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Jada: Eternal Hunter of Lost Souls Ch 1



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Sat Jan 29, 2011 7:13 pm
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Baywolf says...



Spoiler! :
Well, this is something that I've been holding back for a while, but I thought that maybe the time was ripe for y'all to give it a once over. Thanks in advance for reading it!


“You don’t get in life what you want:
you get in life what you are.”
–Fortune Cookie Proverb



Modern day, or night, in a world where even the demons have their demons…

“One wrong move and fuzzypants over there loses a finger.”

The threat was aimed at the bunch of misfits assembled around a teenage girl, and surprisingly enough, emanated from the center of attention herself. She spoke with a slight brogue, like she was from Ireland or Scotland. Her words were lyrical and clipped at the same time, giving her soft voice an entrancing quality.

At first glance, the eye simply passed over the girl, as no doubt it was meant to, but on closer examination, if one were around long enough to be allowed such a thing, it was evident that she wasn’t your ordinary, run-of-the-mill teenager. She was rather small at only five foot six inches tall, and slim, but it was plain that she had some muscles. The way she held herself perfectly positioned to counter any attack should have been a clue to the guys.

Not to mention the fact that she wasn’t appearing very concerned that she was outnumbered and alone in a park where the last visitor had already long gone home. Her dark eyes glittered in the bad light from the lonely moon, a deep sapphire blue with what might be flecks of gold and green around the pupil. Those enchanting eyes were narrowed at the group surrounding her as they took in her menacing words.

For a nano-second, they almost seemed to think something of them, but then they remembered that there were four of them, and only one of her. The odds were in their favor—number wise. The one she had threatened, a guy with actual furry pants—ironic she thought to herself as she observed the group facing her—seemed to be the leader and laughed.

“What do you think you’re gonna do, girlie? Fight all of us?” He laughed again in a way that inferred bad things were going to happen to her. Any normal girl would have cringed and cried out in pleas of desperation.

This girl, however, merely furrowed her golden forehead with disbelief and then shook her head, making her dark braid swing slightly behind her back. They thought she was shaking her head in fear (a perfectly rational assumption for ones such as themselves to make), but really, she was feeling something quite different. She really hated to have to be in these kinds of positions often, though she’d rather it be her—someone capable of handling it—than some other actually innocent girl.

Unfortunately for the fellow with the horrible fashion sense and his companions, it wasn’t a good time for them to attack her. She had already had a pretty tough day—what with demons to track and kill and all—and she didn’t like having to take time out of her supposedly tranquil commute home to defend herself from mere mortals. She observed the thugs surrounding her, taking in their ragged appearances (contrived of course) and within a few seconds, she knew everything she needed to know about them.

They were a part of a local gang, and the furry-pants fella was out to prove he had the chops to run his own operations. In her opinion, it should have been obvious to those in command that anyone with the idea of wearing such ridiculous clothing was not fit to run a gang, much less function in society, but alas, it was not up to her. This was a test to determine his leadership qualifications, too bad for him he had chosen the wrong target. How did she know all of this?

Well, being who she was meant she had some skills that others did not. Knowing things was part of a bigger whole, but…
This whole situation was just plain inconvenient for her, and absolutely the wrong way for them to have a peaceful evening of terrorizing the community. She smiled sardonically in response to his “threatening” words because she was feeling far from threatened, and that should have been indicator number two to the thugs.

So, to Jada, these thugs were just a fly to be swatted. At the furry-panted man’s words of mockery, Jada laughed. The sound was beautiful to the thugs, but at the same time, frightening. It wormed its way into their minds, etching fears into their hearts. For some demons, that was the last sound they ever heard, but lucky for these humans, Jada didn’t kill people for just being criminally stupid. At least not often.

Any death had to be reported to the Council, and covered up accordingly in the human world to satisfy any curious minds of the human variety. That was just too much of a bother, and she hated to do paperwork. So, without even knowing how close they were to an untimely end, the wannabe gang members circled and waited for the command to attack.

She moved like a blur, too fast for the slow-moving fellows to follow, and only had to hit each one once in the place she liked to call the sweet spot. The effect was an instant knockout. They never even had a chance. Any onlookers would have fainted dead-away from the shock of it. It had happened before.

Face down in the dirt: that was the result of attacking Jada. The fur-pants dude was the last to be taken down; he had waited to let his henchmen get a few blows in, but was astounded and afraid when he discovered that they had been knocked out before they could move a step. He ended up no different. Surprise, surprise…

Over with, the false battle zone was littered with the unconscious bodies of the thugs. They almost looked peaceful as they lay there, as if they could only be sleeping. Jada just shook her head in disgust again and went about tying them up with cords she kept on her person because, unfortunately, these things happened all the time and she had opted to make things easy for herself.

She wasn’t gentle as she worked, and hoped cheerfully that they would bruise. She was just going to leave them where they were for the park rangers to get in the morning. A little gift for the police. Fresh caught gang-bangers, a la mode.

