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Parasite Chapter 2



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Fri Mar 25, 2011 7:17 pm
XxjustmeXx says...



"The police are in their way here to check everything out. Depending on the outcome of the investigation we may or may not be sending you home on buses. Until then I want each and every one of you to stay up here on this hill. You may use your electronics including your cell phones and may sit or stand and move around with your friends but we want you up on this hill. None of you are to go off on your own.

"If you have to use the bathroom there is a store just a little ways down the steet. A teacher will be appointed to take groups down ever half hour. If you miss that group you'll just have to wait until the next bathroom break. We must ask that you use proper procedure, wich means no pushing or shoving, keep your hands and feet to yourself..." Mr. Madden drones on and on,

I smile at Nikita and play with a lock of her hair, succeeding at annoying the crap out of her. I like it better natural but she insists on straightening and taking out every single curl.

"Mike! Stop it! I just straightened my hair, you're going to make it frizz!" She complains, her face going red with anger.

"Nope, you gotta smile first." I tease, dodging as she tries to smack the back of my head.

I grab her hair again but she elbows me in the stomach hard enough to make me cringe but not hard enough to do any damage.

"And that's just my warning." She mutters, trying to ignore but failing miserably.

"Still not gonna stop 'til you smile." I taunt, catching her elbow as it aims lower.

"Fine." She smiles a great, big, fake smile then smacks my hand away from her dark brown hair.

I run my hand through it one last time, savoring the silky feeling of it. I close my eyes, thinking how great it would be to knot my hands in it and pull her to me gently so I kiss her, how it would to have her lips moving against mine. I shake my head, that's not the type of thoughts I should be having about someone I consider my sister. Plus, Leah would kill me if I ever dated Kita, she's been her best friend since first grade for crying out loud! And I'm in the eleventh grade, I'm way too old for her. Okay, so maybe I'm still trying to convince myself more then everyone else, but so what? I can't feelings feelings for her? But I still can't shake that warm feeling I get every time I think of kissing her, or holding her in my arms.

My gaze lingers on her face, still tinted that adorable shade of red. I let out a long sigh.

"Mike, leave her alone!" Leah scolds as I start to twist a piece of her hair around my finger again.

"Shut up, Brat!" I call back to her as she walks over to Jake.

She sticks her tongue out at me, huddling against Jake's side for warmth. I wonder if there's something going on with them....

"It's really cold out here." Kita scowls, bringing my thoughts back to her yet again.

She huddles against my side, trying to hide from the cold she hates so much. I chuckle and take my hoodie off.

"Take this." I sigh in mock exasperation, handing it to her.

Her hand lingers on mine for a second, making my heart leap with hope.

"Thanks." She mutters under her blush.

God, does she look so freaking adorable with her cheeks tainted red. Shut up stupid mind! I really need to get a grip on this, I'm going insane.

"Yo Mike, mind if I get a turn?" Mike Levoux sneers from behind us.

I flip him the finger without turning around.

My arms are shoved roughly from Kita's shoulder. My hands ball into fists, longing to knock that cocky grin off his face. I take breath and try to calm myself.

"Go find a hole and die in it." Kita hisses, stepping away from him and back towards me.

My sweatshirt hangs down past her hips and is a bit too long in the arms but she hugs it to herself, trying to stay warm as the wind blows against her face. I step towards her to pull her against me agains but Mark wraps his arms around her first.

"Step. Back. Now." I growl, ready to remove him by force if I have to.

Anger flicks acros his face before his stupid, arrogant smile comes back full force, making me three times as furious.

"Awh, but you know she likes it. Don't you sweatheart?" He smiles, his hand migrating to her tiny butt.

Now that's one thing you never want to do, is touch her butt. Kita pushes against his chest hard enough for him to lose his breath.

"Remove your hands from from my ass, now." Nikita warns, her voice low and menacing, her eyes glowering dangerously.

"Or what? Your little boyfriend gonna beat me up?" Mark taunts.

Her face twists with anger and disgust at the thought of someone else fighting for her. Just another thing I love about this girl, she knows how to put up a good fight wether it's with words or her fists. God, do I love her. I close my eyes with frustration and try to focus.

"No I will." She says sweetly as I open my eyes.

Her hand slams into his stomach. His breath rushes out of him with an oof. He stares at her in astonishment, doubled over in pain.

"Now get out of here before I do some real damage." She threatens, shoving him away from her.

He stumbles back a few steps before regaining his footing. Too bad, it would have been funny to see him fall flat on his butt. Instead, he walks away angrily but for once, silent.

She comes over and leans into me, sighing as if exhausted.

"You okay?" I wrap my arms around her, loving the feeling of holding her.

She nods. "Why does he like me so much? I mean, what's so special about me anyways?"

"If only you knew." I think but just smile. "If only she knew."

Mark Levoux's been trying to get Nikita to go out with him since the sixth grade when he not-so-subtly, for lack of better words let's just say kidnapped Kita. Thankfully, she's never showed any interest in him what-so-ever. .

Well, come to think of it, she's never really shown that much interest in anyone beside me, but that was years ago when she was in elementary. But then there was that incident last year...

"Don't think about that!" I scream inside my head.

So who does Kita like? God, this is going to drive me insane. I groan inwardly and work on a distraction. And then suddenly, I have an idea. If I'd of been a cartoon character, I swear a light bulb would have appeared over my head.

"Hey Kita, up for a bit of an adventure?" I ask mischeviously.

"Why of course." She looks up at me, her smile mirroring mine but with a natural pout. "These guys coming too?"

She points to what people would call our "group." It's Sean, Sean's twin sister Seanah, Jillian, Leah, Jake, and Tim.

I nod.

"But of course, what would an adventure be without our minions?" I say wickedly.

They all crack smiles and laugh. Leah smacks me in the back and Jillian throws a bag of pretzels at me. We all joke and horse around, heading off the hill and towards the crashed object, wanting a closer look so we can tell just what the hell it is.
  





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Sat Mar 26, 2011 9:23 pm
psudiname says...



I must say I enjoyed reading this. the charecters were three dimentional, the action was exciting, the romance was touching, and the sudden change of narrator was pretty cool. frankly I'm surprised more authors who write in first person don't use it, because it allowed you to get inside both of your charecter heads, and allowed the reader to examine their innermost thoughts. it's like watching a sport from two television screens showing different angles. the event itself is fun to watch, but when you can see things from more than one perspective it really is easy to get into.
as for your charecters, you seem to have struck an awe inspiring balence between charecters who are all toutchy feely, and charecters who are all buisness. many authors fail to make charecters that are tough, but still have feelings. it was beautiful to watch Nikita show a dangerous side, and Mike show a loving emotional side.

there were however, a few things that detracted from how well done this chapter was. to begin with, the first two paragraphs are seperated unnecessarily. if you meant to do this to make it easier for the reader to follow, it would be better to put something at the end of the first paragraph, like "the teacher said". or, "Mr. Madden said, pausing for a second then continuing."

other than that, there were only two things that bugged me. first, you didn't explain what "the crashed object" was. it just kind of made a surprise appearence in the last couple sentences, and I think you should introduce it earlier. second, the alien monster thing from the last chapter that made everyone freak out and run wasn't mentioned at all. if you could show the charecter's responses to it, that would add a lot the the story.
expect a review of the next chapter soon, your friend,
---Psudiname
if anyone wants a review, post on my profile and I'll get to it in a couple days.
  








Remember the rain that made your corn grow.
— Haitian Proverb