs as I put one hand behind me, letting it burrow into the moist green grass. “So…I guess you probably want to know a little about me.” Caitlin murmured, still basking in the sunlight.
I stayed silent, staring out across the pond at the shimmering water and the green grass behind it. This place must be a dream—it was like paradise. When I took a bite of food, I was convinced it was paradise, because the food was amazing. “Well, I’m thirty-five years old. I’ve lived all my life here in Michigan, and I visited this place every summer, rode the horses and swam in the pond.” Caitlin’s voice was distant as she painted the perfect childhood in front of me.
“I went to Yale for college—actually, I was two years ahead, so I was sixteen when I got into college. I majored in English and in psychology, and then went for a trip around the world, on scholarship.” I tried to imagine the way Caitlin had lived: she was smart, she had a perfect childhood, and she’d seen the world. Looking at the curvy, casually dressed woman who’d taken me from the Bee’s orphanage, I’d never wished to trade places with someone more. And then I wondered why she’d ever chosen to adopt me, of all the cute, cuddly children she could have had. Why?
“I started with Europe and the Middle East first, since I was already there. I saw Paris, Milan, Barcelona, Madrid, Greece, Rome, Verona, Turkey, Saudi Arabia and the UAE. In Asia I visited India, Thailand, Vietnam, Cambodia, Singapore, Japan, China, Sri Lanka and Tibet. I visited Australia for a little bit, then moved down to Africa. I visited Egypt, Algeria, Morocco, South Africa, Kenya, Madagascar, Guinea… it was amazing and eye opening. When I went to South America I visited the ancient ruins in Peru and Chile, went up the Amazon, and had the time of my life.”
Caitlin was off on a stint down memory lane, staring off across the pond in the same direction I was. “I went around America too, saw the Grand Canyon, the Statue of Liberty, the Golden Gate Bridge, all the other landmarks, and then went to Canada for a short while and saw the falls, visited Toronto…and then came back here. The world is an amazing place, with hundreds of different cultures, but for me…nothing beats being here on a sunny day, watching the sun glint off the pond.”
Her voice went soft as she looked around at the place she obviously loved. Her face seemed to glow with contentment and happiness. Then she cleared her throat and took a bite of her food. “That was when I got this place. I came here and got settled. I write a column in the local newspaper, and on the side I write short stories. I decided I wanted to adopt kids because after seeing so much of the world, I realized how many people never really get to live the life they were meant to. I mean, I have everything: a loving family, a dream house, a good education...”
She turned to me, biting her full lips as she tried to explain. “I just feel like I should give back, and this is the way I want to do it. I love kids—people—of all ages.” She shrugged, seeming embarrassed at having told me all this. “Anyway, how do you like the food?”
While she’d talked, I’d cleared my plate. I took a breath, hesitating. I already liked Caitlin—I listened to her and responded to her when she spoke to me, though not always verbally. Compared to how I acted around most people, this was crazy good. Unfortunately, that didn’t mean I was going to suddenly become good at talking. “Um… it’s good.” I tried for a tiny smile, letting Caitlin in a little bit—after all, how could I not, after all she’d told me?
Once again, that sunny smile broke across Caitlin’s face, like my tiny response had given her incredible joy. “I’m glad, Max.” She finished her plate too and then pulled out an apple from the basket. I looked in to see that there was a whole variety of fruit to choose from. I picked an orange and peeled it slowly, loving the feeling of warmth on my body.
When I finished my orange, I cleared my throat, thinking of my room. I made my expression neutral and calm as I looked at Caitlin. “When you said I could paint my room…did you mean it?” I asked cautiously.
Caitlin nodded. “Definitely. If you want we can even go get some paint from the town this afternoon, and some of that plastic you use to cover floors or whatever. You also need curtains, so you can pick their color too. Do you know what colors you want to paint it?”
I shrugged, thinking it over. “Dark blue and silver? And then the curtains can be a dark blue.” I kind of liked the thought of that.
Caitlin got to her feet, smiling. “I think that can be arranged.”
'I didn't know that I could ever forgive him for everything he'd done to me. Now that I looked back on it, that he'd put a child through such torment seemed even worse. But right now, it wasn't him I was forgiving or thanking. It wasn't even about him.
I was forgiving myself.' -Speak Into Silence
  





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Sun Sep 19, 2010 12:26 pm
borntobeawriter says...



