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Karma



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Sun Jul 10, 2011 12:43 am
latinoburn says...



Prologue

Yo, you see this city, "Blue Springs." They got lots of crazy stuff, lots of opportunities, they got everything. None of that mattered; there was this gang out there. They called themselves, "Karma." These guys could take down some of the toughest, most craziest crews in the town. "Be somebody," they would say, "or be a nobody." Most crews are a bunch of nobodies; just faces in a crowd. There are gangs out there that envy Karma; they want to be somebody. They want what Karma has; but there is a catch. There are a lot of assholes out there in the city, man; running around with a gun and looking to be a big shot. They target Karma and they have no code, man. They think the law is a joke. People say Karma isn't much different from them. Sure, they got weapons, they run in gangs, they all have the gang symbol but that isn't the point. The point is everyone does what Karma does, whether the authority or the streets; there is no difference. Karma does it too make a difference.
"Ha, you think you're on your now, huh," Karma's leader said. "You got a name in the streets, wearing the right colors, making good connections, the police even want you. You think you're somebody now, don't you? You're dead wrong. You ain't somebody! You're just a bigger target. They're gonna be looking for you; so you might want to find a crew. Its happening for you, man. You can have it all; the name, the fame, the rep, the hype, you could have everything you ever wanted. All that matters is making your mark. Join me." The leader stood up, and shook hands with Karma's newest recruit.
"Lets do some business."
______________________________________________________________________________________________________ "Welcome to the crew." someone said. He was light skinned, about 6'3, had dark silky hair, hazel colored eyes, and wore the Karma gang sign on his wrist. That is Nolo; he is the leader and maker of Karma.

"Thanks man, its been pretty darn hard out here alone, the police are hunting me, and the gangs want to kill me. You're actually the first person all month that came in my contact with no threat." The man replied. He also was light skinned, he was 6'2, dark brown eyes, and had black hair. That is Neal; the newest member. We have yet to learn about him.

"Yea I know how that feels, when I first started to make this crew, the word spread fast. Soon enough the police had put cameras everywhere and put my name out on the news. Hell, they gave a five-thousand dollar reward to whoever could find me. Lord knows who got that money."

"Dang, who helped you out?"

"You'll meet him later."

"Cool. You guys got a hideout?"

"Of course we do! That is where we're going after we lose these cops."

"Cops?"

"Yea."

"Well I don't really see any uniforms."

"You know the streets are too smart for the cops. They can't catch us unless they do what we do."

"Yea I know that. What does that have to do with anything?"

"That new attacking method out there. They call it, "Closure." I'm pretty sure you have run into that right?

"Definitely, I still think it was a pretty stupid name."

"Well it was made by a stupid gang. Long story short, the cops found out thanks to some idiot crew out there, and now they are using it against us." Nolo finished and turn around. He called out, "Alright guys! Stop hiding, I know you're around here."

Soon enough two police men came out of their hiding spots. Nolo narrowed his eyes, and peered his head around a bit. Through the end of his eye he could see two police man, gun in hand, slowly picking up speed. A cop's eye narrowed, and he whispered to his partner. Neal stiffened, 'Shit, they found me,' he thought.

"Nolo, get down."

"What?"

"GET DOWN!"
Too late. Nolo was shot in the back by a dart. He soon fell limply to the floor, completely unconscious. The method "Closure" was taking place yet again, the authority came from left and right, any corner that could be seen was completely taken over. As a giant hoard of police all came running towards him with no remorse, Neal, just cracked his knuckles and waged war.

