Young Writers Society

Jimmy ran.
There wasn't a whole lot of options as to where he could run. He could either dash out the door in an amazing act of stupidity and die a heroic and brave death, or he could turn on his heel and flee out the exit.
He chose the exit.
He heard a gunshot near him. He kept running. A bullet whipped past his face. Something fell on his back from above, stopping him temporarily. Whatever it was, it snagged in his long, heavy black cloak. He ripped it off, now not caring if they saw him. He needed to get away from the building.
He heard a shout of surprise from the shooter of the bullet. Jimmy didn't care. He madly raced ahead. He could make it. He had to. He-
BOOM!
Right behind a strange, snow-white mutant being whose only hope against detection was discarded on the ground under a rock, a building exploded.

Hey firevirthral, I am really liking your avvie! Is it a phoenix? I love phoenixes.

Okay, I actually really liked this. It gave just enough information to leave the reader satisfied with your writing but unsatisfied with how much you gave--they'll want more.
Honestly, I can't really pick out anything other than that your sentences are either really choppy and short, or really long and leave you out of breath. It's good to have variation, but you need some middle-length sentences to balance the entire feel of the writing out. It's not needed but it could help the writing a tad bit.

Thanks for sharing! Sorry if this wasn't much help...looks like you don't need much anyway!:) If you ever need a review, just ask.

--Lollipopper

Yay! Your story had explosions in it. Every story should have an explosion in it!

Anyway, you have this really exciting beginning! But, it still seems very unfinished and it's unclear where this prologue is leading us to. Not that this is a bad thing... quite honestly, I like action-packed stories! No, your main problem is that it's too short, which is a very good problem to have! Delve in it a bit more and don't afraid to expand. What does he do after the building explodes? Does it hurt him? Does he die?

What about the people shooting at him? Maybe they'll stop once the building explodes, if they don't want other people to notice... since you kind of have to notice an exploded building! Maybe they get an idea from the exploding building, so they decide to explode other things around him... always a neat idea! So, there could be even more explosions! And I don't know about you, but explosions pretty much make a story for me!

So, definitely see what you can do with this and definitely expand on it! It'll be awesome.

hey this is really good although it is a bit short, but some people enjoy short prologues!
i really want to find out more! this is actually really interesting i want to know more but there is none! O.o keep writting, expand on it. keep me posted!

pm me if need a review

Soap

"He could either dash out the door in an amazing act of stupidity and die a heroic and brave death, or he could turn on his heel and flee out the exit.
He chose the exit."
Where does the stupidity-door lead to? Why would he die automatically by going that way? And isn't the exit also a door? Couldn't it also be described as 'the way he'd come in'?

"Something fell on his back from above, stopping him temporarily." No! Dude, don't stop! You're being shot at! Falter, or nearly trip. Break your stride. Something. But keep running.


"Whatever it was, it snagged in his long, heavy black cloak. He ripped it off, now not caring if they saw him." Oh, so is the snagged thing physically stopping him from running? Like a giant fish hook, and they're reeling him in? :/ To be honest, I'm not entirely sure what this snaggy thing is supposed to be. I also don't know why he would care if they saw him, though I'm assuming it has something to do with keeping his identity a secret...
This just goes to show that long back cloaks - while very stylish and epic-looking - are not very practical in actioney situations, no matter how cool the swirling fabric looks.

"Right behind a strange, snow-white mutant being whose only hope against detection was discarded on the ground under a rock, a building exploded" Ooooh! So he's a mutant, and that's why he doesn't want to be detected! Anyway, this line is a little wordy, and it took me a second to realize that the mutant was him (unrelated to the story, but I can't get the image of an abominable snowman out of my head. XD). Maybe make this a bit more clear?

Question: How did a rock fall from the sky and 'snag' on the cloak? And why did the building behind him blow up? Who blew it up? The people chasing him (in which case they just blew up their own building), or the people who sent him (if he was sent by somebody), or some other third party with access to explosives?

After he goes outside, I'd like a little more information on what kind of area they're in. Is it a populated area, with lots of startled civilians around? Or is it a desolate swatch of land in the desert, where nobody will notice the explosion right away?

This is a bit short, but it's just a prologue, so that might not be bad. Maybe you should just elaborate on a couple more things, like the setting stuff I mentioned above (I'm still not really sure what kind of building this was, or what exactly the other door would have led him to. Why did he come to this building in the first place?) It caught my attention pretty well (explosions and mutants are always good. ) and like other people said, I think my biggest problem is that it ended too quickly.

Keep writing! ^^