Young Writers Society

Minor Strong Language.

Dirty Doves

Avant-Propos: The Devil's Voice

Unknown Date & Location

“Go!”

It was the last thing I heard that poor bastard yell to me. Go. He didn’t have the privilege to tell me where or elaborate on his demands - the bullet saw to that. The word repeated in my head, almost rhythmic. Next thing I’d known, I was inside the place I had longed to enter. Inside the place where the solemn lips of the devil himself spoke to me. I never looked away from those lips, chapped and cut, imprinted on the wrinkled face of this creature.

“Reginald Carter,” he muttered to me softly, as though reading an enchanting fairy tale. “You look at me in such warmth.” The devil laughed. “It is funny, is it not, Mr Carter, that we are to meet for the first time, but look as though we are twins, longing to be reunited. Listen to me.”

Mercy. Mercy for the devil.

“I will tell you why you look at me with the subconscious warmth that you are so attentive to be rid of. I will tell you why you and I are much the same, Mr Carter.”

I saw no reason to speak. No – it wasn’t that. I couldn’t speak.

“Some people may call us psychotics, Carter. We may even be branded as fuckin' lunatics. They don’t understand do they though? They don’t understand that we are not murderers. We are not people who thrive upon the kill of a human being or get spurs from the blood of them. We are not lunatics or psychotics, Carter. I shall tell you what we are. I shall tell you something I never want you to forget – even after you kill me.”

Still, I listened.

“Carter. You and I. We are merely people who have lost their mind. We search for that purpose. We search for that purpose in our kill.”

What a good read. You had me from the word 'go' (no pun intended). The way you started the story would keep any reader reading. I'm already keen to know more about the three characters in this story. Your use of dialogue (in my opinion) is perfect. One can feel the energy between the two adversaries. I hope the story continues. Keep up the good work.

Carter? Carter?! Is this the same Carter that I remember, or just a regurgitation of the name?

For a prologue, I thought this was good. It was short - not overly long and dramatic like some can be. You also managed to put in some nice tension and suspense in here. As the first thing that the reader would look at, you've done well to create a compelling prologue that would draw them in.

However, I do think that this piece needs a little bit of improvement. As with most prologues, it's interesting, but I fail to see what the reader particularly gains from it. I don't think I've read the first chapter you posted up (I would have before reviewing this, but little time) which could be the problem here. I'm not saying that you should delete the prologue, just that you need to make sure that you're writing a prologue for a reason rather than just because they're nice.

Another thing that bothered me slightly was Reg's conversation with the 'devil'. The way you ended it was very nice and well done, but the middle part wasn't so compelling for me. I think you need to cut down on some of the repetition, because at the moment the devil seems to be speaking for the heck of it rather than for any reason. It could be cut down a lot, which would give it more of an impact than it has now.

PM me if you put any more of this up. Sounds like it's going to be good!

-Amy

Hello there
First of all,

He didn’t have the privilege to tell me where or elaborate on his demands -

I really loved the use of the word "privilege" in this sentence. It says a lot.
Secondly, "Carter" is a very bold name; suitable for this setting.
I really felt this piece sets a very much anticipated feeling for me, which is required. The mood is perfect.
However, some parts were too discreet, they just left me confused. Like:

Mercy. Mercy for the devil.

But I guess things will unravel as the story continues.

Keep writing and good luck on the rest of this.
Happy New Year!

Thank you for the reviews chaps and ladies. (:

Yo, Ben! Here to review. Yaaaaay

I'm not very good a reviewing prologues, but I shall try my best. I think that yuo're main strength would be drawing people in from the start. It's was really exciting and jumpy and kept me going the whole way through. When it's calm, remember to use longer sentences than when it's an action scene. Use short sentences. Bam. Bam. Bam.

I agree with Aqua when she says there aren't really any gains from this prologue. I mean, I haven't read chapter one, so I don't really know what going on. I guess if I were to picks this up at the shop and read the prologue, I'd probably buy it, because it sounds rather exciting.

I've noticed that most of this prologue is just dialogue-which I think works well considering it's e prologue, and you want it to be short and exciting, however, the parts whre you're explaing stuff without dialogue really helps. But if you look on the other hand, you're showing and not telling, which is something you need in a prologue.#

If I'm being quite honest, I'm just confused. I want to read more (which I will ) to really understand what is going to happen. This prologue doesn't really say anything about the story, apart from tell me the genre and what the POV is, so I'm not really sure what to say. Sorry, this review is really short. Most of the things I would've said has already been said and I'm not sure what to look for in a prologue.

Well done and PM me if you need another review!
~Tamara x