Neal vigorously punched and kicked random police coming to him, each and every one one of them was knocked out after one hit; but there was still more. Cops came running to him with bats trying to knock him out. Neal lifted up a cop and kicked him in the chin, he caught the cops bat and hit the next cop with it. Just as he fought off those, a police with a gun aimed at Neal, and fired; Neal used the bat as a shield, but the bullet broke the bat in half. The same cop shot two more bullet, Neal dodging both, charged, and nailed the cop in the nose, and caught his gun. Five police man took out the weapons and fired at Neal, dodged four of the bullets and fired a bullet to block the last one, but it wasn't over. He still had more police coming to him from back and forth; but the bullet he blocked fell and hit the dart that had been fired at Nolo. The dart fell out, and Nolo grew conscious again. Neal fought off the rest in his direction while Nolo, back at his feet, used his pocket knife to take out the cops in his direction. It took a while but finally every enemy was down. Nolo and Neal were panting with their hands on their knees. It was over, for now.

"You have some serious fighting skills man." Nolo said.

"Dont act like you didn't miss half of it." Neal replied.

"Hmph, We should head to-"
Nolo was cut off by the feeling of someone restraining him. Someone also caught Neal and held him back. They were forced to face a cop.

"So you guys have some real skills back there, huh? Hmph, you're nothing but a threat, scaring my town away. You got some real nerve hitting all that authority back there. The power I have will have you and your family stripped of everything they've got." Neal tensed at this, and tried to fight back. "Ah ah ah, you useless a little bastard. Now hold nice and steady so i can make this quick." The cop reloaded his gun, and aimed to fire at Nolo first. Nolo lowered his head, closed his eyes, and focused on something; he smirked.

The police fired, but out of no where, someone came and completely lifted the cop restraining Nolo, and used him as a shield. The cop ended up shooting his own man.

"Dude, you just saved my ass." Nolo said.

"Did you miss me?" the man replied. He was light, about 6'1, had hazel colored eyes, dark silky hair,and also wore the gang symbol on his wrist. Yup, you guessed it, that is Tone; Nolo's little brother.

"HEY," the police hollered, "NO CHATTING HERE! I STILL GOT THE GUN."

Someone came up behind the cop and completely snapped his neck; the cop fell unconscious.

"Shhh, its nap time now." the man said. He was 6'7, light skinned, had dark black hair, and had Karma symbol run all the way down his left arm in a huge tattoo. That's Snake, the most brutal of the whole gang. Nolo and Tone call him The Game. He is one of the main reasons why Karma is so famous.

"Enough fooling around," Snake said as he took out a lighter, "lets head back before someone sees this." Snake dropped his lighter, and set the area on fire.

"Wait! You can't do this! I'm a cop! I can throw you in jail!" a survivor yelled.
The four men kept walking, ignoring his calls, a building's power generator was caught in the fire and exploded. The cop's voice was no longer heard. Boy these guys were hardcore.
______________________________________________________________________________________________________
"Alright, this is the place." Nolo said.

"Not bad." Neal replied.

"Snake and I designed it."
Neal took a glace at Snake's glare.

"Then I think its excellent." Neal exaggerated.
Snake's face reaction changed, he looked as he just didn't care anymore.

'Huh, just like the rest of them,' he thought.

"Guys, look." Tone said.
The three turned and met four other men but soon enough their faces dropped. The Karma hideout just got trashed.

"Nolo, this place just got fucked up!" a man exclaimed. He was 6'2, light skinned, had blue eyes, and wore the Karma symbol on his right shoulder. That is Neo, he was there from the very beginning, Neo helped out Nolo and together they created Karma.

"Cool it Neo, soon enough we'll find these guys and get a little revenge." Nolo replied.

"Yea, we better."

"Kurt," Nolo commanded, "Find them."

"On it," someone replied. He was 6'0, light skinned, had brown eyes, black spiky hair and wore the Karma symbol on his orange goggles. That is Kurt, the technician of the crew. You could give this guy one name and he'd have a million people on his laptop in a second.

"Oh man," another person complained, "we gotta clean this up too? Tch, what a drag." He was 6'1, dark skinned, hazel eyes, black hair, and wore the Karma symbol on his hand. That is Roy, all he does is whine, whine and whine. It gets the crews nerves, but Roy can definitely fight, hes also one hell of a genius.

"Who's the guy?" Roy asked. He was the first one to notice Neal.

