Young Writers Society

She sat all alone it was dark but that because the night had grown dark outside and there was no light in her cell. She started to tell her self the story of the three little bears.she did this more and more often know it was the only thing that reminded her of home. 
She got the part when goldilocks broke the chair a d she started to cry that had been her favorite part when she was little because she always argued with her dad that it wasn't  goldilocks' fault that the chair broke. She had been in this,this dungeon for about a year she stopped counting after a month. There was only two people left in the dungeon her and an old man the rest had been executed in there cells an left to rot. Her only other companion was an old rotting skeleton.
She heard footsteps and soon enough they were at her door.  Another day of torture these people trying to get answers she made herself forget . As the punching and kicking started she tucked her head in between her knees an thought back to the day this all started 

How that for a bad ending 
Stay tuned for more
It's not really a full chapter but I really liked it and didn't want to wait to submit it more will be on the way I promise

Hi, Jedigeek!

I've got one word for you: punctuation! You've got run-on sentences galore here, and it makes the story hard to read. So, go through and add those periods. Don't forget to capitalize. Reading aloud will help you with all this. While punctuation isn't the most important thing in the world, it's important.

As for the story, I see potential. I especially like the inclusion of Goldilocks--that helps us get to know your character and gives some substance. But, I think you rushed this scene. It's sort of just boom-boom-boom, done. Gives the reader whiplash.

So, fix the punctuation in this, and slow down the pace. Put in some more details. Most of all, read this aloud to yourself. It'll help you catch all the mistypes and fix the flow.

Let me know if you have any questions!

Rach

Okay. This is good and I definitely see potential, but it needs some editing first, and mostly punctuation and capitalization wise.

She sat all alone it was dark but that because the night had grown dark outside and there was no light in her cell. She started to tell her self the story of the three little bears.she did this more and more often know it was the only thing that reminded her of home.
She got the part when goldilocks broke the chair a d she started to cry that had been her favorite part when she was little because she always argued with her dad that it wasn't goldilocks' fault that the chair broke. She had been in this,this dungeon for about a year she stopped counting after a month. There was only two people left in the dungeon her and an old man the rest had been executed in there cells an left to rot. Her only other companion was an old rotting skeleton.
She heard footsteps and soon enough they were at her door. Another day of torture these people trying to get answers she made herself forget . As the punching and kicking started she tucked her head in between her knees an thought back to the day this all started

First, I would suggest that you space out the paragraphs more, because the way you have all three paragraphs right on top of each other kind of makes the whole thing look a bit jumbled together in one big paragraph. But this is easy, fixable by pressing the enter button once more

Second, you definitely need a lot of punctuation... everywhere. First paragraph:

She sat all alone (period, followed b a capital 'i') it was dark but that was because the night had grown dark outside and there was no light in her cell. She started to tell her self the story of the three little bears (The Three Little Bears should be capitalized, because it's a title.).she (capital 's' on 'she') did this more and more often now, since it was the only thing that reminded her of home.

Also, I think you should rephrase the second sentence. "It was dark but that was because the night had grown dark outside and there was no light in her cell." you should show it instead of tell it. Right now you're just telling us and it's not really giving us any feeling of whats going on or what her surroundings are like. (Stay away from telling. Telling is boring.)

I would go over the second and third paragraphs as well, so you can find the punctuation and capitalization mistakes yourself, as well as where you're "telling" instead of "showing".

All in all this held a lot of potential, you just have to clean it up a little