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Parasite Chapter4



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Mon Mar 28, 2011 3:36 pm
XxjustmeXx says...



"What's wrong?" I demand, pushing through the rest of them.

"They-they're not human, Jake!" Leah shrieks, burrying her face in my chest.

She flings her arms around my waist and clings to me, not letting go for anything.

"Leah, Hun, come on you've gotta let go. We have to get you to a paramedic." Mike soothes, trying to disentangle her from me.

Reluctantly, she releases her hold and allows him to lead her away. He looks back at the, uh, let's just say the Thing for now, not wanting to miss out but knowing his sister could very well be going into shock.

"Tim, Jillian, can you take Leah up and get her checked out please?" Kita asks, reading his look.

"Sure, but you guys aren't really staying, right? I mean, if what she saw in there was bad enough to make her practically hyperventilate then I'm pretty sure we should just go back up." Jillian says, gesturing to Leah.

"Well, I don't know about anyone else but I'm not running back up there so someone else can protect me. I'm perfectly capable of doing it on my own. So go ahead and leave guys but I'm staying." She stomps up to Mike and starts talking to him about how "the scaredy cats don't know how to relax."

I roll my eyes and tune them out, wondering if I should go up with Leah to make sure she'll be alright. After a few minutes, I decide I don't want to miss this and once I go back up to the teachers, I'll be in huge trouble and not allowed to come back down.

I watch as Jillian and Tim each take one of her arms and lead her up the hill. Sean, Mike, and I walk forward towards the Thing. Footsteps behind us make us stop. Seanah and Nikita are following closely, trying to come with.

"Stay here." We all three say at the same time protectively.

Seanah sighs, pouts, then sits down on the ground to wait. Nikita on the other hand, takes another step forward and looks us each in the eyes defiantly.

"I am not your dog, I don't have to listen to you." Her eyes shine with determination.

Mike puts his arm around her stomach and waist, pulling her back and turning her to face him.

"Not. A. Chance." He growls.

"I don't have to listen to you! I'm my own person and I can handle myself!" She hisses, pushing his arm away from her and walking towards the Thing again.

He does the same, only with both arms and a bit more forceful this time. She turns on him, her gaze deadly enough to kill three full grown men. Mike being immune to it, just stares back with an equally deadly look.

"Mike, let me go. Now." Kita snarls, her voice low and dangerous.

"No, I won't let you put yourself in danger like this." His voice softens a bit.

For a second she hesitates but then her gaze snaps away from his and she's all bussiness again.

"You have three seconds to let me go."

Mike wasn't expecting this but he just goes with the flow, both me and Sean watching with amusement.

"No, it's too dangerous." He says warily.

"One."

"You can't Kita-"

"Two."

"...it's too danger-"

"Three."

Kita twists his arm and flips him over her back in one fluid motion. I can't help it, I crack up laughing at the dumbfounded look on Mike's face.

"Ous." He wheezes out, now lying on the cool ground.

"Damn girl's feisty, ain't she?" Sean laughs but helps Mike up anyways.

"Kita, I'm still not letting you-"

"Yeah, yeah. I can kick your ass at any point, I'm just chosing not to right now. As soon as you determine it's not dangerous you ain't getting rid of me so easily." She grumbles and sits next to Seanah, the two girls huddling together against the chilly air.

"Now that our prisoners are subdued, can we get on with it?" I laugh, pushing the other two forward.

We walk towards the Thing and peer in the same window Leah had. Inside are two, um, well let's just put it this way, not humans. A little girl peers out at us with huge, neon blues eyes. A huge gash across her head bleeds profusely, spilling blood into her too big eyes. Another girl, older then the first, stares out at us warily.

"Sweatheart." I tap on the window, trying to get the little girls attention. "Is there any way you can get out?"

I pray they know how to speak, and can speak English. The little girl nods, looking frightened.

"Can you get to it?" I ask.

"It's blocked, we landed on it." She says in a meak voice.

"Shit, she needs medical attention. How are we going to get her out?" I turn to Mike and Sean.

Sean shrugs his shoulder, looking a bit queezy. Mike cocks his head in a manner I know well, his thinking face.

"Move back, we have to break the window." He says after a moment of silence.

"Wait, no-" I begin but he pushes me back, strips his shirt off, and wraps it around his arm and hand.

"Close your eyes and stand back." He calls in.

When they've dones as instructed, he punches the glass.

"Ow, crap, ow that hurt!" He bites his lip and cradles his arm to him briefly. Then he knocks the rest of the glass out and puts his arm.

"I've got the little girl, you get the older one since my hand is now officially killing me." He tells me.

We pull the two out, careful not to let them touch any of the stubborn glass that just would not come out.

Mike shakes the glass out of his shirt and uses it to try and staunch the bleeding for the little girl. Sean stands by the older girl, ready to jump in at the first sign of injury. An ambulance lumbers down the road, it's sirens blaring at top volume.

"Are they alright?" Nikita asks, her voice sounding unusually shakey.

Mike motions me to come take over tourniquette duty then walks back to Kita quickly. He sits her down and puts an arm around her shoulder. She turns her face into his shoulder, her face pale and sweaty.

Oh yeah, I forgot about her whole blood thing. She just does not like blood or bugs. They freak her out.

"Uh-hemm." Someone clears their throat behind us.

I turn around slowly, more scared of this guy then those girls. I look up into Mr. Madden's angry face and smile sheepishly.

"Go up, get checked out, then my office. All of you. Again." And with that (and a very unnatural shade of purple) he walks back to the police officers stiffly.
Last edited by XxjustmeXx on Fri Apr 01, 2011 8:48 am, edited 1 time in total.
  





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Tue Mar 29, 2011 11:10 pm
psudiname says...



Hi JustMe, It's Psudiname again. Overall the chapter was good, but it could have been a little better. The main flaw with it was just how confusing it was. Switching narrators worked well in the last couple chapters, but as I tried to eliminate candidates to try and deduce who the narrator was, I found that I still had no idea by the end of the chapter. You did a good job in previous chapters of people saying things like " 'Hey Mike,' she said to me" so that we know who the narrator was, but make sure you do that here too.

I also found myself asking at the end why the teacher didn't seem to notice the alien space ship or the aliens, but rather seemed more concerned with scolding his students. if you can, explain that, so it's a litte more clear why he has the reactions that he does. I liked the conflict between Kita and Mike, but I was a little confused as to why Mike didn't seem to fear the aliens, but he seemed to think they were dangerous enough to warrent phisical detainment of Kita. in short, I think the charecters just need a little more explanation for their reactions, and a little more about their thoughts on the situation.

there was one typo, when you said "Seanah and Nikita are following closely, trying to come with (us)." you left out the us at the end. other than that there were no obvious typos.

this chapter wasn't as good as the others before it, but I still liked it, and I'm still hooked on the story. if you keep writing chapters (which I highly suggest you do) I'll keep reviewing them. happy writing,
your friend,
---Psudiname
if anyone wants a review, post on my profile and I'll get to it in a couple days.
  








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