"The name is Neal, use it too much and I'll break your face."

"Nice to meet you jackass."
Neal narrowed his eyes. The back door open, another man came in.

"What in the blue hell happened here?!" he hollered. He was 6'0, light skinned, green eyes, blonde, silk hair, and wore the Karma symbol on his lower arm. That is Trey, he is the loud mouth of the clan. He always speaking his mind, saying things before thinking about it, he doesn't hold back. His fighting skill still exceed his mouth, greatly.

"We've been trashed, Trey," Nolo said, "Alright, now that everyone is here. Lets get this mess cleaned-"

"Hell no," Trey cut him off, "I ain't cleaning this shit, I ain't doin' nothing! All this stuff you all can clean if you want to be little wusses and not make whoever did this clean it up! Look at that! They even spray painyed the wall! I have a right mind to take that same spray can and shove it up straight up his-"

"Hey," Neal cut off Trey's rambling, already annoyed, "Cool it, it's not that deep. We can get this done over night if you just know your role, and shut your mouth."

Trey slowly turned to meet Neal, raised his hand in a demeaning manor and said, "Who in the blue hell are you?"

"The name is Neal," Roy answered, "use it too much and he'll break your face."

"Thanks dude." Neal said.

"You couldn't break my face if you tried." Trey said.

"Yea want to bet?"

"Bring it!"

"Hey hey hey, guys," someones said, "now I know things are tense but, maybe if we just get things done we can talk in a nice peaceful manor, right?" He was 5'10, dark skinned, brown eyes, had black hair and wore the Karma symbol on his left shoulder. That is Rey, he is the baby in the crew. Rey never uses violence and keeps the peace in the clan.

Everyone gave Rey the face reaction that said, 'What?!' Trey turned to Nolo and asked, "Why's he in the crew again?"
Nolo ignored the question.

"Yo! I got who did this, they left thumb print everywhere, I scanned them." Kurt said.

"Good," Nolo applauded, "who are they?"

"They're a variety of people who go by the name, "Oblivion."

"Alright, come tomorrow and we'll show these guys what they are getting into!"
Last edited by latinoburn on Sun Jul 10, 2011 5:19 am, edited 1 time in total.
Dear those reading.

AM I MAKING YOU YELL IN YOUR HEAD?!?!?!?!

Sincerely, Caps Locks.
  





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Sun Jul 10, 2011 2:08 am
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AngelKnight900 says...



To tell you the truth I think that me and you share somewhat the same problem or predicament when it comes to writing. Your're obviously trying to get at something here but its either im not a fan but your're story is demanding some more depth yet you're not completely delivering it. Read it to yourself and try to make it more intense.
True confidence leaves no room for jealousy. When you know your are great, you have no need to hate.
-Nicki Minaj
  





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Tue Jul 12, 2011 1:59 pm
Demoness says...



Hey you, I love the story you're trying to tell here, it's real interesting... BUT, the way you're telling it just takes it down to the bottom to be honest. There's no emotion and the descriptions are phrased the same way every single time. Every time you describe a new gang member you just count it up like you're reading a list and it really doesn't tell you much about the person. You get to know if the person is black or white and short or tall but that's really not so interesting. Try phrasing it like. "The guy scratched the Karma-tatto on his left hand while he wiped the sweat of his pale face. His dark hair had got tangled in the wind and he looked wuite crazy where he stood with hazel-colored eyes wide open." Obviously you don't have to write it like that or use those adjectives or anything like that but you get what I mean. Don't just spit it all out, try make it seem more real and alive... Your story has got great potenital all you have to do is put some imagination and imagery in to it!

Hope I wasn't too harsh and that you got a bit of help at least.

// Demoness
"Some say the world will end in fire;
Some say in ice.
From what I've tasted of desire
I hold with those who favor fire.
But if it had to perish twice,
I think I know enough of hate
To say that for destruction ice
Is also great
And would suffice." - Robert Frost
  








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