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Young Writers Society


The Ten Nymphs



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29 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 2256
Reviews: 29
Sat Jul 02, 2011 3:46 pm
Supernova77 says...



Dear Readers,

I know that most of you would think that this story sucks when you have read the first chapter. I can d nothing about how you think about things, but if any of you are interested, please read my next chapter. This is just basically the beginning. :D I am not too sure about my Grammar either. Sorry if it bothers you.

Regards,
Nova

Chapter One

Chapter One: The Match

It was one of the weirdest days that had ever occurred to me or to the entire world . . . probably. There could be weirder things happening, since there were ten nymphs and all.

Anyways, it all began that one sunny day when I was playing Throw-ball. Me and my team were close to winning. At least close to a tie. Our team was fighting against another team (aka. Lora's). Usually, we were on the same team, but since we were both equally good at this (and the other team always lost), the rest of the teams thought of making us separate, so they could get an equal match at this. I agreed with them, because we were at a tie. The only thing was (since Lora was a teensy bit better than me) we decided to reduce one of Lora's members. Lora didn't seem to mind, though.

Then somebody hit a Lesley (a girl in our team) on the back by mistake, causing her to fall down and hurt her leg. She was one of the biggest criers in both our teams, so you can expect what happened next.

The game was temporarily stopped as two girls rushed Lesley to the clinic. When they returned with Lesley, we continued the game. Both of us were good, but it was pretty obvious now that our team's scores were going down. As Lesley was also a good player, but not anymore (she kept limping around the place, hitting other players sometimes) we were not in a good shape. It was extremely obvious. And that was probably why Lora tried her utmost best, now. It was quite mean, actually.

Then, we got good luck. Two kids from some of the neighboring flats came to join. One of them joined us. So we allowed to Lesley to rest in a small space that we often kept our water-bottles and snacks. She sat down there and watched the game, looking nervously at her foot from time to time.

The girl that cam to join us, was pretty good. She was almost as good as me, you could say (and yes, I was quite conceited). She looked strange though. Not someone you would meet from around here. To tell the truth, I have never seen her anywhere near here. Her hair was midnight black, and it was long. Her skin was pale and looked quite as though she was not the type that practiced that came out to practice or played anything at all, which was quite weird, because she was definitely good at playing Throw-ball. But, anyways, Throw-ball wasn't that hard to play. It was quite hard to see her face for some reason. It could be probably because of the giant cap on her head, or the fact that I somehow didn't want to look at her. It gave me this feeling of foreboding. These thoughts were probably what was keeping my brain from concentrating to what was was happening on the other side. Somebody hit the ball hard, shooting it over the net and hitting me in the face.

I feel backwards, not quite sure of what had happened.I understood when I heard to girls talking.

"Look at Nova! I didn't think she saw the ball. It practically hit her in the face!"

"My, my," The strange girl said coming close towards me. "I didn't know that you were so bad when it came to playing a game as simple as this." She sighed and gave me her hand. I took it and got up.

"Let's continue the game!" I shouted to the other team, dusting myself.

"Alright," The strange girl said, looking at me.

The game continued again, thankfully with no more interruptions. We continued to play for some more time (finally scoring more points), until the giant clock that stood in the center of our town (it showed the time and was very helpful, since you could see it from every window. It was the prime source of time in our town. And most of us depended on it. In other words, you could say that it was mighty helpful) struck 1:00 P.M. All of us rushed home. We didn't want to be late for lunch. I looked at the strange girl. She was standing there and looking at the giant clock.

"Are you from around here?" I asked her.

"You could say no, but that would vary from what type of question you were asking or what that question really meant. F or instance, if you were asking whether I was from this town, I would say: no. If you were asking if I was from this country, I would still say: no. If you were asking about the continent, I would say: yes. If you were asking about this world, I would say: yes and no, because I don't really know for sure." She grinned at me. "Did that naswer your question?"

I looked at her surprised. No straight - forward answers from her, that was certain.

"Y-Yes. What is your name?" I asked.

"Blue,"

"Oh,"


As I walked towards my house, I noticed a few black clouds in the sky. That was odd. The sky had been clear all morning! Even the weather forecasts in the newspaper and on T.V. said the same thing. It wasn't like I really trusted them. Most of the time, they were wrong. As I looked, I could swear that they were growing bigger by the second.