Jada sighed and glanced sharply up at the moon as it tracked its silent way across the darkness of the sky. It was already close to the wee hours of the morning. She had already lost enough time with the misguided group, and she wasn’t going to waste any more on being creative. It wasn’t worth it. Her time was better spent tracking and killing the actual demons that plagued the city, not the people who merely imitated the demons.

She had already dealt with some of that breed earlier in the night (only a level one and a level two), maybe even the same ones who had corrupted those children pretending to be awful like demons. Anything was possible as she well knew. Jada was living proof of that intangible fact.

For over a thousand years (and even more than that), she had fought demons and their ilk, and she was beginning to wonder if it would ever end. No matter how many she killed, they always came back. Always, and with more power, and numbers. It wasn’t starting to get ridiculous, it was ridiculous.

Someday though, she would be allowed to live in peace, but until then, until she found the cure, she just had to fight, and subsist in the life that was prepared for her. Demons and all.
Last edited by Baywolf on Sun Jan 30, 2011 2:51 am, edited 1 time in total.
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all the Butterflies
that I have killed with my car" Martin Lanaux
  





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Sat Jan 29, 2011 9:15 pm
borntobeawriter says...



Baiiiiiiley!

Tis me! Your sister-from-another-mother.

The threat was aimed at the bunch of misfits assembled around a teenage girl, and surprisingly enough, emanated from the center of attention herself. She spoke with a slight brogue, like she was from Ireland or Scotland. Her works were lyrical and clipped at the same time, giving her soft voice an entrancing quality
I do believe you mean 'words'.

It wasn’t starting to get ridiculous, it was ridiculous.
I would suggest highlighting it in italics to add emphasis.

Well, that was it. Another great beginning to what seems to be a very intriguing story. I think you put just enough background for it to be interesting, and not seem like an info-dump.

I like bad-ass female characters, and it fits well with what I know of you.

Thanks for another entertaining read.

Tanya
  





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Sun Jan 30, 2011 1:57 am
Ranger Hawk says...



Aunt Bailey! Hawk-niece here to review! :D

Okay, so first off I can say that I already love Jada. A kick-ass young woman who's confident, tough, and yet not too brutal, is just my type of heroine. So bravo on already developing her character within such a short amount of time.

I love your wording; you've got a wonderfully fresh take on it all, which I always enjoy reading, because it feels so new and makes me think of normal things in a different way.

baywolf25 wrote:In her opinion, it should have been obvious to those in command that anyone with the idea of wearing such ridiculous clothing was not fit to run a gang, much less function in society, but alas, it was not up to her.


Okay, bit confused by the wording here. I'm not sure who you're referring to when you say "those in command"; are you talking about the leaders of gangs such as Fuzzypants? Or are you talking about some higher kind of leader, which I'm guessing will end up being a kind of demon?

Knowing things was part of a bigger whole, but…


Again, I'm a little confused. Are you saying that her ability to know stuff about people is part of her abilities as a whole, as a demon-hunter-type-gal? I'm thinking that's what you're meaning, but I'm not 100% sure.

She wasn’t gentle as she worked, and hoped cheerfully that they would bruise.


I just love this line. Gives us another glimpse into Jada's personality, which is great.

Someday though, she will be allowed to live in peace, but until then, until she finds the cure, she just had to fight, and subsist in the life that was prepared for her. Demons and all.


I do like this ending, but I feel like it needs to be written entirely in past tense. It's too abrupt to go from future to past within the confines of that one sentence.

And Tanya's advice about emphasizing "was" is something I was going to say, too. Ah, like mother, like daughter. XD

Okay, so that's all I have to say! Please, please, please PM me when you post more! I never can keep on top of anything if people don't notify me about it.
Love you lots. :D
There are two kinds of folks who sit around thinking about how to kill people:
psychopaths and mystery writers.

I'm the kind that pays better.
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Sun Jan 30, 2011 4:26 am
AllyGrLxOX says...



Hey there! AllyGrLxOx here to review!

This was epic-ly awesome! I loved it and can honestly say that I could see myself reading this as an actual book. That's how great it was! :D

In her opinion, it should have been obvious to those in command that anyone with the idea of wearing such ridiculous clothing was not fit to run a gang, much less function in society, but alas, it was not up to her.

My favorite line, do not change it no matter what! Pweaase!

Well I would love to dive indepth and give a thorough review but I honestly can't, I simply found this beginging to be awesome and can't wait to read on!

Although,
Well, being who she was meant she had some skills that others did not. Knowing things was part of a bigger whole, but…

I didn't like that, I found it slightly irking to the eye and confusing. I'd suggest smoothing it out some.

Besides that I have no nitpicks! :)

Keep writing your novel is headed in a fabulous direction!

-Ally
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Mon Jan 31, 2011 9:36 pm
DoomBlade87 says...



O-O
It....be....so....COOL.
Love the voice, love the hinting of plot and background, love kickass girls in general.
I'm going to go read the next part now.
Rite on. :P
I would never share my candy with you. You're not crazy enough.
"Insanity is not a curse, it's a privilege."- ME
  








Turn your demons into art, your shadow into a friend, your fear into fuel, your failures into teachers, your weaknesses into reasons to keep fighting. Don’t waste your pain. Recycle your heart.
— Andréa Balt