Young Writers Society

Sorry. This isn't a book anymore. It wouldn't let me delete the book. So I just did this.

Hey, Apple here.

That was powerful stuff right there. I am listening to a song right now and I think it fits your story perfectly; sorry that's not really relevant. Even though this was short - which I'll talk about later on in the review - I believe that you picked up on key elements which made me feel sorry for this guy. I know that I probably shouldn't but I can somehow relate. I don't lie as much as he does though as a writer aren't we all lying when we write a story because let's face it: they're not real (unfortunately).

Now that I've gotten that off of my chest I'm going to talk about the length. Now as a prologue that is short. It's powerful, yes, but it's very short. I don't even think you need a prologue, you could intergrate this into the first chapter and do a kind of flash back if you were planning to talk about this man's conning days. Or, if you wanted to do the future version it could be like a confessional peice. All I am saying is that on its own this is powerful but not really long enough that it can't be connected with the first chapter. In my opinion I think it will work well enough with my reccomendation although it is all up to you.

My lies lead to greater things than myself at times.

Either it's because of the lack of sleep or my eyes are tricking me but I cannot work out what you're trying to say for the life of me here. Do you mean that by lying he made himself look bigger and more worthy then his real self? I think you need to clarify this sentence a little better so I know what you're saying exactly. I am probably not the first reader that has come across it or maybe I am and I'm the only one that's not smart enough to get it. But still, just tweak it a little. I can't make a reccomendation because I am not sure myself.

In saying all that, I really like this peice. Even though it was short I found that you can be very concise and you gave the readers something to ponder over whilst twisting a web that drew me in like an insect to bright lights. When you post the next chapter please make sure you tell me so I can take a look-see. I really want to see how this con man's life works out. Hopefully it is as interesting as the prologue.

Good luck!

What you've done here is accomplish two things that are extremely difficult, and even more son in such a short piece. You've grabbed my attention / generated my interest, and you've touched on several incredibly deep topics. Seeing as this first chapter / prologue is so short, I'll leave you to find any grammatical mistakes or spelling errors.

Now, your strength in creating a detail-filled short piece might also work against you in creating a novel. As Apple said, it remains to be seen whether you need a prologue or not. Most writers save the introduction for last as it will be based on whatever the plot decides to do. Now that you've hammered out 10+ chapters, you might want to return to this piece to see if it might need additions or cut-edits.

Fantastic idea for a piece and, as always, do keep writing.

Hey, I have come to review.
I have read parts of the other reviews and they are very good. I used to love prologues but now I like the reader to figure the whole thing out themselves, pretty much just toss them into the world I'm creating.
Never the less what you have done here is very good, people often under estimate how hard it is to write a good monologue, I've tried and failed many times. You have done quite a nice job. The character you have created is interesting and with this I can see you drawing your readers in. I have not read the other chapters but I have a feeling you would be at risk of repeating your self or revealing to much. Then again I have not read the rest of your the story.

The other reviewers suggest you read over the grammar, I know nothing about that sort of thing but I suggest you follow their advice just in case.

On the character; I see real potential but good guys with bad pasts are overdone ( mostly because they are really cool) so you must make yours interesting. Try and steer away from stereotypes but you seem to have a great character.

I will be reading the rest later on, when I have time, but don't take my word for it.
Great work!

I love your lead-in, love the hook.

I suppose it's because when you lie, you create your end, you choose what happens and doesn't, and if you're good, people believe your stories.

But when the truth slips out between your lips, you have no control over what happens, or what the fable may lead to.

You may feel a trickle of guilt, because you’re afraid to face your reality.

At times it feels terrible to lie. I have hurt people that I love with even the smallest of a white lie. But I can't help it. It's second nature to me, as the truth would be to you.

My only problem here is that you go from "truth" to "guilty (for lying?)" back to "lies." The blue sentence doesn't make sense to me, because two seconds ago you were talking about the consequences to truth, but this sentence is about what happens when you lie, and there wasn't a transition.

Other than that, no issues. Nice job with the prologue!

Hey aj!

I'm not typically a fan of prologues, but I liked this one a lot. It does everything that a prologue should do. It introduces the character, and what seems to be an important theme that will carry through the story, without giving a lot away plot-wise. So fantastic job!

I just have a few nitpicks:

But when the truth slips out between your lips, you have no control over what happens, or what the fable may lead to.

I don't think fable is exactly the word you're looking for here. It means something closer to a story than a lie, and you want a word that closer resembles a lie. I'm not sure exactly what that word may be, though.

I have hurt people that I love with even the smallest of a white lie.

This sentence just read awkwardly to me. I think it needs to be reworded to something like "...with even the smallest of white lies."

The only other thing I want to mention is the end of the prologue. Particularly, these lines:

Two years ago I was a con man working for myself. Until I was arrested for it.

After my girlfriend, Lucy, bailed me out, she broke up with me. I haven’t done that kind of work since.

They just don't fit very well with the content of the rest of the prologue. There isn't a very strong transition, and it isn't really necessary information to the point/purpose of this prologue. I'd either write in a better transition, or cut it out entirely and work that information into the first chapter. Prologue's should have a focus, and I think this prologue is strongest with a focus on the speaker's commentary on lying.

Anyways, great job! I really enjoyed this prologue, it's really done quite well!

Keep writing!

-Lauren-