I looked around. Nobody else seemed to be bothered about the strange clouds. Oh well, it must be those strange things that just occur everyday and don't do much harm. So, I kept walking until I reached my house. I entered it and went first into the kitchen to get some water before going into my room. My mother was standing there and she was talking to somebody on the phone.

"And don't forget the milk, you always forget the milk..." She was probably talking to my father on his trip to the grocery. I drank the water and stared at the sky through the open windows. The clouds were still there, but they were slowly moving away.

I went to my room, only to see Blue sitting there and looking through my books.

I was so surprised that I dropped the glass. It shattered into a thousand pieces. I stared in surprise at her. She looked at me casually and then she turned her eyes back into my notebooks which were scattered all over my desk.

"Oi! Why are you here?" I shouted.

"Why does it look like I am here?" Blue replied softly, turning her eyes towards me.

"Get out!" I guess that came out rudely, but Blue didn't seem to mind.

"Oh, alright, I'll go. anyways, you made a spelling mistake in that essay." She got out of my chair and began to walk towards the door.

"Just one question," I said. "How did you get into my house?!"

"With my feet of course." She opened the door and went outside.

I heard my mother coming down the hallway and towards my room. She probably heard the crash of the glass hitting the floor. I was probably going to get shouted at.

I opened the door and looked outside to see if Blue was still there. She was standing there leaning against the wall. I saw my mother walking towards me.

"What happened? I think I heard something falling." She didn't seem to acknowledge Blue who was standing right behind there. Usually, she would invite someone that came into our house for Tea or something like that.

Then I saw Blue looking slightly transparent.

***
That's the end of this chapter. I hope you enjoyed it. Sorry if it didn't.
"But I don't want to be with mad people!" Says Alice.

"Oh, you can't help that, we are all mad here."

- Extract from Alice In Wonderland.

And, it actually makes sense! :o
  





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Sat Jul 02, 2011 5:05 pm
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Shakyll says...



I love it! It's really interesting ^^ it raises a lot of questions and suspense. I love how she said that there was a spelling mistake in the essay xD There are a few spelling and grammar errors, but nothing major.
I hope you write more...cause it's looking pretty good :D
--Shackled
  





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29 Reviews



Gender: Female
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Sun Jul 03, 2011 12:54 pm
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Supernova77 says...



Dear Shakyll,

Thanks for the review! This is my review so far and I can see that my story is okay. I will try not to make so many grammatical mistakes. That's probably because it was one of my weak points.

Regards,
Nova
"But I don't want to be with mad people!" Says Alice.

"Oh, you can't help that, we are all mad here."

- Extract from Alice In Wonderland.

And, it actually makes sense! :o
  





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Gender: Male
Points: 2062
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Sun Jul 03, 2011 2:25 pm
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SubjectBlue says...



Well, to begin with, my least favorite part in the story was the apology before, you should never apologize for what you created.

after my little coach talk, I can say the story was very interesting, the world was described lightly yet very effectively, I feel like I was in the throw- ball, but i'm not burdened by some heavy, choking over trying by your side, which is great.

I also liked the fact everything was very subtle, but without that feeling that the writer tries to deceive me( like in some mystery stories)

Over all, I greatly enjoyed your story, and I'm waiting for the continue( no pressure though)
thank you
'I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it.' -Stephen G. Tallentyre

"Great minds think alike- idiots are unpredictable"

For Free!
topic86079.html
  





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29 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 2256
Reviews: 29
Mon Jul 04, 2011 12:01 pm
Supernova77 says...



Thanks a lot!
"But I don't want to be with mad people!" Says Alice.

"Oh, you can't help that, we are all mad here."

- Extract from Alice In Wonderland.

And, it actually makes sense! :o
  





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Gender: Female
Points: 998
Reviews: 30
Wed Jul 27, 2011 2:52 am
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chloe13 says...



A good first chapter! You've built up alot of mysterious tension with your character 'Blue' and i'm interested to see how she is going to develope throughout the course of your story.Keep up the good work!
  





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29 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 2256
Reviews: 29
Wed Jul 27, 2011 4:25 am
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Supernova77 says...



Dear Chloe13,

Thanks a lot for the review!

- Nova
"But I don't want to be with mad people!" Says Alice.

"Oh, you can't help that, we are all mad here."

- Extract from Alice In Wonderland.

And, it actually makes sense! :o
  








I just want to be the side character in a book that basically steals the whole series.
— avianwings47