Hai oh team-mate of mine, I'm here to shower your novel with some love as requested. I probably won't do more than a section or two today, but I'll try to remember to come back and do more for you later ^^
I don't have any nit-picks for you as this was a pretty smooth read, but I do have some advice and I figured I'd break it into sections.
Description
Okay so you're moving fast, I get that, but even so it's very hard to imagine this with so little description. Is this a long way she's travelling? Perhaps you could describe the feel of different terrains under her feat as she crunches through the forest, then over a style and across a field of damp, tickly grass and around the marshy area by the lagoon. Also, at the beginning when you say colour whiz by, describe those colours. The greens of the trees, so blurred they look like The Northern Lights and the browns of the trees like streaks of mud. The occasional splatter of red tulips or yellow daffodils - if it's summer. Snowdrops and frosty grass if it's winter.
Suspense
Okay so we knew he was going to be there before her and there was some nice fore-boding going on. But build the suspense even more. Maybe have her see him on the way, see him approaching from another side. Or you could flick between two perspectives, showing us her getting closer and then him getting closer and make it seem like she's almost there but then she sees him, standing and waiting for her. That would build some really good atmosphere, introduce us to him and lengthen the piece which it could do with.
Well more comments when I've read the next part!
Heather xxx
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