Caitlin, Wow.

Excellent chapter, much like the previous one. You gave a fantastic description of the house and the surroundings. I could easily picture the pond, with the sun glinting off the water's surface. You gave enough description, enough to keep us dreaming and visualising, not enough for it to be too much, you know? I didn't get bogged down with details.

I love Max and Caitlin. You kept them 'in character' which some writers tend to slip from sometimes. They start with really strong characters and then forget how their MC's are supposed to react, how they are and make them act differently. The one thing I'd keep an eye on is Max. She mentions a time or two that if she doesn't let anyone in, she can't get hurt or disappointed, which is great, but make sure not to mention it more often than that. Don't let it get repetitive, ok?

Loved this chapter, great work, good job!
Keep on writing!
Tanya :D
  





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Sun Dec 12, 2010 2:11 am
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Dragonet says...



I loved it, as usual. But this time I had a couple nitpics. (My additions in purple)

CaitlinGrant wrote:I didn't say anything, but Caitlin didn't seem to expect me too to. Instead, we moved back out into the hallway and walked for a little in silence. We stopped in front of two large oak doors. "This is my favorite room, personally." Caitlin informed me, smiling a little as she pushed open the doors. I was greeted with hundreds of books lining the tall, built in bookshelves. There was a window here too, a large one that took up almost half of a wall and gave a great view of the pond and stable. In front of the window there were several armchairs as well as a couch and two side tables.
"I come in here to read all the time, and listen to music. My grandmother had a built in stereo system here, so I can play anything and have it going through the house if I want. You're welcome to use that, too." She opened a small cabinet to reveal what looked like a high tech radio. "The table at that end of the room," S she pointed across the huge room to where a desk stood with a study lamp on it and a comfortable looking chair next to it., "I is where I like to do my work, and you can definitely use that." You really shouldn't interupt a quote like that. Sometime it's ok, but you shouldn't put a whole sentence inbetween it. If you really had to do it, then you need to change it to the way I showed above; you seemed to have forgotten that the two quotes were only two different parts of the same sentence.




CaitlinGrant wrote:“I started with Europe and the Middle East first, since I was already there. I saw Paris, Milan, Barcelona, Madrid, Greece, Rome, Verona, Turkey, Saudi Arabia and the UAE. In Asia I visited India, Thailand, Vietnam, Cambodia, Singapore, Japan, China, Sri Lanka and Tibet. I visited Australia for a little bit, then moved down to Africa. I visited Egypt, Algeria, Morocco, South Africa, Kenya, Madagascar, Guinea… it was amazing and eye opening. When I went to South America I visited the ancient ruins in Peru and Chile, went up the Amazon, and had the time of my life.”
Caitlin was off on a stint down memory lane, staring off across the pond in the same direction I was. “I went around America too, saw the Grand Canyon, the Statue of Liberty, the Golden Gate Bridge, all the other landmarks, and then went to Canada for a short while and saw the falls, visited Toronto…and then came back here. The world is an amazing place, with hundreds of different cultures, but for me…nothing beats being here on a sunny day, watching the sun glint off the pond.” There are quite a bit of useless names here. I know that you want your readers to understand that Caitlin has been everywhere, but honestly, I just skipped over it, and when I did that, I skipped over the whole paragraph, which I'm sure you don't want. You could just write something like, "I tuned out as she continued to list the places she's been." or "Her list went on; she had been to all of the places that I've heard of, and many that I hadn't."


I hope this helped (though it probably didn't)
~Dragonet~
I'm a JESUS FREAK!!!

Do you have any idea why a raven is like a writing desk?
  








I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living, it's a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope. Which is what I do, and that enables you to laugh at life's realities.
— Dr. Seuss